Chapter 14 #2
‘I hope it works out for you.’
‘Thanks. From anyone else I’d have thought was sarcasm but not you.’
‘We’re too old to play silly games like that, Hugh, don’t you think?’
‘I don’t know about being too old. Fifty is the new thirty and all that.
But I do agree about the games. You never were one to play games.
It was one of the many things I loved about you.
People know where they stand with you. Although I do think sometimes those same people walked over you.
’ He dipped his head. ‘And when I look back, I’m ashamed to say that I likely did the same at times.
I took you for granted far too often and I’m sorry for that. ’
‘Water under the bridge. It was up to me to stand up for myself a bit more.’
‘You were a little firecracker when I first met you at school.’
‘Yes, I suppose I was. I was going to conquer the world!’ I said, laughter in my voice, but even I could hear the note of sadness in it.
‘You could have done too.’
‘Maybe.’
‘No maybe about it. You were fierce!’ He pulled a face. ‘Is that the right word? It changes so often, I can’t keep up!’
‘I literally have no idea but I like the sound of it so let’s go with that.’
He clinked his sparkling water against my wine and we drank to my past self.
‘I hated that Tomas bloke for taking that from you.’
I looked up at my ex. ‘What?’
‘You went away one person, full of determination and dreams, and came back another. A shadow of the one that went. It’s like he switched the lights off.’
‘May I remind you that you married that dull person?’
He shook his head and reached for my hand. ‘I never said you were dull. Not at all! I thought you were hot at school and I still thought you were hot when you came back from France. But you were different. More reserved. Less sure of yourself. He did that and I’ve never forgiven him.’
‘You never said anything.’
There was a sigh. ‘Never seemed the right moment before.’ Hugh glanced over to the window where we could see Sash still talking animatedly on the phone, her hands flapping around as she spoke. ‘Looks like it’s going well.’
‘Yes. Good.’
‘Do you know who it is, this brand?’
‘No idea. I’m sure she’ll tell us when she gets back.’
‘I’ll miss her.’
‘She’s already said she’s going to come back as often as you’re available to see you.’
His brow wrinkled, the sprinkles of silver through his blond hair hadn’t touched his eyebrows and they drew together.
‘When I’m available? I’m always available for Sash.’
I held up a hand. ‘Don’t get defensive with me. I’m telling you what she told me.’
‘Have I appeared uninterested in her? Has she said something to you?’
‘No, Hugh. You haven’t. Obviously, the Andes thing made communication a little patchy but she knows you’re allowed to have a holiday just as we all are.’
‘But she couldn’t tell me about Paris because I was away.’ He scratched his chin.
‘She’s fine. You are, and always have been, the best dad. We might have grown apart but you and her are two peas in a pod and always will be. Whatever, and whoever, comes along, she will forever be your little girl. And she loves that. She loves you.’
He glanced back at the window. Sash caught his eye, waved and did an excited thumbs up. The concern that had clouded his features moments ago dissipated like magic. The magic of a father’s love.
‘She’ll always be my little girl,’ he echoed.
‘I know. They’re grown-ups but they’re still our babies.’
‘She doesn’t like that I’m seeing Tania, does she?’
‘It’s not that she doesn’t like it. It was a bit of a shock, I think, and her being so close in age… she’ll come around.’
He blew out a long puff of air. ‘Between you and me, she might not need to.’
‘Don’t make any hasty decisions. Talk it over with Tania and see where you are.’
‘Hmm. Yes, you’re right.’ He looked up from where he was making chess moves with the condiments. ‘Never thought I’d be getting dating advice from my wife.’
‘Ex-wife.’
‘Yes. Of course. You know what I mean.’ He made another move.
From what I could see, the mustard had just taken the salt.
Hugh had always done this. It was one of his little quirks.
At times, it had irritated me but eventually, I’d realised that he only did it when he was turning something over in his head.
God knew we were both negotiating uncharted waters right now.
All we could do was take it one day at a time.
At least that’s what I’d decided after my panic last night when I’d nearly backed out of the whole thing.
‘What is it, Hugh?’
‘What?’ He looked up.
‘You’re playing Condiment Chess which means there’s something on your mind.’
‘Oh. Oh, yes. Sorry.’
