Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
THEO
The day of Oscar’s birthday party came around quicker than I’d like, and I’m trying not to panic. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
I glance around James’s house; it’s filled to the brim with stuff kids can only dream of—think of a Kardashian kid’s party and you have an idea of Oscar’s.
Blake did draw the line at the petting zoo I wanted.
Said it was costing too much money already and refused to let me spend any more.
I tried to ignore her protests, but I knew I’d be in trouble if I did, and I can’t stand it when she’s mad at me.
Since the day at the carnival, things have been going great between us. I’m still my usual needy self, and Blake’s taking it like a champ. I’ve managed to spend most evenings with her and Oscar, basically inserting myself into their life like I was always there.
I want to find a way to make it permanent, but I can tell she’s holding back from me. The worry of her losing her job if we get found out is still at the forefront of her mind, but once I show her the surprise I’ve been working on, it’ll eradicate any worries she has… I hope.
We both deserve this. We both deserve a second chance at love, at finding our way back to each other after years of self-hatred and, in all honesty, longing.
Well, on my part anyway. It’s taken me a while to overcome the hurt and destruction I’d put myself through unnecessarily because I hid instead of just going into her dorm room.
Hands wrap around my waist, and I know who they belong to without even looking down.
“Stop worrying, big guy, everything’s going to be fine,” she whispers into my back.
I turn and draw her into my arms, my head resting on top of hers. “I’ll never stop worrying, firefly, it’s an ingrained part of me.” I kiss the top of her head, breathing her in. “How’s Oscar doing?”
“He’s like a kid in the candy store, he’s so excited. He’s out back with Caleb arguing about who’s the better superhero.” She chuckles, sliding her hands up the back of my shirt.
“I’m scared to ask who’s winning,” I reply with a smile.
“Caleb’s holding his own, but I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last.”
Blake tilts her head to look at me, and my breath falters as she gazes at me with what can only be described as love. It makes my chest ache. I squeeze her tighter before leaning down to kiss her soft lips, expelling a huff of air as I let out a groan.
Her scent envelopes me, my stomach in knots as I wonder how long this will last. How long she’ll keep me around after she sees how bad I can really get with my neediness.
“Theo, stop. I can hear your thoughts a mile away. Today is going to be a good day, and I’m not going anywhere… well, unless we get caught. Then you’re on your own,” she says with a wink.
I laugh. “That won’t happen but thank you. The voices get too loud to ignore sometimes, especially when I’m stressed.”
Blake trails a hand down my cheek, stroking my beard softly. “I know. And that’s okay. I was wondering—” She cuts herself off, eyes darting away and a blush covering her cheeks.
I place a finger under her chin and bring her gaze back to me. “Hey, what is it?” I bend at the knees so my eyes are in line with hers.
“I’ve seen how hard you’re trying, Theo, and I want to be there for you.
I want to understand what you’re going through.
I want to know what your triggers are so I can stop myself from doing them, and I want to be able to step in and bring you back when they do happen.
I’m not sure if it would work or if you’d want me to, I mean, I feel selfish just by saying all of this, but would you like me to come with you to see Mike—”
I cut her off with a kiss, silencing her next words.
Tears run slowly down my face, speechless at the thoughtfulness of this woman.
I finally pull back and rest my forehead against hers.
“You’d do that for me?” I ask, astonished at the empathy and compassion she’s showing me—I’m still not used to it.
“I care about you, big guy, so I want to do everything I can to support you. I’ll also have to work extra hard to make you see that those voices have no meaning here. They don’t hold any power over you. Only I do.”
My dick hardens. Her soft whispered innuendo, along with her validation of my feelings, makes me want to bend her over the kitchen table. I grip her hips, drawing her to me and rubbing myself against her stomach. Her echoing moan isn’t helping either.
“You’re needed,” Noah calls grumpily as he walks into the kitchen.
Cockblocker.
“I hate you,” I whine as Blake laughs and pulls away, heading for the back door.
“I’m going to go find Oscar and make sure everything’s ready. Later,” she says, smirking, and I give her one of my own.
My gaze follows Blake until she’s out of sight, and I let out the biggest sigh, pretty sure there’s hearts in my eyes.
I’m just as whipped as James.
Shaking my head, I tilt my head at Noah. “Everything good?”
He looks up from his phone, his eyes wide. “Yeah, why wouldn’t they be?”
“You sound guilty there, man. Something you wanna get off your chest?” I ask, crossing my arms and leaning against the sink.
“There’s nothing to say. Everything’s fine.”
“Hmm,” I hum noncommittedly, running a finger across my bottom lip. “I’m trusting you here, don’t fuck this up for me.”
Noah sighs, something so unlike him. “I won’t. Things are… complicated.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” I reply, standing up straight, concerned.
“It’s all good.” Noah’s phone chimes, and he glances down at it. “I gotta take this.” He walks off, and an unsettled feeling hits me square in the chest.
What is he hiding?
