Chapter 21
Rafe
Whenever Cam calls me fancy or teases me about my car and my suits, I assume he’s being a dick. It’s not my fault as a Realtor I’m expected to look a certain way. It doesn’t mean I’m some kind of snobby twat.
At least, that’s what I thought until we got to the campsite.
The lakeside is really nice, but putting up a tent together? Setting up the camping grill? Clearly, Cam is a lot better with his hands than me because he does about ninety percent of it. It’s like I have two thumbs.
“I’m not usually this useless.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You just need to find something I’m actually good at.”
Cam grins at me. “You order some mean takeout.”
I flip him off.
“And frot like a pro.”
That one makes my cheeks heat up a little, but I’ll take it. “Not bad for my ace ass.”
“Well, I haven’t seen your ass, but sure.”
“Yet.”
Cam’s head snaps up, and he eyes me. I can tell he wants to question and ask if I’m sure and all that standard stuff, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
I want to feel normal and for this part of our lives to just be what it is.
I don’t want Cam to constantly feel like he’s overstepping or that he needs to treat me differently.
“Yet?”
“Mhmm.” I lean forward to tug the cords on Cam’s hoodie.
“Here’s the thing. We both know I’m ace.
We both know I’m okay with sex when the mood’s right.
So let’s just … stop questioning it. Sometimes it’ll happen, sometimes it won’t.
Sometimes I might be into it, sometimes it’ll be more important to me that you are. ”
He frowns. “Yeah, but I don’t want you feeling pressured because you think it’s what I want.”
“Then you don’t need to worry. With you, I never feel pressured.”
“Aw … stop. You’re making me feel special,” Cam says.
“You are special.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how special though? Like, picture one as being a four-leaf clover and ten as being a unicorn—no, a dragon. Yeah, definitely a dragon.”
“Big of you to think you’re even on the same scale as a dragon.”
He mock gasps. “Was that a pun?”
“I’ll go a … four? Maybe five?”
Cam tilts his head. “Okay, but what’s the equivalent to that? A chimera?”
I have no fucking clue what that is, but if he’s suggested it, I probably don’t want to agree. Instead, I try to think of the least badass thing I can imagine. “What about a leprechaun?”
“A leprechaun?” When I’m sure he’s about a second away from protesting, he unleashes a smile. “Irish accent? Awesome. And all that gold? I’ll be a total sugar daddy. Better watch out, Rafe—all the guys will be after your man.”
“My man?” The words flip my stomach.
“Until you’re done with me.”
It’s not the first time he’s said something like that. It bothers me. “Why do you keep assuming this has an end date?”
He cringes. “It’s not that …”
“So …”
“I want you to have the freedom to step back if you need to. You’ve just split with Laura, so jumping into something serious is a big ask.”
“You’re not asking though.”
“I’m not. I’m happy for this to play out however it does.”
“So if I walked away now, you’d be okay with that?”
Cam huffs out a breath and flicks back his hat to rub his head. “What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“Shit, Rafe. I don’t want to pressure you.”
“Well, maybe I want you to.” A lump is building in my throat, and it’s not lost on me that I hate people forcing their expectations on me, but I’m asking Cam to do that. I want to know that he feels for me what I’m starting to feel for him.
This sweeping, floaty happiness that builds more inside me every day is addictive, and I want to share it with him. It’s so new and foreign, but it makes me feel like everything in life is starting to fit the way it’s supposed to.
It’s a feeling I’ll fight to keep.
I need to know he’d do the same.
“Do we need to label things?” he finally asks.
“Does what we have need a name? I mean, are we boyfriends—is that what this is? And does it matter? Fuck, Rafe, I’ve been in love with you since I was a teenager, and somehow that feeling keeps getting bigger.
I’m all in here, and I want you to be too, but it’s going to take time.
You’re figuring yourself out, and I want that for you, but one day you might turn around and decide that who you are doesn’t fit with who I am. And that has to be okay with me.”
I blink at him because he’s just said a lot of words. A lot of words, but I can only focus on one. “When you say in love …”
“I mean it. I’m not interested in games—that’s how I feel about you. You don’t need to say it back because I know I’m in a completely different place than you.”
“You know that, do you?”
“Obviously. I haven’t exactly been chill about trying to get your attention for the last year.”
My heart feels all schmoopy as I take a step closer, and there are little zaps going off all through me, those thousand volts bringing me to life. “You have my attention now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. So what are you going to do about it?”
