Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Suzie opened her balcony door and sat on the nearest chair for a moment, the cup of coffee she’d just brewed steaming next to her.
The sun was already well up over the sea, and a ferry was making its way slowly across the horizon.
She wondered for a moment where the passengers were off to.
The idea of nipping on a ferry and getting away to another island, any island, was very appealing, but not going to happen any time soon.
Since it was Sunday, the streets below her were quiet; those not preparing for church would be having a much-deserved lie-in.
She, on the other hand, should be going.
Things started early on the farm; animals took no heed of the day of rest, and although Kostas had sounded horrified by the early hour his father had suggested for their meeting, Suzie was desperately keen to get the next bit over with.
Yesterday had been one strange day, filled with the highest of highs as she’d sung her heart out, followed by the lowest of lows as the secret she’d kept for the major part of her life was brutally revealed.
It appeared as if she’d broken two people’s hearts, and there might be more casualties to come.
The world had changed in a moment, and the fall-out was far from over. She only hoped she was strong enough to cope.
Suzie’s finger hovered over the phone. Vicky was the person she most wanted to see. Her friend had said she was an early riser. She’d start with a text.
Are you up? Sx
Sure. Vx
Suzie’s hand trembled as she pressed the number and Vicky answered.
‘Suzie! You’re back. I’ve got so much to tell you.’
‘Not as much as I’ve got to tell you, I’ll bet.’ Suzie tried to keep her voice steady. ‘Are you in later this morning? I’ve got something to do first, but I really need a friend.’
The waver in her voice was clearly audible, even to her.
‘Absolutely. Here for you. Unfortunately, it will have to be at the sanctuary, for reasons that will become clear, but you’re very welcome anytime.’
‘Thank you. I’ll pick us up some coffees and pastries on the way. Wish me strength.’
‘Strength, and lots of hugs.’
‘I need them, believe me. See you later.’
Usually, the journey up to Panos and Lydia’s farm in the hills gladdened her heart, but today all she felt was anxious.
The scenery that flashed by ? green fields, groves of olive trees, towering rocks with blue sky above on her left, and tiny golden hidden beaches and azure sea on the right ? was showing itself off in its Sunday finest, but she barely took in anything.
The entrance to their place appeared in no time, and a reception committee of three was already waiting, standing by the big outdoor table with its canopy of faded blue cotton. Kostas looked like he’d been up all night, his hair wild and tangled around his shoulders.
She barely had time to close the car door before he started.
‘What’s this all about, Mama? Gianni won’t tell me.’
Panos put a hand on his son’s arm.
‘Shhh, Kosta mou. Let your mama sit down first.’
Her former husband’s calm demeanour had always been a huge plus. At times he’d been too calm, almost comatose, and she’d wanted to poke him into reacting, but here and now, it was very welcome.
His partner Lydia offered coffee and some delicious homemade biscuits.
At least he’d found a woman who could cook, thought Suzie, and was also Greek, which would have pleased his late mother, who’d never been Suzie’s biggest fan.
She genuinely didn’t feel any animosity towards Panos’s girlfriend.
They’d been divorced for years when he found her, and she made her ex-husband happy.
Once they’d all been served, it was Panos who took the lead.
‘So, what is this all about, Suzie?’
Lydia got up from the table, holding the empty coffee pot.
‘Shall I go?’
Suzie shook her head.
‘No. Please stay. You need to hear this too.’
There was fear in Panos’s eyes as she looked between him and Kostas, who tapped his fingers on the table in double time. Suzie reached over to still her son’s hand and hold onto it.
‘This is going to be hardest for you to hear, Kosta mou.’
‘What? What is it? The suspense is killing me. I’ve had five hours’ sleep, and my hangover is thumping me in the head.’
‘Your father already knows part of this story. And it was never supposed to come out, especially not like this. But going to Athens has forced me to tell Gianni the truth about the past.’
Panos put his head in his hands.
‘Oh no, my poor boy. My poor, poor boy.’
Seeing his distress, Suzie cursed herself. Why couldn’t she have stayed in love with this gentle, kind man? Been satisfied with their sons and the simple life? Panos’s touch had never aroused in her a fraction of the white-hot heat she’d felt when Christian was around, but they’d had a lot of fun.
She had certainly loved him in the early days, when they were the twentysomething parents of two small boys, on their feet all day, falling into bed exhausted, sun-kissed and happy.
