Chapter 5 Friendship #2
She smiled, the light of the setting sun catching in her eyes. “What about you, E?”
I turned to look at her, my eyebrows raised in question. “What about me?”
“What’s your story? How’d you end up here? You’ve been so quiet about yourself.”
I paused. The last thing I wanted was to dig those skeletons up from their very shallow graves. I liked them buried. It was comfortable, out of sight, and out of mind. And like Ma always said, ‘We don’t let other people in our family business.’
Still though, this may be what I have been wishing for since I discovered Johnathan and Ryan’s affair: a listening ear.
“Well,” I started, grabbed my drink, and took a sip. “I don’t really know where to begin.”
Esther scoffed. “Try the beginning.”
I sighed nervously, then took a deep breath. It had been a while since I’d said any of this aloud. I hadn’t spoken much about home or the things that had torn me apart before I left.
“I guess it all started with my Dad. He died about two months ago.”
Esther’s hand flew to cover her mouth. “E, I am so sorry! I didn’t know. We don’t have to—”
“No, no. It’s okay. I want to get it off my chest.” I smiled weakly. My eyes started to sting as tears threatened to spill. I wasn’t ready to talk about Daddy yet. “But maybe I should skip this part.”
Esther nodded with understanding. “Take your time.”
“Well, after Daddy died, things got uncomfortable with my fiancé, Johnathan,” I continued quietly.
His name on my lips sounded weird. It felt so wrong to even say it, like I was making the whole thing real again after all these weeks of it being a distant memory.
The words felt heavy in my mouth, but once they were out, I couldn’t stop them.
“He was… everything to me. We met in high school and stayed together for eight years. I thought we were—” I paused, shaking my head.
“I thought we were perfect. First love is tricky like that. It’s so easy to feel safe in the familiarity of it all, but when it’s your only love, there’s nothing else to compare it to.
Unfortunately, you think all the red flags are just the hardship that comes with every relationship.
You don’t see how difficult he made your life because he was unsatisfied with his.
You ignore the inside jokes between your sister and him, along with the sneaky feeling that they’re joking about you.
You ignore his hand on her knee to comfort her instead of you.
You endure feeling less than adequate in your role as a partner, because you want to believe they’re with you for a reason, not just because they’ve grown comfortable in the familiarity as well. ”
Esther didn’t say anything. She just looked at me, her gaze soft but understanding, as though she already knew how this story ended.
I swallowed hard, my fingers tightening around the now-warmed bottle of Cola and Mekhong in my hands.
“Anyway. We were engaged. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life because I did everything right. I stayed with him through everything like I was supposed to. That’s what we’re taught, right?
We have to ‘hold our men down’? That’s the cheat code to a long-lasting relationship, as everyone says.
It’s just bullshit. I know that now because at our engagement party…
” I trailed off, the images flashing in my mind again.
“Ryan.” Her name was like vomit creeping up my throat. “My sister. She—she was with him. And I caught them together.”
I let out a shaky breath, forcing myself to continue. “It was like everything I thought I knew about my life didn’t exist anymore.”
There was a long pause. Esther didn’t interrupt me or try to fill the silence with comforting words. She just let me speak, which was both painful and therapeutic.
“After that, I—” I stopped, wiping away the sting of the tears I tried to avoid. “I left. I left everything behind. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t stay in that place anymore. It was too much.”
When I looked up again, Esther was staring at me, her expression focused. She didn’t seem shocked at all. In fact, it almost looked like she understood my pain. I was sure she probably felt how I felt before. Betrayal has stung us all.
“That’s…” She hesitated. “That’s really tough, Elliot.”
I nodded as it settled on my chest again. “It’s been weeks, and I still don’t understand it. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.”
Esther let out a soft sigh. “I’m really sorry you had to go through that. You deserve so much better. But it’s not for you to understand why people hurt you the way that they do. You can only accept the new reality and push forward.”
I looked at her, studying her face, and wondered how she could be so level-headed when faced with so much raw emotion.
“Thanks,” I said, the word feeling like an offering in exchange for her wisdom. “I guess it’s been hard to even think about moving forward. I just…I don’t know how to stop feeling so—” I searched for the word but couldn’t find it. “—played, I guess.”
“It’s not easy to let go of something you thought was real, especially when it’s family involved.
But I think…” She trailed off, her gaze distant for a moment as if considering her words carefully.
“I think you’re doing the right thing by being here.
It’s not running away. It’s giving yourself space to heal.
To find something for yourself, without all that trauma hanging over you. ”
We both fell silent again. The sun was fully set, and the street lights started to flicker on. The night breeze started to roll in as we both stared out at the darkened pond, deep in thought. I downed the rest of my drink before I spoke.
“You know,” I said after the long pause, “I never thought I’d make a friend here. I thought it would be just me, alone in a foreign place, trying to figure things out by myself.”
Esther smiled softly, her eyes bright. “Well, I’m glad you’re not alone anymore. My mother says having good friends is like having a family but without the cost of blind loyalty.”
I chuckled, “Truer words have never been spoken.”