3. Chloe
3
CHLOE
The steady tap, tap, tap of rain hitting the office window almost feels cathartic while I sit at my desk and procrastinate the hell out of filing the last bit of paperwork from the day I just had.
There is only one more patient left for my boss, Audrey, to see before we are done, and I’m already starting to feel restless.
Ready to escape and head back to the comfort of my blankets and the couch that’s pretty much my bed at this point.
“You didn’t need to come back so soon,” Audrey pipes up from behind me.
If I hadn’t been working as her office manager since college, she may have surprised me. But I know the way she moves over the plush carpet of the office and the way she holds her breath when she wants to shock me. So, when she tries to make me jump, my heart doesn’t even skip a beat.
Instead, I turn with a sly smile, pushing my long brown hair out of the way so I can stare up at her creepily. “You’re gonna have to do better than that if you want to keep me on my toes.”
Audrey Martin, therapist and best boss extraordinaire, smiles with a frozen coffee held out in her hand. “Good thing I wasn’t trying to make you pee yourself today.” She looks at the calendar on my desk, pretending that she can read my shorthand. “How many left on the schedule? I forgot to pack lunch and I’m beyond starving.”
Her piercing blue eyes meet mine with a smile and I laugh at the fact that she’s holding a cheeseburger in her hand. You know, the one that’s not holding an iced coffee.
“Don’t judge me,” she whispers with fake menace. “This is just a snack.”
I roll my eyes because it really is just a snack. She’s holding one of those small little cheeseburger sliders. Something she keeps in the freezer in the office’s small kitchen in case of emergencies.
“One more,” I tell her when she shoves the whole thing in her mouth and starts to chew. “Just Bianca Hart.”
Audrey’s eyes soften and her entire demeanor changes at the mention of the little girl who lost her parents a year before. “I love Bee. She’s such a great kid.”
“Yep.” Nodding in agreement, I check the clock behind Audrey’s head. “She’s scheduled for four p.m. so she should be here any second.”
“Great.” Audrey claps her hands together and walks away. “Ending the day on a high note is my favorite.”
No sooner did she walk into her office than the outer door of the waiting room opens and Bee comes barreling through. All blond hair and blue eyes, she marches in like she owns the space.
“Hurry up,” she calls out behind her. “I can’t be late for Dr. Martin.” The sass she summons up is way too much for an eight-year-old.
“Don’t sass me, sassy-pants,” Bria Keller says from the doorway. “You’re supposed to wait for me, and you know it.”
Her eyes aren’t on Bee though. They are locked on mine, wary and cautious. With a thudding heart, I bite my lip and nod silently, trying to fight back the tears that threaten to fill my eyes.
I knew it was a possibility that Bria would be the one bringing in Bee. I knew it and somehow, I pushed it to the back of my mind. After all, she’d been the one assigned to Bee’s case when her parents died. I’ve seen her at least once a month since then for Bee’s therapy sessions. Not once has it been an issue before now.
But then again, I haven’t had to see her since I broke off the engagement with Ian.
“Hey, Chloe.” Bria’s voice is low and full of unspoken emotion.
“Hi.” I pause, taking a much-needed deep breath, and try not to rub my chest and the ache until it goes away. “How are you?”
Her eyes, so much like Ian’s, flash with relief. “Better than you are, I know.”
“You two are sappy,” Bee says suddenly. “Just hug it out like Mama Alta says to do, and everything will be normal again.”
Blinking, I look down to see her standing between the two of us, her eyes darting back and forth while she tries to figure out what is happening.
“Oh.” Her mouth makes a perfect little O and she flushes. “This is ’cause your big brother died, huh? Dom and Emma told me that you were sad and that I should be nice. But then Mama Alta told me that adults keep their act together and that you just carry on.” She huffs. “Is that why Dom had to borrow my rainbow tutu and then ruined it ’cause he’s fat?”
Unable to help myself, I laugh.