‘It’s fine.’
‘Drives Tania mad.’
‘She’ll get used to it. I did.’
He gave me a look that suggested he wasn’t so sure.
‘So what is it? Spit it out.’
‘This Paris thing.’
‘Yes?’
‘Is it… are you going back to him?’
‘Who?’
‘Tom.’
My newly shaped and tinted eyebrows raised.
Sash had, as tactfully as possible, advised that I couldn’t launch a new life in Paris with unruly brows.
They weren’t actually that bad, I thought, but apparently bad enough and the next day, I’d been booked in for the full works and consequently both my brows and lashes were now dyed, shaped, waxed, and therefore perfect for emphasising the surprised expression Hugh’s question elicited.
‘You mean Tomas?’
‘I suppose so.’ He gave a wiggle of his head, and a slight roll of his eyes. ‘If you want to be fancy.’
I couldn’t help but laugh. My usually eminently sensible ex had momentarily turned back into the twenty-something I’d got together with all those years ago.
‘What?’
‘You. Calling him Tom and acting all sullen.’
‘I’m not.’
Just the one brow this time.
‘OK. Fair enough. He was never good enough for you.’
‘You never even met him.’
‘I didn’t need to.’
We sat in silence for a moment, both likely remembering how different the girl who’d come back from France was from the one who’d left Heathrow three years earlier.
‘I’m not going back for Tomas. I’m going back for me. I don’t even know where he is now, and I’m not interested. If his mother had anything to do with it, I suspect he’s married to an heiress of another lucrative vineyard. In fact, any heiress would probably have satisfied her.’
‘She sounded a treat.’
‘Oh, she was. Luckily, I ended up with far nicer in-laws.’
‘They’re devastated we’ve divorced.’
‘I know.’
‘They keep asking if we might get back together.’
‘Do they know about Tania?’
‘Oh, yes. They’ve met her.’
‘And?’
‘Don’t ask.’ He put a hand to his head momentarily. ‘Just… don’t ask.’
‘OK, I won’t. Although obviously I’m dying to know.’
‘I’ll tell you when I’ve recovered from the mortification a little more.’
‘Ooh! Sounds like a goody.’
‘I’m sure at some point, I will look back and laugh.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Maybe. In the meantime, no Tomas then.’
‘No Tomas. Just Paris.’
‘What brought all this on? Was it something you’ve been thinking about and you just never told me?’
‘No. Not at all. I was talking to a friend on holiday and he—’
‘He?’
‘Yes. He. He made me see that it wasn’t just Tomas I’d fallen in love with back then. It was Paris too. Paris hadn’t broken my heart but I’d put it in the same box as those difficult memories and pushed it away.’
‘But?’
‘But, talking about it to Ashok—’
‘The friend?’
‘The friend,’ I continued, ignoring the hints to elaborate. ‘Talking about it with him made me realise that I’m desperate to see it again. And that I’ll get to share it with Sash is the absolute icing on the cake.’
‘I’ll miss her.’
‘I know. She knows that too.’
‘OK. So, this friend on holiday…’
‘Just friends.’
‘Was that the bloke in the pictures Sash posted?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Middle-aged, ridiculously handsome, wealth and style oozing from every pore.’
‘Sounds like him.’
‘Hmm.’
Our eyes met and we giggled like we had when we’d first got together. Hugh was a good man and he was a wonderful father. We just didn’t fit any more.
He looked over my shoulder. ‘She’s coming back. Looks happy!’ He gave me a tiny double thumbs up and I felt a wash of love flow through me. Not romantic love, not now, but familial and I knew that still having that made me one of the lucky ones.
‘Go OK?’ Hugh asked, doing his best to sound interested but casual.
‘Oh my God! They really want to work with me. I can’t believe it!’
‘They’d be idiots not to.’ Hugh caught the eye of a waiter. ‘Let’s order and you can tell us all about it.’
The waiter approached. ‘Good evening. What can I get for you tonight?’ He pulled out a pad and pencil. I loved that this restaurant, one of our favourites, stayed old school and hadn’t switched to tapping out things on a tablet or, even worse, ordering by QR code.
‘Could we have a bottle of Nyetimber to start with?’ Hugh grinned at Sash. ‘We’re celebrating!’