Chapter 15
Fifteen
“When it rains it pours, Lola. At least in your world.” Keira sat next to me, legs crossed, pouring her fourth glass of prosecco. I nursed the tub of ice cream, telling her between mouthfuls everything that had happened. The only thing I hadn’t told her yet was about my engagement.
It was late, I desperately needed to sleep but Keira had to fly back tomorrow. I wanted to make the most of her.
“Do you think Carolyn’s going to cause trouble with you and Alfie?”
“I think she’ll try. I don’t think Alfie will let her though.” Carolyn Tell seemed too sophisticated to do anything obvious to push me away, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t do something underhanded.
“Yeah, at least you don’t have to worry about him letting her walk all over you like most men with mummy issues.”
I hoped she was right. I hadn’t told Keira all of the dark details of Alfie’s history but she knew enough to know that any meddling Carolyn might do wouldn’t be motivated by her concern for Alfie’s happiness, but rather her concern for her own wealth.
Keira took the spoon out of my hand and fed herself a mouthful of ice cream. “So, how long are you gonna make Alfie wriggle on the hook for?”
“I don’t want him to wriggle. I just needed some space.”
I missed him. I missed him with an ache that intensified with every passing minute. But he’d lied to me for years. After all of his promises, it felt like another slap in the face.
“Do you think he was trying to manipulate you again? Keep you away from your father so he could have you all to himself?”
“No,” I answered without having to think about it. “He thought he was protecting me but this is a common theme I thought we were done with. Him deciding what's best for me and not thinking I get a say.”
“He’s used to being in charge.” She didn’t need to tell me that.
I lived with Alfie’s dominance every day.
“You know this is probably going to be a theme for life with him, right? He’s probably always going to pull ahead and make unilateral decisions and you’ll probably always have to pull him back and remind him your opinion counts.
Not because he doesn’t love you or respect you, he’s just wired to rule his world by himself. ”
“I know,” I muttered. I didn’t mind Alfie’s assertiveness, it was one of the things I found most attractive about him but keeping something so huge from me wasn’t easy to overlook. “I just don’t want any more lies or secrets.”
I dug my spoon back into the ice-cream, coming up with a chunk of cookie dough.
“Secrets like the one you’re keeping about Julia harassing you at work?”
My hand froze halfway to my mouth. I dropped the spoon back into the tub. “That’s not the same thing. Me not telling him about some comment that a colleague made and him not telling me where my father is aren’t even close to the same level.”
“No,” she said evenly. “But if it’s easy to keep small secrets it’ll get easier to keep big ones.”
I hated that she had a point. I stuck the spoon in my mouth to avoid answering her. She sipped her drink, relaxing into the couch cushions. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, each of us chewing over our own thoughts.
“I’ll tell him about Julia the next time I see him.” Keira nodded but didn’t say anything. She wasn’t the type to rub it in when she’d won a point. “Since when were you Alfie’s big defender anyway?” It wasn’t like Keira to encourage me to forgive Alfie for anything.
“Since I saw the size of his private plane,” she said and I snorted. “I’m never going to be his biggest fan, Lo. The shit that he did with the cameras was gross and obscene. But I can’t deny how hard he’s worked to change. He loves you. In his own mad, obsessive way.”
“You know, if you want a man with a private plane I’m pretty sure Damien’s got his own.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her. She just rolled her eyes.
“What does Damien have to do with anything?”
I didn’t answer, I just looked at her. Her and Damien had been intimate and then some. I’d have to be a terrible friend not to have noticed that he’d gotten under her skin. Part of me had wondered if he had something to do with her being so eager to leave London.
“Don’t look at me like that, Lola. I’m not interested in a man looking to tie me down. Figuratively anyway. I’m down for literally.”
“Me too,” I replied with a sly grin.
Keira’s eyes opened comically wide as she let out a dramatic gasp. “Lola O’Connell! Has Alfie been bringing you over to the dark side?”
I laughed. “I have not been brought over to any dark side! I just might have dipped my toes a little bit.”
“Good for you!” She clinked her glass against my ice cream tub. “A little kink is good for the soul.”
“You should put that on a t-shirt,” I told her. Knowing Keira, she probably would. “Do you think you’ll ever move back to London? I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I’ll go where the work is. New York's my vibe though. I love it.” She gave me a sideways grin. “You’d hate it. This is your vibe. You should live here surrounded by gardens and nature and shit. You, Alfie, his mum, your dad…”
“You’re hilarious. I’m sure we’d all be one big happy family. His mum can tell me over breakfast how unsuitable I am for her son, and my dad can spend dinner trying to weasel Alfie out of his wealth. Perfect.”
Keira snorted. “I’m not touching the drama with Alfie’s mother.
If I know anything about Alfie it’s that he won’t let anything near your relationship that could hurt it.
Not anymore.” She was right. I couldn’t argue with that.
“As for your daddy drama…You need to see him, Lo. If it was me, I’d be able to just cut him off and never think about him again but you’re too tender-hearted.
You’ll never stop thinking about him if you don’t see it through one way or another.
If all he wants is money, he’ll show that to you sooner or later. ”
Just like that, Keira had laid out my path for me. She was right, as always. About everything. Our hands found their way to each other and she squeezed mine. Her touch was more familiar to me than any other.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told her.
“Well, let's not ever find out. K?”
“Okay.” I nodded and we fell silent for a moment.
Now was the perfect time to tell her I was getting married. She was right here in front of me, we were alone and she was a little drunk. Anxiety hit me. I had no more excuses to put it off. I took a deep breath. “There’s something else I haven't told you about Alfie and I.”
“Oh Christ. You’re not pregnant are you?”
“No.” I let out a nervous laugh.
“Thank God.”
“I’m engaged.” Her eyes widened again and this time it wasn’t comical.
“Me and Alfie are getting married. He proposed months ago at the Chelsea show. The day that I won I went back there at night to look at my sculpture again and he was there and he just…he asked me to marry him. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.
I was scared you’d be angry with me after everything he’s done and…
can you say something? Are you mad at me? ”
“I’m…processing.” She sat up, letting go of my hand. “Lo, are you sure you’re ready?”
“It’s the most sure I’ve ever been of anything. I don’t know how our lives will fit into each other and I know we’ve both still got our issues to work on, but he’s my person. For all his faults and flaws, he’s mine.”
I held my tongue for a moment, letting her digest everything. She didn’t look happy, but I couldn’t see anger either. Or judgement. Just worry.
“Will you support me? I don’t want to do it without you.”
“Of course, I will. Did you think I would disown you for marrying him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I admitted. “You don’t exactly look thrilled.”
“I’m happy if you’re happy. I was just worrying about how hard it’ll be for you to do this without your mum.”
I chuckled. I couldn’t help it. It had taken me months to figure out that my mum and gran being gone were part of why I wasn’t excited about getting married. Keira had gotten there in less than a minute.
“Yeah, that’s another reason why I’ve been putting off telling anyone about it. Alfie even offered to pick out my dress for me so I wouldn’t have to choose one without her.”
“Well, that’s sweet but stupid. I’ll make you one.”
I stared at her. “What?”
“Come on, who else knows you better than me?”
I felt tears welling in my eyes. It wasn’t as special as getting to choose my dress with my mum but it was pretty damn close.
“That would be perfect.”