Chapter 18
Roo
Tanner wakes me up with soft kisses and warm hands, and it takes me a moment to realize I’m not still dreaming. I’ve pictured this a hundred times before, so now that it’s here and happening, I’m already terrified of when it ends.
“Morning,” I croak.
He rolls on top of me, and his smile is as sweet as ever. “Wrong again.”
“There’s no way I overslept.”
“Okay, true. But it’s almost noon.”
That seems like a good sleep to me. I let myself reach up and run my palm over his scruffy cheek. “What are your plans for today?”
“I’ve gotta go see the parents at some point.” He kisses my nose. “You coming? They’ve been asking to see you.”
“Sure.”
Tanner’s mom and dad might have a traditional view of the world, but they’ve always been welcoming toward me. There aren’t many parents who’d let their kid’s best friend sleep over every night. We weren’t exactly subtle about me sneaking in.
“But first …” Tanner wraps his hand around my morning wood, and I can’t help thrusting up into his fist. I’m supposed to be setting boundaries, putting safeguards in place to protect myself. I agreed to let my best friend experiment with me. This isn’t a relationship.
And if I know anything, it’s that curious guys don’t stay curious for long.
I arch my neck and catch his lips with mine, catapulting my good intentions out the window. If Tanner wants to wake me up with a hand job, I’m not about to complain. If he wants to experiment and use me, I’m here for it.
Because at the end of the day, I’m a pathetic fucker who’s finally getting what he’s always dreamed of.
Full steam ahead.
I push Tanner back onto the bed and trail my lips down his body like he did to me last night. He might have liked sucking me off, but I’m about to ruin him for anyone else who’s lucky enough to get him in their mouth.
It doesn’t take me long to get his eyes rolling, and when his cock breaches my throat, his giant fist pounds into the mattress as he grabs my head with his other hand. His fingers tangle in my hair as he empties down my throat.
My dick is almost painfully hard as I pull off him and kneel between his legs.
I watch the rapid rise and fall of his chest as I jerk myself off, and Tanner watching me makes it even hotter.
By the time my orgasm builds, I’m hardly in control, and I have just enough awareness to lean forward so my cum lands on his stomach and cock.
It’s so hot, it takes me a minute to catch my breath.
I collapse on top of him, unable to hold back my laugh. “How are you so okay with this?”
Tanner kisses my head. “It’s you.”
I guess for him, it’s as simple as that. But if he thinks things will go back to normal once all this is over, he’s going to be sorely disappointed.
We shower separately and get changed to go over to Tanner’s parents’ house.
It’s only five minutes out of town, and the whole way there, Tanner is completely …
well, Tanner. He brings up memories and tells stories, and if I hadn’t actually been there for it, I’d never believe we really hooked up last night.
My insides won’t hold still.
Joan and Daryl live in a small bungalow on a huge block of land. We have to follow a long dirt driveway to get to the house, and when we pull up, it makes me smile to still see chickens in the front yard. It hasn’t changed.
We get out, and Tanner rounds his truck and slings his arm around my shoulders. I automatically stiffen, but Tanner doesn’t seem to notice as he steers me toward the front deck.
“Remember when we climbed that tree and I tore my pants climbing down again?”
I laugh. “It wasn’t the first time I saw your bare ass.”
His hum is deep and rumbly in his chest. “And it won’t be the last.”
I shove him off me. “Do not give me a boner when I’m about to see your parents for the first time in years.”
The words are barely out of my mouth when Joan answers the door with a little shriek. “Royce Williams, you sweet thing!” She jogs down the front steps and swamps me in a hug. “We were wondering when you were going to come and visit us.”
“Hey, blame this one.” I hook my thumb toward Tanner. “He’s been busy.”
Daryl chuckles, following her out of the house. “Nothing’s changed then, I see.”
I smile and shake his hand. “Lots has changed.”
“I’m talking about you two. Never did have time for anyone else when you were together.”
