Chapter Twenty-Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ottilie was on her way out for her first call of the day, her usual visit up to Hilltop Farm to check on Darryl and Ann, when the knock came at the front door. With a puzzled glance at the clock to confirm it was as early as she’d suspected, and wondering who might want her at such an hour, she answered it to find Flo on her doorstep.
‘Morning, Flo. Everything all right?’
‘I’m all right,’ Flo replied gruffly. ‘I only wanted to check on you.’
‘Me?’ Ottilie frowned, but then her expression cleared. ‘Ah…Heath phoned you last night.’
‘Heath?’ It was Flo’s turn to frown. ‘No. Haven’t heard from him in days. I had thought I’d find him here, but no car, so…’
‘No, he hasn’t been over yet this week. Both of us have been a bit busy, you know.’
Ottilie gave a patient smile and allowed a beat of silence in the hope Flo might be inclined to say why she’d come out so early to see her. She wanted to be there if Heath’s grandma needed her, but she also had other people to see. But when Flo only shuffled on the doorstep and cleared her throat expectantly, as if she was waiting for Ottilie herself to offload, Ottilie spoke again.
‘Um…was that all? Not that I don’t appreciate you coming over, but I’m supposed to be up at Hilltop.’
‘Well, if that’s how it is…’
‘It’s not like anything,’ Ottilie said, keeping hold of her patience. With Flo, that could sometimes be a challenge. ‘I only wondered if there was something specific you needed me for. Because I could call at your house after work if you needed?—’
‘No, I wanted to see you were all right and I can see that you are. Nothing bothering you, all quite well.’
‘Is this because we haven’t been over for a few days?’
Flo paused for a split second too long before she nodded. ‘Yes, that’ll be it. Silly old woman, aren’t I? I expect you can both humour me for five minutes at the weekend, can’t you? If you can make time in your busy schedule, of course.’
‘Flo…’ Ottilie tried harder than ever not to frown. ‘You know it’s not like that. We love coming over to yours but sometimes it’s not that easy.’
‘I only live down the road,’ Flo huffed.
‘Yes, but…’ Ottilie finally let go of the weary sigh she’d been holding on to. Never mind that she worked all hours and then had volunteer projects too. Never mind that she was still early in a new relationship and that she had things from her past that needed her attention. Never mind that she was entitled to quiet time of her own in between all of that, that she had to sleep and eat and take care of herself too. ‘You’re right, we’ve neglected you.’
‘I’m not a dog you keep in the yard.’
‘Sorry, that didn’t come out the way I meant it to. We’d love to pop over, and when Heath gets here tonight I’ll make sure we do.’
Flo folded her arms and jutted out her chin. ‘I might be out. I might have plans – you can’t just turn up when you feel like it.’
‘We’ll phone ahead to check. Sorry, Flo, but I really have to get to Hilltop before work, so…’
Flo hesitated and then glanced up and down the street in a way that was suddenly so shifty Ottilie had to wonder whether there was something else going on here. Had Flo really come over this early just to complain that she hadn’t been visited in the past few days? Reading between the lines now, Ottilie was starting to doubt it. But if not that, then what?
The asking would have to wait.
Flo stepped back, glancing up and down the lane again, and then seemed satisfied with what she saw.
‘Tonight, you say?’ she asked as she made her way down Ottilie’s garden path to leave.
‘Tonight, I promise,’ Ottilie said.
‘I’ll make a bite to eat then. Remember, if you don’t come it’ll be wasted.’
‘We’ll be there.’
Ottilie shook her head as she watched Flo waddle down the lane towards her own house. She loved that old lady, but boy could she be hard work. You never knew quite where you were with her. But if she knew anything about Flo – and it wasn’t much, admittedly – it was that there was more than met the eye to this morning’s visit. Ottilie would have to find out what it was at some point, because she felt like it might matter.
Ottilie had to admit she was surprised that Simon’s housewarming actually went ahead the following weekend. She’d imagined it was a spur-of-the-moment idea, instigated by his strange mood the week before when he’d come to ask her about new starts and second chances and all that other deep stuff she hadn’t quite known how to respond to, but he’d been into her office a few days later to issue the invitation properly. It wasn’t anything big or fancy, he’d said, just a few new friends and neighbours being offered drinks and nibbles and an opportunity for them all to get to know each other better.
