Chapter 30
Roo
What a dick.
I don’t know what the hell is going through Rafe’s head, but I do know I wanted to kill him. Seeing how it upset Tanner made me feel all stabby, but I know there’s more going on there than he probably said.
All that supposed to bullshit? Yeah, that guy’s feeling pressure from someone.
Laura’s the most obvious choice, but surely there’s no way in hell she’d be pushing him to get married or anything dumb like that. First, we’re way too young for that shit. And second, they always fight. God, I haven’t even been around and I know that.
I leave the others, and go to take a leak and grab another drink that I really don’t feel like drinking.
Since I seized out last week, I haven’t felt quite right. My limbs are sort of heavy, and I find myself staring at nothing. The bounce back is normally faster than this, and I’m worried I’m going to seize out again.
That’s the last thing I need right now if I want to get Tanner off my back.
“Hey, Royce.” Leon joins me in the kitchen and pops open a new bottle of beer. Like Tanner, I hadn’t known he was gay. I guess a few things did change while I was away.
“Hey, daddy bear.”
His laugh is deep. “Not the first time I’ve been called that.”
“And I doubt it will be the last.” If his big hairy forearms are any indication, anyway. “How is that contract going?”
“It’s …” He cringes. “Going. I try not to think about it unless I have to.”
“Why’s that?”
“I’m getting worried I’ve taken on too much. There are a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of people to hire.”
My ears perk up at that and suddenly I have an amazing idea. “It’s in Port Welling, right?”
“Yep.”
“And any chance you’ve already got an electrical engineer on board?”
His eyes narrow a little as he looks me up and down. “That’s what you studied back in Australia?”
“Sure is.”
“Hmm …”
“Oh man, you’re killing me here.”
Leon laughs. “Do you have any experience outside of your degree?”
“Of course.” The fact he’s entertaining my random idea shoots a surge of adrenaline through my system. “I’ve done work experience with a few companies, and right before I went around Europe, I was working for a developer in Sydney. I have references if you need them.”
“I don’t.” He smiles, which makes his stormy green eyes friendly. “Think you can get across Oregon building codes?”
“No problem.”
“I was going to hire a company to design the electrical systems. Think you can work with them on the plans and then run some of my other engineers through?”
“Of course.” I hope. It sounds like a big job and I’m conscious that any screw-ups will be on Leon for the most important contract he’s ever had. I guess I just can’t screw up.
“I’ve got to admit, it’d be good to work with someone I know.”
A relieved smile breaks across my face. “For real?”
“Job’s yours if you want it. I’d love to cross another position off my list.”
“I do.” I hold out my hand, and Leon shakes it firmly.
“Sweet. I’ll be heading up to the site tomorrow. Don’t feel pressured or locked in, just come down for a couple of hours, we can talk plans, and if you feel like it’s a fit, we can sign the contracts.”
Yes, yes, and more yes. “I like the sound of that.”
He slaps me on the back. “Congrats, Royce. Your first job as a contractor.”
“Thanks, and … let’s keep this quiet from Tanner. Until it’s a done deal.”
He looks surprised but agrees.
Leon returns to join the others, and I turn it over. A contractor? I’ve never considered working for myself. The whole point of my degree was to find a permanent position somewhere. But permanent doesn’t always equal flexibility, and if this goes well with Leon, he might use me for future builds.
I don’t need to work—my parents will give me whatever money I ask for—but I’d sure as hell like to anyway.
And being a contractor would mean setting my own hours, going after jobs I actually want, and if I do take on a job in Portland—or even farther—it would only mean temporary time away.
Holy shit, I could make this work.
I could stay in bumass Sunbury, with Tanner, and still work a job I love.
For the first time in my entire life, I can picture myself here. Permanently.
I’m buzzing with the need to tell Tanner, but there’s a chance I’ll get out to the site and hate it, and then all that excitement will be for nothing.
If I’m staying, I want to be totally, completely sure I can make it work first.
And fuck. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make it work.
Tanner leaves for the station early the next morning, and I crawl out of bed not much later.
And motherfucker, I feel like shit.
I force myself through showering and getting dressed and somehow even manage a few bites of toast.
Leon picks me up at seven thirty, and we drive to the site at Port Welling. He’s in a good mood for someone who’s usually way quieter than the rest of us.
Though I guess I’m usually pretty quiet too, so someone has to carry the conversation.
And that someone will not be me today.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah, totally.” Totally not. But this is probably the best offer I’m going to get, so no way am I going to blow this. “How much farther?”
“Almost there.”
It takes less than twenty minutes to get from Sunbury to the site we’re working on, and it’s an easy drive. No main roads or heavy congestion, and buses run between the two towns regularly. Even better.
I’m even more excited now.
And as Leon walks me around the site and refers to the rough plans he’s started to put together, my excitement ramps up to the next level.
It’s still very early in the process, and Leon still needs to work with an architect—and me—and about thirty other people before it’s all in place, but looking across the bare lot, imagining a huge building I helped make happen …
My head spins a little.
“Where do I sign?”
Leon takes me to a café for lunch, and we go over the paperwork. I’m not really sure what’s involved, and I can’t tell if I’m not following what’s happening because we’re going through it so fast or because my brain is completely unfocused.
“Royce?”
“Huh? Sorry, what?”
Leon gives me a look. “You sure you’re okay? You keep spacing out on me.”
That doesn’t sound good. My gut twists as I realize there’s a very good chance I’ve been seizing out all day.
And like hell am I going to say that to him.
“Sorry, back to the contract.”
The last thing I want is to rush him and have him pick up on something not being right, but I also really need to go.
There’s a panicky feeling gripping my chest, because while I might play off the seizures as an annoying inconvenience, I’m actually afraid of them.
Afraid of how they come from nowhere. Can kick in at any point. I hate the control they take from me and the way they make me feel so fucking vulnerable.
Especially these kinds. The silent kind that most people don’t even know about. That I don’t even really know have happened until it’s pointed out to me.
Even as Leon goes over some of the finer points, the dates, all I can concentrate on is getting home to Tanner and having him wrap me in his arms. It’s the only place in the whole world I feel safe.
This job or not, how do I leave that?
The short answer is, I don’t.
I need him. And I’m okay with needing him.
“You know what, that sounds pretty straightforward.” I slide the contract to my side of the table and do something that would make Mom’s head explode. I sign the thing with absolutely zero clue what I’m signing.
Here’s hoping Leon’s a good guy.
“Do you mind if we go? You’re right, I am feeling a bit off today.”
He stares at me a moment. “Yeah, probably a good idea.”
“Thanks.” I push to my feet, and Leon heads for the counter to pay.
It’s pure relief to think that in half an hour I’ll be back home in our little apartment. Tanner’s still hours away from being finished with work, but as soon as he walks in that door, he’ll take care of me, and I’ll tell him I’m staying, and everything will be fan-fucking-tastic.
I’m almost at the café door, when it suddenly feels like I’ve stopped walking and my body is continuing without me.
This weird, floaty feeling hits me.
And the last thing I hear is a sickening thunk before I’m out.