Tanner and I share a smile, the kind that reminds me we were connected way before we shared orgasms, and I hope we’ll be connected for long after it.
We follow Joan and Daryl into the house and right through to the back area. A porch spans the whole back of the house and looks out over the grass all the way to the creek on the other side.
They still have the same printed green curtains, the same wooden bench tops, and when we step outside, it’s the same chairs and table Tanner and I have sat at countless times before. It’s a warmish day for early February.
I pull up my usual seat, and when I sit down, with Tanner on the other side, things feel … right.
Like I’ve never left.
Now that I’m home, it’s sort of terrifying how quickly I can forget about all the places I’ve been and how much I loved them.
Eesh, home.
Sunbury is definitely not that.
I give Tanner a relaxed smile as a small yip comes from behind me and an excitable ball of fluff darts up the porch stairs and starts to lap the table.
“You guys got a dog?”
Daryl laughs. “We needed someone to keep us company after Tanner moved out.” He whistles and pats his lap, and the little furball jumps up to sit with him.
I turn big eyes on Tanner. “See? They get it. I need someone to keep me company while you work all the time.”
“I think it’s called a job.”
“But jobs don’t love you back.”
Tanner screws up his face. “Pretty sure cats don’t either.”
I mock gasp. “Do not take this moment to tell me you’re a dog person. There’s no way I’m adding that to the changed column.”
I swear he’s a second away from rolling his eyes. “I’m very much an animal person, which is why we won’t be getting one.”
“That doesn’t make sense, big guy.”
“I’m never home, and who knows what you’re doing, so there’s no way in hell we’re getting a pet I can’t look after.”
Fair point. And while he tries to sound teasing, there’s a note of strain in his voice. I don’t blame him. I don’t even know how long I’ll be here, so he’s right. Getting a cat would be a dumb move.
“How’s your mom?” Joan asks as she emerges from the house, carrying a teapot. That, at least, has been upgraded since I last saw them.
“Good. She’s the director for a government agency back in Australia now.”
Joan chuckles. “I’m not surprised. She was always incredibly ambitious.”
It’s true. Dad always jokes that she’s the brains in the relationship, but as an economist, he’s not exactly a slacker.
“How do you feel to be back?” Daryl asks.
“At first it was weird. Sunbury was never my favorite place growing up, but I guess having some time away has given me perspective.” The type of perspective to make me realize that when I finally leave this place again, I need to convince Tanner to come with me.
“Any idea if you’ll stay?”
I shift in my seat. “Ah, no. This is only a visit.”
Joan and Daryl share a look.
“What?” I ask with a laugh as I help myself to one of the cookies on the plate they’ve set out.
“He’s staying for a while,” Tanner cuts in. “Aren’t you?”
All three Everetts are looking at me with identical concerned expressions.
“I … I really don’t know what my plans are yet. The main thing was to come back so we could catch up. After that, it’s a total mystery.”
Not a complete lie.
“Hey.” He knocks his knuckles against my arm. “We should buy a place to do up together. It can be a project until you figure something out.”
“A place to renovate?”
“Yeah, exactly. We’ll move out of that pokey little apartment and buy something bigger. I’ve been wanting to buy a house for ages but won’t be able to afford the down payment by myself for at least another year.”
I lick my lips, buying myself time to reply. His offer is so sudden and random, warning bells are going off.
I want to take this offer for what it is. My cynical mind just won’t let me.
“Tanner, Royce said he doesn’t know what his plans are,” Daryl points out.
Tanner turns on him. “Exactly. I’m giving him an option.”
“Well, why don’t you wait until you know if he’s staying.”
Even from the side, I can see Tanner’s jaw tighten. I’m expecting him to push, but he lets it go. For now. I’m sure it’s not the end of the conversation.
“Well,” Joan says, “at least you came back in time to help with Sunflora. O’Connell Road will be blocked off, and there’ll be a parade. It’s gotten much bigger the past few years.”
