Chapter 18 Elizabeth
ELIZABETH
@pancakesareelite:
Sometimes I don’t think I’m smart enough to be an engineer
@theanswerisno:
Nonsense
@pancakesareelite:
I mean it.
@theanswerisno:
I mean it when I say NONSENSE
@theanswerisno:
We don’t talk about the engineering stuff often, but when we do, I can see you’re smart. Your gaming strategies are smart. Smart mouth, too
@pancakesareelite:
If I ever find you, I’m keeping you. Finder’s keepers and all that.
@theanswerisno:
That’s a little creepy
In a strange twist of fate, I was on my way to Los Angeles.
Mr. Anders had told me, in the nicest way possible, that there was very little for me to do without Mr. Carden around, and I may as well attend his presentation and learn something.
Ignoring the passive-aggressiveness, I’d leaped at the offer.
The familiar buildings came into view, and I was transported to a different life. LA had been my home since I was a child. I barely remembered the life we had before my mom married Douglas. And I wished I could forget a lot of it since then.
I willed his image out of my mind and pulled into the parking lot. Nothing made me feel faster than reaching my destination before the estimated time on Google Maps.
I exited the app and checked my notifications. One voice note. Gran. I hit play and let her voice fill my car.
“Lily, I’m sorry I missed your call. I think I may have reached the maximum amount of turmeric I should be having.
I fell asleep earlier than usual and only woke up now.
Pity. Really. A younger version of your grandpa had just entered the dream, and I could have used a few extra minutes.
Anyway, call me when you can. Love you.”
My head dropped backward with a laugh before I sent her a voice message letting her know I’d call her tonight.
I sent another message, this time to my mom: I’m in LA. Maybe I could see you later?
There was a slim chance she’d reply. She hadn’t been answering my calls either. I didn’t know what else to do except text and hope for the best. Douglas was probably having one of his anger episodes or maybe a love-bombing episode—either would keep her occupied.
Ignoring the longing in my chest, I scanned through the other notifications.
@wheretheresawilliam’s channel was flooded with messages.
I scrolled up and up until I found out what the noise was about.
@wheretheresawilliam had finally announced the promised LAN for his and @theresarose’s video game.
A wonderful mixture of pride and excitement burst through me as if I knew these people.
Sometimes it felt as though these online connections meant more than my real-life relationships.
It seemed as though everyone else felt that way too. Hundreds of replies filled the chat and more were coming.
Strangely, @theanswerisno didn’t say anything. He hadn’t even reacted to the announcement. Maybe he hadn’t seen it yet.
The timestamp on his last message to me wasn’t that long ago. Although he did say he was busy. Possibly even too busy to play with me tonight.
But it begged the question: If he wasn’t going… was that a good or bad thing?
My heart fluttered wildly. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to meet Link. I wanted to be able to hear his voice and see his face when he said these ridiculous things. I wanted… There was so much I wanted from him. It was almost unfair.
But what if I went and was faced with Mr. Carden? What would I do?
The heart fluttering turned to panic.
I swapped over to my email app. There was nothing from Mr. Carden after I’d let him know I’d be coming to the conference. Either he felt no need to acknowledge my email or he was also too busy.
Was it a coincidence that both he and Link were busy tonight?
You’re reaching, Lily. Settle down.
With a deep breath, I made my way over to the hotel’s main entrance. Behind me, there was a line of cars looking for parking. I seemed to have snagged the last spot. You’d think a transportation and traffic conference would have ensured enough parking spaces for the anticipated number of attendees.
Security took one look at my Simucon pass and let me in. I grabbed the two-day program, scanning for the surname seared in my mind.
4 p.m. Ruby Room.
A number of other sessions drew my attention. There were talks on pedestrian-oriented development, high-speed rail, and so many other topics I had spent hours researching. But my pass only allowed access for today, and there was no way I was missing Mr. Carden’s presentation.
I could possibly attend another talk after his. Maybe, just maybe, he’d want to join me.
