Chapter Fifty-One
Olivia
I swayed in Kayden’s arms while Jace sat coloring with Kaylee a few tables over at my mom’s wedding.
After the way Sutton and Jace had handled the board yesterday, it was a relief to know that our relationship hadn’t cost him everything he’d worked for.
It had still been too close for comfort, but I was starting to come down from the stress.
I rested my head on Kayden’s chest as I thought back to the first time we’d danced together at a wedding and how far we’d come.
Kayden held my hips against his as we swayed to the music. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?”
I sighed. “I’m still scared about how all of this is going to affect, Kaylee.” I stole another glance at her. She looked perfectly happy, maybe I was in my head for nothing.
Kayden kissed me softly. “We’ll figure it out, Olivia. She’ll be okay.”
I nodded. “I know.”
The song ended and I excused myself to go to the bathroom while Kayden returned to the table with Jace.
“Olivia,” Aunt Nora chimed as I stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later. “Dear, I’m a bit surprised to see you have two dates tonight.”
I startled, taken aback. Aunt Nora was one of those relatives who always seemed to have an opinion about everything and never felt the need to keep that opinion to herself.
I sighed, once again feeling like this was never going to end.
“What do you want me to say Aunt Nora? I fuck two men, two beautiful men who also fuck each other, and we’re very much in love. ”
Her eyes widened. “I just think you have a beautiful little girl in there and that maybe you should be a bit more worried about her,” she spat before storming off.
Fuck you, Aunt Nora! Fuck you, Gina! Fuck you, Martin! I wanted to scream but instead I clenched my hands into fists and walked back to the table with my family.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Jace said, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Kaylee, show your mom what you’ve been working on.”
Kayden gave me a curious look, perhaps more attuned to my stress than Jace at the moment given Jace seemed entirely focused on Kaylee and was excited about their drawings.
Kaylee slid a picture across the table to me. “Look, Mom. It’s us. Two dads, one mom, and one me.”
My heart rate picked up and my vision started to blur.
How will we ever explain this at school in a way that will get people to stop gossiping about us?
Will people just assume she has stepparents when they see pictures like this?
Will she be asked personal questions about our lives?
What if my aunt is right? What if none of this is a good idea when kids are involved?
I know Jace and Kayden and I are right for each other, but are we right for Kaylee?
I looked around the room, suddenly feeling like everyone was staring at us. Will we get looks everywhere we go? Just for daring to break the mold? Will we be ridiculed for having more love in our lives? Will she?
I put my hand on Kayden’s thigh under the table and he gripped my fingers as if he could see the panic taking over my body. A wave of nausea washed over me and I struggled to breathe normally.
“Jace, maybe Kaylee should go see Val for a minute.” He tipped his head toward me and Jace’s eyes widened as he seemed to catch on. My breathing became shallower as I saw him take off with her.
“Olivia, you’re having a panic attack,” Kayden said calmly.
“Am I?” I asked, chest heaving. “Are you sure? Cause I don’t have those.”
“I’m positive, beautiful. Listen to my voice, okay. Breathe in slowly, through your nose. Count to seven.” He took a deep breath. “Let it out through your mouth.” He did the same and I copied him. “Again,” he said.
He repeated this several times before Jace took a seat next to me. “Liv, what’s going on, sweetheart?”
“What if we can’t make this work?” I asked quietly.
The look of hurt that crossed Jace’s face made my chest clench.
Kayden tensed beside me. I avoided looking at his face.
He was better at hiding the hurt than Jace, but I knew it was still there.
“I’m sorry, but I’m worried that it won’t work for Kaylee.
She’s so young and innocent and she thinks this is perfectly normal but that’s not what her friends will think—or their parents.
What if we don’t work for her? What if we can’t take the pressure everyone will put on us? Will we all lose each other?”
Jace stared at me in shock, like he couldn’t believe my words. He seemed torn between a desire to comfort me and recoil from me. In his defense, we’d been telling people about us all week and I’d let my feelings on this fester when I really should have talked to them before now.
“Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else,” Kayden said softly.
“Do you think this will work for her?” I asked him, afraid the pain on Jace’s face would cause me to panic again.
“I don’t think this is the place to talk about it, Olivia,” Kayden said, but I could see in his eyes that he did.
Kayden was all in. He’d been supportive of this from the beginning and so had Jace.
I was the only one having doubts and it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the way people kept reacting to us.
“I’m not going to try to convince you one way or the other that we can make this work for her while we’re at your mother’s wedding. ”
Jace shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re still not sure about us.” He ran a hand through his hair looking like his heart was tearing in half.
“Of course I’m sure about us,” I said. “I’m just not sure how to handle the way the world is going to react to us and the impact it will have on Kaylee.”
Jace dropped his head in his hands before meeting my eyes, his usually vibrant green eyes filled with pain and desperation.
“Olivia, I understand your fear, I really do. But everyone sitting around this table would do anything to make her life easier. If what you want is a traditional-looking family for her, I get it. We won’t all lose each other, because I will be the first one to walk away so Kaylee can have that with her parents.
But I cannot go back and forth on this. Either we’re in this and we get through our fears together, or we have to stop this before it goes any further.
I love the fucking hell out of you both and if I am going to walk away from this and shatter my own heart, I need to do that now.
Not in a week, not in a month, and sure as fuck not in a year. ”
“Jace.” Kayden grabbed his wrist, panic in his eyes.
“I need to go for a walk,” Jace said. “I’ll come back, but I need a minute.”
Kayden looked ready to scurry after him but my death grip on his hand and sweaty brow clearly made him unwilling to leave me.
“Jace, I’m sorry,” I said.
He bent down and cupped my face. “You never have to be sorry for your fears or concerns, Liv. I will always help you through them. But I can’t wonder if you’re going to walk away from this when you have them.
I need to know that you’ll weather your fears with us, not question if we’ll make it when people challenge us.
Because they will challenge us, sweetheart.
But I know we can make it.” He kissed me and stood up.
Kayden grabbed his hand again, clearly unwilling to let him walk out the door.
“Wait, let me go with you once Olivia feels better.” I’d never seen Kayden look as scared as he did in this moment and my chest ached knowing that I’d caused them both to feel this way.
I wasn’t na?ve enough to think we’d never argue, but I certainly never wanted to hurt them and my doubt in us, however fleeting, was hurting them.
Jace pulled his hand from Kayden’s and pulled him against his side to kiss the top of his head. “I love you and I promise I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Kayden nodded and swallowed, lifting his eyes to me as Jace walked away.