Urg. This sense of community. I force a smile. “Clearly, it’s the only reason I came back.”
Then I fill them in on my surgery and what I’ve been doing over the past five years. They’re beyond happy to hear I got my degree, and Joan wants to know about all the places I saw when I was in Europe. There are definitely a few stories I leave out, though. For her and Tanner’s sakes.
The more we talk, the quieter Tanner becomes, and even through lunch he’s reserved, until his parents bring up a topic that catches my interest.
“When are they hiring again at the station?” Daryl asks.
Tanner shrugs his big shoulders. “Not sure yet. Maybe in a couple of months.”
“And you’re going to reapply?”
“Probably.”
“Probably?” I repeat. “You’ve wanted this for years now.”
“I have, but there needs to be a point where I come to terms with the fact that it’s not gonna happen for me.”
“Or that you come to terms with the fact that you need help.”
He rolls his eyes. “Okay, Roo.”
“You can’t even read the assessment, let alone answer the questions. Why are you being so stubborn about it?”
“Because it’s nobody’s business. If I ask for help, everyone will know I’m the dumbass who can’t read.”
I shove him. “Call yourself a dumbass again.”
He shoves me back, which makes the chair jolt to the side. “You don’t understand—”
“I don’t? Hello? I’m the kid who used to seize out and piss himself. If anyone knows what it’s like to be talked about, it’s me. Stop being such a baby.”
“Yeah, but you couldn’t help that.”
“And neither can you. I went through surgery to fix my shit; all you have to do is request someone for assistance.”
His parents are watching us, making me feel self-conscious about my sudden outburst.
“Sorry.” I lift my hand.
Joan laughs. “Don’t be. Stubbornness isn’t one of Tanner’s better qualities.”
“You’re telling me.” We share a quick laugh, but Tanner pushes up from the table and disappears inside.
His mom and dad share a look, and I sigh.
“I’ll go.”
I find him in his bedroom, lying on his bed. I close the door behind me on the way in.
As I sit on the side of the mattress, I’m flooded with memories of the abandoned air bed on the floor. Of seizing out every other night, and Tanner being there to help me through it. Of sitting up late to watch movies, and eating until we had gut aches.
I miss it.
His deep voice comes from under his arm. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just replaying old memories.”
He holds out the arm not covering his face, and I take the invitation. I curl into his side, and he lets out a long breath.
“Sorry I was a dick out there,” he says.
“I guess I should say that too.”
“Nah.” He peeks out at me with a grin. “Never apologize for calling me out on shit.”
I roll onto my front and prop myself up so I can look at him. “I don’t understand. You want to be a firefighter so bad, and you could actually do it. We both know you’re good enough. So why won’t you ask for help?”
“Because no one else sees me like you do. You don’t look at me and see a big, dumb idiot, and it drives me crazy, because I really am.”
I seal a hand over his mouth. “What have I said about those words?”
He mumbles something against my palm.
“Nope, don’t want to hear it. So you struggle to comprehend some things; that’s literally one tiny part of you.
You’re also sweet and kind and the most loyal person I know.
Anyone who looks at you and sees an idiot clearly doesn’t know you at all.
It kills me to see you worry so much about your reputation. ”
His brown eyes turn soft, and he shifts my hand away as he steers my face closer to his. His mouth finds mine, and the kiss is so sweet and sincere, it absolutely kills me.
I jerk away.
“Okay, new rule,” I say as I turn my back on him and swing my legs over the side of the bed. “No kissing unless you’re doing the experimenting thing. We don’t want to confuse this for anything but what it is.”
I hear him sit up behind me. “But I’ve always kissed you.”
“Not on the mouth.”
“Okay.” His arm wraps around my waist from behind, and he presses a kiss to my temple instead. “Anywhere but the mouth.”
My eyes fall closed at how right it feels to have his lips on me. I know he wouldn’t be doing this if I told him the real reason for my hesitation, but I’m a selfish, selfish bastard.
And I’m just waiting until I get my heart broken.