My mind flooded with images of us sitting side by side in the auditorium. He’d definitely have insight into each of the speakers, and I bet I could get him to laugh out loud. He’d be a little mad, but not really. Maybe we’d grab coffee after. Maybe we’d choose to stay here overnight. Maybe…
Heat rushed through my veins at the thought of it.
“Elizabeth,” someone yelled.
I looked up and resisted the urge to sigh. “Matthew, hi.”
Matthew, a burly man with a brain as big as he was, pulled me in for a hug. “Fancy finding you here. I didn’t know you were still an engineer.”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged. “Dunno.”
I smiled, hoping it softened the bitterness in my voice. “Did you hear something about me?”
“Nah. But you know…”
I did know, but I still hated it. Before I could defend myself and remind him that my relation to Douglas Gordon-Bettencourt doesn’t determine my career, his gaze dropped down to my chest.
No, down to my lanyard.
His mouth fell open. “Why do you have a Simucon pass?”
I lifted my chin. “I’m part of their graduate internship.”
“No way.” His bright blue gaze met mine. “How?”
“I applied.”
“So did I.”
I shrugged. “That sucks. I’m sorry.”
His face reddened, and he scoffed. “Be honest. Did your dad help you out?”
Every time someone threw that at me, I wished I could say something and put them in their place, but it never worked. I always froze.
Matthew tutted and smiled, as if he’d hit the bull’s-eye. “Well, whatever. They only take two people from the internship, and everyone else gets tossed. By then, none of the other firms will want to hire you because they already have enough graduates on their plate.”
I blocked everything he said from my brain. I did not need that on top of all the stressors already ruining me.
Beyond Matthew’s head, a far-too-familiar face caught my attention. And I couldn’t place him. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a sharp nose. He looked at me but there was no recognition in his gaze.
He slipped into the Ruby Room, which reminded me: I needed to get in there too.
“I have to go. I can’t miss this talk,” I said, and walked off.
But Matthew followed. “Same. Dr. Carden’s research inspired mine.”
“He’s my boss.” I bit on my lip, resisting the smug smile threatening to burst onto my face.
Even if I didn’t get the job at Simucon, Matthew’s crumpled expression made it all worth it.
I took a seat as far away from Matthew as possible and stared at the empty podium. In a few minutes, Doctor Lincoln Carden would be up there. I couldn’t imagine it. He was so quiet. How would he speak loudly enough to command this room?
Looking around, I recognized one lecturer and one old classmate. The dark-haired man was seated a few rows in front of me.
Did we study together? Did we hook up? I’d have remembered that… Maybe we matched on a dating app.
He stood and twisted, revealing a Pokémon T-shirt. He waved at someone. Two people joined him. One of them, a brown-skinned woman who looked oddly familiar too.
Hold on.
Was that @wheretheresawilliam? What was he doing here?
Was he an engineer?
No. He was a full-time game developer.
But he could have studied engineering.
No, I’d read an article about him. He studied computer science.
Unless…
My head snapped toward the stage. Could it be?
@wheretheresawilliam and @theanswerisno were always friendly… Really friendly. Link was the one who introduced me to @wheretheresawilliam’s streams. Could they be friends in real life?
I shook my head again.
Was he here for Mr. Carden? Here for @theanswerisno? Here for Link?
At that exact moment, Lincoln Carden took the stage, his chin raised high, his wide shoulders squared. Every thought escaped me and was replaced only by his strong, calm presence.
He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and dipped his gaze to the podium, where I was sure he had notes ready. He’d probably anticipated everyone’s questions too.
“Good afternoon, everyone.” He glanced upward, and his gaze met mine.
I couldn’t help but grin and offer him a double thumbs-up.
Then he smiled.
Not the half-lopsided one I was used to. A full smile. Milestone unlocked.
He was happy to see me.
My traitorous heart fluttered as though it had grown wings.
“I’m Dr. Lincoln Carden,” he said. His voice was still quiet like it always was but somehow he managed to capture everyone. “Listen closely, because I’m only going to say this once, and if you ask me a question I’ve answered in my presentation, I will call you out for it.”
