15. Poppy
15
POPPY
Whoever rings my doorbell waits on my front porch until I finally waddle from the kitchen into the living room and open the door with gasping breaths.
“This package came for you today.” Nia holds out a small envelope, and I take it from her while I still try to catch my breath. “Are you okay? The baby’s not coming right now, is it?”
She watches me carefully, and I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry. The baby is not coming right now. Hopefully not for another two months or so.” I laugh, trying to calm her down when it is clear she has immediately gone into panic mode. “I got some heartburn from eating a piece of leftover pizza in like two bites. It hurts.” Rubbing my chest, I sigh deeply when the pain goes away. “It’s my own stupid fault for trying to eat.”
“Okay, good.” Nia steps back. “I don’t need to be delivering any babies.”
“Thanks for bringing this.” I wave the envelope, ignoring the fact that I’m pregnant enough to actually go into labor in favor of the tiniest piece of mail delivered. “I don’t remember ordering anything to the department, so it must be a baby present.”
I’ve gotten a lot of baby shit in the mail since I found out I’m pregnant, and most of it is stuff that my parents or Logan’s parents have bought because they ‘thought of the baby’ and then bought it and had it delivered before I could tell them not to do it.
When Nia doesn’t immediately move to leave, I raise an eyebrow. “Oh. You’re staying because Logan thinks I’m gonna try to make a jailbreak and get out of bed rest if someone isn’t here to help keep me occupied.”
She smiles broadly, not a hint of guilt anywhere on her face. “He offered to cover dispatch so I could actually go pick up my own dinner tonight if I made sure you had everything you needed.” While I watch, she wraps her long blond hair in a braid that hangs over her shoulder. “He said that if he showed up, you might take a rusty spork and drive it into his eyeball or something like that. The threat was vague, but he seemed pretty terrified which would be hilarious if it were anyone but him.”
“Thanks for stopping.” I wave a hand over my pajamas, which are actually Logan’s since that’s all I can seem to fit into anymore if I don’t want to squeeze into leggings. “But you don’t have to stay. I’m not going anywhere. Honestly, I’m too tired to do much of anything except eat and watch reruns of my favorite movies at this point.”
“Okay.” Nia rubs her hands together. “This is my last shift before I’m gone for the weekend with my sister and niece. We’re headed to Belfast for a weekend of relaxation, fun, and birthday celebrations for the only kid in the world I can stand.” She winks before opening the front door. “You know, besides whatever hellion you deliver for Detective Pierce.”
“Pure demon spawn,” I tell her. “And it’s all his fault. Did you know I want freaking tacos now? Like actual tacos. I hate tacos. Hate them worse than anything else. But all Logan’s progeny wants is that disgusting stuff. Logan had it put on pizzas for me, so I don’t feel like I’m completely cheating on my favorite food.”
“If you get bored, you can FaceTime me, and I’ll walk around the bullpen with my phone in my pocket and we can scare the piss out of whoever’s in the shop,” Nia offers with a smile.
“Thank you, Nia.” When she walks down the front lawn, I close and lock the front door. Then because I’m not an idiot and I know something is bothering Logan enough that he has people checking on me, I set the alarm for good measure.
Once I’m as safe as I can be in Logan’s house, which is pretty much a fortress, I toss the envelope on the counter to open later.
Then I do all the laundry. And fold it. And put it away. I clean the house from top to bottom. By the time I’m done, I still have like five hours until Logan gets off work and all I want to do is crawl out of my skin.
Deciding enough is enough, I change into another one of Logan’s shirts and roll myself into a burrito made out of blankets. Once I’m nice and bundled up, I plop down on the couch, pull a pillow down under my head, and start to poke my stomach until my son pushes back against my intrusions.
The entire time, I’ve barely paid attention to the show I put on to get away from the silence all around me. Occasionally, I get up and check to see which of the patrol officers is sitting down the driveway, keeping an eye on the house from the tree line on the edge of the property.
I’m halfway through rewatching the first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine by the time Logan walks through the door. Then I get to laugh and watch him struggle to disarm and reset the alarm that starts to blare in his ear when he doesn’t get it done fast enough.
“How did you even remember to set the alarm?” Logan sits down on the ground next to the couch, not disturbing my blanket burrito. “You haven’t set that thing once since you’ve moved in.”
“That’s not true,” I say lamely. “Well, okay, it’s true. But I was thinking about how crazy you’ve been lately. Like the type of crazy that has you watching over my shoulder constantly and sending patrol officers by the house to make sure that I’m okay. And when I called my mom about it, she said that every time there would be something dangerous going on with Dad and Sammy’s club and they thought she might be in danger, Dad would have one of the club members or a prospect keep an eye on things. So then I figured it had to be something important, and I turned on the alarm just in case.”
Logan listens to my entire spiel, his eyes never leaving my face even though my arms are waving around like I’m an absolute lunatic, and then he smiles.
“You haven’t once asked me to tell you what’s going on,” he says. “Why not?”
I sniff, closing my eyes, and burrow deeper into the blankets. “If you were ready for me to know, you’d have told me.” I crack open one eye and spear him with a harsh look. “But anytime you wanna get on that, I’m here and waiting. I’m just busy growing your child so it’s not like I’m doing something important or anything like that.”
Logan leans forward, pressing his hands against my stomach gently through the blankets, and then moves so that his forehead is lined up with mine.
“I love you. So damn much.”
“I know.” I quote Star Wars back at him, yet again, and hope that he won’t ask me to tell him I love him.
