Chapter 24 - Jensen
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Jensen
I park my truck in its usual spot and kill the ignition. The rumble of the dual exhaust fades, leaving only the pounding of the rain reverberating through the cab. But it’s not enough to silence the screaming in my head.
Every muscle in my body is tense, adrenaline pumping through me as if I’ve just run a marathon.
My lungs are tight, and I know I’m not getting enough air.
I need to move, to breathe, to do something other than just sit here, but all I can think about is the look on Callie’s face when I dropped her off.
The utter devastation and confusion that outlined every feature.
The hurt in her eyes that she was trying not to show.
I press the heels of my palms into my eyes trying to rub away the image, but it’s like its burned into my retinas, forever branding me with a reminder of what an absolute coward I am.
I should have just told her. I should have said something to explain it, but there were no words for the violent, unyielding war that had ignited inside of me.
Her words had punched through me like a dozen bullets, absolutely eviscerating me, and she’d had absolutely no idea.
I should’ve told her right then, but I couldn’t say more than a few clipped words as I bled out.
It was all I could do to just keep the truck moving in a straight line.
The shadows have been lingering for a while, just waiting for an opportunity. Now, as they sink their claws into my chest, tearing at my old, ever-bleeding wounds, I relish the agony that slices through me. I deserve every bit of it after what I just did to her.
It’s a reminder, no, an absolute declaration that I do not deserve her.
Do not deserve what I so carelessly offered her back at the waterfalls.
But you already knew that, my own voice whispers.
I sag against the seat and hang my head as a powerful rumble of thunder overhead shakes the cab of my truck.
The hoodie Callie had on sits in a crumpled heap on the center console.
I reach for it, and it still holds the heat of her skin.
I bring it closer, sinking my nose into the fabric and god, it smells like her.
Sweet honey and vanilla flood my nostrils and it brings tears to my eyes.
Unable to take it anymore, I pull the keys out of the ignition and toss the hoodie in the backseat.
Outside, the storm is wild, with wind whipping through the trees, making them sway and bend in ways that only those in this area can understand.
Rain falls in sheets around me, and even though my clothes were already damp from the photoshoot, I’m soaked thoroughly to the bone in seconds.
The darkened sky ignites with streaks of lightning and resounding booms of thunder that echo around the valley and back.
Spring in Alabama can be dangerous, indeed.
Even that acknowledgement doesn’t make me quicken my steps.
I move slowly, each footstep heavier than the last until I make it to the porch.
The screen door creaks when I open it, shoving my key into the lock.
The living room is dimly lit with a single lamp in the corner, but Peaches leaps up from her bed to come greet me.
Her tail whips back and forth so quickly, her happiness that I’m home making the lump that’s formed in my throat grow even larger.
I kneel down and she immediately hops into my lap, her tongue lapping at any exposed skin she can find. “Hey girl,” I murmur, wrapping my arms around her. She’s squirming, trying to get at my face, but I bury it in her soft fur.
I take the comfort she offers me, even though I don’t deserve it, and run my hands along her back until I find the strength to stand again. “Come on,” I give her the sign for eat . “Let’s go get you some— ”
Thunder erupts over the farmhouse, the sound making the windows rattle, but that isn’t what steals the words from my mouth. It’s the sound of my name.
My head whips back to the screen door, to see Callie marching across the grass.
I shove through the door, letting it slam behind me. “Callie?” I call out. “What are you doing?”
She’s soaked, her hair plastered to her face, the fabric of her dress clinging to every curve, but she doesn’t seem to notice or care.
I wince as a streak of lightning cracks the sky open right above her, but she doesn’t even flinch.
Her eyes are locked on me, blazing with fire, as she stomps toward the farmhouse.
I leap from the porch and rush toward her. “What the hell are you doing?” I demand. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” I reach for her, but she steps away from me, avoiding the contact.
“What am I doing?” She lets out a bitter laugh. “I think a better question is what are you doing?” Her hands clench into fists at her side. “Cause I’ve been trying to figure it out, to figure you out, and I can’t make it make sense.”
