Chapter 64 Astrid
ASTRID
“Come in,” I call out the following morning when someone knocks on my office door shortly after eleven.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest when Callan steps into the room, wearing a sharp navy suit with a white shirt unbuttoned at the top and carrying a small box and a takeout coffee cup.
“You can’t be here.” Even though Seán is working from Stowe today, I still anxiously scan the hallway outside, terrified he’s going to appear and freak out.
We patched things up last night after I returned from my non-walk, and Seán made love to me for the first time in days.
There was no animosity when he kissed me goodbye earlier, and I want to keep it that way.
If he discovers Callan showed up here, after promising he wouldn’t set foot on the property again, all hell will break loose.
“I need to make sure you’re all right,” he says, approaching my desk.
“As you can see, I’m fine, so please leave.”
“Are you safe, Astrid?” He sets the box and paper cup down on my desk. “I didn’t like the way he was speaking to you last night.”
“I’m not your concern, Callan.”
“You will always be my concern.” His eyes penetrate mine, and suddenly it’s harder to breathe. He always had the most beautiful hazel eyes. Expressive and all-seeing. When Callan gives you his undivided attention, it’s hard to look away, and that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.
I snap out of it, lowering my gaze to the table. I need him to leave. “Couples fight,” I say, composing myself before I look up. “But that doesn’t mean he’s mistreating me because he isn’t. He treats me like a queen.”
“That’s not how it looked to us.”
“He knows what you did, Callan, and he’s protective on my behalf.”
“He doesn’t know what I did because you don’t know.”
“I have a busy schedule today, and I’m not discussing personal matters at the workplace.”
“I am ready to talk whenever you are,” he calmly replies, producing a plastic fork from his pocket. He hands it to me, and I stare at it in confusion.
“What’s this for?”
“The maple cake.” He pops the lid on the box, and I stare at the generous slice of cake resting inside. “It’s not as good as the one you used to get here, but it’s close.”
“Why are you buying me cake?”
He shrugs before setting the fork down on the desk beside the cake and coffee and shoving his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. “Like I said, I wanted to make sure you were okay, and I guess old habits die hard.”
“You can’t buy me things.”
“It’s a piece of cake, Astrid. It’s not like I bought you a giant diamond.” His gaze sinks to my ring.
“I don’t want it.”
He chuckles, but his expression sobers when he sees I’m not laughing. “Don’t say you don’t like cake anymore because I won’t believe it.”
“I eat cake.” I slot the lid back in place before handing him the box and the fork. “But never maple cake. The last time I ate it was at college, three days before Gwen answered your phone and my heart shattered into a million pieces.”
His face drops, and he looks at me with the saddest expression. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”
The box hovers in the space between us until he takes it.
“You didn’t just take a sledgehammer to my heart, Callan.
You shredded everything that made me me.
” It’s a miracle I can talk over the messy ball of emotion wedged in my throat, but I need to get this out.
“I couldn’t stomach maple cake. I’d feel sick every time one of our songs played on the radio.
Any time a football match came on the TV, I’d have to leave the room.
My last Ferris wheel ride was the London Eye, where you promised to love me forever. ”
Pain claws at my chest and twists my insides into knots. “I loved Ryemont, but I was terrified I’d keep bumping into you two. There were triggers everywhere. Constant reminders of what I thought had been us. You drove me from my home. Tore me from the only security I’d ever known.”
“I was trying to keep you safe.” His face is contorted, and he looks pale as death. “It doesn’t excuse all the ways I hurt you, but I never wanted to cause you pain. I was doing what I felt was the right thing to protect you and Darcy from her.”
Tears blur my vision. “I was in therapy for years, trying to figure out what I did wrong. The never-ending sadness and anger almost consumed me. I constantly wondered why I wasn’t good enough for you.
Questioning why she got the happily ever after you promised me.
The joint betrayal shattered my trust in people.
In men. It’s taken years to crawl out of the dark hole I was in, but I did it.
I reclaimed my self-worth, and I drew a line under the unanswered questions. I was moving on, but now?”
I sniffle and angrily swipe at the tears coursing down my face. “Now, I’m back, and you’re here, and you look at me the way you used to, and you say you didn’t cheat, yet your daughter is your mini-me, and I’m so confused, and—” I bury my face in my hands and cry.
“Astrid. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His soft tone tries to reach inside me, but I can’t let it.
What the fuck am I doing? Blurting all that out and crying my eyes out in front of him?
