Chapter 16 #2
Thoughts of him holding me, kissing me, touching me—they warm me inside. Thinking of his tender blue eyes and the way that he smells and the way that he feels—I just want to hold it inside of me forever.
“Yeah. I mean, if I’m one hundred percent honest, I think he’s my one.
I’ve loved him since I was seventeen, and at eighteen, I thought he might love me too, but I was wrong.
And I guess that feeling has never really gone away.
And I don’t know; maybe for him, it’s just a sex thing.
Maybe for him, he’s just realized that, Oh wow, Juniper’s grown up, and she’s got a body, and she knows what she’s doing. ”
“And stop second-guessing yourself, Juniper. I know we just met, but you’re fun, and you’re funny, and you’re honest, and you’re great.
And trust me when I say, any man would be delighted to have you.
Just because they don’t realize it yet is not about you.
It just means they’re dumb because, as someone who’s been with over twenty-six different men—please do not judge—I know men are dumb as fuck.
Most of them never wise up, and when the other half do, it’s usually at a point in their life when they’ve missed out on some really great women.
Never blame yourself or think you’re not enough just because a guy you’re into doesn’t see your worth and your potential. ”
“Oh my gosh, you are so sweet, Lily.”
“Well, I try. And I think it’s important to be a girl’s girl, even though I’m into men. Just in case you were wondering.”
“I wasn’t, but thank you.” I laugh. “You remind me of my cousins Sage and Rosie. They’re really honest and direct, too, and I really appreciate that.”
“Aw, thank you. Anyway, the producers are coming. You might see my demeanor change a little bit because, like I said, I’m trying to go far. But you do you, girl, and don’t let these other bitches try and take you down.”
“Thank you,” I say.
I watch as she runs her fingers through her hair and sticks her chest out and starts giggling.
She definitely is transforming before my eyes, but I get it. She wants to be a star. She has to stand out.
I think about what my next step should be.
I could leave right now. I could leave the show, go to the bookstore, and move on with my life. But then I feel like everything would be the same.
I could continue on the show, try and win, make money, but find myself in a precarious situation. I don’t want to win a date with August Pitt. I don’t want to sleep with him. I don’t want to be famous.
But I quite like the idea of getting Rafe jealous because he definitely seemed like he was.
But the fact of the matter is, I don’t know if he was jealous just because of the competition or because he actually liked me, and I really want him to like me.
And I really want whatever is happening between us to go further, but I don’t know how to tell him that.
I am not willing to put myself out there to get rejected and hurt again.
I take a deep breath.
“Don’t make any decisions now, Juniper. Just go with the flow,” I whisper to myself.
“Hey, you.” A tall man with a boom mic points at me. “Come over here. We have some questions for you.”
“Okay,” I say.
I look over at Lily, and she gives me an encouraging smile.
“You got this, girl.”
“Thanks,” I say softly and walk as calmly as I can over to the man with the boom mic.
“We’re going to ask you some questions, and just answer as naturally as possible, okay?”
“Okay,” I say, nodding.
I’m really doing this.
I can’t believe it.
I feel like in the last seventy-two hours, my life has gone from zero to one hundred, and I can barely recognize who I am or what I’m doing.
But I don’t hate it.
I’ve been ready for a change in my life, and if it’s going to happen this quickly, then I am not going to stop it.
“So, tell us your name and where you’re from.”
“Hi, I’m Juniper, and I’m from Coconut Beach.”
“Okay. Can you give us a little bit more enthusiasm?” he says.
“Oh, okay.”
“Five, four, three, two, one. Go.”
“Hi, I’m Juniper, and I’m from Coconut Beach.”
“Okay, that was a little bit too enthusiastic. Plus, maybe push your chest out a little bit.”
“Okay.” My smile falters for a little bit.
This is not as fun as I thought it was going to be, but maybe that’s because I’m not used to being on TV or around people like this.
“Five, four, three, two, one.”
“Hi, I’m Juniper. I’m from Coconut Beach, and I’m ready to meet the man of my dreams.”
“Perfect.”
The guy gives me a thumbs-up, and I smile back at him.
Maybe this isn’t so bad.
He asks me another question, and then I think about the answer when, all of a sudden, I feel someone staring at me.
I turn to the right and freeze.
Rafe is standing there, staring at me, a frown on his face.
I feel uncomfortable, and yet I feel powerful.
Rafe looks absolutely shocked and mortified, and I realize that I’ve gotten under his skin.
I’ve gotten under his skin in a way I’ve never been able to get under before.
And I quite like it.
If you want me, Rafe, come and get me, I think to myself. And if not, let someone else have me.
I’ve waited enough years in my life to see if this will ever happen, and I am ready to move on because if it isn’t, I deserve a good guy. And if it is, I am fed up with waiting. I give him a little wave and then turn back to the camera.
I strut my stuff up and down the beach, letting my ass bounce as much as I can, along with my boobs. I want Rafe to salivate over me. I want him to see what he is missing.