Yes, I love him. I will always love him. But I can’t say the words right now. Not when I’m essentially a human incubator and I’m frustrated. I’m also not about to dig too deeply into it, at least not until after the baby hormones are out of my body. And maybe not even after that.
Logan is still staring at me, and even though only a few seconds have passed after my words, I feel like I need to fill the empty space.
“I want you to be the Jake to my Amy,” I blurt out.
Logan looks over his shoulder, where two of the characters in my show are currently fighting their attraction to each other.
“They can be us,” he counters and then devours my lips in a punishing kiss. “I can’t start this right now, though, because I want to tell you what’s been going on.” His explanation after pulling back from the kiss doesn’t really do much.
Breathless and flushed, I think about breaking his thumbs if he doesn’t get naked. The hormones are making me crazy, but I really want to know why he’s gone full alpha when it comes to my safety.
“Okay,” I huff when I finally get control over my girly bits. “Tell me.”
Logan sits back, just out of reach, which is probably good since I’m still wrapped in my blanket and can’t get to him.
“You know that Lettie died of a drug overdose.”
I nod but don’t open my mouth.
“You also know that they got the guy, and his fingerprints were all over the syringe and my sister’s body.”
Again, I nod.
“He was released from prison this week, and I’m afraid that he’s going to come after me. And by me, I mean you. Because I’m terrified that he’s going to try to hurt me, and you’re the only way he can do that.”
I pause and then nod. Logan had been right there in court when they’d charged the drug dealer, and I remember it being one of the last times I ever saw him before he left for his first duty station.
It was right after boot camp, and I’d still been recovering, or I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Logan came to my parents’ house after, making sure that I knew the man responsible was going to prison.
“He’s dangerous, Poppy. It doesn’t matter that he’s served his time. Or that the parole board deemed him acceptable to release. I don’t trust him not to try and hurt you to get to me. So I’ve got help watching your six.”
His eyes take on the same dead, haunted look they used to have whenever he looked at me. For the first time since we decided to really do this, I’m afraid. Not of the drug dealer. Well, that’s a lie. I’m horrified for Logan that the man responsible for Lettie’s death may not be done with his family. But that isn’t the important part. The important thing that I worry about is the fact that I know Logan. And Logan will do anything he thinks may keep me safe. Including run. Again.
In my hurry to get off the couch, I forget that I literally can’t escape because I’ve wrapped myself like a baby in a swaddle, and I fall off the couch with an “Oomph.”
Logan catches me so I don’t land on my stomach, which I’m thankful for. But that doesn’t stop me from disentangling myself from the blankets as quickly as I’m able. Nor does it stop me from launching myself back at him, wrapping my legs around his waist when he begins to pull back.
“You’re not going anywhere,” I inform his neck as I press my face against him as close as I can manage. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere. Not when I’m about to have your freaking demon spawn who won’t sleep until you’re in bed with me at night. No one else is going to know how I like my coffee in the morning now or the fact that I have to eat those stupid crappy tacos unless they have pizza I can add taco toppings to.” I sniffle loudly, unable to stop the tears. “You literally cannot go. It will destroy me, do you understand?”
“Hey.” Logan brings his hands up to my neck, using his thumbs to force my face up to meet his. “I didn’t say I was going anywhere. Neither of us is going anywhere. I told you. I don’t care what I have to do or how many favors I have to call in, I’m going to keep you and our boy safe.” He kisses me again, taking his time, and I can’t help grinding down onto his lap.
“None of that now,” Logan whispers against my lips while his hands grab my thighs. “I’m trying to tell you why I need you to listen to me about being careful. Don’t go out if you don’t have to. And if you do, let me know where you’re going and when you’re home. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. Do you understand?” He’s throwing my own question back at me, and I don’t even care.
I don’t stop.
In fact, his words have me pressing into him until I can feel his groan rather than hear it.
“I’m listening,” I tell him once I’m satisfied that he’s getting worked up. “But right now, I need you inside me. Afterward, you can tell me all the things you need me to do so that you don’t lose your mind when you’re not with me. Right now, though, you need to take your fucking pants off.” I growl the last bit, already stripping the shirt off my body.
“Nothing else?” Logan croaks. “You weren’t wearing anything else?”
“No.”
I smile at him when he lifts me up. Just enough so that he can unzip his pants and pull them down over his dick. Then he’s bringing me right back down on top of his hard cock. Doing what I can to help, I move a hand between us and grab just under the head, guiding him until he lines up at my entrance.
“Rock back.” His order falls on deaf ears when he slides completely into my body.
Slowly. So slowly that my eyes start to cross with the pure ecstasy of our connection.
“Take everything.” Logan’s hoarse voice coaxes me, demands that I ride him. And when his hands touch my center, where we are joined together, I lose all the control I thought I had.
“Yes.” I moan, picking up the pace until our skin slaps together over and over again. “More.”
Logan grunts in response, and his hands dig into my skin, urging me faster and faster, until I scream my orgasm.
In the next instant, his hands freeze on my body, and Logan pushes impossibly deeper into my warmth. His silent tension reverberates through my body, and the hot splashes of his release coat the inside of my body and onto my thighs when he pulls his still-hard cock from my core.
The entire time, our eyes are on each other.
“I love you, Poppy.” He kisses me gently, before helping me get back on my feet. “I wish I loved you enough to walk away from you but I don’t. I’m a selfish asshole, and now that I have you in my arms every night, I’m never going to leave you again.”
Sniffling, I smile at him as sweetly as I can. “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve said to me today.”
“Come on.” He grabs my hand, pulling me behind him up the stairs to our room. “I want to clean you off in the shower and do it all over again.”
I definitely come.
Five more times.