“Yeah,” Bria says with a smile for Bee. “Dom and the other men from Miss Chloe’s brother’s unit all got together to remember him. And I saw Dom in the tutu. I should have known it was yours. It was way too stylish for him to own.”
Bee nods sagely, crossing her arms and pursing her lips together. “Emma said that they were out doin’ stupid shit because they were sad.” Her eyes narrow suspiciously on me. “Are you gonna do stupid shit too?” She doesn’t even care that she’s cursing, because I’m sure she knows neither Bria nor I are going to call her on it. At least, not immediately.
Bria snorts, and I can’t stop laughing. Crouching over to catch my breath, I fight to control the tears that threaten to escape my eyes, but I don’t know if they are from laughing so hard at Bee’s face or at the painfully obvious mention of Kevin.
“Bee.” Bria gets control of herself before I can. “You can’t curse.”
“I wasn’t.” Bee’s eyes grow round, and I can see the confusion on her face even through my tears. “I was quoting Emma. That’s not a curse. Not a real one, anyway.”
“Bianca,” Audrey says from the now-open door to her office. “Are you ready?”
“Dr. Martin,” Bee huffs. “How many times do I have to say my name is Bee?” She shoots both Bria and me a droll look before marching into Audrey’s office the same way that she’d come into the waiting room.
“That girl,” Bria says once the door is shut. “Is going to be an unstoppable force.”
“Going to be?” With a small turn of my head, I sit back down at my desk and fiddle with the pen that rests there. “She’s already got the balls to take on an entire fire team of Marines and walk away unscathed. I’ve seen her in action. Add in the fact that she’s got Nox wrapped around her finger, and there’s nothing she won’t be able to accomplish in this life.”
When Bria doesn’t have anything to say to that, I think the space between us is going to turn awkward. That she’ll slip into a memory of Kevin and want to say something I’m not prepared for. Instead, I look up from the paperwork on my desk to see her staring at something on her phone.
“I wasn’t going to show you this,” she says quietly. “But honestly, I think it’s just too good to pass up. Before I do, though, I need you to know this isn’t an attempt to make you feel bad or anything like that. You’re family, and I think you should have every opportunity to mock those buffoons. Just like I do.”
My heart kicks up a beat as all the possibilities go racing through my mind at what I’m about to see.
She is trying to talk about Kevin’s death .
While I struggle not to lose it and start crying, Bria holds out her phone so I can see what she has on it.
“Holy shit. They did it.”
There, in vibrant color, are Ian and the rest of Kevin’s first unit, all dressed like idiots, standing at Kevin’s grave with a rusted old trophy from the Ridiculympics sitting there between them.
After a second, I manage to close my mouth from the shock of seeing them wearing ridiculous outfits varying from Dom in Bee’s tutu, to Logan wearing a Grinch costume. And I push aside the stinging ache that hits when I see Ian’s hand gripping the top of Kevin’s tombstone. “Is Linc wearing a Barney costume?” I clear my throat when I croak on the words.
“Yeah.” Bria snorts in laughter. “And Ian’s a unicorn. I drove all the way to Portland to pick up the unicorn helmet for him. You know, the day we found out…”
Cutting her off, I sniffle and hand her back her phone. “I know.” I glance at the device in her hand. “Will you, um, send me that? I should hang that on his wall.”
Bria knows about Kevin’s wall of photos in the kitchen. It started before our parents died, as a way for all of us to connect and share what is important. And when they passed, he kept it up. After boot camp, during training, and every single deployment, he took photo after photo and sent them home for me to hang up so that I didn’t miss out.
And I know I’ll never take down a single photo from that wall.
“I miss him.”
I think Bria’s words will cut my soul a hell of a lot deeper than they do. I thought the first time I heard someone close to Kevin say they missed him, that it would crush me. That I’d rage about the fact that they didn’t lose as much as I did. I thought I’d try to hurt them like I was hurting. Instead, I find myself nodding and reaching for her hand.
“I know.” My voice breaks and I don’t bother hiding it.
