Chapter 27 - Callie
—
Callie
The words break my heart, but it’s the resigned look on Jensen’s face that makes the tears well up in my eyes.
“Falling or flying, remember? We get to choose. We get to decide what breaks us and what doesn’t.
” I take his face in my hands, hoping he can feel the truth of my words through the warmth of my palms. “And it won’t be this. ”
“You can’t know that for sure.”
“No, but I’m choosing to believe it. I’m choosing you, Jensen.”
He starts to shake his head, to tell me that I’m making a mistake, but I keep my hands firmly in place, so he has nowhere to look but into my eyes.
“I’m not expecting it to be easy, you know.
There’s a lot we have to talk about, things that might make us both uncomfortable, but I’m not afraid of difficult conversations or life’s uncertainties because if I’m sure of anything, it’s how I feel about you.
I tried to fight it, tried to tell myself that I was better off without complications or trouble, but I was wrong.
I know what I’m walking into. I know what I’m getting and I’m still choosing it, choosing you. ”
“But I don’t deserve that. Not after what I’ve done.”
“You can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened to Kasey. It was an accident, a horrible, awful accident—but that’s not on you. And Kasey wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for it.”
“But if it weren’t for me, he’d still be here.
” His whispered words are laced with guilt, and there’s a piece of me that recoils at the raw depth of them.
That piece, though healed now, unequivocally understands what it feels like to drown in the sea of what might have been, what should have been.
That piece is where the bones of my own guilt over my parents’ death are buried.
Not forgotten, but put to rest, and all I want is for Jensen to be able to do the same.
“It’s not your fault,” I argue. “And what happened with Anna isn’t your fault either.
” I wipe away the tear trailing down his cheek.
“She made her own choices, and it breaks my heart to know that those choices broke yours. But this pain, this grief, it’s not some divine punishment.
It’s not a life sentence—not unless you allow it to be one.
You have to forgive yourself for not being able to change the ending. ”
I let go of Jensen’s face and reach for the locket around my neck, twisting open the clasp. The pictures of my mom and dad are faded, but their smiling faces beam at us from inside.
“I don’t know why terrible things happen, only that they do.
But I see a strength in you that a lot of people don’t have.
It’s the type of strength that a river has when it's carving its way through a mountainside. This burden of yours is big, I won’t say that it’s not, but you can find a way through it— just like a river.
If you can take that first step and then the one right after it, and the one after that, I know you’ll find it again. "
For the first time since I met him, I see something akin to hope flicker in Jensen’s eyes. “Find what?”
“Life,” I tell him and wrap my arms around him, pulling him close.
I nearly burst into tears when his arms come around to crush me to his chest. And when he begins to cry, I hold him tightly, wanting to bring him as much comfort as I can.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, over and over. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”
We stay like that for a long time, and when Jensen finally pulls back, his eyes are red and puffy.
But they seem a bit clearer. “I’ve spent the last four years of my life in absolute hell,” he tells me.
“Every day, I wake up with these shadows that I can’t shake.
Guilt. Regret. Agony. I have nightmares almost every night.
When I’m not with Sutton and Ethan or working at the shop, I spend every second replaying every detail, reliving every painful memory in high definition .
. . at least I used to. When I met you, you made the noises in my head go quiet.
It was like for the first time in a long time, I saw a scrap of light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
But I’m afraid.” He wipes a hand down his face.
“God, Callie. I’m so terrified by what I feel for you.
I want to fly with you, but there’s still a part of me that wonders if that’s fair to you? I don’t know.”
“The only thing that isn’t fair to me is not trusting that I can make my own decisions,” I say it gently, but firmly. Leaning in, I press a kiss to his cheek and whisper, “Fly with me.”
From the depths of my soul, I mean it. I don’t care that the future isn’t guaranteed or that things will come up later that will be difficult to navigate. All I know is that we deserve this chance. Both of us do.
“I want to, more than anything,” he says, stroking the hair away from my face.
“Pain isn’t something you can protect me from. It isn’t something you can protect yourself from either. Pain is an inevitable part of life. But so is healing.”
Jensen’s lips find the hollow at the base of my neck and ghost upwards to my ear, his warm breath making me shiver. “Is this real? Can I really have this?”
His earnest question makes tears spring up in my eyes. “Yes,” I whisper, as he kisses the corner of my mouth. “Together.”
He kisses the other side and lightly touches his forehead against mine. “Together. ”
The word lingers between us, steady and certain. Jensen isn’t whole yet—there are still pieces of him that need time, wounds that haven’t fully mended. But he’s here, choosing to fly with me. And that’s enough.
A low whine comes from the hallway, followed by a soft scratch at the door. I pull back, my brows furrowing. “Was that . . . ”
“Peaches,” Jensen confirms. “She knows we’re in here, and she’s not too happy she wasn’t invited to the party.”
“Oh, that poor baby!” I jump up, wrapping the throw blanket from the end of the bed around my torso, and hurry over to open the door.
Peaches bounds in, a flurry of white, and makes a beeline for the bed.
She jumps up and worms her way into Jensen’s lap, licking him as if she hasn’t seen him in a year.
“Okay, okay,” he tells her, scratching her behind the ears. “You found me.”
I laugh as Peaches gives him a face full of kisses and flop down next to them on the bed. Peaches seizes the opportunity and wiggles over to lay across my legs.
