Chapter 28 #2
She grabbed her phone off the table and opened her satchel to put it away. Time for another neurotic check. Wallet. Tampons. Change. Old cell phone. Key…
Wait.
Key?
Nala pulled things out of her satchel, piling them on the table while Varen continued to eat their curry. She watched with mild interest, but once Nala emptied the whole contents of her satchel and still couldn’t find the key to Varen’s loft, her stomach somersaulted into her throat.
“What is it?” Varen sounded way too lackadaisical.
“Your key… the key you gave me to your loft isn’t in here…” Nala turned her satchel upside down and hoped the key would fall out. “What the fuck!”
“Don’t worry about it. It was tiny and you didn’t have a key ring on it yet.” Why was she shrugging? Didn’t she understand what a big deal this was? “I’ll get another one made for you.”
“You better change your locks too!”
“I will. Do you know what the odds are of someone even knowing where it goes, let alone trying to break into my house?”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re rich. You should get your locks changed.”
“I will. Sheesh.”
They left shortly after. This time, they entered Varen’s loft after pulling into her parking space. Nala clung to Varen’s arm to keep her body steady. She wasn’t drunk, but she was tipsy enough that walking up in those boots made life more uncomfortable.
Like sisters, they took turns showering, the hot water refreshing Nala so she no longer thought of the night or tottered about on tipsy legs. She suddenly had the munchies and came out to find Varen heating leftovers in the kitchen.
It was too late to watch TV or see what it was like playing video games with this woman. Instead, Nala announced she was going to bed, not sticking around to see what Varen had to say about that as she went upstairs and curled up in the big bed.
She turned on her side but still smelled remnants of that perfume and Varen’s natural, feminine scent. Is it so bad? Not according to her addled brain.
Within the half-hour, Varen climbed in next to her, turning off every light before lying down with a heavy sigh.
They were both quiet for the first five minutes.
Perhaps Varen thought that Nala was already asleep, but in truth, she stared at the dark windows, trying her damndest to not think of what happened earlier that night.
She didn’t protest when Varen’s arm looped around her midsection and drew her into an embrace. Why didn’t she protest? Because this is the safest I’ve felt all day. How dangerous was it that the only way she could feel safe now was in some woman’s arms?
Not just any woman’s. Varen Lake’s.
“I’m sorry about today,” Varen muttered. Rumbles of desire took over Nala, and it was all she could do to keep from turning in Varen’s arms. “Wish I could make things easier.”
You already do. Nala ran her fingers along Varen’s arm, feeling the hair growing from her skin. She touched her wrist, where she was always fiddling with something. I couldn’t do this without you. Nala clamped her mouth shut before she accidentally said it out loud.
“If there’s anything I can do…”
Nala thought of how she felt that night… before discovering Hawk outside their assigned room. Aroused. Powerful. Like she was in control of her destiny and half the world by extension. If only it worked that way.
She turned over, feeling Varen’s body shift slightly away from her to accommodate her movements. “You’re already doing it.”
Varen held her tighter, letting Nala retreat deep against her, feeling her strength, her heat, the aura emanating from her heart as it beat against her cheek.
Varen began with a kiss on Nala’s head, fingers massaging the back of her neck until she was lulled into serenity.
Then she kissed her nose, pushing Nala away far enough to bury her hand beneath her shirt and feel the bottom of her breasts.
Nala whimpered but did not protest. She looped one leg over Varen’s and felt her press forward, fingers on her nipple.
It was the gentlest thing Varen had ever done to her. Nala wrapped her hand around an inviting, warm neck, holding them together, waiting for the real Varen to erupt and take her as she always did.
Except she never did. Because this was also the real Varen, a woman who could be as tender as she was rough with a woman she cared for.
I’m the first woman she’s probably been this way toward since… Nala couldn’t think about it. Thinking about Desirée dragged up too many bad memories. Memories as old as her childhood. Memories as old as when she first met Varen only a month ago.
“Don’t worry, Nala. I’ll make sure you don’t think about anything else tonight.”
She laughed. “Idiot. I’m going to be thinking about you.”
“Is that bad?”
Nala tightened her legs around Varen. “Not at all. Just make sure I’m only thinking good things about you, Ms. Lake.”
“Ms. Nazarov, you flatter me.”
“Mmhmm.” She muffled any further sounds against her mouth, inviting Varen to taste the inside of hers – and perhaps the back of her throat.
This wasn’t quick. This wasn’t powerful. This wasn’t even the slightest bit rough. This was everything on the opposite end of the spectrum. This was real lovemaking.
The thought should have scared Nala. Yet as Varen slowly undressed them both, Nala came to realize that, yes, this was exactly what she needed right now.
She needed to feel a strong, protective body overtake hers, gently, but so assuredly that she would never have to worry about a thing again. Or at least for that night.
I am doing the most dangerous thing possible.
Snooping around Ravenwood’s office, going up against possible assassination attempts, and having her identity discovered was nothing compared to making love to Varen, a woman who had the power to completely uproot everything Nala ever thought about herself and what she wanted to achieve in her life.
Her heart realized that she was falling in love with Varen, and no matter how much Nala tried to quash it, she knew it was impossible.
Nobody could stop love. Nobody could have stopped her from loving her parents, from adoring her big sister who always watched out for her…
and now not even the force of the world could stop her cold heart from thawing under the heat of Varen Lake’s body.
“You’re…” It was the only thing Varen said.
By that point they were completely entwined, Varen taking her time, biding her time until Nala was completely ready to accept her.
Once she was, however, the sky split open and revealed a chasm of stars she had never seen before.
Because I never bothered to look up before now.
Tasha the romantic scientist would have told her that was because she had a different outlook on life. Not anymore.
Nala held Varen close, letting this sensation gently roll into her over and over.
She was falling in love. She loved how rough Varen could be with her.
She loved this tender side, too. Varen was learning exactly what Nala needed, and when.
If that didn’t say something about the way she felt for her…
yet they were both the most unlikely people to ever admit it.
That session in the car earlier was the first time Nala had cried in weeks. When was the last time Varen cried?
Crying out in ecstasy didn’t count. Yet that’s exactly what they both did when they gave in to one another, Nala reaching up to touch those blissful, out-of-reach stars.
She wouldn’t be allowed to wrap her hand around one of those until she finished what she set out to accomplish. I love this woman. It was one of the only times Nala allowed herself to think about it without a drop of guilt. She wondered if Varen thought the same way about her.
Entry 13
Last night, Nightingale cried in my arms. I saw the full extent of the fear she keeps buried within her like I bury it within myself. All I can feel is this immense need to protect Nightingale and make sure she never feels that fear again.
Is this love? I don’t know. If it is, then it’s a very different kind of love than I have experienced before.
I used to think that was a bad thing. Slowly, however, Nightingale is showing me that it doesn’t have to be. Maybe every love is different, and this is the kind we offer one another.
Soon. I hope tomorrow. I’ll show her.