Shaking the thought off because I need to head out to the party, I try to calm myself down using the grounding exercises Mike taught me. They’ve been helping—when I remember to do them—but I forgot this morning.
Taking a few minutes, I begin with my feet, clenching and then unclenching each part of my body until I reach the top of my head. It helps send my threat response into a more soothing rhythm. My panic is less than it was, now more in the background.
Show time.
I’ve been running around for the last hour, greeting guests as they walk through the back gate, presents in hand.
Oscar has a stack the size of a football field in the corner, and that’s not including the gifts I got him or the ones the guys brought either.
Little dude is one spoiled child, and I couldn’t be happier.
My anxieties settle as I stroll around. The parents are friendly, and no one asks questions about how Oscar’s dad showed up out of nowhere. My eyes track Blake as she moves to the fire pit, nibbling on her thumb. It’s a nervous habit she seems to have picked up, and it’s pretty cute.
“You’re drooling,” James murmurs, tongs in hand as he flips the meat on the barbecue.
“Can you blame me?” I ask, my eyes locked on her. “Not only is she gorgeous, but she also has an incredible mind. What’s not to drool over?”
He huffs out a laugh. “Oh, you’ve got it bad.”
“Pot, kettle,” I reply, an eyebrow raised. “You’re worse than all of us combined.”
“I am not,” he argues, but I can see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
“We’ll agree to disagree,” I say with a shrug.
James turns around, the food forgotten. “So, what’s going on with you and Blake? I’m assuming you’ve taken my advice and forgiven her?”
I run a hand through my hair. “Yeah. After everything that happened, those old feelings came flooding back in. I couldn’t stop them even if I tried.”
“Don’t I know it,” he mumbles with a chuckle.
“We got close, you know. Working on the case, spending time together with Oscar. It just happened.”
“Understandable. Forced proximity and all that.”
“Huh?”
James groans, tipping his head back. “Raven and her books. It’s a trope or something.”
“Pussy whipped, my man.” I laugh, patting his shoulder.
Caleb walks over, beer in hand. “Anyone seen Lauren?”
“Dear god,” I complain, “can you both leave your women alone for longer than two seconds?”
“Says the guy who hasn’t taken his eyes off Blake once in the last five minutes,” James drawls.
I whip my head toward him. “I have, you just missed it,” I reply indignantly, crossing my arms and pouting. My eyes wander back to Blake, though, and I know he’s got me.
“Pussy whipped,” he mouths at me, and I give him the finger.
“She’s a beautiful woman,” Caleb muses over his beer.
My hands clench at my sides, and my teeth grind together. “Watch it, Professor. I will knock you on your gorgeous ass if you continue that line of thinking.”
“Ooooh, would you look at that…? It’s not so funny when it’s the other way around, is it?” Caleb laughs.
Fucker’s trying to wind me up, and it's working.
“Yeah, yeah. Point proven. We don’t discuss how attractive our women look, and we don’t fucking touch them. I love you, but absolutely fucking not,” I growl at the pair of them, ready and willing to kick both their asses if they so much as get within a foot of Blake.
James pats my shoulder. “Welcome to the club, my man.”
“Does it ever get easier?” They both give me questioning looks, so I add, “The urge to kill any man that looks or speaks to them?”
“Nope.” Caleb laughs. “Just gets worse, especially when they come home and tell you they got chatted up by one of the single dads at school.” His jaw works overtime, and his hand grips the bottle tighter, threatening to crush it.
“Three down, one to go,” I murmur.
“I don’t think there’s a single woman on this planet that would take on Noah’s grumpy ass.” James chuckles as he plates up the cooked food.
“Fair point,” I agree. “Where is he anyway? I’ve never known anyone to wander off as much as he does. That boy is still a complete enigma twenty years later.”
“Fuck knows,” Caleb says. “He’s my best friend, but even I don’t understand him half the time.”
“Will you fuckers stop talking about me? I’m right here,” Noah grumbles from behind me, and I jump with a shriek.
“Fucking hell,” I declare, smacking him upside his head. “Don’t sneak up on people, it’s rude.”
Noah rolls his eyes, and I have to bite back the urge to ask if he still loves me.
I know he does, he just has a weird way of showing it.
Just like I’m needy and want all the attention, Noah doesn’t.
He hates all eyes on him and is the most private person I know.
I’m slowly learning Noah wouldn’t be here celebrating my son’s birthday if he didn’t love me.
Slinging an arm around his shoulder, I give him a quick squeeze and a kiss to his cheek. He bats me away, but I chase after him. “Come on, Noah, please? I need my hugs,” I call out to his retreating form.
“You come any closer, fuckface, and I will never speak to you again,” he shouts as he runs away.
“You wouldn’t dare?” I gasp.
Oscar, seeing me run after Noah with the wind in my hair and the sun beating down on my face, chases after him as well, encouraging his friends to join in. Noah’s eyes go comically wide when a group of six kids start chasing him. I’m laughing as I come to a stop, watching my son torment Noah.
This. This is exactly what my soul needed, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the life I now have.