Chapter 11
eleven
Ivy
When Ivy awoke, she found herself alone in Leseldh’s bed. She hastily donned last night’s clothes before setting out to find her Mate. It was a quick search—he was in his study, and dismay filled her when she noticed him piling files into a briefcase.
“Another case?” Ivy tried to keep her disappointment in check, so she pulled a smile onto her features and feigned interest in his response. Leseldh’s eyes lifted from his task and warmed when they met hers.
“I’m afraid so. But it should only be a few nights.” He closed the briefcase and rounded the desk to greet her. His arms enveloped her, and he dropped a light kiss to her forehead.
Ivy struggled to conjure a response that didn’t sound laced with disappointment, and Leseldh spoke again before she could answer.
“Ivy, Voresta will take you to Sabor Sanguine when you need to feed. Please do not put yourself in danger while I am away.” His expression matched the seriousness of his tone, and he leaned in and pressed a firm kiss to her lips.
She responded with a light, “Okay.”
Leseldh didn’t acknowledge the resignation that she was sure was evident in that single word.
Instead, he withdrew and collected his briefcase from the desk.
He tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled before leaving the study.
Ivy watched as he disappeared down the stairs.
She blew out a breath and leaned against the study doorway, her mind awash with thought.
Last night was not the mind-blowing, earth-quaking experience that she’d expected for her first time with her Resonant.
It reached a climax—for one of them—all too quickly, and she laid awake for a long time afterward, grappling with her mixed feelings.
She was riddled with dissatisfaction, but there was also a lingering feeling of guilt.
If Leseldh truly was her Resonant, why was the experience so… lacklustre?
Heaving another sigh, Ivy returned to her room to change.
On the way, she glanced in through Leseldh’s bedroom door that she’d left ajar, and her mind revisited the encounter.
In the heat of the moment, everything felt right and necessary, but as she reflected, she noticed the missing pieces—the absence of foreplay, the confirmation that her needs were met, and intimacy in the aftermath.
Last night’s feelings reemerged and fought for prominence.
She needed to know more about Resonants.
She changed into a casual outfit of jeans and a loose-fitting tee, shuddering as her eyes grazed her scar in the mirror.
Pushing an unwelcome rush of memories from her mind, she headed downstairs and visited Leseldh’s library for the first time.
As her eyes raked over the room, she regretted not doing so months ago.
The sheer size and scale of the collection of books was astounding.
Two windows lined the far wall, and floor-to-ceiling bookcases covered the rest, complete with a ladder to reach the uppermost shelves.
A large table stood in the centre of the room with sturdy, high-backed chairs and a lamp for reviewing texts.
A pale, patterned rug covered most of the dark, wooden floors.
There was little other decoration: the books were the focal point.
The room even smelt like a library; it was delightful.
Ivy advanced towards the bookshelves on the left, running her finger along the spines as she skimmed the titles.
There was a mixture of reference books that undoubtedly aided Leseldh’s investigations—legal texts, history books, and tomes on various creatures.
She noticed a small fiction section, and she made a mental note to return to them another time.
For now, she had a particular topic in mind.
She pulled titles from the shelves that referenced Vampires and started poring over them with determination. She skimmed through a book titled Vampires of Iavus, and she found the information gleaned through her interrogation of Finare and Voresta confirmed within the book’s pages.
But a snippet on Familial Bonds caught her eye, and she devoured the information hungrily:
Vampire Bonding: Sire and Broodling
A Vampire’s Creator is known as a Sire, and a Vampire that Creates another makes them their Broodling. Sires and Broodlings are inextricably linked, and this bond is strongest during the Vampire’s Fledgling Era.
The year proceeding a Vampire’s Creation is considered the Fledgling Era. A Fledgling is highly vulnerable during this Era and will feel a strong connection with their Sire as a means of self-preservation. Once a Fledgling completes the Ascension and enters the Ascendant Era, this bond eases.
The words caused Ivy’s seed of worry to grow. Had Leseldh manipulated their bond to get her to admit feelings for him? Had everything he’d done been a deception? If so, why?
Ivy thought her compelling need to be near Leseldh was due to her attraction to him and their connection as Mates.
She believed they were each other’s Resonant, and the idea that it was fate was bolstered by her violet-eyed duplicate on Leseldh’s study wall.
These facts contributed to last night’s experience—was that why it fell short of her expectations?
One of the library’s double doors creaked open, interrupting her contemplation. Finare’s head appeared in the small gap and a smile spread across his face when he spotted her at the desk.