“You sweet little thing,” I croon, rubbing her belly. “Did we leave you out there all alone? I’m so sorry, girl.”
Jensen reaches over and pats Peaches’ head. “I think she’s a little keyed up from the weather. She’s never been a huge fan of storms.”
“Even though she can’t hear it?”
He nods. “Animals are pretty perceptive, and her other senses are heightened. She can’t hear the thunder, but she can feel the vibrations from the ground, in the air.
She can smell the rain, feel the change in air pressure.
It makes her a little anxious. I try to make sure I don’t leave her alone if I know the weather is going to be bad.
I didn’t realize today’s storm was going to be quite so intense. ”
“There’s a front moving through. Jim Bann was talking about it on the news this morning. He said there was a possibility of severe weather over the next couple of days.”
“Jim Bann, huh?” Jensen quirks an eyebrow at me. “Are we at suspender level threat yet?”
“No,” I roll my eyes. “And you better be glad we’re not.
It’s definitely that time of year.” I shove Jensen’s shoulder making him chuckle and turn my attention back to Peaches.
“I don’t love storms either. We’ll just have to ride them out together.
What do you say, girl?” Peaches doesn’t respond to my question, but she leans her head back, tongue lolling to the side of her mouth as I give her more belly rubs. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Jensen gets up from the bed, giving me a glorious look at his backside, and goes over to the dresser to pull on a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants. “Are you hungry?”
My stomach chooses that exact moment to grumble loudly. Jensen chuckles. “Guess that answers my question.” He tosses another pair of sweats on the bed, followed by a t-shirt. “Here. If you want, we can throw your dress in the dryer. ”
I pull the clothes on—they smell exactly like Jensen, pine and mint and clean laundry—and follow him down the hallway.
The kitchen and the living room are next to each other, creating an inviting and open space, and I make myself at home by walking around and taking in all the little details.
Thick, exposed beams frame the ceiling, and a gorgeous stone fireplace marks the focal point of the room.
It’s framed by sturdy built-in bookshelves stacked with dog-eared paperbacks and vintage hardcover books.
The furniture is mostly leather, but soft and worn, and there are colorful quilts and throws slung across the back of the sofa and the loveseat.
Every detail—from the mason jars of dried oranges and cinnamon to the heavy antique lanterns on the end tables—seems to coordinate with the rich brown, cream, and burnt orange threads in the area rug where Peaches has curled herself into a tight ball, tail thumping softly.
It’s so authentically Jensen, and it’s clear that he’s put the same care into his own home that he’s put into the RVs. It’s charming and homey and feels exactly the way it does when I’m wrapped in his arms.
Jensen comes up behind me, his arms looping around my waist to pull me back against his chest. “You like it?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Well, if you like this, you should see the omelet I’m about to whip up for you. ”
“Ooh, he cooks too?”
His lips press against my neck, sending a shiver down my back. “He cooks too.”
Half an hour later, the omelet he serves me is topped with freshly shredded cheese and a sprig of parsley, with orange slices garnishing the plate.
“This is almost too pretty to eat,” I say, turning the plate around so I can admire it from every angle.
“Tell that to your stomach.” Jensen sets his plate next to me. “I’m pretty sure they heard it growling in the next county over.”
I elbow him in the ribs, my cheeks turning pink. “Don’t make fun of me.”
“Never,” he grins, pulling me in for a kiss.
The moment our lips touch, hunger overwhelms me—but not the kind that has my stomach rumbling.
No, this is the kind that you can never fully satisfy, it’s that deep all-consuming desire for another person.
That moment when your souls connect and nothing else in the world matters.
I’m in love with you, my heart whispers, and I deepen our kiss, pressing myself even closer.
After all the wrong turns and heartbreak, I’ve somehow managed to end up here with this amazing man that I never want to stop kissing.
I thought I wanted simple and easy. Uncomplicated.
But sweet magnolias, I just want Jensen.
Knowing he wants me too is better than anything else I could have imagined for myself .
And it all happened because of a photoshoot.
Laughter bubbles in my throat, and Jensen pulls back. His cheek lifts in a half smile. “What’s so funny?”
“I was just thinking about Mabel.”
“You were thinking about your cousin while I was kissing you?”
The look on his face makes me snort. “No, not like that. I was just thinking about you. How amazing you are, how happy I am that we’re here together like this, and how it all happened because of the photoshoot. I guess I was just thinking that I owe Mabel at least a dozen pints of Ben & Jerry’s.”
Jensen leans in and nips my bottom lip, making me gasp. “Make it two dozen.”
Then he’s kissing me again, and every other thought evaporates from my head. Just Jensen.
That is until my stupid stomach interrupts, growling like it’s never tasted food a day in its life.
“Well, that’s embarrassing,” I say with a sigh.
“Nah,” Jensen kisses my forehead and slides the plate closer. “It’s cute.”
We dig in, and sharing a meal together feels like the most natural thing in the world. I can’t help but study him as we eat, searching his face for any trace of panic or doubt, but there isn’t any. He’s more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him and though I know it’s still there, his burden seems less.
“What?” he asks, when he catches me staring.
“I’m just really glad that we’re here.”
“Me too.”
“And you’re still feeling okay about all of this? I mean, a lot has happened today, and I just want to make sure—”
Jensen answers by cupping my neck and crashing his lips against mine.
We don’t end up finishing our omelets.