Chapter Twelve
“You don’t have to stay,” Donnie grumbled.
Mackie had picked him up from the hospital and brought him home to his condo.
His team had decided without consulting him, that Mackie would stay at his place for the time being.
Being the only other single guy on Raven and living in the same condo complex, it had been agreed it was the best option.
Donnie was irritated decisions were being made without consulting him, but there was no point complaining. He did need help whether he liked it or not.
“You heard Sophie. You cannot be left alone right now. But if you would rather stay in Westside...” Mackie let it hang, knowing damn well Donnie hated being in the hospital.
“Fine.”
“Good. Now, do you need anything?”
“No.”
Donnie was settled on his couch. It had been a harrowing experience getting from Westside to his apartment.
If he ever got his sight back, he would never take it for granted again.
He had felt like a toddler learning to walk for the first time, uncertain of where to put his feet.
Holding onto Mackie. Stumbling at curbs and steps.
It had been humiliating, and he hated anyone seeing him like this.
“Have you spoken to your folks yet?”
“No, not yet. I will soon.” He didn't want to tell anyone. Wasn't ready to admit what had happened. “Is my phone here?”
“Yeah. Hang on.” A few seconds later, Mackie placed it in his hand. “If you want to unlock it, I can check the messages for you.”
Donnie held it in front of his face and waited. “Knock yourself out.” Mackie took it from him.
“Sure I’m not going to see anything I shouldn’t?” he teased, but Donnie wasn't in the mood.
“Just tell me the messages.”
“OK, then. Looks like you got a couple of voicemails. And a text from Charlie.”
“What does it say?”
“Hey, just wanted to make sure you’re OK? She sent it last week.”
“Play the voicemails.” He gave him the code, and they listened.
“Hey, Donnie, it’s Mom. Just checking in. Not sure when you are back. It was so lovely to see you. Best birthday preset ever. Call me. Love you.”
He waited for the next message.
“Hi, Donnie. I don’t mean to stalk you. I’m just worried. I guess I’m not sure how your... job... works. If you are back, just send me a quick text to let me know you’re OK. Thanks. Oh...it’s Charlie by the way.”
“Do you want me to respond to either?” Mackie offered.
“No.” He was snapping and being moody. He knew it and Mackie didn’t deserve it. Sighing he said, “I’m assuming your guy had nothing to report about Simon. He stayed away?”
“Not heard.”
“Does he know what he’s doing?”
Mackie chuckled. “Yeah, he does. We’ve been kind of busy, and I have had other things on my mind. I’ll touch base with him now.”
Donnie waited as Mackie got up and moved out of the room to make the call.
A few minutes later, he was back, still talking. “Alright, I’m putting you on speaker now.”
“Hello, Donnie.”
What. The. Fuck? “Tracer?”
“I heard what happened. Fuckers have a lot to answer for.”
Yeah, they did. But Donnie didn’t want to get into that now. “Their time will come,” he grumbled.
“So, Simon Radwell has been in London. Due back in New York tomorrow. There’s been some phone calls and texts to Charlie. He’s been asking her to meet him. So far, she’s declined.”
Donnie sighed in relief. She was staying strong.
“You should know,” Tracer continued, “he was attending a party in London. He’s got friends in high places who arrange exclusive soirées. Discreet. Plenty of booze, drugs, and escorts. Guys and girls. The boy sure knows how to party.”
Donnie clenched his fists. “Son of a bitch. Do you have any proof?” He had no plans to show Charlie, but he damn well was going to pay the fucker a visit and make sure Simon never so much as glanced Charlie’s way ever again. Yeah, you and a white stick?
“Yeah. Photos. I’ll send them over shortly. You’ll be glad you can’t see them.”
“Thanks. Appreciate it,” he said tightly.
“You’re welcome. Now, I want something in return.”
“What?” Mackie jumped in. “You never mentioned anything when you agreed to do this.”
“I don't want anything from you, Mackie. This is for Donnie.”
“What do you want?” Donnie said through gritted teeth.
“Don’t fucking give up. Stop pushing people away, because I know that’s what you’re doing.
I’ve been there, and this helplessness feeling is not going to get you through this.
It took me a long time to stop focusing on what I’d lost rather than what I still had.
