25. Chloe
25
CHLOE
I hand Emma the snack bag that I made while she is sitting at the kitchen counter and grab my car keys.
“Let’s go.”
Ian needs time to get changed. To pack his stuff. And to get moving without worrying about how I’m going to fall apart, so I’ve given him that. But then he left without kissing me goodbye, and that isn’t okay with me. Not when that jackass is going overseas to rescue Kevin.
He needs to know that I love him and that I will be waiting for him to come home. And if we hurry, we’ll probably beat the men to the airport. They’re going to be too busy throwing clothes into duffel bags and trying to remember to pack underwear to be seriously looking at the clock or anything else going on around them.
“Um.” Emma hesitates. “Where are we going?” She’s watching me with my bag of snacks like I’m an animal at the zoo. Like she can move the wrong way and I’ll start screaming and throwing things. Which, to be honest, is actually something that could happen if I were alone.
But I’m not.
She showed up after sending Dom on his way with Logan, talking about getting their rifles ready, and she’s been here ever since.
“To Bangor,” I point out, motioning toward the food I’ve made. “I guarantee you none of them packed any snacks.” When she stares at me like I’ve grown a second head, I tap my foot impatiently. “And Ian left without giving me a kiss or saying goodbye.” I think it will come out petulant and that she’ll call me a baby or something, and then I’ll have to throw a Twix at her head, but Emma doesn’t do anything like that. “So we have to go handle that.”
She smiles, shaking her head as she motions for me to lead the way. “Now that makes sense.” She doesn’t argue the point with me anymore. Instead, she gets into the passenger seat of my car and buckles up.
“So, you think we’re gonna beat them there?”
I turn the engine to my brother’s baby and smile. “Definitely.”
My car is tiny, a Camry meant to get me to and from work. But Kevin? He is the consummate lover of fast cars. Ones that are old. Like the fully restored midnight-blue 1965 Mustang that he spent his entire first year’s salary on in the Marine Corps. The one I plan on driving like I stole it.
“I don’t get it.” Emma looks around at the beautifully restored leather and shakes her head. “You know we’d get there faster if we were in a cruiser.”
“Shut your cop eyes and let me drive.”
I don’t speed. At least not inside the Birch Harbor city limits. Once we get out on the highway, though, all bets are off.
And when we pull into the self-pay parking lot at the airport, I know for a fact we beat Ian and the rest of them. Mostly because Emma sends Dom a message and asks where they are.
Instead of waiting out front, waiting for them to show up, I walk through the sliding glass doors and stand off to the side.
“I don’t think I ever wanna race you.” Emma sighs as she stands next to me. “If we were in Birch, I feel like I’d have a responsibility to write you a ticket.”
“You’d never catch me, copper.” I wink at her, despite the nausea currently rolling in my stomach.
We wait, and every second that passes brings me closer to a panic attack that I’m not prepared for in the slightest.
“What am I going to do?” I finally break down and ask. “I don’t know what to do. Or how to act. Or if I should just curl up into a ball and sleep for a month.”
Emma doesn’t answer me, and I can see the tears building in her eyes as she tries to come up with something to say.
“I can’t answer that,” she finally manages to force out. “I would give almost anything to have my brother back. And if I had the chance to possibly see him again, I sure as shit wouldn’t be burying myself in a pillow. I’d be getting ready for him to come home. Because you don’t put negative energy into the world when this much is at stake.”
A hum of electricity shoots through my veins, bringing a shiver to the surface of my skin. “So I’m doing the right thing?”
“Not cowering in on yourself or grieving? Yeah,” Emma scoffs. “You don’t want to curl up. That’s not the type of person you are. You’re stronger than that.”
“Chloe?” Ian interrupts our conversation, and I turn to see him standing there with his duffel on his shoulder and a surprised look on his face.
Full of nerves for absolutely no reason, I hold up the recyclable grocery bag I stuffed to the brim with goodies. “I brought snacks. Actually, I cleaned all the junk food out of the pantry that was still sealed since I know none of you would do it before you went. And then you’d end up on the huge plane without anything good either, and I couldn’t let that happen.”
“Chloe.” Ian smiles at me. “You’re rambling. Stop talking.”
I drop the bag when he swoops in and presses his lips to mine. Instead, my hands snake around his abdomen and I hold on tight just long enough that we are probably making everyone uncomfortable.
“We gotta go, Chloe,” Ian says against my lips, then he steps back. “I’ll call you when I can, but once we get over there, it’s probably going to be radio silence until we’re ready to come home.”
The implications, and the understanding that passes with his words, are like a knife to my chest, but I know every reason why.
“Listen to me, Ian.” I clear my throat and force away the flash of the nightmare that dances behind my eyes. “I need you to bring him back. That’s the truth. But more than that, I need you.” My voice cracks. “I need you to come back to me. None of this is going to matter unless you all come back to your families.” I look at all of them, taking my time to make sure they all understand. Not just Ian.
Yes, bringing Kevin home is absolutely important. But I lost him once. I don’t wish that loss on anyone, even my worst enemy.
And the thought that these men might be lost while they’re trying to rescue my brother is intense.
“Chloe.” Ian wraps a hand around the back of my neck and brings his forehead down to touch mine. “We’re coming home. Kevin is coming home. Trust me.”
