4. Ian
4
IAN
When a bright-red coupe races past the elementary school ten minutes after the bell rings, I pull a U-turn and chase after it with my sirens on and my lights flashing.
“Dispatch, I’ll be 10-35 with a red Porsche on Main Street.”
“Ten-four.” Poppy’s voice breaks through, sounding exhausted at the end of her twelve-hour shift.
One hand on my hip next to my gun, just in case, I approach the driver’s side and lean down so that I can see the driver without issue.
“I’m sorry, Officer,” a giggling female voice says before I can ask for her license and registration. “Was I speeding?”
With the way she blinks her eyes repeatedly and the way she shifts, trying to show off her cleavage, my decision is made for me.
“Ma’am,” I say sternly. “You were speeding, going forty miles an hour over the speed limit, in a school zone. Please give me your license, registration, and proof of insurance.”
Regardless of the amount of pouting and flirting she tries, Ms. Rachel Price ends up with a hefty ticket and a stern lecture on the safety of our children.
By the time I pull into the Birch PD parking lot, I’m just as exhausted as Poppy sounded. Ready for a nap, maybe. Beer, even the uncomfortable couch in my rental sounds appealing. I’m not expecting Remy and Linc to be waiting for me when I step out of the cruiser, but by the looks on their faces, I’m not going to enjoy whatever is happening.
“What?” When neither of them move to answer, I start to panic. “If you two are tryin’ to fuck with me, you’re doing a great job. It’s been a long shift. I still have a ton of paperwork to get through, and I don’t want to dick off.” Am I snappy at two of my best friends? Absolutely. Do they deserve it? Most likely, yeah.
“Just.” They share a look while Linc clearly becomes uncomfortable at being the one to speak up. He clears his throat and flushes. “Just don’t murder anyone after work, okay?”
Like their asses have been lit on fire, both men practically run in the other direction. At least nothing is seriously wrong. If it was, they’d have manned up and said something about whatever is going on, instead of running away like prepubescent boys hiding something from their mother that they’ve done wrong.
“Fuck my life.” I grab my gear and go inside, ready to face something horrendous as payback for kicking their asses during the Ridiculympics.
The lobby is safe. It has to be since anyone in the public can step inside at any time. But that doesn’t stop me from eyeing the familiar redhead behind the desk suspiciously when she smiles at me.
“What did those assholes do?” I turn around and glare at the parking lot like they will pop out from behind one of the cars like daisies. “I know they did something.”
“Aren’t you a little paranoid today?” Poppy taps her pen against the plexiglass screen that protects her from anyone in the lobby.
“I’m not paranoid.” I almost snap at her while I say it, but I bite back at the last second. “I’m prepared.”
“Yeah, right,” she snorts. “You look like me anytime I tell some guy that I’ll go out with him. Only to spend the entire night looking over my shoulder to see if Logan is behind me, ready to ruin it.”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Except that he’s always there to do it. So technically that’s not being paranoid. That’s expecting it. These assholes, being Linc and Remy, are assholes because they told me not to murder anyone. And, of course, it’s gonna put my hackles up. Do you remember when they filled Dom’s office with balloons and shaving cream? I thought Chief Townsend was gonna fire them or something.”
Poppy shakes her head. “As far as I know, they haven’t done anything like that to you, and you know that I’d pipe up and ruin the surprise if I knew about it.”
“I know,” I say with a grimace. “That’s what worries me. That they might have gotten something done without you knowing about it. They’re determined to get payback for my latest win.”
“I don’t know why you idiots are so obsessed with your costume contests,” Poppy grunts. “Did you know that Logan actually had the audacity to ask me for help getting his costume in time?”
Her cheeks flush at her sudden admission.
“Yeah.” I cross my arms and lean forward on the counter, smiling broadly at her. “Did you help him?”
“No,” she lies. “Why does it matter, anyway?”