He places a pack of tissues on the desk in front of me, and I pull one out, dabbing at my eyes and blowing my nose. “I can’t let you destroy my life again, Callan.”
“That’s the last thing I want.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I couldn’t sleep last night worrying about you.
I get that he’s pissed, but he should be taking it out on me, not you.
” He places his business card on the desk in front of me.
“My personal phone number is on the back. I’m here for you if you ever need me, no questions asked.
Call anytime. I won’t ever push you, Astrid, but you need to hear what I have to say.
” His eyes probe mine with nothing but concern.
“I will drop everything when you’re ready to talk. ”
“I don’t know if I can go there,” I truthfully admit. What I don’t say is how scared I am that what he has to tell me might change everything.
“I can be patient. I’ve waited years to tell you what really happened. I can wait a little longer.”
A pregnant pause ensues as we stare at one another.
Emotion mushrooms in my chest as I look at the man who was the boy I was once so deeply in love with.
It hurts to look at him. To see the longing in his eyes because I don’t understand it.
The line between truth and lie is submerging, and I’m torn.
What if he’s telling the truth? What if he didn’t betray me, and she was blackmailing him in some way?
Did he rip my heart apart to protect me from that crazy bitch?
“Astrid.” His voice is choked, and I see the same tsunami of emotions glistening in his eyes. “I never thought we’d end up here.”
My cell vibrates with an incoming message, and it drags me back to reality. “You need to go, Callan,” I say as I read Seán’s message, opening my desk drawer and removing my purse.
“I’ll go.” He picks up the cold coffee as I power down my laptop. “I just want to say one thing.”
I glance up at him.
“She didn’t get your happily ever after. She never had me, because I’ve always been yours.”
He crosses the room, eating up the distance quickly with his long-legged stride, and slips outside, leaving me staring after him, cradling my heart in my hands.
I frown when I step inside our house and spot the cases stacked against the wall in the hall. “Seán?” I call out.
Footsteps come running down the stairs. “Good, you’re here.” His brow is creased with concern, and his hair is all messy, like he’s constantly been running his hands through it.
“What’s wrong?” All his message said was there was an emergency, and I needed to come home ASAP.
“My father had a heart attack. He’s at the hospital, and they’re not sure if he’s going to make it.”
“Oh no. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have much time to pack. I’ve called the jet, and we need to leave in forty minutes, so you best hurry. I’ll send a team up here later to pack everything else, and I’ll call the realtor to put the house back on the market.”
“Wait. What? Why would you need to do that?” I follow him into the living room.
“Even if my father pulls through, I’ll be needed to run the entire corporation.” He begins pulling books from the bookcase in the corner. “We won’t be returning here.”
“Seán, my job is here. I can’t permanently leave.”
“Melissa is en route, and Noémie has been informed of the situation. She’ll assign you a new project from HQ.”
I work hard to leash my anger. “No. Absolutely not. You promised me you wouldn’t interfere again, Seán.”
“These are exceptional circumstances.” He doesn’t even make eye contact as he gathers more stuff from around the room.
“Look at me, please.”
He jerks his head up. “We’re under time pressure, darling. You need to start packing.”
I fold my arms. “I don’t want to argue with you, not when your dad is fighting for his life, but—”
“Then don’t,” he snaps. “For once, can you just do as I ask?”
“I understand that you need to leave, and I will come with you now because I want to support you, but I’m coming back. My job is here. I can’t just drop my responsibilities any time I want.”
“You can’t be serious.” He shoots daggers at me. “I’m not leaving you here with him.”
I count to ten in my head, reminding myself he’s under enormous stress right now. “I thought we resolved this last night.”
“Things are different now.”
“No, they’re not. If you don’t trust me, Seán, that’s a big problem.”
“Darling, please. I need you in New York.”
“You’re going to be ridiculously busy. You already work crazy hours without the burden of your father’s duties. I’ll just be sitting at home alone while you’re traveling or burning the midnight oil. Whether I’m in New York or here won’t matter.”
“You’re going to be my wife, Astrid. My wife’s place is by my side.”
“And what about my career ambitions?”
“I’ll buy you a business or give you the seed capital to start your own.”
“We’ve had this argument repeatedly. You know I need to do this by myself.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“Wanting to be independent is not unreasonable.”
“I don’t have the time to stand around arguing with you while my father is fighting for his life at the hospital. Are you coming or not?”
“I’ll come until Sunday, but I’m returning to Ryemont then.”
“Just forget it.” He pushes past me. “If you’re not returning permanently with me, don’t bother returning at all.”