Chapter Nine #4
“You’ve been trying to reach him?” Maddox asked in surprise.
“Yeah, for the last three days. I came home as soon as my paperwork was processed, so that I could beg him to take me back in person.” Fuck, his chest hurt. “I’m not even sure he wants anything to do with me, but I at least have to try.”
“Come get coffee with me, Jackson,” William said out of nowhere as he stood.
Jackson shook his head. “I don’t really want to leave, man.”
“You should go,” Maddox encouraged, and Justin nodded.
Jackson shrugged then stood to follow William to the elevators. His knees felt wobbly the whole way. They got into the empty car, and William pressed the button for the first floor then turned to him. “I left Justin once,” he confessed.
“You did?”
“Yes. And I spent every second of that time crying and wishing I was back with him.”
“From the way Henry talks about you guys, you two sound incredibly solid.”
William nodded. “We are. Now. But a while back, something happened that I didn’t like, so I acted like a spoiled brat and took off to New York without telling anyone.”
“You just vanished?”
Sadness appeared on William’s face. “Justin told me that it gutted him when I left.”
He thought back to the night Henry had broken up with him. He could clearly see Henry’s face, and the pain written all over it. How could he have done that to him? “I pretty much hate myself right now.”
The elevator stopped on their floor, so they got out. “I know exactly how you feel,” William said as they walked down the hall to the cafeteria.
“How did you two get back together?” If there was some secret to handling this, he’d use all the help he could get.
The corner of William’s mouth turned up. “Justin tracked me down and brought me home.” They went to the coffee station as soon as they entered the cafeteria. “We need seven,” he said, grabbing the cups.
“Do you ever feel guilty?” Jackson asked as he poured the coffee and William put on the lids.
“Yes. At first, it was every day. Now, it’s only when I think about it.
In the beginning, I turned into Justin’s yes man.
Any and everything he wanted; I made sure it happened.
Justin made me promise to stop when he caught on to what I was doing.
He told me that he loves me and has forgiven me, and that I should do the same.
” William put cream and sugar in a small white bag, while he put the coffee in cup holders.
“I still feel guilty sometimes. On those days, I am as romantic as possible to show Justin that he is my entire world, and that I’m in this thing for the rest of my life. ”
Jackson picked up one of the cup holders and William picked up the other. He paid for their drinks, then they went back to the elevator. “Do you think he’ll take me back? Honest answer.” He knew how incredibly close they were; one of them was sure to know.
“We actually haven’t seen much of Henry. And when we did, the poor guy looked miserable.” William’s statement was like a knife to the heart. “You hurt him so bad.”
“Fuck.” Jackson huffed out a breath. “That’s the last thing I ever wanted to happen.”
William nodded while they waited. “Henry told us about your agreement. I warned him to be careful.” The car arrived and they got in. “Despite that, Henry fell for you hard. Justin said he’s never seen him as into another guy as he was you. We all thought that you might be the one for him.”
“I am,” he responded immediately. Of that he was completely sure. Even if it took a little convincing to get Henry to see it his way.
The elevator stopped on the seventh floor.
They got out to walk over to their people and pass out the coffee.
After checking in on Ray, he took his cup and sat by himself.
Directly across from him was a painting of waves crashing against the sand.
He stared, unable to look away. It reminded him of the beach trip he’d taken Henry on.
Fuck, it felt like a boulder had been placed on his chest. He remembered looking at the man and knowing that he’d never seen anything so beautiful.
Henry had worn swim trunks adorned with surfing cartoon ducks.
His hair was wet, and his white T-shirt had clung to his chest. But it was the smile on Henry’s face that made his heart flutter.
He would do anything to be back in that perfect moment.
He wasn’t sure how long he had zoned out for, only that he was startled by Justin’s hand on his shoulder.
“We’re gonna take off, man. It’s really late, and we all have to work tomorrow.”
Jackson looked down at his watch. It was two in the morning. “I’ll keep you guys posted.” They all hugged him then said goodbye to Henry’s family. Jackson sat there in silence, Henry consuming his thoughts.
Lincoln took the chair next to him. “I heard what you said to his friends.” He spoke softly so that he didn’t wake his sleeping father. “Was it true?”
“Leaving your brother was the stupidest mistake I’ve ever made,” he answered honestly.