She was more surprised that Heath had agreed to go with her. Simon had invited him, of course, and while Simon had seemed keen to get to know Heath better, Heath appeared to have other ideas. There was no outright animosity, but Ottilie did get a strong sense of dislike and she couldn’t see a reason for it other than silly macho rivalry.
She was standing in Simon’s kitchen with Charles and Fliss as they explained why they disagreed with Simon’s redecoration, but in the next breath stated they didn’t really care what he did with the place because Charles wasn’t going to go back there. Clearly they did because they had a critical eye for every little thing he’d done to make it his home rather than one he was borrowing.
Ottilie tried to listen and nodded politely where she felt she ought to, but her attention was very much distracted by Heath’s conversation with his grandma to the side of her. He’d been irritable since his arrival, and even though he’d obviously done his best to keep his mood even, Ottilie could tell something wasn’t right. She could hear it now in his tone with Flo too, but at least Flo could give as good as she got. They were going to have to battle it out without her because she wasn’t in a position to referee right now; she only hoped they’d keep things civil enough that the party didn’t get ruined.
Flo had been acting strangely since she’d turned up on Ottilie’s doorstep the other morning. They’d been to visit as she’d promised, but Flo had acted as if nothing had ever been wrong. Ottilie would never understand that woman as long as she lived. Even more confusing, while Heath had appeared to be his normal self, Ottilie couldn’t help but sense an undercurrent of disquiet, though she couldn’t put her finger on what made her feel that or, indeed, what the cause might be.
He turned from his conversation with Flo now, and at the same moment she glanced away from hers with Fliss and Charles and caught his eye. He forced a smile. She could tell it was a forced one – they were getting to that stage now where she could read him better. She tried to return it with one that was warmer and more reassuring, to silently let him know that whatever was on his mind he could share it when they got a moment and she’d do her best to understand.
Whether he got it or not she didn’t know; he turned back to his gran, who was now nudging him and pointing to Magnus and Geoff. Ottilie tried to hear what she was saying, but Fliss and Charles were closer and too loud. In fact, Fliss was on her fourth or fifth large glass of red and they’d only been at Simon’s house for an hour. Ottilie had the feeling things were going to get lively later, and the quiet informal gathering Simon had been hoping for would turn into something entirely different.
Unable to prevent herself, her eyes roved the room to see where Stacey was. She was still by the window, talking to Simon. They were both laughing their heads off. Ottilie allowed herself a smug, private little smile. If they weren’t a couple by the end of the year she’d be shocked. And Simon had as good as admitted to Ottilie that he was interested. The biggest surprise at this point was that he hadn’t yet asked Stacey out. It seemed like he’d made up his mind to do just that when he’d been in Ottilie’s office to admit he had feelings for someone, but as far as Ottilie knew he hadn’t, and that had been over a week ago. She supposed she could have a word with Stacey and nudge her to do the asking, but she’d vowed to stay out of it and assumed one of them would be brave enough to make the first move. Apparently, she’d sorely overestimated them both.
Magnus and Geoff came over to talk to Flo and Heath, and now Ottilie really wanted to be involved in that conversation rather than the one she was currently stuck in with Fliss and Charles. She did her best to tune in but it was no good – she couldn’t make out what they were saying. She cast around for an opportunity to sneak away from her current company. Perhaps it was a bit rude, but she felt like they were both too tipsy to notice. In fact, the way they were going, in half an hour they’d both be too tipsy to notice if she was with them at all. It seemed Charles had forgotten all about his health scare and the fact he wasn’t supposed to be drinking, and if his own fully paid-up GP wife wasn’t going to tell him off, then it certainly wasn’t Ottilie’s place to.
Simon’s dining table had been pushed up against a wall to make room in the centre of the floor, and it was loaded with snacks and bottles. Victor and Corrine were looking over the plates while Ann chatted to them and Darryl, armed with his train books, was on a chair in the corner, alternately reading and glancing up to check the situation in the room. More often than not his gaze went straight to his mum, who seemed to have a sixth sense for it, because every time it happened she responded immediately by turning to him with a smile and a nod of reassurance. And when she did, he’d go back to his books, seemingly satisfied that his anchor was still close by. Ottilie loved their relationship. They’d weathered so much together; Ann was devoted to her son, and he clearly not only needed her but in his own awkward way adored her.
Corrine glanced at Ottilie and offered a little wave. Ottilie smiled back and spied her chance to get away from Fliss and Charles.
