Chapter Twenty-Two
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Ottilie’s shift at the community kitchen had been one of the most fun ones she’d done since she’d begun as a volunteer there. Simon and Stacey had soon settled into banter, and he revealed a cheeky side that Ottilie hadn’t known existed. It seemed Stacey brought out something naughty in his nature and it was strangely reassuring to see that not only was he a serious professional but an actual normal human being too, who liked a joke and could be silly from time to time.
At the end of the evening, Ottilie, Stacey, Simon and Magnus had walked through the village together, Ottilie leaving the other three at Magnus’s place before going to her own home to settle down for the night. They’d tried to persuade her to go in for one drink, but she’d noticed more than one missed call from Heath and wanted a moment to speak to him, and she didn’t feel that a rowdy drinking session (it would turn into that if Magnus and Geoff had anything to do with it) was the place to do that.
The following morning at work, Simon had a look about him she’d never seen before. It could only be described as hopeful. He’d always been pleasant and friendly, but there was something in the way he smiled that was different. What had happened the night before? Ottilie wanted to ask, but she had to remind herself that the best course of action was to leave well alone. But she didn’t have to wait long for the first clues.
Her tummy was rumbling, and the last patient had just left. She could hear Lavender moving around downstairs, locking up the surgery so they could have their regular lunch together in the kitchen. Ottilie’s would have to wait a little longer, though. She needed to get her afternoon schedule straight before she could join them, otherwise she’d be at sixes and sevens all afternoon without time to catch up. She was busy getting to grips with it when there was a light tap at the door and it opened to reveal Simon poking his head around it.
‘Ottilie…have you got a minute?’
Ottilie looked up from her diary. ‘Of course I have. Is something wrong?’
‘No…’ Simon stepped into the office and closed the door. ‘It’s a bit awkward really, but you’re the one person who might understand and I’d appreciate your take on it.’
‘OK, so now I’m intrigued.’
He laughed awkwardly. ‘Don’t be… It’s not that exciting. Scary, but not exciting. At least, not to anyone else.’
Ottilie didn’t speak this time but nodded for him to go on.
‘It’s…Well, I know you lost your husband but you’ve found love again.’
‘Right…’ Ottilie said, wondering where this was going. She had a hunch, but she couldn’t understand what it had to do with her if her hunch was correct. And besides, though she was with Heath, she was beginning to doubt that this was her second true love. The way he’d been lately, she wondered how much longer they could last. ‘Yes, I suppose I have.’
‘Did you feel…in the beginning, did you feel like it was too soon?’
‘A little. But it hadn’t been all that long for me since Josh had died – not as long as it’s been for you.’
‘Hmm…’ He cleared his throat, staring down at his feet as he shifted his weight back and forth. ‘Still feels too soon. I think it might always feel too soon, no matter how many years go by.’
‘I suppose I felt like that too. I almost had to force myself not to.’
‘And…I know we discussed this once, but I’m still struggling to see it…How did you deal with the guilt? I assume you felt unbearable guilt, because that’s what I’m feeling right now.’
Ottilie shrugged. ‘I think you have to accept it as part of the deal. I still have guilt when I think of Josh, but he’s not here and Heath is, and I don’t want to be lonely anymore. Not for the sake of a bit of unnecessary guilt. And I know what Josh would have said about it. He’d have said it was unnecessary guilt too. Doesn’t make it go away, though. I’m sorry, I don’t have a magic fix for that.’
Simon shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded slowly. ‘That’s more or less what I thought. Thank you.’
‘I didn’t do anything.’
‘That’s not true. You told me straight, and that was what I needed to hear. I’ve been trying to dress it up to myself, trying to convince myself there’s a solution, that time will put things right, that I’ll somehow simply forget about Kiki, find a convenient way to put my guilt aside, but of course, none of that is going to happen. I must find a way to live with it and accept it as part of any new beginning I might hope for. I see that now.’
‘Tell me to mind my own business, but do I know this person? I assume there’s someone on your mind and this isn’t only a hypothetical conversation.’
‘You don’t need to mind your own business, but I haven’t told her how I feel yet. I haven’t even got straight in my own head how I feel yet. I know I like her, and I know I feel more relaxed and content in her company than I have in a long time. She’s down to earth and practical and funny and…I can’t tell yet, but I feel like she might be the right person to try again with. But I don’t want to say who it is until I’ve spoken to her and told her all of this.’
Ottilie smiled slowly. ‘I’d say that’s a very good idea. Whoever she is – and if it’s who I think it might be, then you’re right, she’s amazing – I hope she feels the same way, and I hope you can see a way to make it work. I didn’t sugar-coat the guilt, but I will say, for the right person, it’s totally worth going through.’
‘You’re glad you did it?’
Ottilie nodded. ‘Glad I took a chance, yes. I have a feeling that if you take a chance you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the response.’
He frowned slightly. ‘She’s said something? Assuming we’re talking about the same person?’
Ottilie’s smile grew. ‘Why don’t you ask her? It’s got to be easier in the long run, even if it’s scarier.’
