Chapter 20
Cam
Knowing Rafe is with Laura right now is messing with my head. I want to believe what he said before he left, but I can’t help being skeptical.
Not because I don’t trust him, but because this isn’t the first time he’s tried to do this. I’ve had to see him with Laura for way too long to actually believe they could be over.
The kiss he left me with was almost convincing though.
I could feel his determination—if only that meant something when it comes to telling people where to shove their expectations.
People around here have had way too much of Rafe for too long.
I’m tempted for him to keep us a secret so he can get some damn privacy for once.
I want the chance to show him how great a relationship can be without people peering down your neck and asking questions that aren’t any of their goddamn business.
I’m so restless all afternoon, pacing around the house like a dumbass, and sure, I could call Reynolds and go out, but I want to be here so I can see Rafe as soon as he gets back. I need to know things went okay.
Just before dark, I duck next door and leave Rafe a little present on his lawn. I’m sure he was planning to come see me once he got home anyway, but this is my failsafe.
My way of telling him I need him.
Until then, I have to try and relax.
What we need is time away from Sunbury. To pack up the car and leave for a bit, long enough for us to solidify our relationship before having to deal with everyone else’s input.
Too bad we both have jobs and commitments.
I know Doc would let me take leave if I needed it since we’re never overly busy. He could spare me for a week or two. But Rafe only has one other agent working with him … what are the chances he could take off because I wanted to?
Headlights cut through my dark living room around nine as Rafe pulls into his driveway. I want to wait for him at the door, but I have no idea whether he’ll duck into his house first or not, and apparently I draw the line at looking desperate.
The tension seeps out of my body when there’s a light tap on my door a minute later. Thank fuck he didn’t take his time.
I flick open my door, then lean casually against the wall. “Rafael, what an honor.”
He smirks crookedly and holds out Casagnoma. “Was someone feeling needy?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m onto you, Campbell. Poor Casagnoma getting left out all alone at night just so I know you miss me.”
The teasing tone makes me feel lighter. “You sure that’s Casagnoma?”
“You only have one gnome.”
“How much do you want to bet?”
“If you have some secret gnome fetish, you should probably tell me now.”
“Why? Will you wear a little floppy hat and hold a fishing pole for me?”
“Gnomes.” Rafe pretends to shudder. “That sounds about as much fun as your French maid idea.”
I take the gnome and set it outside the front door. Rafe eyes it warily, and I want to point out that he can’t still be creeped out by them when this one brought us together. Kinda.
He shrugs out of his jacket as he follows me inside, and I smile when he tosses it over the back of the couch before dropping onto it with a long groan. “It’s finally done.”
“Really?” My stomach flips. “You told everyone?”
“All of our friends, yeah. Just family left to go.”
“How did they take it?”
“Really good. They’re not idiots—I’m sure they saw it coming. But they’re the only people who knew we were having issues, so I can’t imagine how blindsided my parents are going to feel.”
I lower myself next to him and pull his legs over my lap. “What do you think their reaction will be?”
“I think Dad will be okay. Mom will be confused. Probably think I’m going through some kind of midlife crisis when I tell her about you.”
“Do you think …” I cringe a little. “Because I’m a guy?”
He brushes my jaw with his knuckles. “That’ll shock her to her bones, but as long as I assure her she can still theoretically have grandkids, it’ll be okay. She’s not homophobic outside of her general lack of self-education.”
“That’s good to know. Then why do you think she’ll assume you’re in crisis mode?”
He drops his gaze. “Because you’re not Laura. Because this is so out of character for me. Because she knows how hard it was for me when we weren’t friends anymore.”
I cock my head. “What do you mean?”
“Well … you were my best friend. You were always there, and then you suddenly weren’t anymore. I was angry. And yeah, maybe she found me crying a few times before she worked out why I was so sulky all the time.”
“Rafe …”
“It’s okay. Long behind us now. And anyway, I’d go through all that again if it means ending up here.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Yeah.” He catches his lip and looks up at me. “Would you?”
“Without even needing to think about it.” I pull him so he’s crushed against me. The faintest smell of beer is mixed with his cologne. “Proud of you,” I say.
He inhales long and deep. “Thank you.”
“You know, you don’t have to tell them about me. At least, not straightaway.”
“I know, but I want to. I don’t want Mom to think that if she pushes enough or gets me and Laura in the same room enough times, that things will magically go back to how they were.”
“You think she’d do that?”
He nods, soft hair brushing my cheek. “If she thinks it’s what’s best for me, yeah.”
And that’s what I’m worried about. Teresa isn’t a bad person, but when I think about keeping up with the Joneses, she immediately comes to mind. She’s intense and pushy, and if things aren’t going her way, she immediately flips into panic mode and will do anything to fix the problem.
My idea about getting away before we unleash our relationship on them is getting more and more appealing.
“Question …”
He shifts and tilts his head back so I can see his face. “Hmm?”
