Chapter Forty-Five
Sophia
Leo held my hand as we walked through the airport, stopping before security.
This was as far as he could go without a ticket.
This was it. In front of all of Logan International Airport, what was left of my heart was going to be ripped out right here.
We’d avoided talking about this moment for months, but that hadn’t stopped me from thinking about it, and I’d decided the best thing I could do was be strong.
Leo had made so many comments about giving up hockey for me over the last few months that if he saw how much it was killing me to leave him, he might just try to do it.
I was pretty sure I could move to Boston, leave my family behind in Oahu, and figure out how to make a life with Leo work.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t quite reconcile the parts of his NHL schedule that would leave me alone in Boston.
I’d miss my family when I was with him, so how bad would it hurt when he wasn’t here?
Even with his family around I’d be homesick and he’d feel guilty, and I was pretty sure his guilt and my sadness would ruin everything. It wasn’t the future I wanted for us.
But going home now meant leaving half of my family in Boston. Leo and his parents, Jace and his moms, they’d all become family too. How could I ever go back to Oahu and just forget that they were here, living a life that I was no longer a part of?
The people I loved lived five-thousand miles apart from each other and that felt like the most tragic thing in the world.
“Well, I guess this is it,” I said, forcing a smile as I lifted my eyes to Leo’s. Even to people walking by it must have been obvious that my heart was splitting into shreds because my voice trembled and my muscles quivered trying to keep the tears at bay.
“I know you have to go, but I don’t know if I can survive here without you,” Leo said, running the back of his hand over my cheek.
I could feel my resolve crumbling at the sadness in his eyes.
If he broke his promise right now and asked me to stay, I’d do it. I’d take the chance and hope we were strong enough to get through it. The days without him would be worth it for every single day I got with him.
I was worried he’d get on the plane with me before he’d ask me to stay. Perhaps him being so close to his family was our ultimate downfall. Someone else might not have understood what they were asking me to give up by leaving my family. But Leo knew, and he wouldn’t do it.
“You’re going to have girls beating down your hotel door in every city in no time,” I said, my voice cracking as the tears escaped and rolled down my cheeks.
Leo pressed his forehead to mine and swiped each one away with his thumbs. “I’ll turn down every single one until it’s you on the other side of that door.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head in the crook of his shoulder, allowing myself the comfort of his arms for a few more minutes.
So much for being strong.
“We’re not supposed to be apart, Hawaii,” Leo said, voice strained as he pressed his lips to my temple. “We’re just not.”
“I know,” I whispered. “If you asked me to stay—”
“No,” he said. “I love you, Sophia. I’ve never met anyone who loves their family the way you do. You’d resent me in no time.”
I nodded, shifting to rest my head against his chest. Being in his arms felt like where I needed to be, but I knew he wasn’t going to relent on this one.
And neither was I. After the negative pregnancy test we’d made love all day and night, skipping all the campus events we’d planned to attend, all the while avoiding any mention of today.
We’d gotten so good at ignoring it, I’d almost believed this wouldn’t have to happen.
I let go of him and looked at his tear-stained cheeks.
I only had one chance to do this. To say goodbye and not look back.
Because if I turned around for one more glance, I’d sprint right back into his arms. I could see it clear as day, like the perfect ending to a romcom, but I wasn’t writing this story, and the ending sure as hell wasn’t that satisfying.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and took a deep breath. “I love you so much, Leo. Thank you for showing me what fireworks feel like.”
He pulled me against his chest again, choking on a sob. “I’m not sure I’ll ever feel them again, Hawaii. But I love you too and I really hope you find them with someone else.”
I won’t.
I lifted my face to his for one last kiss, taking in the masculine scent I’d gotten used to and the soft way his lips covered mine, like they were a promise. He cupped my face, and I put one hand to his cheek, trying to memorize everything about how it felt to be his.
When I let go, I stepped back and smiled at him. “Goodbye, Leo.”
I turned around with my bag rolling behind me and walked to the security gate, never once looking back and all the while telling myself, it’s just not our time. Maybe someday, it would be. Maybe holding on to that possibility of a future would get me through this.