Mr. Carden was handsome and unintentionally sexy, but Dr. Carden was something else. I didn’t expect the sass. It tickled me. Blood crept to my cheeks and I was grateful for the darkened room.
A few latecomers shuffled in and filled the gaps. His session was almost at full capacity. He straightened his tie and clicked through to his first slide.
THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF MONEY THAT COULD JUSTIFY THE LOSS OF LIFE.
“If you disagree with that, this presentation isn’t for you.” He walked across the stage and eyed the crowd, who remained seated.
He launched into the intricacies of his work and I was fixated. If my mouth was open, I’d have to mop up my drool.
There was something so incredibly powerful about him up there. A deep wanting spread throughout my entire body. I was in big, big trouble here.
And it wasn’t only because of his deep voice or large, capable hands. With every passing word and well-timed joke, my admiration grew more and more until I could barely stand it. I considered fleeing. But how would I explain that to him? Or Mr. Anders? I could pretend to get sick.
But he’d probably worry about me.
“Thank you. That’s it from me.” Lincoln’s deep, serious voice grabbed my attention. He bowed his head and gestured to the slide on-screen, which read: You’ve got questions? I’ve got answers. Ask away, but do remember my warning.
He was so incredibly impressive, I clapped my hands together. Thankfully, at the very last second, I managed to stop myself from giving him a standing ovation. Another woman near the front joined in, and soon the entire hall filled with the cacophony of applause.
This was my chance to make a swift escape. I hopped up, and before I could spin around, his brown gaze met mine.
And he smiled again.
That smile.
Even if I wanted to leave, I couldn’t. Even if every logical cell in my body told me to, I was frozen, clinging to every second of attention he gave me.
A group of engineers flocked around him, and I hung back, waiting my turn. I glanced over my shoulder to where the dark-haired man had sat. If it was @wheretheresawilliam, he was gone now.
When Matthew approached Mr. Carden, I stepped closer, giving in to my petty feelings and mimicking the smugness he’d shown me earlier.
“That was amazing,” I said.
“Thank you and thank you for the uncomfortable applause. They don’t usually clap at the end of presentations.” His smile was now on show for me and everyone around here to see. They had no idea how lucky they were or how hard I’d worked for it.
“They should,” I said.
“I do wonder how my intern could be in LA and simultaneously finish all the work I left behind for her.”
“Mr. Anders said I could come.” I grinned. “Work can be done on weekends.”
Matthew opened his mouth, but Mr. Carden didn’t even seem to notice. With all the unnecessary aggression of a mediocre white man, he pushed past me, and I stumbled forward, bumping into Mr. Carden.
He caught me, his hot hands sending a shiver up my spine. My legs nearly gave in. “Sorry,” I said with a nervous giggle, and took a step backward. “Actually, I’m not sorry. Now we’re even since you bumped into me last time.”
“It’s not fair. I didn’t leave lipstick on your shirt,” he replied, and his gaze dipped to my mouth before traveling lower to where my breast pocket might be.
My heart was beating so hard that I wondered if he could see it. “I don’t understand,” I said, and glanced away. This time it was me who couldn’t hold eye contact. “You seem different here.”
He looked down at the floor. “I like conferences. A merging of minds…” He shuffled on his feet more like the awkward boss I’d come to know. “Are you sticking around?”
I wanted to. Speaking to Mr. Carden outside of the office was exhilarating. I wanted more of it. I wondered what he did at home, what he wore, what movies he liked watching. I didn’t just want Mr. Carden.
I wanted Lincoln too. Because it wasn’t just a crush… it was something bigger. Something I was struggling to ignore.
Panic struck, slamming me back down to earth. “No,” I said, hating each word as it left my mouth. “I can’t stay. I have to go.”
Because if I didn’t, I’d throw the internship away for a chance with him. One night. One moment. One kiss.
But that would jeopardize everything I’d worked so hard for.
I’d promised myself. My mom. My gran.
Lily, don’t fall in love with your boss.