Don't make the same mistakes I did. Let people help you. Let your team in. From what I hear, there’s a chance you will recover in full.
It sucks, but you are not in this alone.
Unless you choose to be.” The phone call ended.
“Shit. Wasn’t expecting that. Sorry, man,” Mackie said.
“Don’t be. How long you and he been talking?”
“I was curious. I wasn't on the team when he was around. I looked into him. Guess he caught me snooping. The man is very good at what he does and has technology available to him like I’ve never seen. Even better than Onyx. We got talking. It’s a tech thing.”
Donnie sighed. “I don't know him that well. Dex and Ryan hung with him most. For a man I barely know, it was good of him to help. You could have told me.”
Tracer was a former SEAL—until an IED tore up his leg.
He’d recovered and could walk but was not cleared for duty.
He’d set up a security firm, but when his sister was brutally murdered, he had gone underground on a vigilante mission to avenge her death.
Raven and Tracer’s paths had crossed a couple of times now, and mutual respect went all round.
“He asked me not to. Then he heard what happened and insisted on talking to you. So here we are. You going to tell her?”
Donnie was quiet for a moment. His life might be ruined, but he didn't want to ruin Charlie’s.
“I don’t want to, but I think I might have to.”
He hoped it didn't come to that because how the fuck was he going to tell her when he couldn't see her face, or be the man she was going to need if she learned the truth.
***
CHARLIE SCROLLED THROUGH cable channels, trying to find something to watch. Her parents had gone out to do some grocery shopping and the house was quiet. She should be looking for somewhere to live, or getting her things from Simon's apartment, but she couldn't bring herself to do either.
Simon had called her again last night, but she let it go to voicemail.
He'd sounded drunk. Angry. Telling her she was being ridiculous, and they were destined to be together.
He went on about how she would regret letting the best thing to happen to her go.
Arrogant asshole. Did he really think tirades like that would win her over?
All it did was reinforce her decision to end it.
She was glad she let it go to voicemail.
She had no desire to speak to him in that mood.
He might think he was the best thing to happen to her, and at one point she had.
She knew better now. Donnie had showed her how much better things could be.
She still hadn’t heard from Donnie, and she was beyond worried. She’d seen the Donaldsons yesterday and asked politely if they had heard from him. They hadn’t but reassured her that wasn’t unusual. Sometimes he went weeks without calling.
Charlie settled on the news, not really in the mood to get into a movie or show. Donnie’s words swam around in her head.
“I want you, Charlie. In my life. And not just as a friend.”
She had dreamed of hearing him say that in high school, and if she was honest, in the years since. Maddie had been right. However much he’d hurt her by leaving, she’d never stopped having feelings for him. It was those feelings that were making her so hesitant to be anything more than friends.
With Simon, she was upset it was over, but her heart wasn't broken. She had ended it, knowing, while she cared for Simon, maybe loved him for a while, she had never truly been in love with him. She already knew she would pick herself up and get over him. Donnie was a whole different story. She loved him already. Everything about him turned her on. Not just the way he made her body come to life in a way she’d never known it could, but in all the other things he did.
His interest in her as a person. Asking about her work, her family, her friends.
All the things he’d done for her without asking and without making a big deal.
Paying when they went out. Ordering her food because he knew she was hungry.
Giving her time alone. Listening. The man ticked all the boxes except trust.
Ten years ago, after she’d laid herself bare to him and asked him to take her virginity, he had been just as thoughtful and attentive.
But he still left and broke her heart. They’d only shared a kiss then.
If she gave Donnie what he wanted now, got into an actual relationship with him and he left?
Or it didn't work out? That would break her heart beyond repair.
She wasn't sure she would ever get over it.
Her phone rang and she picked it up, relief flooding her seeing Donnie’s name.
“Hey! You’re back? Are you OK?” she blurted.
“Yes. I’m back and I’m fine. Sorry, I didn't call sooner, I was tied up longer than expected.”
He didn't sound fine. He sounded quiet and subdued. Not like Donnie at all.
“I’m just glad you’re OK. How was it?” she asked tentatively.
“I can’t talk about it. How are things with you?”
“Um... I’m good.”