Bria’s eyes fill with tears. “We weren’t in love. We weren’t even really dating. He was just there for me when Casey broke my heart. But no one believed us. Our relationship wasn’t real. Not like… We just weren’t anything except friends, and I miss him so much. I can’t imagine how bad it is for you, Chloe.”
I can’t answer her. Her comment about me and Ian, even if it goes unsaid, still hangs in the air between us.
“He’s a Marine.” I cough. “He was a Marine. If he knew or could see me upset and crying all the time, he’d slap me silly and call me a girl. Then he’d wait for me to fall asleep and take my entire bedroom out back, setting it up just like it was inside, and all before I ever woke up.” Shifting my eyes down to my hands, I struggle to take the deep breath I need to in order to focus. “I’m going to be fine,” I say more for myself than for Bria. “I’m sorry that he’s gone, Bria. I always hoped the two of you would get together for real, because you’re an amazing sister and you deserve to only have good things in your life.”
Bria’s barking laughter shocks me to my core. It isn’t harsh or malicious or even mocking. Instead, she pulls out her phone again when she sees the expression on my face.
“Here.”
When she taps the screen and the unmistakable sound of Kevin’s voice fills the air around us, my heart lurches.
I don’t tell Bria that I’ve been replaying videos from my phone every night so I don’t feel quite so alone in the house.
“I’m serious, Bria. If she had her way, we’d be married already and having babies. Don’t ever tell Chloe that we’re talking.”
“No promises.” Bria’s voice coos through the video, and I watch as Kevin throws a familiar pillow at her. “Stop it, Kevin.” She groans. “I promise. Sheesh.”
“She’s gonna think we’re hooking up, and I don’t want her to get mad when she finds out we’re not,” Kev says somberly through the line. “I don’t want anything to get in the way of their wedding, and you know how rash Chloe can act when she gets hurt.”
Bria turns off her phone and slips it into her pocket, artfully ignoring the tears I swipe away from my eyes.
Neither of us say a word for the rest of the time she waits for Bee. Bee, who bounces out of the office like she hadn’t lost her family and like her uncle hadn’t tried to kill her.
“Let’s go, Bria.” Bee pulls open the main office door. “I need to get back before Mama Alta sends out the troops to find out where I went.”
Bria rolls her eyes and waves as she follows. “It’s not like you were with me or anything,” she says matter-of-factly. “You know, like you are twice a month, every month.”
I follow them out, ready to shut the door that they leave open. Unfortunately, the office across the hall opens at the commotion they are causing.
Standing there, with an unreadable expression on his face, is Ian. Instead of slamming the door shut like I want to, I almost trip and hit my face on the carpet. Because that’s exactly how my life works. Until he’s there, steadying me with one hand and singeing my skin where our bodies touch.
“Hey.” His guttural voice ripples through me. “I got you.”
The smart voice in my head, the logical one, tells me to apologize. To tell him it isn’t his fault that Kevin died. That I still love him. To take back the ring that he gave me. The one that I handed him back when I broke both our hearts.
But the stubborn side wins out, like it always does.
And the stubborn side is also my idiotic side. Because every side of my brain knows that I’m going to go home to be miserably alone.
As carefully as possible, I extricate myself from his touch, even when all I really want to do is kiss him.
Don’t say anything nasty .
Don’t say anything at all.
My eyes meet his, and the unreadable mask is gone. In its place is Sebastian James Keller. The man I’ve loved my entire life. The only man I’m ever going to love.
“Hey, Chloe, let’s go,” Audrey calls out loudly. “Emma just sent me a text. We’re going to Alta’s for tacos and margaritas.”
I turn away without another word.
“I’m not having margaritas,” I tell her. “But I’ll take the tacos and maybe some nachos.”
Ian laughs behind my back, but I don’t look back.
“Saved by tacos.” He follows it up by whispering, “I miss you.”
One day, I’ll have to face the fact that I’m an asshole and a liar. But not yet.
First, I need to stuff my face and forget what his touch does to me.
Maybe I should have the margaritas after all.