Chapter 5
Tanner
It’s a rough few days. Roo sleeps late on my couch, and I creep around the house, trying not to wake him.
Trying not to watch if his breathing is even, or the way he still tosses and turns relentlessly.
I can’t turn off that side of me that studies him when he wakes up either.
I’m waiting for the disorientation, the exhaustion that seems to hit him right before he seizes out. Thankfully, so far, so good.
He’s been on that couch for three nights now, and I’m starting to feel really bad every time he wakes up and cringes as he stretches out his back and neck. I want to tease him that he looks about eighty, but we’re not there yet.
Still, there are moments. Times like last night when we watched a movie together and I reminded him, not so gently, of how we used to have to cook two bowls of popcorn because he’d never share his own.
And instead of punching me or throwing back a snarky line like he would have before, he wriggled closer and set the bowl between us.
He snuffles a bit, and the familiar sound of him waking up catches my attention. I shift closer, and something about his peaceful face has me making a split-second decision. The only way to move past the distance between us is to start acting like it’s not there at all.
I walk over and yank the blanket off him.
Roo flinches and jerks awake. “Hey, what the hell was that for?”
“Time to get up.”
He blindly feels around for his phone and squints one eye closed as he checks the time.
“Already after noon,” I inform him. “We’ve gotta shake that jet lag.”
“The jet lag can go fuck itself,” he grumbles, curling into a ball.
“Come on. Up. We’re going swimming.”
“Swimming?” He glances toward the window, where the curtains are still mostly closed. “It’s freezing outside.”
“Actually, it’s about forty degrees. Luckily, the pool is heated.”
He doesn’t move to get up. “You know how I feel about swimming.”
“Correction: I know how you felt about swimming.”
“Spoiler alert: that part hasn’t changed.”
“You used to say …” I’m not sure whether to mention the reasons why he hated swimming, or if it would mean opening up old wounds.
“That I was too scrawny and didn’t want to seize out in the pool?”
My lips quirk. “I believe your exact words were, ‘The last thing I want is to emulate a dying fish,’ which was maybe the worst analogy I’ve ever heard you use.”
He finally opens his eyes and meets mine. “Accurate, though.”
Seeing him all curled up and sweet sends my protective instincts skyrocketing.
Back in the day I would have given him anything he wanted when he looked at me like that.
“You can’t use the scrawny excuse anymore.
And you haven’t had a seizure the whole time you’ve been here, which is basically a record for you.
I won’t leave your side, and if you piss yourself, you’ll be doing it in the pool, where hundreds of other people have done it before you. ”
“I don’t piss myself anymore, asshole.”
I crouch down in front of him. “I wouldn’t care if you did.”
The fight in his expression melts. “I know. Even the first time it happened, right in the middle of school …”
I cringe. “Between classes …”
“And instead of getting embarrassed, you told people to fuck off. We were fifteen, and you stuck up for me anyway.”
I’m uncomfortable about reliving it. I had been embarrassed.
And confused. And even though I’d seen him have seizures a few times before that, the pissing-himself thing had never happened.
When I eventually noticed the front of his pants, nearly everyone else had already seen it.
It was too late to protect him, so I’d done the first thing I’d thought of and lashed out at the people standing around.
Somehow Roo escaped most of the teasing, but the swim team were always ready to whisper cruel things about him when only I could hear.
“Eh. You always had my back when people called me stupid. It was the least I could do.”
“Right.” He rolls his eyes like a petulant little shit, and I can’t stop myself from ruffling up his hair as I stand.
“Anyway, cute conversation. Now get your ass up.”
He groans. “No.”
“I wasn’t asking, Roo Roo.”
“Dear God, no.”
“You might be a big boy now,” I call as I head for my room, “but don’t think I won’t throw you over my shoulder if I need to.”
As soon as I get to my room, I grab my swim bag and start throwing in what I need. It’s been a while since I went and swam a couple of laps, and I miss it. If Roo doesn’t want to come, I’m not going to force him, but it’d be nice to spend the day together before I have to head to work tonight.
I strip out of my clothes and pull on my swim trunks before redressing. As I head back out, I’m prepared for the fact that Roo has probably fallen back asleep.
What I’m not prepared for is the glimpse of his bare ass in the middle of my living room.
My brain stops.
I forget to blink.
Or breathe.
What the …
I almost trip over my feet as I scramble back into the hall, hoping he didn’t notice me. My brain still feels sluggish so I give my head a shake. It’s not like I haven’t seen his ass countless times, but walking in on him changing felt … I dunno. Pervy? Maybe.