‘Excuse me,’ she said at the first gap for breath, ‘I want to see how Corrine is.’
Fliss shook her head wryly and knocked back the remainder of the wine in her glass. ‘Always working, eh?’
Ottilie smiled. ‘I promise I’ll work some socialising into it.’
‘Off you pop then, Nurse Oakcroft.’
As she made her way over, she passed Heath and Flo. Their conversation halted once she was in earshot, and he turned to Ottilie with that forced smile again.
‘Everything all right?’ she asked, laying a gentle hand on his arm and looking from one to the other.
‘Of course,’ Flo said. ‘Why wouldn’t it be?’
‘No reason…’ Ottilie looked into Heath’s eyes, trying to read him. Something was going on, but she couldn’t work it out.
Flo looked over at Simon and Stacey. ‘Hmm…someone’s getting friendly over there.’
‘They get on well,’ Ottilie said.
‘Flirting like mad,’ Flo continued.
‘Well, they both deserve some happiness,’ Ottilie replied. ‘I hope…’ She let the sentence tail off without finishing. She was meant to be keeping out of it, and that included keeping out of gossip about it too.
Heath looked across to where they’d been approached by Chloe, who had Mackenzie in her arms, and Simon was currently making quite a fuss of the little boy, making him giggle. Heath made no comment on his grandma’s observations, but in what must have been an unguarded moment, the dislike was clear on his face. If they’d been alone, Ottilie would have demanded to know what Simon had done to deserve his obvious disdain, because as far as she could tell he’d done nothing at all. They’d barely even exchanged two words, even tonight where Heath was a guest in Simon’s house.
The more she knew Heath, the more she saw things that bothered her. She was no fool – she understood as well as anyone that relationships were like that. The honeymoon period was a thing for a reason; the sparkle and fireworks dimmed with time and it required more effort, but while she accepted that, she was also filled with doubt. What if Heath wasn’t her second happy ever after? What if she’d got it wrong? What if discovering this new side to him, one she wasn’t sure she liked, was the beginning of the end? She’d made herself vulnerable for this man, had taken a chance on him and had invested so much of her emotional energy she wasn’t sure she could bear the thought that it had all been for nothing.
‘He lives here alone,’ Flo said.
Ottilie looked at her. It seemed like an unnecessary statement. Simon had made no secret of the fact, even if he’d chosen not to tell people about his past.
‘Yes.’
‘Strange for a man of his age.’
‘Is it?’ Ottilie asked. ‘Why’s that? There’s all sorts of reasons. Heath lives alone.’
‘But there’s a good reason for that.’
‘There might be a good reason for Simon too.’
‘Came here from Africa…’
‘Yes.’
‘And nobody knows anything about him. What on earth was he doing in Africa?’
‘Working,’ Ottilie said, unable to keep the tartness from her voice now. ‘Looking after disadvantaged people who don’t have access to proper healthcare. Is that the answer to the riddle you were hoping for, or did you want to hear something juicier than that?’
Heath turned to her now. ‘There’s no need to get defensive. Gran’s only saying what everyone is thinking.’
Ottilie raised her eyebrows. ‘Including you?’
‘No, but…well, you’ve got to admit he’s a bit too good to be true. Nobody is that good and pure.’
‘Aren’t they?’
‘I’m only saying.’
‘Well, don’t. It’s mean-spirited and it doesn’t suit you to be mean-spirited.’
Heath held up his hands and pretended to back off. ‘All right…’
‘And don’t patronise me.’ Ottilie’s voice had a warning edge now. ‘I’m going to talk to Corrine – I might actually get a sensible conversation over there.’
‘Ott, wait…’
She didn’t wait. She marched across to the table, smoothing her expression as Corrine turned to greet her. She wanted to enjoy the evening, but at the same time she wasn’t going to stand by and allow unkind speculation about Simon, even when that came from Heath. She didn’t want an argument with Heath, but when he was wrong she was going to say so, even if it did end up causing an argument.
‘Hello.’ Corrine, Victor and Ann all turned as she reached the table. ‘This is all very nice and civilised, isn’t it?’
‘The party?’
Corrine nodded. ‘We don’t get invited to many parties these days,’ she continued, and Victor gave a short nod.
‘True enough.’
‘I can’t remember the last party I went to,’ Ann said. ‘It’s nice to be out.’
