Chapter 12 Cam
Cam awoke in the near dark. He flipped over on the couch several times as he tried to return to sleep.
He turned over again. His gaze flicked to the fire, now a glowing bank of pale embers.
It must be approaching dawn. With a yawn, he slipped from his sleeping bag.
Maybe he could get a jump on the chores and surprise Lissa.
He glanced across the room toward her occupied bed as he tugged on his pants.
The air was cool, as it was early in the morning.
He smiled. For the first time in six weeks, she’d slept later than he had.
With his improved ability to get around the last few days, the deadline for his departure preyed on his mind.
He stroked Mira, who often slept on the couch by his feet, while he reflected on his time here.
His chest ached at the thought of leaving.
When he left, he was going to miss Lissa.
Despite their incredible kiss several weeks ago, they hadn’t crossed the line she’d drawn.
Their first kisses had also been their last. Though he ached to hold her, he hadn’t pushed and had kept his distance—or as much as possible in a studio-size accommodation.
He wished she hadn’t pulled back from being more than friends, but he understood. She was protecting herself from pain. He wouldn’t deliberately hurt anyone, let alone someone he admired and considered special.
Still, he ached to touch her again, to trace the weblike pattern of purple veins showing through her pale skin or to flick his tongue against the length of her delicate collarbones. Her quiet sass also drove him to distraction.
Hell, he wanted to sleep beside her, but he hadn’t changed his mind about leaving.
He had unfinished business at home and couldn’t stay here forever, tempting as it might be.
He glanced around the now-familiar apartment.
The thought that Lissa would be alone again made his stomach churn, but he didn’t feel like he had another option.
He’d always lived at xTerra and wanted to do his part in protecting it from the Slains.
He’d also been tormented about how he and his mother had left things.
If he didn’t return, she might think he’d died.
Would she feel terrible about her unkind last words?
Maybe. Maybe not. But if their situation had been reversed, he’d want to know she was okay.
Everyone at xTerra must be wondering why he hadn’t returned.
While Cam’s ankle might not be ready to trek three to four days straight just yet, after six weeks of recuperation, he was walking unaided and without pain.
He smiled as he checked Lissa once more.
With her arms thrown over her head, she slept on her back, her cheeks rosy and her expression peaceful.
She was a sound sleeper and shouldn’t notice him sneaking out this morning to shovel snow and collect wood.
For once, she would get a break from the daily chores.
He finished dressing and geared up for the outdoors.
Before he left, he added a new chunk of wood to the banked remains of the previous fire, ensuring the room would be toasty when she woke.
Once outside, he breathed deeply of the fresh winter air before examining the snow-covered yard.
Pristine white powder drifted as deep as four or five feet by the surrounding wall.
In the other direction, Lissa had shoveled a path to the old six-car garage, now housing the extra split firewood.
Grabbing a snow shovel, he made quick work of the overnight accumulation—keeping the paths clear.
Several times, his mind wandered to future home improvement projects.
He’d add a greenhouse and solar panels for heating water.
He’d love to build a cold storage room in the back where she could keep meat frozen until she needed it, but he didn’t have time, not with his imminent departure.
Once finished shoveling, Cam headed for the workshop attached to the former garage.
He’d noticed some unused metal ducts tucked away inside and wanted a better look.
As a thank you to Lissa, he could make a minor improvement to her place before he left.
After everything she’d done for him, it was the least he could do.
Once he assessed her materials, he’d talk to her about a trip to Crawford for the rest of what was required.
It would also be an excellent test of how well he’d healed before he embarked on the longer trek back to xTerra.
He slipped into the shed and hauled out the aluminum tubes.
Shaking off the cobwebs, sawdust, and dirt, he slotted the sections together, making a longer tube.
There was only enough for four feet of chimney.
But it was a start. After digging behind several sheets of plywood, he found two additional pieces of aluminum with bends.
Nice. Now, to convince her of the idea’s merit, since he needed her cooperation.
Cam headed inside, feeling satisfaction about walking with his regular stride instead of limping. Grabbing a towering armload of wood, he entered the house.
