14. Logan
14
LOGAN
“The ten-second rule only applies if there’s not actual dirt hanging off the food that you pick up.” I try to explain the reasoning behind throwing away the last piece of Poppy’s pizza.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to understand that I haven’t just betrayed everything she cares about. Normally, I’d turn right back around and order her another full pizza, even if it is just one slice that ends up in the trash. But we are already running late for her appointment, and I don’t want to miss the chance to see our boy moving around.
“Come on,” I urge when she still doesn’t move from her spot in the parking lot. “I promise, if you give up on the craziness right now, I will order you two pizzas and have them waiting for when we get out.”
She sniffs, her eyes filling with tears. “Do you think I’m that fat? That I’ll be able to eat two of them?”
“No, P.” I laugh, despite the volatile situation I know I’m standing in. “I’m saying that I know you don’t work tomorrow and having a pizza that you don’t have to leave the house for or have delivered is exactly what you want while you relax.”
Immediately, the tears dry up and a smile overtakes her face.
“I feel absolutely crazy.” She admits when she moves to my side and takes my nondominant hand. “I get the hormones are supposed to be like this and all, but crying one second and happy the next is a bit extreme. Even for me.”
Like the smart man I was raised to be, I choose not to question my woman on her craziness. Instead, I brush one of her curls away from her face and kiss her forehead.
“No matter what happens or how you act, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.” She smiles up at me. “Because I think I lost one of your gun clips. I couldn’t find it this morning when I was folding laundry and I know you forget to take them out of your pocket all the time.”
She lets go of my hand and walks into the doctor’s office without looking back. Giving her a ten-second head start, I check over my shoulder, making sure there aren’t any suspicious vehicles or people around. Then I go inside, not bothering to remove the gun from my hip. My badge sits in a visible position, and I nod at the security guard on my way in.
“Logan,” he greets with a smile. “Glad you’re bringing the redhead today. She’s always a bit happier when you’re in the waiting room with her.”
“Thanks, Steve.” I shake the other man’s hand and then walk through the metal detector, ignoring the way it goes off. “It’s luck we’re both off today. She’s been a bit amped up all day. Even had soda at lunch.”
“Girl still thinks she’s gonna get told it’s a girl and not a boy, no doubt.” He laughs. “You know if you don’t hurry, she’s gonna pop back up like a weed and drag you by the ear to make you follow her.”
“Yeah.” I laugh, starting to walk down the hall toward the OB department. “But she’s the most beautiful weed I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”
“Like a dandelion?” Poppy stands just around the corner with a sly smile on her face. “Or are you thinking of like a clover or violets?”
“No.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “I think you’re more like Devil’s Snare. You know, that blooms at night and makes you hallucinate and die.”
When she slaps my chest and opens the door to the OB, I’m laughing.
“What?” I ask her after she checks in. “You don’t like the truth?”
Poppy pulls her hair out of the tie that she has holding it on top of her head and rewraps it in a ponytail at the base of her neck, rolling her eyes at me while she does it.
“You were romantic, up until you said that I’m toxic and kill people.”
“No,” I correct her, rubbing the back of her neck. “I said you make me hallucinate and have the power to kill me. I think that’s a pretty good compliment. There’s not much that I know for a fact has the power to destroy me. But you? Every single day and twice at night. You have the power in this situation. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll do anything you want.”
She doesn’t get a chance to answer because the nurse calls out her name. “Poppy Blake?”
“That’s us.” I stand up and offer Poppy my hand, smiling when she takes it to heave herself up even though she’s only been sitting for a few seconds. “I love how pregnant you are.”
“Shut up,” she growls, walking ahead of me the entire time. “Close your eyes so you don’t see how fat I am, Lo.”
I close my eyes and even turn my head when she steps on the scale. I meant it when I told her that anything she wants, I’ll give her.
“You’re not fat,” I tell her with my eyes closed, presumably while the nurse finishes taking her vitals before walking us to the exam room. “You’re pregnant. With my kid. It’s hot as fuck.”