‘I bet,’ Ottilie said.
Darryl looked up and she smiled at him. ‘All right there in your corner?’
He nodded vaguely, glanced once at his mum and then went back to his books.
‘When are you coming up to Daffodil Farm?’ Corrine asked. ‘Seems like we never see you up there these days.’
‘You’re not the first person to tell me that,’ Ottilie said ruefully. ‘It’s making me wonder if I’m neglecting a lot of people.’
‘I expect you’re busy,’ Corrine added.
‘Yes, but also wondering how I ever managed to visit anyone before, because I’ve been busy from the first day I arrived in the village and it didn’t stop me back then. I will make an effort to come up next week. After all, I’d like to see how Alpaca Ottilie is doing.’
‘Oh, settling in brilliantly,’ Victor said. ‘Just like her namesake did.’ He chuckled as he reached for a mini sausage roll. ‘Good to see the new doctor keeping it simple,’ he added, popping it into his mouth. ‘None of that rubbish fancy food. You know where you are with a sausage roll, don’t you?’
‘Hmm…’ Corrine gave a sceptical look, and Ottilie couldn’t help a little laugh.
‘You do,’ she agreed. ‘Though I don’t ever say no to the fancy stuff either.’
‘He seems nice,’ Corrine said, angling her head at Simon, who now had Mackenzie in his arms as Chloe went to get a drink. ‘Ann has been telling us all about when he came up to see to her when she had her infection.’
‘Oh, he was lovely,’ Ann gushed. ‘So kind to me, and Darryl really took to him. That’s rare enough as it is – he doesn’t say much, my Darryl, but he’s a very good judge of character. If he likes you, chances are you’re a good one.’
Everyone had only good things to say about Simon, apart from Heath. He hadn’t said anything bad, but he hadn’t said anything good either, and it was obvious he had thoughts he wasn’t about to share with Ottilie because he knew she’d disapprove. Everyone wanted to know what Simon’s story was too – and Ottilie was reminded of the secrets she kept for him once again when Corrine aired her curiosity.
‘I know he lives here alone, but I wonder if he’s ever been married,’ she mused as she watched him talk to Mackenzie. ‘Must have been – a man like that would have been snapped up by now. Very good with children too, by the looks of it. Do you think he has any? I bet you know, don’t you, Ottilie? As you work with him, you must know.’
Ottilie paused to choose her words carefully. ‘There’s no wife and no children,’ she said slowly. ‘But I think it’s best if people leave that subject alone.’
All three of them turned to her now, and there was no mistaking their intense interest.
‘Please,’ Ottilie said, knowing she was probably appealing to the three most sensible and considerate souls in the room, ‘don’t ask me any more about it and please don’t bring it up with him.’
Corrine nodded, some kind of understanding seeming to dawn on her. ‘Of course.’ She glanced over again. ‘Poor man,’ she murmured, and although Victor seemed confused by her statement, he didn’t ask. They’d have plenty of time to speculate together later, and Ottilie didn’t doubt for a minute they’d be doing that once they got home. She was certain that they would come to a conclusion reasonably close to the truth of the situation – that Simon had somehow lost his family in tragic circumstances – and as long as she could be confident she’d kept her secrets about it then she was fine with them working it out for themselves.
Ottilie gave a knowing smile as she noticed Fliss corner Chloe at the drinks table. Poor Chloe looked shell-shocked. It was probably the longest social conversation she’d ever had with Fliss, and as Fliss was already tipsy, Ottilie thought she might like to be a fly on the wall for it. Chloe looked as if she wanted nothing more than to run away, but Fliss appeared determined to keep her to finish whatever it was she was telling, or asking, or whatever she was doing.
‘Dr Cheadle seems happy to have the new fella on board,’ Victor said.
‘I think it suits them both,’ Ottilie said. ‘The timing for him arriving back in England couldn’t have been better – he says so himself.’
‘Ah yes, that’s right. Africa, wasn’t it?’ Victor sipped at his beer.
‘Yes, he…’
Ottilie’s sentence tailed off again. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. But she’d noticed Simon give Mackenzie to Stacey and make his way over to Flo and Heath. Presumably he was making an effort to get to each guest and have a quick word – as any good host would do. But knowing how they’d both been gossiping about him moments before she wasn’t entirely sure she trusted either of them to stay as tactful as they ought to be.