Cam reaches up to cup my face, his thumb sliding over my cheek. “Show you how good things can be if you stick around.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
“Any way I can.”
He tugs my face closer and molds our mouths together.
My hands spread over his lower back, and he steps in so we’re flush, filling me with the warmth coming from his body.
I press closer, deepening the kiss, needing the connection.
Cam might not want me saying I love you back, so I’ll show him instead.
Because I do. And when I say it, I don’t want there to be any doubts.
“In the tent,” I mumble, kissing along his jaw.
He stumbles back toward the opening, not letting go of me the whole time. We collapse onto the ground in a mess of limbs and hot tongues and exploring hands, his body hard under mine.
I don’t wait to push his shirt up and pull it over his head.
I run my fingers over his light chest hair and bring a thigh up between his legs. He’s already hard, which isn’t a surprise, and feeling how turned on he is sends a trickle of lust through me.
I love knowing what I do to him. It’s heady and overwhelming. It makes my head spin and feel all off-balance. All I want is to melt into him, to give in and not think and fall into my feelings headfirst.
My dick twitches, but I need more.
“I want to see you naked.”
He makes a gravelly noise in his throat.
“Now. Take off your clothes.”
If I thought I’d feel weird about being with a man, I’d have been wrong. Seeing Cam pop the button on his pants before shoving them off makes me shiver. I hurry to strip down too. I’m desperate to feel his skin pressed to mine, to kiss and taste every inch of him.
I’m still only half-hard, but Cam kneels up in front of me and slowly reaches down to cup my balls.
A sigh shudders from my lips, and as my head falls back, Cam’s mouth finds my throat.
Between his sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin, and his hand lightly stroking my cock, it doesn’t take long to get me hard.
Cam’s making delicious noises against me, murmuring things I can’t hear.
The sound, mixing with the smell of his skin and the reverent way he’s touching me, overwhelms my senses.
“Lie back,” he says, turning us and easing me down. I love the way he takes control. He maps every line of my body with his hands, skims his thumb over my nipple, and licks his way along my collarbone.
I could spend all day kissing him, but I also want more. Nerves attack my gut, yet as much as I’m hesitant, I’m determined. I want to give him this.
I trail my hands down his back before grabbing his ass and pulling him against me so his leaking cock drags over my thigh. Cam grunts, giving a little thrust, before pushing back away from me again.
He runs a hand from my chest down to my aching dick, watching the progress with hungry eyes, before he looks up again.
“What do you want?” he asks.
This is my chance. I’m an idiot for even thinking it, because I have no idea if I’m going to enjoy it at all, but I at least want to try. I force the words before I can chicken out. “I want you to fuck me.”
Shock clears some of the lust from his expression, and I know he’s about to ask if I’m sure before he stops himself. I’m grateful. “Let me just check …”
Keeping one arm around me, Cam clumsily rummages in the pocket of his pants before coming up with his wallet. There’s a moment of hesitation when, “Bingo.” He lifts his hand, holding a condom packet between his pointer and middle finger. “I’ve got lube too.”
Even though it isn’t a question, he’s holding my stare, checking in with me. And despite the nerves crashing into me, I nod. “Good.”
“How do you want to do this?” His words are soft, reverent, warming me from the inside out.
“I want you to, umm … you to do it.”
“You sure? Bottoming can hurt.”
“Lucky you bought me that dildo to practice with, then, hey?”
Cam drops the condom and rests his hand on my hip. “You’ve kept using it?”
“Yeah. It feels good.”
A groan gets caught in Cam’s throat. “You want me to be your dildo, Rafe? Want to use my cock to get yourself off?”
“Nrg, yes.” The words more than anything turn me on. I’ve never tried dirty talk, but my body is giving me a serious green light. Campbell’s so confident, so unapologetic about it. “Tell me all the filthy things you want from me,” I beg.
He slaps my thigh. It’s so sudden and shocking, I bite back a gasp as the hot sting creeps over my skin. His hesitance is slowly disappearing, and I love seeing this side of him open up to me. “Roll over.”
I flip onto my stomach, and his body blankets my back.
There’s an almost inaudible tear of a packet before slick fingers slide into the crease of my ass.
“Shit.” My back tenses automatically, and Cam’s hand stops moving as he turns his attention to my neck instead.
Long, needy kisses lap where my neck meets my shoulder, and it doesn’t take long for me to turn to jelly beneath him.
I tilt my head to the side as his fingers dip lower to rest over my opening.