Overhead a bolt of lightning, streaks across the sky, electricity crackling through the air. “We need to get out of the storm.” I motion to my house. “We can talk in—”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Callie spits the words. “I just came here to tell you that I’m done. Done with whatever this is,” She motions between the two of us. “I’m done, Jensen.”
She doesn’t say it, but I hear the double meaning of her words: I’m done with you, Jensen.
The ache in my chest swells to the point of physical pain, but I breathe through it, keeping my face neutral. This is what has to happen, even if it kills me in the process. “Okay,” I huff out.
“Okay?” She repeats the word. “That’s it, just okay?” The look she gives me is searing, full of anger and disappointment and it eviscerates a layer of my self-control.
“What do you want me to say?” I growl, heat surging through my body. “You said you’re done with me. Fine, you’re done.”
Callie stomps closer, her chest heaving. “Just like that, huh?”
I lift a shoulder and let it drop.
“No.” she shakes her head. “No, you don’t get to just shrug it off like that.
You don’t get to pretend that it doesn’t matter, that you don’t care.
” She’s shaking now, and I can’t tell if it’s from the chill of the rain or her anger.
I want so badly to pull her close, to wrap my arms around her, but I cross them over my chest instead and level her with a stare.
“I’m sorry, okay? I thought we could be friends, maybe more, but it was all just a mistake.” I fling the words like a dagger and when they find their mark, the flash of pain in Callie’s eyes nearly sends me to my knees. But I keep going. It’s the only way. “You should go, Callie. ”
I school my features as the shadows swirl around me. I just want her to leave so I can fully surrender to them. They can sense it, practically crowing with victory as I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into their depths.
Callie’s cheeks are leeched of color and from the droop of her shoulders, I can tell she’s still reeling from my careless words.
My breath hitches, and I tear my eyes away, unable to look at her anymore.
“If that’s it then . . . ” I turn on my heel, fully intending to stalk inside my farmhouse and slam the door behind me.
But another bolt of lightning crackles across the sky, this one much closer than the last. The clap of thunder that follows is almost immediate. The storm is now right over our heads.
Callie jumps at the sound and lets out a little squeak of surprise.
I should walk away like I planned, but it’s that little sound, that simple little vulnerability that cracks open my chest. I stalk closer, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the farmhouse.
“Come on,” I yell over the wind, trying to ignore the heat of her hand searing into my palm.
Under the covered porch, we’re a bit more protected from the elements, but the storm isn’t letting up. I drop Callie’s hand. “Let me go get my keys. I’ll drive you back up to the RV.”
“No thanks,” Callie argues, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, trying to ward off the layer of goosebumps that covers her skin. “I’ll wait until it calms down a bit. Then I’ll walk.”
“Well, come inside at least. Get dried off and—”
“No, thank you.” She cuts me off. “I’d rather wait out here.” She refuses to look at me, keeping her face trained on the storm just beyond the stairs.
“Are you always this stubborn?” I demand, unable to stop myself.
“Are you always this much of an ass?” She fires back, and the look of disgust she gives me nearly cleaves me in half.
“Yes,” I answer because what other answer is there? I may have forgotten myself, may have gotten too wrapped up in a reprieve that was only supposed to be temporary, but reality, cold and harsh, has shaken loose the hold she had on me.
“Why can’t you just talk to me?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say?”
“Seriously?” The fire returns to Callie eyes.
“Well, how about for starters you explain to me how you can touch me and hold me like you did today, how you can say you want to try this for real with me, and then practically throw me out of your truck five seconds later as if I don’t matter?
You can stand there and pretend like it was some kind of mistake or misunderstanding or whatever, but you forget that I was there.
” She digs her phone out of the pocket of her skirt, taps twice, and waves it at me. “You can’t tell me this is a mistake. ”
A picture of us from the first photoshoot is displayed on the screen. In the picture, we’re kissing, but it’s mostly my features that are prominent, and the enraptured look on my face is one that I’m not sure I can explain away.
“It was just for show,” I try, the excuse falling flat and we both know it. “I was trying to help out a friend.”
“Okay, what about today?” She presses. “Every touch, every caress, every time your lips touched mine. Was it just for the camera? Or what about when you told me that you wanted to hold on to me? Was that all for show, too?”