Chapter 5 Friendship
Friendship.
What was my purpose?
It was a question I’d asked myself repeatedly over the last three weeks, but I’ve always come up short. I’d told myself that coming to Phuket was about evolving, about trying something new and experimental, about finding myself.
But was that really it? Or was my mother right, and it was just an excuse to run away?
While the pain of what led me here still lingered, it no longer dominated my every thought. I had learned how to breathe again without feeling the weight of it swallowing me. Even though there were days when the heaviness would return like a wave, trying to pull me under, I pushed through.
As time passed, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do after this course. However, I knew one thing for certain: Ma was right.
I hunched over my workstation, biting my lip so hard I tasted copper.
The brush in my hand wobbled as I attempted to draw a simple swirl on the practice nail.
The more I tried to steady my grip, the worse it got.
What was supposed to be a sleek, elegant curve ended up looking like…
I don’t know, a heat-damaged curl on its last legs.
I sighed heavily, my frustration evident in my breath. Esther looked over at my work and gave me a supportive thumbs up, but the look didn’t reach her eyes.
She knew this was dogshit.
“Stop,” Nadiya’s sharp voice sliced through my focus. My hand jerked, leaving an ugly smudge of polish on the nail. Damn it.
I groaned as she leaned over my shoulder, her perfectly arched brow raised in judgment.
“What is this mess?”
“It’s supposed to be a swirl,” I muttered, setting the brush down with a defeated thud.
Nadiya snorted, picking up the nail for closer inspection. “Swirl? No. This looks like a sad snake who died in traffic.”
A few giggles rang out from my classmates, and I let my head fall onto the table. “I’m never going to get this right. I don’t know why I even bother.”
“You are such a drama queen,” she teased, tapping the back of my head. “Your problem is you’re too tense. Art does not come from stress.”
“I’m not tense, and I’m not stressed,” I lied, lifting my head slightly. “I’m just…bad at this.”
Nadiya grabbed the brush and my pathetic, practice nail design. “You are fighting the brush. Don’t fight—flow.” Her hand glided effortlessly as she demonstrated the motion, creating a perfect swirl in one smooth stroke.
My jaw dropped, she didn’t even have to think about it. “How did you—?”
“Years of practice,” she said with a smug grin, “and no whining.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I do not whine.”
“Sure, sure,” she said, handing the brush back. “Now try again. Flow, Elliot. Flow.”
Taking a deep breath, I steadied my hand and moved the brush like she had shown me. To my surprise, the swirl actually looked…decent.
“I guess this is fine,” Nadiya said in defeat. “Until next class. Bye-bye.”
The best part of Thailand was Esther.
She and I had become fast friends in the short time I’d been at the beauty school.
She was so easy to be around, her laughter infectious, her energy constantly filling up the empty spaces that silence had once claimed.
We’d spent hours chatting about everything and nothing—about life, our classes, and things that we love to do in our spare time.
It was the kind of connection I hadn’t expected to find so quickly, and it made the thought of being away from home a little more manageable.
Today, we decided to skip our regular post-class routine of heading home to practice.
Instead, we had a quick dinner together and then made our way to a small park near the school.
It was quiet there. The city’s distant buzz was a peaceful background as the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting everything in that soft, golden light that I’d grown fond of.
Esther had brought a couple of bottles of soda, and I bought some Mekhong to go with my Cola, of course. We were sitting cross-legged on a low bench near the edge of the park, talking about today’s class with the engagement of people who’ve known each other for years instead of weeks.
It was easy, effortless.
She was laughing about something, but I wasn’t really listening. My eyes were drawn to the way the orange hue of the setting sun reflected off the glassy surface of the small pond in front of us. It was serene here. Peaceful. And for the first time in ages, I was allowing myself to simply be.
I was going to miss it.
“I don’t think nail art is for me,” I said, breaking the comfortable atmosphere.
Esther’s playful demeanor shifted as her laughter faded.
“Huh? What makes you say that?”
“It’s been weeks, and I haven’t improved much. I mean, I don’t run out of the class in a panic anymore, but that’s about it.” I shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant about the reality, even though it broke my heart to swallow it.
“Ellie,” she said gently. “You can’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve only been here a few weeks.”
“I know,” I said, lowering my gaze to the pond. “But I’m never going to get it. And I’m okay with that. At least I tried. But dragging this out feels like a waste.”