‘I won’t be a minute,’ she said vaguely, already beginning to walk away. ‘Just got to see Heath…’
Victor replied, but Ottilie didn’t catch it. She’d go back to them later and make it right, but for some reason she couldn’t put her finger on, she felt as if she had to intervene in the conversation that was about to take place across the room, if only to make sure Flo and Heath behaved. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the notion that she shouldn’t have to do this for two grown adults, and perhaps she was overreacting, but it didn’t stop her from going over anyway.
‘We were just talking about you…’ Simon greeted as she looped her arm into the crook of Heath’s and offered them all a smile that was far breezier than she felt.
‘Oh? I hope it was to say how amazing I am.’
‘Actually, it was,’ Simon said with a fond smile that made her heart sink.
She glanced up at Heath. Why was this so stressful? Surely there was no need for her to feel this way?
‘I was saying,’ he continued, ‘how dedicated you are and how much the patients love you and how you’ve been so welcoming to me.’
‘Oh.’ Ottilie wafted away the compliment. ‘It’s only what anyone would do.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong,’ Simon said. ‘I’ve done short-term stints at a few other places since I got back to England and I’ve never enjoyed them like I’ve enjoyed being at Thimblebury surgery. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to take on a permanent position with them, even though I’d been looking for one. It’s great here. I hope I’m here for a long time.’
‘We do too,’ Ottilie said firmly.
‘Where did you say you came back to England from?’ Heath asked.
‘Botswana.’
‘I bet that was different.’
‘It was, but I enjoyed my time there.’
‘You were working as a doctor? Was it good pay? Better than here?’
Simon laughed. ‘The pay was non-existent. God, if I’d done it for that, then I’d have realised what a huge mistake I’d made after the first week and come home.’
‘You were there a long time then?’
‘A little over a year.’
‘What did make you come home if it wasn’t the pay?’
‘Oh, I felt my time was up there. When you know, you know, right? I woke up one day and felt I’d done what I could there – at least what I’d wanted to do.’
‘Which was?’
Simon shrugged. ‘It’s quite hard to sum it up. How long have you got?’
‘But if you had to sum it up,’ Heath insisted.
‘I suppose I wanted to make a difference somewhere. Earn my place on the Earth, you know? I didn’t want to just take up space; I wanted to contribute.’
Flo coughed loudly, and when Ottilie looked she could see some scepticism. Simon’s ideals had sounded laudable, and while she totally got him, she could imagine Flo might find it all a bit pretentious.
‘Anyway’ – Simon smiled warmly at them all – ‘help yourself to anything – nibbles or drink or anything that’s out. I wanted to come over to thank you for being here. It means a lot to me to be here myself, in this village with such a great team of colleagues and new friends and neighbours.’
‘Which reminds me,’ Flo said as Simon left them with a good-natured nod. ‘Where’s Lavender?’
‘Good question,’ Ottilie replied, searching the room. ‘She told me she’d be late but I didn’t think she’d be this late.’
‘Perhaps she couldn’t get in past Simon’s halo,’ Heath said in a low voice.
Ottilie turned sharply to him as Flo chuckled. ‘What was that?’
‘Well…you’ve got to admit he’s too good to be true, isn’t he?’
‘You said that before.’
‘And I still think it.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with trying to do good in the world.’
‘Of course there isn’t, but there’s doing good in the world, and then there’s expecting a medal for it.’
‘He’s never said he wants anything for doing it!’ Ottilie squeaked, and then realised how her voice was rising and tried to get it under control. ‘What’s got into you?’
‘Nothing’s got into me. I could ask you the same thing.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’
‘I make a bit of a joke and you’re down my throat.’
‘That wasn’t a joke. Jokes are meant to be funny and that was just mean.’
‘Come on, you two…’ Flo cut in, and she looked concerned now. ‘Settle down.’
‘We are settled,’ Heath said.
‘It looks like it.’
‘Gran, butt out.’
Flo’s mouth fell open and Ottilie scowled at Heath. ‘There was no need for that.’
‘Sorry, Gran. Ottilie says you should keep interfering.’
‘I’m not standing for this!’ Flo yelped and marched off in the direction of Janet from the community kitchen, who’d not long arrived and was helping herself to a handful of nuts.
