Chapter 65 Callan
CALLAN
I’m standing outside the ballet studio on Saturday morning, waiting for Darcy to appear after her class, when Astrid rounds the corner, heading this way.
She’s dressed in yoga pants and a crop top and carrying a mat under her arm.
Her hair is combed back into a high ponytail, and her flawless skin is flushed.
There’s a glazed look on her face, and she appears to be a million miles away.
She looks incredible. Not as slim as she was when I knew her but still slender with obvious muscle tone in her abs and her arms and curves in all the right places.
A pang of longing jumps up and bites me.
Riley and Travis have been getting on my case the past couple of weeks since it was confirmed that Seán Devlin won’t be returning to Vermont.
His father is in critical condition in the ICU, but he’s expected to pull through.
However, he’s unlikely to be back at the helm of the billion-dollar organization he founded in his twenties for some time.
Meaning Astrid’s fiancé is running the show now.
The guy is a possessive prick, and I’m amazed he let her stay here by herself.
Then again, no one tells Astrid Nevan what to do. She’s always marched to her own tune.
“This is a blast from the past.”
I smother my surprise as I watch her tip her head back, raking her gaze over the building that houses the dance studio.
“It sure is.” I run a hand through my hair, warning myself to play it cool.
Riley and Travis think I should mount an all-out campaign to win her back, but I won’t get anywhere with Astrid if I get in the middle of her relationship.
I have a feeling it’s going to implode without any interference from me.
If she was happy, I would’ve walked away like I originally planned.
But that guy is all wrong for her, and I highly doubt they’ll make it up the aisle.
Fuck, even thinking that is like a punch in the gut.
I want to tell her how I feel, how I’ve always felt, and go on a massive charm offensive to remind her of all the ways we are perfect for one another, but the timing isn’t right.
Cheating is a trigger for Astrid, and I would never put that kind of pressure on her, so outright “wooing” as Riley calls it, or flirting as Travis suggested, is a massive no-no. She wouldn’t entertain it for a second; besides, she doesn’t even like me, let alone trust me.
Her words from a few weeks ago still haunt me at night.
I knew I had caused her immeasurable pain, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.
Not for the first time, I wonder whether I should have gone about it differently, but no matter how many angles I consider it from, I end up right back where I was.
The only way to protect her and get Gwen out of our lives was the way it went down.
All I can do is hope when Astrid knows the truth she sees it the same way.
For now, I’m going to start with friendship, if she’ll even let me offer that much.
This would be easier if she knew the truth, but I meant it when I said I wouldn’t push her.
Hearing it is going to be difficult, and I want her to be ready.
I wasn’t lying when I said I could be patient.
I would wait an eternity for even the whisper of a second chance with her.
“You spaced out,” she says, staring at me.
“Guilty as charged.” I smile. “I remember someone who did that quite a lot.”
“Oh, to be young without the worries of the world on your shoulders.”
“Yeah.” I lean against the pillar as kids start exiting the building. “We didn’t realize how good we had it.”
“Daddy! Can we go for ice cream?” Darcy asks when she reaches me, beaming at me like I hung the stars in the sky. That look will never get old.
“Sure thing, princess.”
“Oh, hi, Astrid.” Darcy’s voice softens, and her cheeks pink as she looks at Astrid. Her slim arms wind around my leg as she clings to me. Darcy is very shy until she knows someone, and then she’s a right chatterbox.
“Hi, Darcy.” Astrid smiles, but it’s a little off, and my stomach lurches painfully. “I’ll let you get back to your Saturday.”
“You could join us,” I suggest, already knowing she’ll turn me down.
“I have plans, but thank you.” She glances at Darcy again. “Enjoy your ice cream.” She offers another half-smile before walking off.
“She looks sad,” Darcy says, and she’s not wrong.
“Daddy,” she asks when she’s halfway through her ice cream.
“Yes, princess.” I lean back in the booth, sliding my arm around the back of the seat behind my daughter.
“We should ask Astrid to come to dinner.”
I arch a brow. “How come?”
“To cheer her up. You can make meatballs, and Nanny will help me to make chocolate cake.” She shovels another spoonful of strawberry ice cream into her mouth. “Chocolate cake makes everyone happy.”
“Don’t talk while you’re eating. You could choke, and it’s not good manners.”
She makes a face at me while she swallows the last of her ice cream. “Daddy, don’t be silly. You can’t choke on ice cream.” She rolls her eyes, and I boop her on the nose.