“Because clearly he loves you.” I sigh deeply. “I have absolutely no idea why he won’t pull his head out of his ass and tell you how he feels. Or better yet, sweep you off your feet and elope or something like that.”
Poppy shakes her head, her eyes darting to her desk and then back to me, completely devoid of any of the emotion I saw there only a moment before. “You and me both. But it’ll never happen, so I’m not going to get my hopes up on him. I just need to move and move on, again.”
“You don’t have to leave.” I eye her carefully. “You know that if you need to get away from him or want him to stop, he will. You just have to set those limits with him and be firm.”
Poppy snaps her fingers together. “Stop avoiding going into the bullpen, Keller. You can dissect my romantic life later. Man up and get your paperwork done so there’s nothing left hanging over our heads when shift change happens.”
She buzzes the door open and I grab it before it locks again. “Fine. But I’m not happy about it.”
“Join the club,” she snaps waspishly. “You think I want to wait on you to go home? No. My life doesn’t revolve around you.”
“Nope,” I counter as I walk down the hall. “That’s Logan.”
She throws something into the hall that hits the wall, but I don’t turn around to see what it is. After all, she has the power to make sure I get sent on every single shit call for the next month. One of the first rules of patrol is not to fuck with dispatch.
“I hope you didn’t piss her off,” Logan whispers as I walk into the area where our desks all sit. “I’ve managed to stay under the radar all day today, and I don’t want to poke the bear.”
“Yeah, right.” I snort and set my gear down under my desk. “Sounds like you poked her bear to get your Grinch costume for the Ridiculympics.”
His eyes narrow. “How did you know that?”
“She told me, dumbass. Now, do you know what the hell Remy and Linc were acting weird about when I pulled up?”
Logan nods toward the chief’s office with a grimace. “Best you hear it from him like the rest of us did.”
“Come on, Pierce.” I pick up my laptop and open it to get to my CAD, working while probing him for information. “I don’t wanna bother him. If it’s another month of forced overtime, I can handle it. I just don’t wanna get stuck with Remy as a patrol partner again. He keeps checking on Parker, since she’s pregnant, again. I don’t get it. There’s only so much someone that pregnant can do to get in trouble, and it’s never a good idea to bother someone when they’re asleep. Yet he keeps doing it, no matter how much she yells at him.”
“Why are you even here, Ian? I thought you were only taking on therapy clients. That’s the whole point of having a therapist on the staff.”
“Because I have to maintain my police licensing, smart-ass. One month a year, working patrol for half the week. The other half I get to counsel your whiny asses.”
Logan knows I’m not serious, just like I know he is giving me a hard time. Especially since he has an appointment with me the following day.
“You didn’t say anything to Poppy, did you?” The sudden panic in his tone hits me like a ton of bricks. “About tomorrow.”
I shut my computer for dramatic effect and then check over my shoulder to make sure that no one is there spying on our conversation. When I see that we’re alone, I turn and give my friend and client my full attention.
“Logan.” He freezes while he waits for my next words. “I’m a therapist. First and foremost. Whatever you say to me is completely confidential. Every single bit of it. Am I going to give Poppy a hard time? Absolutely. I’m also going to push you to face the truth about yourself and about what you put the two of you through. I’m also going to tell her that you’re crazy about her when you show up and ask her for help to get your costume ready. That’s not a secret. She knows it; I know it. Hell, even Bee and Nox know that you’re crazy about her. Your commitment issues and the things holding you back aren’t going to leave the space we carve out in my office.”
So my way of letting him know that I provide a safe space turns into a rant, but we aren’t sitting in my office, so it doesn’t have to be all about him at that moment.
“Thank you.” Logan’s voice is practically nonexistent. “Not only for that, but for helping me.”
With a shrug, I open my laptop again and get back to paperwork. “That’s what they pay me the big bucks for. Plus, the overtime that I get paid for covering patrol doesn’t hurt either.”
“Keller,” Chief Townsend barks from his office door. “I need to see you.”