He kisses me again and then walks away with the bag of snacks and candy I threw together. The entire drive home, Emma doesn’t say a word. We just sit in silence, listening to the engine on Kevin’s car purr.
At least until we pull back into Birch Harbor city limits.
“Speed limit.” Emma side-eyes me. “I may love you like a sister, but you better believe I’ll write you a ticket if I have to.”
With a laugh, I let off the gas pedal and finish the short drive home.
“I have work tonight,” Emma says when we are parked and getting out of the car. “But if you want company tomorrow, I’d be happy to stop by. I’m not on duty again for three more days.”
“Absolutely,” I tell her. “I’ve got work but I’ll be home around dinnertime.” Having someone there to help break up the unnerving quiet will be a good thing.
I walk into the house expecting silence, but I’m immediately met with a light-haired tornado that slams into my waist and almost knocks me over.
“You’re back.” Nox huffs and then slides back like he planned the collision. “Mom said it’s our turn to spend the night with you, but I said you should just sleep at our house because all our toys are there, so we have to come ask you to have a sleepover, which is stupid if you ask me, but no one asks me anything because I’m not an adult. So?”
“So what?”
“So, are you going to come spend the night at our house so I have all my toys right there? Or do we have to stay the night here? I’m warning you, Cassie’s pretty particular and she has to have my bear to go to bed, and I don’t know if Mom packed it or not. So your best bet is to agree to come to our house.”
“Nox.” Parker walks into the room with her daughter on her hip. “Stop harassing Chloe. We haven’t even talked yet. Let the adults get some words in, and then you can carry on and try to change the course of events we have planned.”
Nox points two fingers at his eyes and then at me before turning to face his mom with his arms crossed over his chest. “As long as you both understand what’s at stake here. Cassie isn’t gonna sleep unless we give her my bear. And you didn’t bring Mr. Stuffy. So Cassie’s not gonna sleep. Which means I’m not gonna sleep. And that means none of you are gonna get to sleep.” He storms over to his mother and holds his hands out for his little sister.
His very adorable little sister who practically throws herself out of her mother’s arms in order to get to her brother.
“It’s okay, Cassie.” Nox kisses her forehead. “I’m gonna fix it. Don’t you worry.” He presses his forehead to hers much like the way Ian did for me. “I’ll take care of you, Cassie.”
When he carries Cassie out of the room, I raise an eyebrow at Parker, silently questioning literally everything that happened in the last few minutes.
“So hear me out,” Parker starts. “Kennedy and Linc live right down the road from me and Remy. And Emma, well, they live on the outskirts of town because Dom’s obsessed with being on his own which is weird since he’s afraid of zombies and shit. But right now, we’re the closest you’ve got to family, besides Bria and the older Kellers. They don’t actually know what you’re going through right now. None of us do, actually. The closest you’re going to get, though, is with us. We’re all missing our guys. And we can be there for you. We want to be there for you, regardless of what Nox is going on about with Cassie and toys.”
She pauses, looking over her shoulder to make sure that Nox isn’t in the room or eavesdropping.
“He’s in the kitchen,” I tell her. “I heard him open the fridge, and he probably found the cheesecake that we grabbed at the grocery store before everything hit the fan.”
“I’m not going to do well with this,” Parker admits. “Danny and I weren’t meant to be together, but he was still Nox’s father. When he died overseas, it crushed me. The thought that something might happen to Remy is tearing me apart. Do me a favor, and please come stay with us at least for the night. Kennedy’s talking about coming over tomorrow night. Poppy’s even been talking to us about rotating houses too. I know this sounds crazy. But this isn’t the life we expected to hit us right now. And the best way we can think of to get through it is together.”
“Okay,” I tell her, mostly to get her to stop talking. “I don’t like being alone, anyway. And it would be nice to have some company. Even if your son is easily the creepiest and most insightful person that I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
“Join the club,” Parker mutters right as Nox marches back into the room with Cassie wrapped carefully in his arms.
“I packed the cheesecake,” he announces happily. “I didn’t find anything else in the fridge that looked good enough to steal.” Then he smiles widely. “I’m glad you’re coming over.”
“Am I?” I ask him with a playful smile. “Did you hear me say that?”
He pauses for a fraction of a second and then hands Cassie back to his mom. “You almost got me, Miss Chloe. Of course you’re going to come over to our house. Yours is too quiet.” He walks by, patting me on the arm. “Don’t worry about it. You can borrow my other bear to cuddle with. But I want it back when Ian gets home.”
That is how I find myself surrounded by the noise and mess of children at Parker and Remy’s house. And after both kids are successfully in bed, Parker and I sit out on the back deck with a drink in hand.
“This day has been absolutely crappy,” I tell her, looking down at my hand. “I asked Ian to take me to the cemetery what feels like a week ago. I thought I was saying goodbye to Kevin. And then…”
“You found out you’ve got a second chance. I can’t imagine how frightening that is for you.”
“What?” I lean back and look up, watching the stars flickering in the sky like I promised Kevin. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Parker goes on after a second. “The fact that your heart has already been put through the wringer once. But you knew what was happening. The grief you’d be facing. Now? It’s something uncertain. You can’t see the other side clearly because you don’t know what to anticipate. To me, that’s scary.”
I close my eyes against the sky and Parker’s words, absorbing everything around me for all I’m able to handle, until I’m forced to face the truth.
“You’re right,” I tell her. “I’m horrified.”
And there is nothing to take away that fear.