“I wondered where you went,” said Lissa as he came through the inner door. She sat at the table eating oatmeal.
“I wanted to talk to you about a home improvement project.” He dropped his wood into the corner with a thud, restocking for the day.
“For what?” Lissa had been up long enough to braid her hair and get dressed.
Today, she wore a multi-colored sweater that brought out the brilliant depths of her warm amber eyes.
As usual, the slight bumps at the end of her collarbones made him swoon.
He swallowed. Sometimes her casual beauty took his breath away.
Like every day for weeks, he restrained the urge to kiss her good morning.
“I was hoping you’d be up for a hike into town to look for a cookstove. I’m pretty sure I can hook up a wood-burning stove in the kitchen so you could cook there.”
She didn’t answer at first. She exhaled. “I considered the idea a few years ago, but couldn’t haul one up here on my own. I got used to crouching to cook. Plus, heating just one room was better.”
His heart sank. “Just come see what I’m thinking.”
They moved into the kitchen, where she seemed to mull over the idea.
He nodded. “During the coldest part of the winter, you might retreat to one room again, but you have a gorgeous kitchen. It’s a shame not to use it more.” The wood cabinetry and stone counters were both practical and beautiful.
“Is your foot healed enough for an expedition?” She turned her head away.
“Lissa.” Cam crossed the room and brushed away the tears trickling down her cheeks.
She blinked rapidly. When she cried, his heart hurt. She’d been nothing but kind, and he hated to make her disconsolate.
“I’m sorry,” she said with a sniff. “Your ankle is healed. I’m glad.”
He reached for her again, and she put her hand on his chest, maintaining the distance between them. He longed to hold her in an embrace, to offer comfort. Closing his eyes, he clenched his fists at his sides. He’d agreed not to touch her. No need to make this more difficult.
She inhaled and nodded. “We can head into town with the sleds. If we go soon, we’ll have the whole day.
Even if we don’t find a stove, we can bring back more dehydrated food.
My first winter, I found a place with a garage full.
It was hidden within the walls.” She wouldn’t look at him anymore and continued to babble.
“I wondered what the metal clips and hinges were for, all down one wall. So, I opened one. It was like hidden treasure, finding a stash like that. That’s how I have hot chocolate and pancake mix, and all the delicious things in my pantry.
” She still wouldn’t meet his eyes, her gaze skating to the side.
“Lissa. I don’t want to leave, but I can’t let everyone believe I disappeared or was killed by the Slains.
I can’t endanger anyone who might search.
” He’d ask her to come to xTerra again, but she’d made a life here and felt safe.
Bringing her into xTerra when there might be war might not be smart either.
She’d feel cooped up inside the walls. He couldn’t do that to her.
She nodded, her amber eyes shiny with unshed tears.
Against his resolve not to touch her, he tugged her into an embrace, feeling her body trembling. Friends hugged. He rested his cheek against her hair and squeezed her tighter. His heart cracked. She felt like she belonged in his arms.
“It’s a long way to travel home in winter. Anything could happen.” Her voice was muffled against his chest. “I hope the weather stays decent for your trip. It can be unpredictable.”
Not loosening his hold, he inhaled her fresh scent. “I can find shelter if I need to. I’ll be careful.” A positive aspect about the grasslands was how open they were. He could watch for storms and dig in somewhere if he needed to stop. No guarantee he’d make it back to xTerra, but he’d be smart.
“When will you go?” Her voice was softer.
“After we find a stove and it’s installed. Or if we can’t find one, I’ll leave in a couple of days. I want to find snowshoes and practice walking with them.” Involuntarily, one of his hands cupped the back of her head.
“You get the sleds from the garage, and I’ll pack a lunch,” she said, stepping away. He missed her warmth immediately. “You should eat breakfast, and then we’ll check Crawford.” She went inside, leaving him alone in the empty kitchen.
Cam stared at the shuttered windows letting in slim cracks of light. He wished he didn’t feel so shitty about leaving. Damned if he stayed. Damned if he left. He couldn’t win.
***