“There you are.” He pushed open the door and strode inside. “I’d thought you’d snuck out to have fun without me.”
“Hardly.” Ivy’s words were drenched in bitterness.
Finare dropped into a seat across from her, his eyes sweeping over the books that littered the desk. His smile faltered when he met her piercing glare.
“What is it?” His tone matched the expression of concern that washed over his features.
“You tell me.” She tossed Vampires of Iavus in his direction. He ran his eyes over the page before returning his gaze to hers.
“Leseldh never told you about the bond?”
“Not explicitly. He made it sound like I felt the bond because I’m his Resonant.” Thick, oily shame washed over Ivy as she recalled their conversation.
Finare took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat. He lifted his leg to rest his foot on the chair, wrapping his arms around his shin. He took another moment to respond, and Ivy sensed he was considering his next words carefully before responding.
“When I was Created by Leseldh, I was in a bad place. My life in Cevoria was… turbulent. I asked Leseldh to kill me, but he made me a Vampire instead.” He was silent for a moment, seemingly lost in his memories.
After a time, he continued, “I hated him for it. But at the same time, I wanted to be near him, which confused the shit out of me.”
Finare’s face moved through a montage of emotions as he spoke—sadness, frustration, and eventually, amusement.
Ivy was surprised at Finare’s display of vulnerability.
This was the first piece of his history she’d received, and discovering he felt comfortable enough to share it with her warmed her heart.
“I’m so sorry, Finare. What happened after your Ascension?” Ivy queried delicately.
“Like it says in the book. The bond faded. But the hatred remained.” Finare’s words were cold; in opposition to his usual warmth.
“Do you think what I’m feeling is just the bond?” There was an edge of fear in Ivy’s question, and Finare looked at her with sympathy. It made her feel worse.
“What you share with Leseldh seems stronger than the Sire and Broodling bond. But I guess we won’t know for sure until you’ve Ascended.”
Thinking about her Ascension made her think of Killian’s deadline.
If she lived long enough to complete the Ascension, then her prize would be the truth of her feelings for Leseldh.
Would the struggle for survival be worth it in the end?
She shuddered and tried to push the thoughts of Killian from her mind.
“Did you ever want to… sleep with Leseldh in that first year?” Ivy’s words were uttered quietly. Her cheeks flushed with pink as she looked over at him expectantly. Finare chuckled in response.
“Fuck no. That was an urge I didn’t feel.” Finare studied Ivy’s face silently. A grin spread across his lips as he asked, “Did you and Zeldy finally get it on?”
Finare’s question sent a wave of heat through her body. She rubbed the back of her neck as she considered how much to share.
“Last night was our first time.” Ivy’s blush intensified, and she shifted her gaze to the books before her. She could see Finare’s grin turning devilish from her peripheral vision.
“And how was it?” Finare drew out his words, and his tone told her he wanted to hear all the details. Ivy remembered their conversation at Lunarian on this topic and it made her wish that she had a better story to tell.
“It was a little underwhelming. And… brief.” Putting breath behind the words made Ivy feel a fresh surge of guilt. She pressed her lips together tightly.
“Ah, that explains the existential crisis.” There was kindness in Finare’s voice, which coaxed her gaze back to his.
Finare dropped his knee and rested his forearms on the desk. He eyed Ivy curiously with his mismatched stare.
“Give the guy a break. It’s been a while.” Finare’s eyes twinkled with amusement, but he added gently, “He genuinely believes you’re his Resonant. And the way he’s utterly consumed by you is different to what I experienced with him during my Fledgling Era.”
A strange expression rippled across Finare’s features for so brief of a moment that Ivy wondered if she’d imagined it. Finare rose from his seat and moved to the library door.
Before he left the room, he said to her, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your first year as a Vampire is tough. According to that book, the bond protects you. And with Killian out there, it doesn’t hurt to be careful. I’d say, lean in for now. Assess how you feel after your Ascension.”
Finare’s words helped to put some of Ivy’s doubts into perspective.
From what he shared of his experience, it sounded like her situation could be a lot worse.
If his relationship with Leseldh lacked a sexual element, perhaps her attraction to him was stronger than the bond.
She recalled the way she was drawn to him even before her Creation and felt reassured.
Despite this new information, she felt as though she was where she was meant to be. She wasn’t sure whether it began and ended with her being a Vampire, or whether there was something more. But perhaps, like with the matter of the bond, the answers would come with her Ascension.
As her mind bombarded her with images of Killian’s looming form and those swirling, red-and-black eyes, she realised it was just a matter of surviving until then.