Lincoln looked at him and shook his head. “I bet you didn’t know that you were his first boyfriend.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Henry dates, but he’s never found anyone worth giving up the freedom to do as he pleases. He never wanted anyone to have any kind of control over him. I wish he would have kept that same mentality with you, that all you were was a one and done.”
“I know I fucked up, but—”
“You know.” Lincoln shook his head again.
“You didn’t see him. You fucking destroyed him.
He told me that nothing had ever hurt that bad.
He went to work on autopilot then spent the rest of the day curled up on his bed crying.
It was so bad that Jasper had to take Angel because Henry couldn’t take care of her. ”
“I never meant for him to get hurt.” Jackson felt as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest. How could he have done that to Henry?
“But he did. And now you’re back.” Lincoln scrutinized him. “What exactly is it that you want from him?”
“Forever.” He met Lincoln’s eyes. “He is everything to me, and I hate that I didn’t realize it sooner.”
Lincoln was quiet for a few seconds. “You’re not the only one who royally fucked up.” Jackson looked over at him; there were tears in his eyes. “This is my fault. I’m the reason Henry got hurt.” The man looked a little pale.
“What are you talking about? Henry fell off a ladder.”
“Because he’s been so upset about losing you. Fuck, what did I do?”
“Wouldn’t that make this my fault, then?” The words made him feel sick to say. It was the thought he’d tried to keep at bay all day. Henry getting hurt was a direct result of his actions. What kind of monster does that to someone he loves?
“Have you really been calling him for the last three days?”
“Yeah, but he never answered.”
Lincoln’s head tipped back, and he stared at the ceiling.
“He couldn’t.” He took a deep breath then let it out slowly.
“I blocked your number in his phone.” He sniffed, tears spilling over.
“I had no right to do that, and I don’t really know what I thought it would accomplish.
All I did was hurt my brother, emotionally and physically.
” Lincoln put his head in his hands, softly sobbing.
Jackson rubbed Lincoln’s back. “He’s going to be okay, man,” he told him. Please let that be true.
Lincoln raised his tearstained face to look at him. “What if he’s not?” His voice was just above a whisper.
“We will not be thinking like that.” Jackson made it an order.
Lincoln took a shaky breath then nodded. “I’m sorry, Jackson, and I know that’s not enough. If I were you or Henry, I would never forgive me.”
“We all do dumb stuff sometimes, Lincoln. You and I are good,” Jackson assured him. “I know that Henry will understand.”
“Where’s my baby?” From the elevator, they heard Charlotte’s dramatic entrance. The noise startled Ray awake. When no answer came, she loudly repeated her question. “Where is my baby?” Behind her stood Keith, wearing a slight smile that made Jackson want to punch him in the face.
“Over here, Mama,” Lincoln called out to her as he stood.
She rushed over. Keith followed more slowly, cautiously eyeing Jackson. “I want to see him,” she demanded.
“Calm down, Charlotte.” Ray looked up at them, not even standing to greet her.
“I will not calm down,” she shouted. Thankfully the waiting room was empty. “My baby is injured, and I need to see him.”
“Well, you can’t,” Ray snapped. “None of us can. So, sit down and wait quietly, like the rest of us.”
“So now we’re at a point where you won’t even comfort your wife?” She sniffed as Keith helped her into a chair then sat next to her.
“And why do you need comfort?” Ray asked flatly.
“Anyone can see how much this is upsetting me.” Her eyes filled with tears. Jackson knew that she loved Henry, and she probably was genuinely dismayed, but this was not a crowd in which she’d find sympathy.
“I called you before noon, it’s almost three in the morning. What the hell took you so long to get here?”
“The news that his brother was hurt hit Keith incredibly hard. He was so upset that it took quite some time for him to calm down enough to come to the hospital,” she explained while Keith smirked.
“Still putting Keith first.” Lincoln sadly shook his head.
“Oh, Lincoln, not you too.” Charlotte let out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t believe you are all so jealous of Keith.”
“That’s where you’d be wrong, Mama. It was jealousy when we were kids. Now what I feel is disgust, for Keith, and for you.”
“How dare you speak to me that way!” Jackson wondered if she was so delusional that the outrage was real. “Ray, are you just going to sit there and let him talk to his mother like this?”
Ray shrugged. “Lincoln’s a grown man.”
Finding no help there, she turned back to Lincoln. “This is not how I raised you.”
“That’s right, it isn’t.” Lincoln scowled. “You raised me to have no voice. Sit down, shut up, and do whatever Keith wants. Fuck, you even deprived us of our father.”