With a longing glance at the only half-finished report that I still have to work on before clocking out, I close the lid again with a sigh. “Coming, Chief.”
“Good luck,” Logan mock whispers.
I flip him off and walk away, hoping whatever it is won’t ruin my weekend. Not that I have a plan other than to think of a way to get Chloe to talk to me. Maybe I can burn dinner or something and ask her to take pity on me. Everyone knows I’m the world’s worst cook.
“What’s up?” I close the door behind me, making sure to glare at the still-smiling Logan while he tries to eavesdrop.
When I turn around, I see Benton Mays standing next to the chief’s desk.
“Ben.” I hold out my hand and shake his when he leans forward. “What are you doing here, man? Not teaching another Criminal Justice Academy class this time around?”
“Nah.” He shakes his head. “Got a backlog of client work to get through for the firm.”
He shoots a look at the chief, who sighs and sits behind his desk with a huff. “I know. I already gave you the time, Mays. Just get it done.”
“Thanks, Chief.” Ben holds out a manila envelope with my name scrawled on the front. “I need you to come to Bangor tonight. After work. For the reading of Kevin’s will.”
I am reaching for the envelope when he says Kevin’s name, and my hand freezes in midair. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You heard me.” Ben pushes the envelope into my hand. “I figured I’d have problems getting you all there at the right time, so I had to arrange it with Alex.” He shoots a look at the chief. “He’s gracefully let the entire unit off for the day and then for everything else that has to happen.”
“Damn inconvenient,” Chief mutters. “But we’ll make it happen. Luckily, you’re done with your patrol shifts for the year.”
“What are you talking about?” The words come out hoarse, more of a croak than anything else. “I don’t understand.” While my cheeks flush, I lay it all out there. “Chloe broke off the engagement. There’s no reason I should be in his will. Everything should go to her.”
“I know.” Ben nods toward the envelope in my hand. “The stipulations are for the entire fire team, not just you. It has nothing to do with your relationship with Chloe. Can you just… be the only amenable client that I have to deal with today and show up like I need you to? The sooner we get this taken care of, the sooner Chloe can put Kevin’s assets to rest.”
“I’ll be there.” The words rip themselves from my throat.
No wonder Remy and Linc warned me not to murder anyone.
Assholes.
They could have warned me.
They should have warned me.
But while I drive to Bangor almost on autopilot after work, I know if they had told me, I’d have run in the opposite direction.
I want an excuse to see Chloe, but not at Kevin’s expense. Again.
Up until I pull into the parking lot at Ben’s law office, I think about leaving. About turning around and going home. About closing the drapes and vanishing. Then I see Chloe, standing alone, her arms wrapped around her waist, a panicked expression on her face, and I practically dive out of my truck to get to her side.
“Chloe.” Her name is torn from my throat, the only thing I’m capable of saying. And I hope, I fucking pray, that she’s not about to push me away again.
Because right now? Right this minute? I’m pretty sure that I need her a hell of a lot more than she needs me.
Blindly, she reaches for me, and everything feels right, for just a second. Her body fits against mine the way it always has, an extension of myself. So perfect that I’m not sure where I end and she begins.
She’s trembling in my embrace. “Ian, I can’t.” Her voice breaks and I feel her shaking.
“You can,” I tell her with more confidence than I feel. I don’t tell her that I was about to chicken out, too. “You have to. Because you’re the strongest person I know.”
“I still hate you.” She whimpers as I guide her into the office, and I’m contemplating how much of an idiot I am to keep putting myself in her path. Her anger, I can handle. Her rage, that too.
But I think I’m living in fear of the day she doesn’t care anymore. And one day, Chloe is going to realize that she doesn’t hate me.
Her words sting, but the iron grip that she has on my hand, refusing to let go, eases some of the pain. “I know.”
There is a fine line between love and hate. I just need to figure out how to push her onto the other side of the line. That, and not lose her in the process.