“If I said to you let’s pack a bag and go for a few days, what are the chances of you logistically being able to do that?”
Rafe’s mouth drops. “Yeah, no way.”
“Damn.”
“What … why?”
“Because once people know about us, you know how nosy they’ll get. I thought we might be able to have one moment, away from this gossipy town, where we can be together with no one demanding to know the details.”
“Huh.” Rafe kisses me and grabs his phone. “Let me make a call.”
Somehow Rafe talks the other agent in his office into taking his meetings and reshuffles some things with their secretary. He’s about as committed to getting away as I am, but lucky for me, all I need to do is pack the car and grab a tent.
It’s a brisk morning when we meet out the front of my place.
Rafe glances up from over the top of his phone, warily eyeing the tent I’m carrying. “What’s that for?”
“To sleep in.”
“When you said ‘getting away,’ I assumed there’d be a hotel involved. Room service. Maybe a giant spa bath.”
“Someone’s tastes have changed from the suspect-looking Twizzlers I found in my bag that one time.
” I heft the tent a little higher. “I’ve got your accommodation, I’m bringing a portable grill—and since I’ll be the one cooking, that’s kind of like room service—and instead of a spa bath …
” I glance around the street quickly before dropping a quick peck on his cheek. “You’ll have the whole lake.”
“A … lake?” Rafe lets out a long exhale. “What have I signed up for?”
“Oodles of fun.”
“Oodles?”
“Oodles and oodles, my little canoodle.”
His laugh is short and quick. “You know what, I think something’s just come up, and now maybe I can’t go anymore. If I do, I’m worried there’s a very real chance this isn’t going to last.”
“Intimidated by my awesomeness?”
“Intimidated. Sure, let’s go with that.”
“No complaints from me.” I slam the trunk and find Rafe watching me. “Got your bag packed?”
He lifts the expensive-looking duffel he’s holding. “I think I might have packed wrong.”
“And so much. Damn, Rafe, we’re only going for a few days.”
“Shut up,” he murmurs, loading his clothes in the back with mine. “All right, then, might as well get on with it.”
We jump in the car and head east, through the forests that surround Sunbury, past more small towns, and a couple of hours later, we reach the campground I used to visit during summers at college.
Being late October and a Monday, there are hardly any people here, which is perfect for me.
I book a site close to the lakeside in a little spot half hidden from the rest of the occupants.
The sun is getting high, giving off a watery glow that doesn’t quite warm the ground but gives the whole place a dreamy feel.
There are a lot of good memories here, and the sight of Rafe pulling out the tent with a perplexed look on his face makes it clear I’m about to make some more.
“Tell me you know how to do this,” he says.
I take the tent from him and pull him close enough to kiss. We’re in public, showing affection, not having to worry about who’s around, and it’s amazing. Something I never thought I’d experience with Rafe.
And even though I’m experiencing it now, I’m worried about what this means to him. He says he wants people to know about us, but I can’t be sure whether it’s because this is new, or because I’m helping him work out who he is, or if he’s actually serious.
Considering he’s spent almost half his life in a relationship, I’m not going to push for anything.
I’ll see where things go and pray like hell the years I spent waiting were worth it.
Because even though things are undefined between us, it’s the most fulfilled I’ve ever been.
Rafe isn’t anything like what I’d pictured, and I like that about him.
It gives us both a chance to discover this thing together.
“It’s cute that you’ve never put a tent up before.”
He smiles against my lips. “Mom’s idea of camping is staying in a cabin somewhere.”
“You’ve been missing out.”
“I wish I could say I’ll take your word for it, but I guess I’m about to find out.” He kicks the tent beside us. “You’re going to need to school me on this thing.”
“Listen up, Grasshopper. I have a world of wisdom waiting for you.”
“You’ve already taught me a lot. I need to catch up.”
I laugh as we start to pull out the tent. “Sex stuff doesn’t count.”
“Of course it counts. Or in this case, lack of sex stuff.”
Something about the way he says that catches my attention. “So, I know we’ve talked about how I feel when it comes to sex and you being ace, but how do you feel?”
He rubs his jaw. “Honestly, kinda good.”
That makes me happy, because Rafe’s had enough frustration with himself to last a lifetime.
“I wish I could be into sex and give that to you, but at the same time, it feels good to understand myself. And …”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I do enjoy sex when we have it. I was thinking, maybe …”
I latch onto the word and wait, wondering if he’s going to say what I think.
“Maybe I want to try more.”
“Really? You wanna pitch a different kind of tent with me?”
He snorts. “Yeah. I like being able to share that with you.”
“You know that I don’t expect it though, right?” I point to my right hand. “My long-term relationship with this guy is still going strong.”
He wraps his hand around mine. “And I’d never want to come between you two.”
“So generous.”
We don’t talk any more about it, but knowing it’s on the table when he’s ready is exciting.
Because while I’ve been in love with this image of Rafe I’ve had for years, the real version of him is incredible.
And I’m quickly falling more in love with him by the day.