Chapter 14
Fourteen
Ididn’t go back to sleep after Alfie left. I couldn’t. I didn’t know where he’d gone but I was sure he’d keep his promise of not going far.
I sat in the window seat watching the sun rise over the trees that hid our Evergarden.
I wasn’t naive enough anymore to ask myself how Alfie could do this.
Of course Alfie could do this, he’d already done so much worse.
The only thing I could say in his favour was that this time he truly did have my best interest at heart.
That didn’t make the pill any less bitter to swallow though.
My mind swung between Alfie and my father, my heart getting more bruised on each swing. The back and forth continued until finally the sun was up and it was time to start my day.
I felt like I’d aged decades in the last twenty four hours and one look in the mirror told me how awful I looked, but at least the day would bring distraction.
I left my phone switched off and threw myself into work. The heat of the summer day warmed me. It comforted me that no matter what I was dealing with, just stepping into a garden and working with my hands could always make me feel a little better.
The events of last night played over in my mind. John O’Connell, my father, had returned after twenty two years. The image of him stayed with me. I had his eyes, his hair. I couldn’t help but wonder what else was the same? How were we different? Was he stubborn like me?
He’d hinted at some alcohol-related issues but I hadn’t asked questions. I wished I had but at the same time, I didn't want to know. I didn’t want to deal with any of this. Maybe it was weak of me to think that way but for today at least, I would allow myself some weakness.
Sid, usually rambunctious and playful, was quiet today, giving me space. I guessed the dark circles around my eyes and my swollen nose told him something was wrong. He probably thought the beautiful billionaire had finally dumped my broke ass. I snorted at the thought. That would be the day.
Thursday drew to a close and I sent Sid home but I kept working.
I wasn’t ready to sit still with my thoughts yet.
I was elbow deep in hydrangeas, fighting an awkward bend in the wire frame with my trusty pliers.
I kicked myself for not spotting the problem with the frame before I’d attached the flowers to it.
I adjusted the frame, forcing the wire into a better shape.
I stepped back to look, then adjusted it again.
“Lola?” Maia’s voice jolted me out of my focus on the task. “You have a visitor.”
My sister stood behind her, a quivering smile on her pretty face. I thanked Maia and she left us alone, disappearing on silent footsteps just like Elliot.
“I’m sorry for just showing up. I tried calling you a few times.”
“My phone’s switched off.” I dropped my pliers onto the work bench casually, as if my palms hadn’t just started sweating. “What do you think?” I gestured at my masterpiece in the making.
“Looks great. It’s a dog?”
“An elephant.” I gave my apparently dog-like elephant a dubious look. Was it really that bad?
Natalie gave an apologetic giggle, breaking the tension a little. My stomach grumbled then and I realised it must be later than I’d thought. I invited Natalie up to my room for dinner and she accepted.
Just like I had when I’d first stepped inside Harrington House, she froze, her mouth dropping open.
“Woah! This place is…it’s something.”
“I thought Riley showed you around already?” I asked as I led her upstairs.
“The gardens, sure, but not inside. Wow!” Her gasps of admiration only grew when we made it to my little wing of the house. She looked around the luxury of my rooms, her brown eyes wide. “Well, you’re certainly living a different life now, Lola.”
“You too.”
Her life had certainly improved now that she had Riley and his six-figure salary to help out.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I’ve still got dried Cornflakes on my shirt.”
“I’ve still got dirt under my fingernails.” I folded my arms and she did the same, then stuffed her hands in her pockets looking anywhere but at me. “Why is this so awkward?” I muttered.
She laughed softly. “I guess both of us are going to say some stuff the other one doesn’t want to hear.”
She was right. There was no point beating around the bush. “Alfie thinks the timing of our fathers return is too convenient.”
“I’d thought that myself,” she admitted. “Riley too. But I don’t care.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You don’t?”
“No. I saw him again today. We had a long talk. I think he truly thought staying away was best for us. He told me about his mental health problems. He’s been in rehab for alcoholism. Runs in the family. Apparently his dad was the same.”
“I guess it skipped a generation,” I said, reminding her that she and I had turned out just fine.
“We had good mothers.”
“Good mothers that didn’t deserve what he did.”
“I agree.”
There was another awkward pause. I didn’t want to fight with my sister. Not over this. I had enough battles to face right now.
“I can’t talk about forgiving him but I don’t want to cut him out just yet either. I don't have your fire, Lo. Anger doesn’t sustain me like it does you. I want to take it slowly but I’m going to spend more time with him, if he stays consistent then I’ll introduce him to Ryan.”