‘I don’t even know what to say,’ Ottilie hissed as she watched her go. ‘I don’t know why you’re being like this. If you don’t want to be here, all you have to do is say so. I won’t stop you from leaving; not when you’re in this sort of mood.’
‘I’m not in a mood.’
‘Then why do I dislike you so much right now?’
‘I’m sorry you dislike me. I haven’t changed, and you used to like me well enough before…’
Ottilie crossed her arms. ‘Before you started being horrible?’
‘Before…Never mind – you’ll only take his side anyway. After all, who can compete with all that?’
‘All what? What are you talking about?’
‘You know what – don’t make me say his name here because somebody will hear me.’
‘You had no problem saying it five minutes ago.’
‘Yeah…’ Heath glanced around. ‘But people have started to notice that we’re having words now. In this village, having words in public means everyone will know what it’s about because they’ll be doing their best to hear what we’re saying.’
‘I’m sure we’re not that interesting.’
‘You mean I’m not.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘But I don’t volunteer at soup kitchens or fly across the globe to save the lives of poor people.’
Ottilie had no words. For a moment she simply stared at him. Finally, she found them, for what they were worth.
‘Is that really what’s eating you? All this because you feel…what? I don’t even know. I’ve never asked you to do any of those things. I mean, I invite you to help out if you want to, but I’ve never judged you for not doing any of it. I totally understood you didn’t have the time. You do good in other ways.’
‘Like what?’
‘Heath, stop it. I don’t know what you want me to say. I tell you all the time how important you are to me, how much I care about you. What more do you want? I don’t know what else you need from me. Am I supposed to do something to prove it? Because right now I’m really confused about where we are.’
He was silent for a moment as he studied her. And then he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said any of that, but you’re right. I suppose I feel…’
There was another heavy pause. And then Ottilie spoke into it.
‘You don’t need to feel like anything. I don’t love anyone else; I don’t want anyone else. I only love you and I want you.’
‘And I want you too,’ he said, but Ottilie took no comfort from his reply. She was more concerned at what he’d missed out. She’d said it – again, and more directly this time. He’d only told her he wanted her in return. She’d given him the perfect opportunity to say he loved her and he’d ignored it.
He leaned in to kiss her lightly. ‘Ignore me. I must be hard work and you’re totally right – I’m being unfair.’
‘I wish I could understand it.’
‘Honestly…’ He rubbed a hand through his chestnut waves. ‘So do I. Sometimes I feel like I can’t believe you picked me.’
‘Well, that’s silly.’
‘But it’s not. Everyone loves you. I bet’ – he lowered his voice – ‘if you were single, he’d be trying to get with you. And I’m not saying that to be weird or jealous or territorial or anything – it’s because I see it. I see the way he looks at you, and you’d be perfect for each other, and if you were both single I know you’d be together.’
‘Heath, do you have any idea how daft that sounds? Things don’t work like that. Just because two people look as if they ought to go together on paper doesn’t mean they will. There’s no chemistry between us at all – surely you can see that? He doesn’t look at me like anything. Or maybe he only sees me as a really good friend who’s been through what he’s been through, someone who understands him like only a few other people could.’
‘What does that mean?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t tell you.’
Heath’s expression changed again in an instant. He’d been sorry for his words and behaviour and he’d looked it, but now there was distrust in his face.
‘I’m sorry,’ Ottilie said. ‘I’m not trying to be mysterious or anything, but it’s not my story to tell.’
‘Not even to me? I thought we were meant to tell each other everything?’
‘Not this.’
‘So it’s secrets? We’ve been together less than a year and there are secrets already. Something is starting to feel familiar here.’
‘I don’t know what you mean, but it’s not my secret.’
‘You’re the one keeping it from me, so as far as I can tell it is.’
‘If you’re so desperate to know why don’t you go and ask him?’ Ottilie fired back, though that was the last thing she wanted. In a fit of pique it had escaped her mouth, and now she wished she could take it back.
‘You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I’d look like a tool, and everyone would think so.’
‘That’s not what I meant?—’
‘I think I should go.’
Ottilie folded her arms tight across her chest. ‘Oh, now, see, that’s starting to feel familiar to me. It’s your default response these days, isn’t it? We begin a difficult conversation and you bail.’
‘I’m not bailing. I’m leaving before one of us says something we regret. There’s a difference.’