He broke into a smile now and began to back towards the door. ‘Thanks, Ottilie. I’ll do that.’
‘And be sure to let me know how it goes,’ she called after him as he left the room. Shaking her head, she turned back to her diary. Life could be a funny old thing, but sometimes it threw the sweetest curveballs. She hoped she was right and that he was talking about Stacey, because she knew they’d be great together.
But as she was finishing off, there was another knock at the door and Simon was there again.
‘Do you think I ought to have a housewarming?’ he asked breathlessly.
Ottilie blinked at him. ‘Do you want a housewarming?’
‘I don’t know – it just occurred to me. Is that what people do here? Did you have one?’
‘I didn’t. Never even crossed my mind, to be honest. I’m sure nobody would object if you wanted to throw one. Magnus and Geoff are the party kings around here – I’m sure they’d be able to help you, depending on how big you wanted to go.’
‘Oh, I think informal ought to do it, don’t you?’
‘If that’s what you want.’
‘I don’t know. I’ve never had one before. It feels…’ He shrugged.
‘Like a time for firsts?’ Ottilie asked.
‘Like it’s about time I put myself out into the world again. Thanks, Ottilie.’
‘For what? I really haven’t done anything.’
‘You paved the way. I can see how you’ve made this village and the people your new life, and I think if it’s been this good for you then it might be good for me too.’
‘Still, I haven’t done anything special except live my life.’
‘Exactly!’ Simon beamed. ‘And that’s what I need to do too!’
A few days later, Ottilie was opening her gate when she heard her name being called. She turned to see Chloe get up from a nearby bench. Baby Mackenzie was in a pushchair and he grinned up at Ottilie, throwing out his arms in delight as they made their way over.
‘Hello!’ Ottilie said, cooing at Mackenzie before straightening up to see that Chloe looked grave. She had to admit to being surprised by the visit. Stacey was nowhere to be seen, and although Ottilie and Chloe had some pretty huge life events binding them together they’d never been what Ottilie would call close. She always got the feeling Chloe tolerated her mum’s friend simply because she was just that. They had very little in common apart from those connections, and Ottilie couldn’t remember the last time they’d had a proper deep and meaningful conversation – perhaps never. She couldn’t hold back a frown. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘I don’t know,’ Chloe said. ‘I mean, I’m all right. I don’t know if everything is all right for you.’
‘What does that mean?’
Chloe glanced around, as if to check they were alone.
‘Maybe you’d find it easier to come inside?’ Ottilie asked.
Chloe nodded. ‘Yeah, I think so. I won’t stay long.’
‘Stay as long as you like.’ Ottilie forced a bright smile. ‘I’m always happy to see you and make a fuss of Mackenzie.’
‘OK,’ Chloe said, following her down the path, but Ottilie didn’t imagine for a minute she’d stay longer than she needed to.
Her hunch was proved right as Chloe went into the house with Ottilie but stood awkwardly at the front door, pushing Mackenzie’s buggy back and forth in tiny, jerking movements.
‘This is going to sound weird, and I don’t want to freak you out, but I think someone is stalking you.’
Ottilie’s grip tightened on her housekeys. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve seen a woman looking in your house. I thought it might be someone you knew looking for you, but then I asked my mum and she said you never said you’d had a visitor or anything. I mean, I know you don’t have to tell everyone when you get a visitor, but…I don’t know, I got a weird feeling about her. She looked shifty.’
‘Oh…’
They were silent for a moment. Clearly Chloe had said what she’d wanted to, and Ottilie didn’t quite know what to say in response.
Now that she thought back, it would explain the upturned plant pot she’d found a while back under her windowsill. But she wasn’t quite sure whether that made her feel better or worse.
‘I think you should watch out,’ Chloe said. ‘Maybe you should get Heath to stay over for a bit.’
While Ottilie appreciated Chloe’s concern, she wasn’t about to do that.
‘What did she look like?’
‘Don’t know.’
‘But you must…Nothing? Hair colour? Age? Anything?’
‘She had a hat on and she was a bit far away.’
Ottilie was thoughtful. Going on this, she had to wonder if it was even a woman. Could have been a man. Could have been a goblin for all the description Chloe was able to offer. Perhaps there was a far more innocent explanation – a delivery driver at the wrong house maybe. Although, it wasn’t like Chloe to be melodramatic.
‘Perhaps I could get one of those doorbells with the cameras on.’
‘Yeah, that’s a shout. You should do that.’
‘Chloe, do you want a drink? It’s no bother if?—’
‘Nah, I’m going out later. Mum will be in if you fancy a drink with her. She’s babysitting.’
Ottilie nodded. ‘Maybe not tonight. Have a good time wherever it is you’re off to. And thanks for coming over.’
‘No worries.’
Chloe turned and opened the front door, and Ottilie held it for her while she manoeuvred the pushchair out onto the garden path.
‘Bye,’ Ottilie called after her. ‘Bye-bye, Mackenzie.’