“She’s done,” the nurse says with a small laugh. “You two are adorable together.”
I open my eyes to see Poppy beaming at me. “You kept them closed.” She steps away, and I follow like the lovesick fool that I am.
“Of course I did.”
When we are alone in her exam room, I hold out a hand and help her step up to the table where she lies back against the reclined top.
“Did you really order the pizza?” Poppy asks, her eyes wide with concern. “Because I’m actually starting to get hungry again.”
With a laugh, I hold out my phone for her to see. “I sent Vi a text as soon as you dropped it. I would never joke about your pizza.”
A knock on the door announces the doctor, and Poppy smiles when he walks in. “Hey, it’s you. I thought I was meeting with the other doctor today.”
Kyle Harmon walks in, wearing a t-shirt and jeans, not looking in the slightest like the physician he is. All of which would set me on edge if it weren’t for the fact that I know he’s not even the slightest interested in my woman.
“Hi, Poppy. Nope. You’ve got me for this visit. Try not to let anything happen this week, though, because I’ll be out of town with Josh to celebrate him leaving the troopers.” He nods at me. “Logan.” Before stepping any farther into the room, he washes his hands at the sink. “How’s the baby growing in there?”
“Good.” Poppy laughs, rubbing her stomach. “He’s just like his father. Ornery and taking up all the space in my life, demanding attention when all I want to do is sleep.”
“That’s good.” Kyle slips on a pair of gloves and proceeds to check Poppy’s chart for the notes the nurse made. “Your weight is still the same. Are you making sure to get enough calories in?”
Poppy shoots me a dark look. “Don’t even say a word.” Then she sniffs. “Yes, I am. It’s hard, but I’m making sure to get plenty of carbs, too.”
“Remember, the stress you’re adding to your body isn’t good. That’s why you have to see me, after all. High-risk pregnancies like yours?—”
“Wait, what?” I interject. “Poppy’s high risk?”
Poppy freezes, a guilty look on her face, and she turns away. But not before I see the truth on her face.
“P.” I speak quietly. "What the hell is going on?”
Kyle looks between the two of us. “You said you were going to tell him. That the two of you made the decision together.”
My heart feels like it is on fire and frozen at the same time. It literally hurts to breathe while I wait for one of them to tell me what I’m missing.
When it is clear Poppy isn’t going to say anything, Kyle clears his throat and sits down on the rolling cushion next to the computer in the corner of the office.
“When Poppy came in for her first official visit, at twenty-one weeks along, I gave her all of her options. Because of the damage to her heart from before, and the fact that she’s technically over thirty, she’s not only high risk, but she’s technically considered a geriatric pregnancy. One of the options that I gave her, and told her to strongly consider, was electing to terminate the pregnancy due to the danger it poses to Poppy herself.”
“What?” The question tears itself from my core. “Terminate?”
“No,” Poppy snaps, her hands covering her stomach protectively. “If you call me geriatric one more time, I’m going to make it so that you never have children, Dr. Harmon.” She sneers. “I’m not freaking old. And if you keep calling me old, you’re going to have to eat through a straw for a month. I also told you that terminating wasn’t an option. For either one of us. And when I came back, I told you that Logan and I were in agreement, which we are.” Her eyes meet mine, and the determination there keeps me silent. “I’m having this baby.”
“I know,” I tell her. Turning to Kyle, I nod. “She’s right. Terminating isn’t an option for us.”
“And when you told me that, I told you that medically, it would be hard on your body. That’s why you’re not gaining weight. Why you’re struggling to sleep, according to the notes from the nurse.” He sighs. “Poppy. You’re in the last stages, where the baby is growing more and more every day. You’re thirty-two weeks along. In another four, I would have zero concerns about you going into labor.” Kyle stares down at her chart. “I think your best bet is to go back on bed rest until the end of your pregnancy. I’m just not happy with where your health is at. Your blood pressure is slightly elevated.” He ticks off the problems using his fingers. “You’re experiencing intermittent edema, where your extremities are swelling.”