‘Looks the same to me.’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say, but this is hardly my idea of a good night out and I’m sure it can’t be yours. I think you’d rather be talking to Simon right now so?—’
‘Argh!’ Ottilie let out an impetuous squeal. It wasn’t in her nature to lose her temper, but she was sick of them going round in circles, and even more sick of Heath’s digs. More than one conversation in the room halted and they turned to look at her. She smoothed her expression and lowered her voice. ‘If you really must know, he lost his wife and young child. There. Happy?’
Heath at least had the decency to look ashamed, but Ottilie was already angry and there was no way back. ‘I wasn’t keeping secrets; I was being respectful of someone else’s past because I know how hard it is to have something like that in it. I don’t know how I can make you see I’m not Mila. I’m not a bit like her, and if you can’t see that by now then I don’t know how we can move forward. It feels as if we’ll always be in her shadow. Right now I feel as if I’m in a relationship with the both of you because she’s always bloody there!’
Heath was silent for a moment as he stared at her. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.’
‘I don’t know how you missed it, but yeah, that’s how I feel.’
‘So what do we do about it?’
‘The question is what you do about it. I’m not the one with the problem. Maybe you should go and work on fixing that and then come back to me when you’re figured it out.’
‘You want to end things?’ Heath asked, his voice incredulous.
‘Of course I don’t, but I also don’t like the way things are going. If we don’t sort this now then it will end, because between us we’ll ruin it.’
‘I’d never do that.’
‘Open your eyes, Heath. You’re already doing it, even if you don’t mean to.’
He shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t want to have this discussion. I think I will go, but I’ll call you tomorrow when we’ve both calmed down.’
‘Don’t patronise me. I am calm; it’s you who needs to calm down. You’re seeing threats that aren’t there.’
‘I think you’re the one doing that. You keep telling me you’re not Mila like she’s…She’s no threat to you. She’s nothing to me.’
‘Then why do you take me to the places you took her? Like the spa, and the restaurant where we saw her…Don’t lie – it’s obvious the reason she chose that place and the reason you chose that place was because you’d both been there together.’
‘That’s not the reason we went there – I thought you’d like it!’
Ottilie folded her arms tighter still – any tighter and there was a danger she might squeeze herself to death. But she was so tense, so afraid of what might come next, and yet also determined not to let anyone – not even Heath – walk all over her. And it was starting to feel like that. She was agreeable and tolerant and could compromise when the situation called for it, but there had to be a limit – even for her. Where was the point at which a relationship stopped being equal? Was it when things went that way, or when they felt that way? Because this one was beginning to feel like it.
They were silent as these thoughts ran through her head. Was he thinking the same thing? Ottilie wasn’t going to ask because she feared the answer, but even if she’d intended to ask the opportunity was snatched away by her phone ringing in her pocket. She wasn’t going to answer it because it felt like the worst timed phone call in history, but then Heath nodded at the location of the sound.
‘Aren’t you going to get that?’
Escape route, she thought vaguely, but perhaps he had a point. No matter how important the call might be, she supposed it might diffuse the tension to leave the conversation for a moment.
Taking the phone out, she noted Lavender’s name on the caller ID.
‘Is everything all right?’
‘Not really. I was on my way in and I heard this huge crash. It came from your house, so I ran over thinking you might be in trouble, but when I got here someone was lying on the ground…I think she’s hurt.’
‘I don’t understand…’ Ottilie frowned. ‘Someone at my house?’
‘Outside your house. Like in the garden.’
Ottilie glanced at Heath. They were a long way from being finished here, but if there was an issue at her house she needed to be there.
‘OK…can you hang on for me?’
‘Sure.’
‘Is she OK? When you say hurt, how badly?’
‘Well, she’s definitely awake because I’ve had a proper earful from her. But when she tried to walk off she couldn’t, so I think she’s done something to her leg. You’d better hurry up if you want to talk to her; she’s phoned someone to come and get her and I think he’s on his way.’
‘Is it someone local?’ Ottilie asked, and then shook her head. ‘Never mind –, it doesn’t matter.’
‘Actually…’ Lavender paused. ‘Is Heath there?’
‘Yes, but…’
‘Maybe don’t bring him. Or maybe you should bring him – it’s hard to say what’s best.’
‘What do you mean? Is she dangerous?’
Lavender lowered her voice. ‘She’s definitely a whack job. Ottilie, I may as well tell you because you’ll find out in a few minutes anyway. It’s Heath’s ex.’