CHAPTER 42
Ella
You’d think when you’ve been around death as much as I have that I’d be used to it. But death wraps its cold hand around my heart and tugs hard. I cry until there’s nothing left, and my head aches. And then I curl myself as close to Jude as I can.
One of the little chain loops has snapped in the fight, so my right hand is free, but the brace is still tight on my wrist. I want to roll my hands and stretch.
A little laugh falls into the silence. Out of all the things I want to do, that’s hardly the most important one.
Deep breaths calm me for a moment before the tears come to my cheek and onto the cold floor.
My answers to Immi’s questions were nothing but honest, and yet I’m still here, chained to the wall. Next to Jude.
A sob rises, and I double over, drawing my knees in close. If only I knew what happened to Nate and Robbie. I look up, hoping to find Immi over me, the same anger tensing her jawline and setting her lips thin. But I’m alone.
I’m alone.
“I’m sorry,” I say into the air, and I close my eyes.
The memory of that night unfurls from somewhere dark, and the warm tears drip onto my arms from my closed lids.
“I was young and foolish. I believed that the man grooming me loved me. And that those trying to save me were villains. I did so much wrong…” I speak into the darkness, my words hiccup out, a memory tumbling from my consciousness.
Nate was so angry, grabbing me by the wrists and pulling me aside.
“Are you drunk?” he said, fingers tight on my skin.
“No.” I laughed then, in that stupid, obvious way that kids do.
“For fuck’s sake, do you know why he set this up? Why he’s inviting everyone to the manor tonight?”
“It’s not for sex, alright?” I wanted a rise from Nate.
“You’ve just turned fifteen, and he’s eighteen! Nearly nineteen, think about it for a second. How disgusting is that?”
I rolled my head in a wide looping circle, groaning as I did. I remember thinking that I’d heard it all before. So, why didn’t I listen?
“I know.” I drew out the words, long and slow. “You’re jealous cos you’re all alone.” I pulled away then, folding my arms across the frilly blue top I’d later be found in, torn and bloodied.
“He’s going to hurt Robbie. Why are you OK with that?”
“He’s threatening us, Nate. It’s about honour! You can’t do that. We’re in love, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Robbie’s getting what he deserves.” I was reciting Henry’s words, but they were starting to sound good to me. I enjoyed the taste of them, something close to power.
Nate stepped forward, pushing his face so close that I could see the beads of sweat on his forehead. I sneered, but there was something in his eyes that scared me. “Please, El. You’re better than this. Do the right thing.”
He spoke so softly, with a new desperation that I’d never heard from him.
That’s when I should have stopped. I should have wiped off my makeup and stayed home. Maybe they’d all have been alive. But instead, I laughed, pushed my brother away, and said the words that would haunt me forever.
“Whatever happens to Robbie happens. He deserves it.”
I must have fallen asleep because I start with a jolt, my skin tight with tears, and my head pushed against the floor.
“Ella?” a voice says from above me, and for a heartbreaking moment, I forget about the last few hours.
“Jude?” I open my eyes, already knowing that that’s all wrong. Jude is dead. I felt her disappear in my arms.
“Erm, no…” Benji’s eyes dart towards Jude, but I daren’t look. I know that she’s gone. “Let me get something. Wait one second.”
Benji stands and walks to a stack of boxes tucked into the corner.
When we first found ourselves here, I hoped there might be a clue as to where we are.
But now I see that they’re old donation piles.
He rummages around, pulling out a blanket which he covers Jude with.
Soon, she’ll start to smell. A heave rises.
“Please.” I want to beg for freedom, but I know there’s little use in that. He’s under her spell.
“Here.” Benji reaches out, a bottle of water in his hand. I watch him untwist the plastic cap and pass it to me. My mouth dries at the sight of it.
Despite my distrust, my stomach groans, and I nod my thanks to him.
“I didn’t…” His eyes drift to Jude and for a brief moment I am sure he’s about to cry.
He falls silent, standing over me as he brings the bottle to my lips. The first taste, small and careful, makes my body ache. I lean into him, pushing to my knees so Benji can pour the water. Like a lamb feeding from its mother. I chug fast, despite the growing pain, the water quenching me.
I look up.
“I, er, I have to wait until you’ve finished,” Benji says and looks away.
There’s no energy or gusto in his movements.
He looks as trapped as I do. A small black pendant hangs from his neck.
If it weren’t for the blinking coming from it, I’d have thought it was a horrible necklace.
My eyes trace a line up from it to his. Benji shakes his head.
She’s watching us.
“You know, she wants what’s best for her family,” Benji says, crouching down as I move my mouth away from the now empty bottle. I’d love more food but he hasn’t brought me anything since the slice of bread. How long has it been?
“She lost her cousin, who was a brother to her, so young, and her father was… he didn’t have her best interests at heart.” He speaks slowly, dragging the words out. His eyes are looking just away from me, and his pupils are wide. Is he drugged?
“Jude didn’t have to die. You need to confess to what you did that night,” he says and I scoff.
He’s locked us in a basement, doing the bidding of someone because she lost her brother.
The irony doesn’t pass me by. I’ve already told her the truth, that’s not what she wants.
She wants me to say I killed Robbie. That I planned it all so I could be with Henry and then I took him down too.
It took Jude dying for me to understand that.
“She’ll only be happy when we’re all dead.
” I keep my words simple because I don’t believe they’ll have much impact.
But as I lick my lips, savouring the residual water on them, I see something flash behind his eyes.
He nods. A shimmer of silver drops between his legs where he crouches.
I glance and see a key, small and shiny, just shy of my left knee.
The camera around his neck pointing at me.
I keep my eyes steady, not daring to draw attention to it. Was that intentional?
I frown up at him.
“Lie down now. Get some rest,” Benji says, offering a micro-nod of his head.
Is he helping me?
I take my time shifting my legs forward and leaning back against the wall as he slowly stands. The key now hidden under my thigh.
“You know, she’s a good person. All she cares about is getting what’s right for her family, her brother. It didn’t start as revenge. She wanted peace. This…” His eyes drift to Jude. “…this didn’t have to happen.”
I can’t ignore the desperation in his voice, nor the way he speaks in past tense.
“OK,” I say.
He steps back, turning slightly and then faltering. Benji looks at me and mouths a word that sends a chill through me: run.
Then he’s gone. I drag my leg across the ground and stare down at the key. My way out.