“But that’s normal,” Poppy defends. “And I just ate pizza, so that could have my blood pressure elevated.”
“Stop.” The quiet order leaves both of them completely silent.
It’s rare that I use this tone of voice on anyone outside of a criminal setting, and using it on Poppy could leave me in the doghouse.
I get up from the chair I’ve had my ass planted in since we walked into the room, and I stand in front of her, cupping her cheeks with my hands. Once I have her attention, I clear my throat and kiss her quickly. Just a peck on the lips.
“You made me a promise, right?”
She nods.
“To do whatever you had to in order to keep you and our boy safe. If that means bed rest for the next two months, you’ll do it. Right?”
I’m not really asking, and she knows it. If I have to get fuzzy handcuffs and a vinyl fuckin’ rope, I’ll make sure that she doesn’t put herself in any danger. Not for this.
“You just ate. And I know for a fact you’ve been getting enough calories in for you to gain weight. But you’re not. So now, we’re going to do whatever he says that we need to. You’re going to rest and be spoiled and just suffer with being happily pregnant.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “And if you decide not to, I’ll get some fuzzy handcuffs.” I decide to tell her exactly what I’ll do. “I’ll make sure that you’re happily stuck in our house, even if I have to tie you up to make it happen.”
My heart is already pounding in my chest at the thought that she is actively putting herself in danger to carry our baby. I can’t even imagine what will happen if her pregnancy puts her life in jeopardy.
Losing her will destroy me.
It’s just not an option that I’m okay with.
It is the only reason I’ve stayed away from her for all these years. If I don’t have her, I can’t lose her.
Now that I’ve been shoved in this direction, I’m not going to lose her. I refuse.
“Okay.” The tension in her shoulders dissipates, leaving nothing but the defeated look on her face.
But her agreement does nothing to alleviate the pressure in my gut. The anxiety and fear of losing Poppy is right there. Not only am I dealing with Ortega and anything that’s coming from his direction, but now this.
“She’ll do the bed rest, Doc. Anything else that we need to do in the meantime?” Poppy slips her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together.
Kyle nods. “Great. For now, you just keep eating whatever you want to, within reason. And we’ll be back here in two weeks to check and make sure everything is going the right way. Now.” He claps his hands together with a smile. “Are you ready to see your baby again?”
Poppy nods, a small smile taking over her face. “I drank so much of Logan’s soda at lunch. You don’t even know. I can’t wait to see how much he moves.”
Kyle stands up and walks to the door. “I’m gonna grab the ultrasound tech and be right back. Once we make sure you’re measuring the right way and your placenta is healthy, you’ll be on your way.”
“Thank you.” I hold out my hand for Kyle to shake.
He takes it, nodding with a knowing look on his face.
Kyle didn’t need to spill Poppy’s secret, and if she hadn’t been in the room, I have no doubt that he wouldn’t have said anything. But she was there, with me, and she hadn’t demanded that he not share with me. The amount of respect that I have for the other man grows to new heights in that moment. It took strength for him to navigate a situation like ours with grace and while also respecting Poppy and the fact that this is ultimately her decision to make.
Once the door is closed behind him, Poppy immediately opens her mouth.
“I refused to terminate,” she snaps. “You can’t get mad at me for making that choice. I’m not going to regret it or take it back. I don’t care what it costs me. I’m having our baby and you can just suck on a rotten potato if you think anything else about it.”
There is only one thing keeping me from being happy, and even the thought of putting it into words makes me sick to my stomach. But I can’t not bring it up.
“And what am I going to do if having our baby kills you? Because I can tell you, my heart goes with you. If something happens to you, I may as well eat a fuckin’ bullet, Poppy. If you go, I’m following you into the ground.”
The door opens, and anything else we may have said gets pushed aside. While I watch our baby on the screen, all I can think of is the cost he will come with.
And I’m man enough to admit that I’m not prepared to pay that price.
I never will be.