“Daddies know everything, and you need to listen.”
“Daddy.” She turns to face me, and her adorable little face melts my heart.
“What is it?” My arm curls protectively around her.
“Do you love Astrid?”
My eyes pop wide. Where the hell is this coming from?
“Nanny said she was your girlfriend and you were in love when you were in high school.”
A heads-up would’ve been nice, Ma. I tuck Darcy’s hair behind her ears. “That is true.”
“So, do you?” She runs her finger along the inside of her bowl and brings it to her lips. “Love her?”
I don’t want to lie to my daughter any more than I’m going to have to, so I give her this truth. “Yes, I do, but that has to be our little secret, okay?”
She nods before nibbling on her lip. “Daddy?” My daughter is in an inquisitive mood today.
“Yes, princess?”
“Do you love my mommy?”
My stomach plummets to my toes, and bile crawls up my throat.
When Darcy was four, she asked why she didn’t have a mommy like everyone else.
I was so fucking tempted to say her mother was dead, but that wouldn’t work in a town like this, where everyone knows our history.
So, I had to get creative. I said her mommy had an illness and she wasn’t able to take care of her, but she was loved by me, her nanny and grandad, her aunt, uncle, and cousin, and it seemed to appease her.
Lately, she’s been asking questions again, and at eight, it’s getting harder to fudge the truth.
Case in point.
“Your mommy gave me you, and I love you very, very much.”
Before she can form her next question, I jump in with a distraction. “How about a trip to the art and crafts store? You can pick out a new paint-by-numbers kit.”
It’s shameless, but it works, and I’ve deflected that line of questioning for now.
“I don’t know what I’m going to tell her when she’s older and starts asking the hard questions,” I tell Riley later that night when we’re out for a few drinks at our local bar. “Darcy can never know the truth because it would devastate her and make her question her entire existence.”
“You’re a great dad. You’ll figure it out,” Myles says, placing a tray with beers onto the high table. It’s hopping tonight, and we nabbed one of the last tables in the place.
“I don’t envy you, man.” Travis distributes the beers. “You’re caught between a rock and a hard place.”
“Don’t borrow tomorrow’s problems today,” Marlon says, lifting his beer.
He’s right, so I shove those thoughts aside to worry about another time.
We’re a few beers in when Riley digs me in the ribs.
“Ow. What the fuck was that for?”
“Look who just walked in.” He gestures toward the door, and it’s not difficult to pinpoint Astrid and Renee because they’re both taller than your average female and way better looking than the other women here tonight.
Heads turn, and eyes track their movement as they walk farther into the room, skimming the crowded space, trying to find a free table, I guess.
Riley lifts his hand and hollers. “Astrid! Over here.”
“If you set this up, you’re dead, mate.” I level a look at Riley as the girls walk towards us.
He’s gotten closer with Astrid these past couple of weeks, and while I appreciate my friends are rooting for me, I made it blatantly clear no one is to interfere for reasons that should be fucking obvious.
“I swear I didn’t. I mentioned we go out for drinks the last Saturday of every month, but I never said where.”
“My wife said Astrid is a looker, and she isn’t wrong,” Myles says as they draw nearer.
“She’s always been gorgeous, inside and out.”
“Renee, it’s great to see you.” Riley climbs off his stool and hugs our old school friend.
“Great to see you too. Astrid told me you’re all working together.” She shucks out of his hug, and her gaze travels around the table. “Callan. Travis.” Renee’s greeting is a little cooler, but that’s okay.
“You look well, Renee.” I haven’t seen her in years. “Still living in Texas?”
“Yeah. I’m married now and settled there. I just popped back for a couple of days to catch up with Astrid.”
“Hey.” I smile at my ex.
“Hi.” Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips, and I can tell she’s nervous.
I make introductions and slide off my stool. “What can I get you ladies to drink?”
“We’re good.” Astrid clutches the strap of her bag as she looks around the busy bar. “We should look for a table.”
“They’re hard to come by tonight,” Travis says. “You’re welcome to join us. It would be great to catch up after all these years.”
The women share a silent look.
“Let me get you both a drink while you decide.”
Renee looks at Astrid, and some silent communication passes between them before she swings her gaze to me. “That would be great, thanks, Callan. We’ll both have a glass of white wine.”
“Any particular type? Believe it or not, they have a selection by the glass now.”