Six Years Ago
Cam
I shouldn’t be here.
Jules is throwing a Sunbury High post-prom party, and as people start trickling in, dressed in their suits and fancy dresses, I feel more and more out of place.
Usually I’d give zero shits about fitting in, but I can’t help feeling like I’m intruding on something private.
All I know is when Laura posted a photo earlier of her and Rafe together, a deep seed of jealousy planted in my gut.
They looked … perfect. Right for each other.
And when I’d scrolled across to a group shot of all their friends, it really hit me that Rafe and I have completely separate lives now.
I’d known that in theory, but seeing him so happy and not being a part of that hurt.
Rafe’s friends Leon and Dahlia appear, and my heart gives a feeble flip as I look around them, hoping to catch a glimpse of the face I can’t stop thinking about.
Rafe looked so handsome in that photo that once I see him in real life, I doubt I’ll be able to look away.
I’ve been waiting all night. From the moment I saw the photo, I’ve been sitting at home, counting the minutes until their prom ended.
The expectation draws in tight as Tanner and Royce walk in next, and it’s not until a moment later that I realize Rafe isn’t with them.
I shift my weight and look around. Did I somehow miss him?
“Campbell!” Jules launches herself at me, already tipsy, and distracts me from my search. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m like Bloody Mary. You say the word party three times and I magically appear.”
“You’re so weird.”
No denying that. My stomach is all knotted up as I ask, “Have you seen Rafe?” Even his name makes my mouth go dry.
I’ve been debating this conversation for so long, I’m not sure why now is suddenly the right time. All I know is that in a few months, I’m leaving for college, and before I go, I want Rafe to know how I feel.
I’m not expecting miracles. I know he’s got a girlfriend. But keeping this secret is killing me. I need to get the words out even if I leave the party heartbroken.
Jules starts to giggle. “He and Laura got a room in Port Welling.”
“Uh … what do you …?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know what happens on prom night.” She nudges me playfully.
And I don’t know where my closeted gay ass got the reputation as a player from, when I’ve slept with exactly one girl, but somehow it stuck. Apparently I’m a slutty near virgin.
Suits me.
I mean, I want to be having sex. I’m just not. Being eighteen and gay leaves you with limited options.
What Jules is saying finally hits me. “Wait, they’re not coming here first?”
“I don’t think so.” She scans her backyard. “Though Circus was supposed to be here, and I haven’t seen him either.”
A chill passes over me. “Why don’t you text them and see?”
Jules’s curious look confirms how desperate I sound, but I give zero shits about that. Rafe is supposed to be here. That was the plan.
I want to see him.
Talk to him.
Tell him I’ve fallen for him.
In all my fantasies, he tells me he feels the same.
He kisses me.
We leave together …
Jules sends a text: Are you coming here first?
A reply comes straight back, and she angles her phone so I can see Laura’s message.
Nope, we just got to the hotel. Squeee!
I swallow past the lump in my throat.
He’s not coming. I’ve keyed myself up so much for this conversation that knowing it isn’t going to happen makes me crash hard. He’s at a hotel.
With Laura.
Probably having sex.
That’s it, then.
I glance down in time to see Jules reply: Have fun ;)
And I swear that winky face will haunt me forever.