She studied me for a moment, her expression unreadable. “Well, nail art isn’t for everyone.”
“It isn’t,” I agreed. “I don’t regret trying it, but I think my mother is right. I didn’t come here to start over. I came here to run. Maybe it’s time to stop running and face reality.”
Esther cocked an eyebrow. “And that reality is?”
“It’s time for me to go home.”
Her eyes widened. “No, Elliot. You can’t!”
I smiled faintly at her reaction. “Look, I’ve enjoyed my time here, and I’m so glad I got to meet you. But it’s time to move on. I’m wasting my time with this.”
“You’re just frustrated,” she said firmly.
“I am! I thought coming here would magically fix my problems, like some clueless teenager. I was so ready to get away from everything, I didn’t think it through.”
Esther placed a calming hand on my knee.
“Regardless of why you came here, you came. That’s a big step, Elliot, and you should be proud of that.
So what if it didn’t work out the way you wanted?
So what if you haven’t figured everything out yet?
You’re twenty-five. You don’t have to have it all put together in a month.
Slow down. Think. What’s the next logical step for you? ”
I sighed in disinterest. “See if I can get my deposit back on my apartment?” I answered sarcastically.
She swatted my knee lightly, a spirited smile on her face. “Try again.”
I thought of the words from Daddy’s will: We can’t control the hand life deals, but we can adapt and pivot.
I hesitated, glancing down at my hands, which were nervously twisting the hem of my shirt.
Then, after a long pause, I said, “I don’t know.
Maybe try something different? Like, looking for a job here? ”
Esther tilted her head, studying me carefully before nodding with approval.
“Good idea,” she said reassuringly. “But why don’t you try a different course at the academy?”
My brow furrowed as I looked up at her. “I can do that?”
“Yup,” she replied with a bright smile. “You just need to apply for a transfer. Sadly, we won’t be in the same class anymore, but we’ll definitely still be friends.”
“Of course, we will.” I leaned back slightly, resting my weight on my hands as I stared off into the distance, my mind churning. “What other courses would I even be interested in?” I wondered aloud, almost to myself.
Esther looked in the same direction as me. “There are tons,” she said, counting on her fingers. “Microblading, facials, hairstyling—”
I straightened at the last one. That might be something I could work with. After all, I’ve been doing Ryan’s and my own hair for years. Perhaps it’s worth taking a look into. “Hairstyling sounds interesting.”
She grinned, clearly pleased that something had caught my attention. “Then check out a class. Most teachers don’t mind an observer.”
“That’s good.” I tapped my fingers lightly against my thigh, mulling it over. “Maybe I will.”
“Great,” she said, her enthusiasm contagious as she gave me an encouraging nudge.
We sat in comfortable silence for a moment before I spoke again. “Es. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“My first week here…I don’t know if you remember, but you said something about finding your purpose. Can I ask—what’s yours?”
She tilted her head thoughtfully. “You want to know my purpose?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
Esther’s expression softened, her usual vibrant energy taking on a reflective tone. “My mother owns a restaurant back home. She’s had it for about thirty years. It’s her pride and joy. Besides me, of course.” She winked, her cockiness earning a playful roll of my eyes.
She laughed lightly. “What? It’s true.”
Her smile lingered before she continued. “Growing up, I watched her work so hard to build it from the ground up. She sacrificed so much for me. But I knew early on that I wanted nothing to do with it.”
I cocked a curious eyebrow. “Weren’t you scared of disappointing your mother, though?”
Esther didn’t hesitate. “Honestly? I never let her feelings dictate my choices.” She leaned back, her expression calm as ever. “I love her, but my life is mine to live. I’m an artist. I create. Still, I admired her passion. I want to find something that inspires me like that.”
My eyes widened. “So… you’re figuring it out like me?”
“Correct,” she admitted.
Wow. The way she talked about purpose before, I was sure she’d found hers. “Why Thailand, though?”
She shrugged casually. “My friend’s dad owns a resort here. She invited me on a girls’ trip, and I never went back. Never once regretted that decision. Being here opened my eyes to so many things, and I’m grateful for it.”
Her gaze met mine, warm and sincere. “I hope you find joy in the journey, E. Figuring it all out has been the best part for me.”
I blinked, the sincerity in her voice stirring something in me. “That’s beautiful, Esther. Thank you.”