Chloe put her hand up in a vague wave and then left with a clatter of the garden gate. Ottilie frowned as she watched her go. While she was grateful for Chloe’s concern, she still didn’t know what she was meant to do with this new information. But the fact that Chloe had cared enough to come over without her mum to warn Ottilie, despite the nature of the warning, warmed Ottilie. She’d found Chloe fairly impregnable – difficult to talk to and even more difficult to like – but maybe they’d turned a corner in that respect? Perhaps Chloe was beginning to see Ottilie as a peer rather than an interfering adult she had nothing in common with. Chloe had been the toughest nut to crack since Ottilie’s arrival in Thimblebury, but perhaps this could finally be the start of a proper friendship. As long as it didn’t turn out to be something sinister, then perhaps the odd stalking incident might be a catalyst for good.
Still, Ottilie needed to do something about that. She didn’t feel safe or secure enough to forget about it, though she had no idea what she could do. The camera doorbell – that could be a good start, but it wouldn’t reveal people who’d been snooping before its installation. She could ask around the village, though if anyone else had noticed someone hanging around Wordsworth Cottage, Ottilie liked to think they’d have already come to tell her, as Chloe had done. Unless they’d forgotten or hadn’t thought anything of it.
She wandered to the kitchen, deep in thought, filled the kettle and switched it on. As it boiled she got out her phone and went online to order one of the camera doorbells she’d mentioned to Chloe. The delivery time was a week, so there would be nothing in place until then, but that couldn’t be helped. Who else might have seen?
Her phone pinged the arrival of a message and she looked to see it was Heath. Rather than reply by text, she dialled his number.
‘Hello, gorgeous,’ he said as he picked up. ‘How’s your day been?’
‘Oh, the usual. Are you planning on coming over tonight?’
‘I thought we’d agreed on tomorrow?’
‘Oh, yeah, sorry, distracted…’
‘What’s wrong?’
Ottilie let out a sigh. ‘It’s probably nothing, but Chloe just told me she’d seen someone, a woman, snooping around my house. Like trying to see in. And the other week there was an upturned plant pot in my garden. Not just knocked over – the plant had been lifted out and the pot turned upside down. I thought it was weird but…well, I couldn’t imagine what might have done that. Like who would do that? I’m trying not to freak out but I must admit I’m feeling a bit rattled.’
‘Anyone would be. Have you actually seen anything yourself?’
‘No. And apart from the pot, nothing else has been disturbed. I don’t know what to think. I just ordered one of those doorbells with a camera on it.’
‘Good plan.’
‘But that’s not going to be here for a week. Do you think it will be all right?’
‘You want me to come over?’
Ottilie wanted him to come over more than anything, but she didn’t want to be that woman. She wanted to be the woman who was confident and independent and didn’t need a man to protect her. Whoever might be doing this for whatever reason, the one satisfaction she didn’t want to give them was to look scared.
But then her thoughts went to Josh’s attacker. She’d spent so many of the months after Josh’s death terrified that his attacker might come for her next, plagued by irrational fears, that to realise now she hadn’t thought about that for months was a shock. But this couldn’t be connected, could it? Josh’s attacker had been arrested and was awaiting trial. He might be out on bail, she supposed – she’d never thought to ask when the trial had been put back. Even so, as far as she knew, nobody who might put her in harm’s way knew where she’d moved to – not even Faith, Josh’s colleague on the police force who’d been keeping Ottilie in the loop about the case. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to call Faith and mention it to her.
‘I’m coming over,’ Heath said into the gap.
‘It’s fine,’ Ottilie decided. ‘It’s late and a long drive.’
‘I can’t say I’m happy about it, but if you’re sure…’
‘I’m sure. It’s going to be something and nothing, isn’t it? I’ll put the burglar alarm on tonight before I go to bed so I’ll be safe enough.’
‘Look at you, Ms Oakcroft. All independent now.’
‘Is that sarcasm?’
‘No! I mean it. When I think back to first meeting you, you were full of nerves.’
‘Was I? I mean, my confidence had been knocked, but I had good reason. I suppose I know what you’re saying, and I’m guessing there’s a compliment in there somewhere.’
‘I’m sorry, I know that – it was a flippant comment and I shouldn’t have made it. I only meant I’m proud of you.’
‘Thanks. So I’ll see you at the weekend?’
‘Try stopping me.’
‘Good. Looking forward to it. Love you…’
There was a pause. Ottilie had said the words in the way she often did now to end a call with him, casually, trying not to attach meaning but hoping for it just the same, but she’d never heard them said back.
‘Look after yourself,’ he said. ‘Call me if there’s even a sniff of trouble and I’ll be there.’
‘I will,’ Ottilie said, ending the call, not reassured, as she’d hoped to be, but deflated. Even in the midst of all this, even though she might have bigger things to worry about, the one thing playing on her mind was that those three little words had still to be uttered by him. Why couldn’t she get past it? Surely he didn’t need to say them when he showed her he cared, and yet, it still mattered to her for reasons even she didn’t really understand. Still, that had to be better than being scared, didn’t it?