Chapter Nine #2
“Yeah, baby.” Jackson removed his hand then slipped on a condom.
He kissed Henry again as he slid inside.
Somehow, Jackson knew just what he needed.
He kept things slow and sweet, with gentle kisses and soft touches.
Tears stung the corners of Henry’s eyes.
This can’t be the end. Henry held him tighter.
In response, Jackson adjusted his angle, causing him to cry out again.
Even though his heart was breaking, his body was on the verge of exploding.
“Henry.” That low whispered moan caused a shiver to roll through him.
“Yes,” he cried out when Jackson sped up.
It only took a few more thrusts for them both to find release.
Jackson didn’t move right away, just resting his head on Henry’s shoulder.
Henry tightened his arms around him. “Can you spend the night?” Henry whispered the question, his heart breaking. One last time.
Jackson raised his head, kissing him deeply. “Definitely. Next to you is my favorite place to sleep.”
It was just after eight when Henry pulled up to his house. Jackson watched from his porch as he got Angel out of the car. As usual, she ran toward him, but Henry pulled her leash, making her walk at his side to their own door. Henry never even looked his way. Okay, that was weird.
Jackson had been getting an odd vibe from Henry since Piper’s pool party.
Something had caused him to break down, and he thought he had offered Henry all the support he needed.
But maybe he’d handled it wrong. As soon as they woke up, Henry announced he needed to go to his brother’s.
Hours later, he’d canceled their dinner plans, via text.
Spending the night at Jasper’s. Sorry about dinner.
Talk to you tomorrow. Jackson had texted him this morning to make sure he was okay.
He replied that he was but cut off any further conversion by saying that he had a lot going on and they could talk later.
For some reason, the whole thing was making him uneasy.
Jackson gave him half an hour to unwind before going over.
He had to knock a few times, getting more nervous with each one.
Nervousness wasn’t something he usually dealt with.
It was his job to face down the enemy, who wanted nothing more than to see him dead.
He couldn’t afford to be nervous. So why did he feel that way now?
“Hello, Jackson.” Henry offered him a sad smile but didn’t lean in for their usual kiss. Instead, turning to head to the living room. Angel came to him as he followed.
“Hey, beautiful.” At least Angel still wants me around, he thought as he scratched behind her ears. “Come on,” he told her. “Let’s go sit with Daddy.”
Henry was on the couch with his head tipped back and his eyes closed. Jackson sat next to him but not touching him. He wasn’t sure Henry wanted that. Angel jumped up on the other side, nosing his hand for pats. When he complied, Jackson decided it was a good time to speak.
“You look wiped out. Was work crazy?”
“Not really.” Henry shrugged one shoulder.
“How’s Jasper?” Jackson asked.
“He’s fine.” Henry shrugged, giving no more context.
“What happened that you had to stay at his place?” Jackson wondered.
“Nothing. I just felt like it.” Henry’s stoic answers increased the uneasy feeling.
“You’re home pretty late.”
Henry sighed heavily. “I had dinner with my friends.”
“Doesn’t that usually happen on Thursday?”
Henry gave him a sad smile. “I needed them tonight, so we made an exception.”
“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” Jackson tried the direct route.
Henry turned toward him. Fuck, he looked sad. “Okay,” he said. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
Jackson’s heart stopped for a second, and he felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. “Are you breaking up with me?” Henry slowly nodded. Fuck, his chest hurt. “Why?”
“You’re leaving in a few weeks anyway, so what does it matter?” Henry’s voice was flat.
“Oh,” was all he could get out. This was not the way he wanted him to find out.
“Oh.” Henry rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Was I just going to wake up one morning and you be gone?” He looked instantly near tears. “I thought you cared about me more than that.”
“It’s not like that, Henry. You have no fucking idea how much I care about you.” Jackson tried to take his hand, but Henry wouldn’t let him.
“What is it like, then?”
“I was going to tell you the day I got cleared to return, but the thing with Keith happened, and—”
“You’ve known for two weeks?” Henry cut him off, hurt evident in his voice.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. The longer I waited, the harder it got.”