“Are you in Albany?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
Charlie frowned, feeling the tension coming through the phone. Trying to lighten the mood she changed the subject.
“Any chance you have some time off and are coming to Albany again?” Would love to see you. She kept that thought to herself.
“No. I won't be coming back for a while.”
The blunt way he said it took her by surprise. Where was the Donnie that wanted more than friends?
“Is everything OK?” she asked.
“Yes.”
The clipped one word answer was like ice. Perhaps he’d changed his mind about her. Was calling just to be polite.
“OK. I’ll let you go then. Thanks for calling to let me know you’re back.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, annoyed for feeling hurt at his coldness. She heard a sigh at the end of the phone.
“I’m sorry, Charlie. It was a rough op, that’s all.” His tone was softer.
“I can’t imagine. You do get time off between missions, don’t you? Time to rest?”
“Yeah, we do.”
“Then why not come here? We can catch up with Maddie. High school friends hanging out. I’m sure your folks would love to see you again.” She hated that he sounded so sad. He’d been so much fun in Toronto.
“I can’t.”
The way he said it made her heart pinch. Something was wrong. Determined, she tried again.
“Come on, it’s not that long a flight. We can go to the Taco place you—”
“Charlie I can’t come,” he snapped, startling her.
“Sorry. I didn't mean to push. I’ll let you go. Take care of yourself, Donnie.” She hung up on him and swiped at the tears on her cheeks.
The phone rang again, Donnie's name flashing on the screen. Nope. Not again. Not right now. She silenced the phone and headed to the kitchen, pouring more wine than she probably should.
Hearing a knock at the door, she walked, glass in hand to open it. Maddie stood there with a bottle of red and a big grin. Charlie held up her glass.
“I already started.”
“Oh, well I guess I need to catch up.” Maddie grinned wider and Charlie stepped aside to let her in.
“Where are your folks?” Maddie asked, heading into the kitchen.
Charlie slumped down on a bar stool. “Out shopping. Where are the kids?”
“Dave got home early and I needed a break.” She smiled as she poured herself a glass. God, I love you being back here.” Maddie raised her glass.
Charlie clinked it halfheartedly.
“Donnie called.”
“He’s back? That’s good.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Except it wasn’t.”
“Oh.”
Charlie relayed the conversation. “He was so... cold. Like a different person.”
“Charlie. He told you he had a rough time. Maybe this is what happens sometimes. He probably just needs a few days to... decompress or something. I can only imagine some of the things they have to do.”
A wave of guilt rushed over Charlie. “He could have just said that. He could have just texted and said he was back if he needs time. Now I feel like a bitch.”
“Call him back later or tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll be fine. You might have to get used to this if you’re going to be his girlfriend.”
“I’m not his girlfriend.”
“Yet. From what you said he plans to change that.”
Charlie stayed quiet, sipping her wine.
“Have you heard from Simon?” Maddie asked.
“He calls and texts. Last was a voicemail yesterday.” Charlie played it for her.
“Shit. He sounds angry.”
Charlie shrugged. “Glad I let it go to voicemail.”
“Don’t go there to get your things. Not alone anyway. I don’t like the way he sounded.”
“You’re as bad as Donnie. He said the same.”
“Well, he’s right. Have you given it any more thought? About Donnie?”
“It’s all I think about, and I don't know what to do.” Charlie sighed, topping up her glass.
“There’s no rush, Charlie. You don’t have to know now.” Maddie held out her glass and Charlie filled it.
“God, I wish Nate was here right now. He knew Donnie better than anyone.”
“I know. I’m sorry. He would want you to be happy. I know that.”
They were quiet, sipping their drinks. A buzzing came from the kitchen and Charlie realized it was her phone.
She forgot she had silenced it earlier. She walked over and picked it up, seeing three missed calls from Donnie and two from her mom.
Donnie could wait a little longer, but she called her mom back.
She rarely rang twice. Always texted if Charlie didn't answer.
“Hi, Mom, is everything alright?”
“Yes, well no.”
“What is it? Is Dad OK?”
Maddie was on her feet walking toward her, frowning.
“No. He’s fine,” her mom said. “I just ran into Mrs. Donaldson. It’s Donnie. He was hurt.”