I had no right to tell her not to have a relationship with him but the thought of him getting any happiness from us after what he’d done left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“And if he’s just here for what he can get?”
“Then at least I’ll know I was strong enough to give him a chance. What if he’s here to be a father? I’ve always wanted it, haven’t you?”
“A father? Absolutely. Is that what he actually is? I doubt it.”
“But maybe he could be. You can call me naive, Lola, I don’t care. All I know is that I have a chance and I don’t want to miss it. I’m getting married and I know I’d really like my father to be there for my wedding. Don’t you want him there for yours?”
I stared at her. How had she known? I ran a thumb over my finger but no, there was no ring there. I hadn’t put it on this morning. Had Alfie told her? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d interfered.
“How did you know I was engaged?”
A shocked expression settled over her face. “I-I didn’t…” she stammered. “I just meant hypothetically when you get married someday. Lo, are you getting married?”
Oh shit. I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah. I guess I am. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I meant to and then you told me about you and Riley and I didn’t want to rain on your parade and—” She cut off my word vomit with a hug.
“I’m so happy for you, Lo!” She pulled back, squeezing my hands.
“Really?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because it’s Alfie and he’s done some batshit bullshit in the time we’ve been together.”
“Oh.” She sniffed. “Yes, that’s true. But he’s also proven more than once that he loves you. And you trust him now, right?”
That was hard to answer after last night's revelations but I couldn’t deny the truth. “Yeah, I do. I trust him. Hey, um, we haven’t officially announced it yet so…”
“Mums the word. Got it.” She suddenly let out another gasp. “Oh we could have a joint wedding!”
“No. No way. You’re getting your own day. Don’t even think about sharing it.”
My sister was the most selfless person I had ever met. It was my favourite quality about her but it also meant she was always at the bottom of her own list. She deserved a day that was just for her.
“And if you want John there at your wedding, I promise to be civil about it.”
“Thanks. And if you don’t want him at yours, I promise I’ll be civil about it too.”
“Deal.” I squeezed her hands. This wasn’t how I’d envisioned telling her I was getting married but she was happy for me, that was all that mattered. “So, do you wanna see my engagement ring?”
After Natalie left, I took a long bath. Seeing my sister had left me feeling both better and worse.
I was relieved she knew about Alfie and I, more relieved that she approved, but it hurt how easily she was letting our father back in.
I envied her gentle disposition. Forgiveness didn’t come so easily to me.
I pulled my knees up to my chest as more tears fell.
I wished I could be the kind of person that didn’t care whether someone that abandoned them came or went, but I did care.
These wounds were old, deep and now freshly reopened.
It was a painful irony that often the person who could heal your wounds the best was the person that had caused them in the first place.
I’d learned that lesson with Alfie. I’d given him another chance and I didn’t regret it one bit.
Did my father deserve another chance? I couldn’t decide.
I needed Alfie but I wasn’t ready to see him. I needed my mum but she wasn’t here. I needed a father but I didn’t trust the one I had. I needed—
My thoughts were cut off by a knock on the door, not to the bathroom but to the sitting room. I groaned. I didn’t want to get out of the comforting warmth of the water just yet.
“I’m in the bath,” I yelled to whoever it was. “Can you come back later?”
The unannounced visitor knocked again, obnoxiously loud this time.
God damnit. I got out of the tub, shivering at the cold air on my skin.
“Who is it?” I called as I wrapped a towel around me.
“It’s me,” answered a familiar voice. “Will you open the fucking door? I have to pee.”
No. No way. It couldn’t be. But it was. I’d know that voice anywhere.
Barely holding onto my towel I ran for the door and yanked it open. There was my best friend holding a bottle of Prosecco in one hand and a tub of Ben and Jerries in the other.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, too stunned to move.
“Alfie flew me in, he said you needed me.”
My chest tightened. Of course he’d done this for me. That’s who Alfie was. A man who worked hard to fix his mistakes.
Keira pushed past me and kicked the door shut behind her. She dumped the prosecco and the ice cream and ran into my bathroom to pee. “I’ve been trying to call you all day. Did you switch your phone off? A touch dramatic, don’t you think?”
I didn’t answer. I was too busy swallowing the lump in my throat. She was exactly what I needed right now. The toilet flushed and my best friend re-entered, folding her arms with all the attitude of a Londoner-turned-New Yorker.
“So, who am I taking down first? Alfie’s mother or your father?”