In time they’d become more like brother and sister, and any passion had faded on both sides, leaving the skeleton of a friendship behind.
But it was more than a lot of people had.
Why had she suddenly gone looking for excitement away from the island after all these years?
But this wasn’t just about her. It affected everyone.
Kostas let go of her hand and was up and out of his seat.
‘What is it? Tell me. What is the secret? Is Gianni OK?’
Panos motioned for his son to sit down again.
Suzie took a deep breath.
‘I had to tell Gianni that your father, although his father in every way that counts, is not his biological father.’
‘What the hell?’
Kostas was on his feet again, sloshing his coffee onto the ground, and this time Panos didn’t bother to stop him. Her ex-husband was bent double over the table. His quiet voice cut through the warm air as he raised his head, and the pain in his eyes made her flinch.
‘Why, Suzie? Why did you need to do this?’
She took another deep breath. She had to keep this factual to have any chance of getting through it.
‘Because Frank, the concert promoter, invited Gianni’s biological father to be a surprise guest for the last night of the tour.
I had no idea, I swear, and I wouldn’t have gone to Athens if I had.
But once Frank saw the two of them, he worked it out and spitefully engineered a meeting.
Once it was all out in the open, I had to get Gianni out of there straightaway, so we left late last night instead of returning today. ’
Kostas was looking at her as if she’d morphed into an alien.
‘I’m so sorry, Kosta mou, and to you, Panos.’
Sorry was all she’d been saying for the past twelve hours.
Kostas slammed his coffee down on the table.
‘And does this … sperm donor know?’
‘Kosta! Don’t speak to your mama like that.’
Suzie threw her ex-husband a grateful smile.
‘It’s fine. Yes, he does know. And he’s furious.’
She’d been building up to this, the true sting in the tail.
‘In fact, he’s so furious that he wouldn’t let us out of his sight. He came back to the island with us, and he’s staying at a hotel in town.’
‘What!’
Both Panos and Kostas spoke at once.
Suzie broke down at the anger in both their voices. She put her head on the table and wept, big fat tears that spilt onto the handmade tablecloth embroidered with lemons, so familiar to her from the parties of the past. Surely there couldn’t be any more tears left.
A hand on her arm pulled her up straight, and Panos was there, enfolding her in his warm embrace. She leant into the hug for a long moment, another familiar place. It wasn’t her place anymore, but she needed some human contact.
‘It had to come out one day, Suzie. We did so well to keep it hidden for so long. Please don’t beat yourself up any longer. Thank you for coming to tell us all the truth. That was a brave thing to do.’
At last, a man she cared about, who didn’t appear to despise her.
‘Thank you.’
Kostas had reached the end of the table and gave his father an incredulous stare.
‘So, you knew all along, Baba?’
‘I didn’t know who, but yes, I knew your mama was pregnant when she came to the island.’
‘Okaaay. This is too much to take in at once.’
Kostas picked up his keys from the table and gave her a quick kiss on the top of the head.
‘I can’t say I’m not shocked, Mama. This is a big thing for our family. But now I must go to my brother. He needs me. I hope you understand.’
‘Of course, we will talk later. Take the night off from the bar. I’ll cover.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. And don’t forget how much I love you both. Please tell Gianni that too.’
Kostas hit his heart with his fist before getting on his motorbike and racing off into the distance.
Suzie turned back to the couple now sitting holding hands at the table.
‘I know this is a lot to process, but I can’t tell you how much your support means.’
Panos smiled into the sun.
‘Of course, you are family, and the mother of my sons.’
At least that would never change.
‘They will both get over it in time.’
But how much time? That was the question, and what was she going to do about the man waiting for his answers a few miles away? The thought made her shudder in the warm sun.
‘And as you’re here…’
Suzie caught Lydia’s small nod.
‘We also have something to announce.’ Panos kissed his girlfriend on the nose. ‘I wanted to do it in person…We’re getting married.’
Suzie clapped her hands together.
‘Ah, congratulations, syncharitíria! That’s great news.’
‘Thank you, and you mustn’t worry so much. These things will sort themselves out.’
Easy for him to say, but impossible to do.
‘We will deal with whatever this man…?’
‘Christian.’
Just saying his name made her want to blush.
‘This man Christian has to say, all of us together. And support our sons together too. At least they have each other to turn to.’