Why is my heart going crazy?
I press my hands to my face as I stifle an awkward laugh. Oh yeah, things are definitely going to take some adjusting. It’s not like I don’t see practically that same thing in the showers at the station. It was … unexpected. Yep. Let’s go with that.
I’m still a little puzzled by my mini freak-out when I go for take two, and this time walk into my living room without incident.
Thankfully, Roo’s fully dressed, sardonic expression back in place as he nods at the bag hanging across my chest. “You grab a towel for me?”
“Of course.”
He sighs. “Damn, that was my last out.”
And for the first time since he got here, I was expecting that response. “You should know me better than that.”
“Yeah, you’re a stubborn bastard.”
“Me?” I laugh. “Do I need to remind you of the week you hid out at my place in a standoff with your parents over spring break?”
“Okay, let’s not play that game. You win.”
“What’s wrong? Don’t want to be reminded of how your horrible parents tried to take you skiing in Aspen?”
“You know that’s not why I didn’t want to go.” His tone is bordering on grumpy, reminding me how he tries to hide anything emotional.
I want to hug him. The urge is strong, and I’m about a second away from slinging my arm around his shoulders and pulling him close, when he says, “For some reason, I didn’t want to leave my jerk-off best friend. Can’t for the life of me remember why.”
“Total mystery.”
Sunbury Swim Centre is where I first learned to swim. It’s where I made it onto the school swim team and qualified for nationals. It’s where I trained at five in the morning, while Roo sat, hood pulled over his head, grumpy expression in place, as he juggled timing my laps with draining his coffee.
It’s also where some of the assholes on my team liked to bully me about my sexuality.
It still makes me mad some days. The fact that because Roo and I were close and showed affection it automatically meant we were gay. I didn’t bother trying to correct them, because I knew pointing out I was straight was wasted energy when Roo and I never dated anyone anyway.
Dating always seemed … like effort. And now that I’ve experienced dating, I can confirm it is a lot of effort, and when I’m already working two jobs, I don’t have the energy for it.
Plus, now that Roo is back, at least for a while, I don’t know when the hell I’d fit in a girlfriend as well.
As soon as I enter the large cream building, I inhale long and deep, filling my nose with the smell of chlorine and something kinda dewy. Roo laughs, the sound low in his chest, and I give him a little nudge. “What’s so funny?”
“I can’t believe you still do that.”
“I like the smell.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I do.”
Roo smiles. “I’m not arguing.”
No, he’s just trying to rile me up. I should know better by now.
I lead the way over to the farthest lap lane, strip off my shirt, and kick off my shorts. My swim trunks are small, which I know isn’t the in thing, but after years of training, I can’t get into shorts.
Roo hesitates.
“Unless you’re getting in the pool fully clothed, you might want to get moving.”
“If you toss me in, I’ll kill you.”
“Mmhmm,” I say, matching his skeptical tone from earlier.
“I thought we covered that I’m the stubborn one. Wouldn’t want me to hold a grudge.” His face is completely deadpan.
“Oh no, not a grudge. I’m so sorry. I take everything back.”
I don’t miss the way he quickly yanks up his shirt to hide his grin.
And with his shirt gone, my suspicions are correct. He does look different. He’s slim with lean muscles, which is a huge difference to when you could count his ribs. The scrawny kid I knew is one hundred percent gone.
“Yes, I grew up into a big boy,” he says, heading for the stairs into the pool, and I take a moment to watch the way his back muscles flex as he moves.
Two other people are using the pool, but we have this whole side to ourselves, so I step up on the block and dive in.
The water feels great around me, natural, and as I swim the entire length of the pool, tumble turn, and swim back, my muscles come alive. I don’t bother to time myself anymore. The only reason I swim these days is because it’s my one outlet to switch off from the world.
When I make it back to the other end, Roo is sitting on the step, watching. “Damn, you’re amazing at that.”
“Well, I had a drill sergeant pushing me hard,” I say, drifting over to sit next to him.
“To be fair, you didn’t give me a choice to be here, so I didn’t give you a choice to slack off.”
“We make a great team.”
He turns his head to look at me, and something in my chest settles. Like I’m finally able to believe he’s here.
I watch as Roo’s jaw works, almost like he wants to say something. Then he stops, and he seems to relax too. “Yeah, we really do.”
“And that’s why you’d forgive me for anything, right?”