Henry turned to face him, looking directly into his eyes. “What if I told you that I love you?”
Jackson couldn’t speak for a moment. Henry loved him. He suspected that he did, but to hear him say it made fireworks explode in his chest. Henry was the most perfect thing in his life. No way could he put him through the hell being with him would be. “I would still have to go.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to end everything.”
“Do you know how hard it is to be with someone who’s deployed as much as I am? I can’t do that to you, Henry. This is the first time I’ve been home in two years. You deserve more than just some image on a screen.” Fuck, this hurt to say.
“Are you concerned about my ability to be faithful?” Henry’s eyes were wounded.
Jackson stroked his cheek. “No, baby, I know you would never do anything. But it’s not fair to you.”
“Then don’t go back.” Henry’s voice was near pleading. “Melissa said your term was up. You could just retire.”
“And do what?”
“Anything you want.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I love you, Jackson. Please don’t go.”
“I have to, Henry.” Jackson had been through an incredible amount of misery in his life, but he wasn’t sure anything had ever been this painful. And the most fucked-up part was that he was doing this to himself.
“I understand.” Jackson saw the tears glistening in Henry’s eyes. Making this man cry was the last thing he ever wanted to do. Henry got up then walked over to the door.
Fuck, this is it. Jackson knew he had to follow. “Henry,” he whispered when he stood in front of the man.
“Goodbye, Jackson.” Henry leaned toward him then stood up on his tiptoes. Softly, he pressed his lips to Jackson’s then quickly pulled away.
The door opened as the countdown on their relationship timer hit zero.
Jackson reached for Henry but stopped. He had no right to.
He could see how incredibly hard this was for him, but he could also see the sliver of hope in the man’s eyes.
Hope that Jackson would change his mind.
But he wasn’t going to. So, he did the only decent thing he could and respected his wishes. “Goodbye, Henry.”
Jackson was at the end of Henry’s driveway when he heard the man calling out to him.
“Jackson, wait.” Jackson turned toward him, and Henry threw himself into his arms, hugging him tightly.
Jackson held him as close as he could. “No matter where you end up or what you’re doing, please be safe.
” He got another ten seconds, then Henry pulled away, racing back inside.
The walk back to his house was all but agony.
He had to force every step he took. Everything in him wanted to run back to Henry and beg him to reconsider.
But he couldn’t do that. He had nothing to offer the man.
He was, after all, leaving soon. Finally, he made it to his own front door then stepped inside.
“Fuck,” he said aloud, dropping down onto the recliner.
And even that made the pain worse. Henry had picked this for him, and they had cuddled and made out on it more times than he could count.
He wanted to call Melissa and yell at her until he lost his voice.
It was in no way her place to have told Henry.
It was his, and he should have done it sooner.
They should have had this conversation weeks ago when he’d been cleared to return to duty.
But he’d been too chicken shit to do it.
He didn’t want things to end between them, and he definitely didn’t want to see Henry sad and crying for weeks.
His re-enlistment paperwork was waiting for him on his lieutenant colonel’s desk.
All he had to do was sign it, and he’d ship out to another war-torn country. His life would go back to normal.
But what about Henry? Eventually he would get over this and move on.
He’d meet another guy, one who was capable of giving him what he needed.
Jackson gritted his teeth as unwanted images of that ran through his head.
He had no idea when he would be home next, but he knew it would break his heart.
Henry would surely have moved on by then.
What would it be like to see Henry walking Angel with some other man’s arms around him?
To hear them laughing and splashing in the backyard pool.
To know that guy got to sleep next to Henry every night.
He wasn’t sure he could handle that. More than likely, he was going to have to sell his house and move far away.
“Major Owens, it’s good to see you again.” Lieutenant Colonel Rawlings took his hand after the salute. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better, sir.” Jackson took a seat when Rawlings gestured to a chair.
“Excellent. We were all pulling for you.” Rawlings opened a desk drawer to take out a file. “I’ve got your paperwork ready. You deploy next week.”