Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Poppy
Living under Mrs. Cristof’s roof meant I was invited to everything.
There wasn’t an event I wasn’t dragged to, and in all honesty…
it was nice. It was beyond nice to be treated like a daughter for once and not whatever my mother did.
Jane was pampered silly, and I was constantly spoiled.
I didn’t know how I was going to go back to regular life after this.
The morning of Audrey and Alexei’s wedding, I fiddled with the engagement ring on my finger.
I had managed to avoid every pre-wedding event.
Every dinner, every shower, every brunch.
I lied to Mrs. Cristof and said Donovan had made plans for us.
I lied to Donovan and said I had a migraine.
In reality, I curled up under soft blankets, watched movies, and spooned sugar-free ice cream into my mouth while trying not to cry myself into a dehydrated husk.
But this morning’s event—the actual wedding—I couldn’t avoid.
It was small, intimate, family-only. Mrs. Cristof told me I was family now. Jane was practically vibrating about being there. And the moment I’d asked Donovan if he wanted to come as my date…
“Bring your dog with you.”
That man had no idea where my “dog” actually lived, and even less of an idea that the “dog” was not only going to be at the wedding, but in the wedding party. Little did he know, indeed.
I smoothed a hand over the dress Mrs. Cristof had ordered for me— it was a velvet black number that had one long sleeve, and on the other side, it was completely sleeveless.
The slit was high on my thigh, and I wondered if she was trying to play matchmaker in this dress because it was a show-stopper.
It wasn’t something I would have ever picked for myself, but it was gorgeous all the same.
At least when I looked in the mirror, I could see myself. I wasn’t a stranger.
Mrs. Cristof helped me with my hair and even Jane’s makeup, much to my surprise. When I told her we could manage or at least hire someone, she laughed and said, “I’ve waited my entire life for moments like these. Humor an old woman.”
How could I say no to that?
She piled my hair up high on my head and then ran to her room to grab a pair of gold hoops. They completely transformed the look.
Jane, meanwhile, had been transformed into a teenage supermodel with glossy lips and fluttery lashes. Standing beside the two of them, I almost felt… normal. Loved, even. Like a person worth celebrating instead of a bargaining chip passed around by powerful men.
“Perfect,” Mrs. Cristof declared as she stepped back to admire us. “My boys will be stunned.”
My stomach twisted. One boy in particular.
But I wasn’t ready for the way he’d look at me or the way he would gaze down at the ring on my finger with hatred.
I wasn’t ready for the ache in my chest to grow bigger and bigger.
It didn’t matter, though, because the car was already pulling around, and Mrs. Cristof was grinning bigger than I’d ever seen her.
Apparently, we needed to get there early before the photographer it was going to be a long day.
“Come,” Mrs. Cristof said warmly, touching my arm. “Time to break hearts.”
Contrary to what Mrs. Cristof said, we didn’t arrive before the photographer. We were fashionably late. She was snapping pictures of the men in their tuxes, and my breath caught in my throat when I caught sight of Ivan next to all of his equally handsome brothers.
Jane snickered. “Wow, they’re all hot.”
Mrs. Cristof preened as if she was the one getting all the compliments. “Thank you.”
Jane giggled, and I shook my head. At least this was an event without the tabloids. That was a relief. I could escape the limelight for once and just blend in. It was even better not to have the spying eyes of Donovan’s party here… Especially when Ivan caught sight of me.
His eyes dragged over me from head to toe, a full-body sweep that hit me like a physical touch.
His jaw flexed. His nostrils flared. His hands tightened at his sides, the tendons in his forearms going rigid beneath the tailored black tuxedo.
My reaction to his was visceral. I wanted nothing more than to close the space between us and feel his hands on me the way his eyes were.
My heart hammered.
Mrs. Cristof gave a delicate, pleased hum. “Ah. There it is.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Darling,” she murmured, looping her arm through mine, “that is a man experiencing intense emotional suffering. Don’t worry—Cristof men always look like that when they’re in love.”
I nearly tripped.
“M-Mrs. Cristof—”
“Call me Emeline,” she said sweetly, patting my hand.
We walked toward the group of brothers. Dimitri noticed us first—of course, he did. His brows lifted in blatant amusement, eyes flicking from me to Ivan and back again like he had just stumbled upon his favorite show.
Ivan didn’t move, didn’t blink, and didn’t seem to even be breathing.
He just stared at me like I was something holy. Jane, unhelpfully, elbowed me. “He’s practically undressing you with his eyes.”
I choked. “That isn’t appropriate.” How did she even know about that? She was only fourteen. I closed my eyes for a beat. I guessed I’d known about that stuff when I was her age. She did go to school.
Mrs. Cristof looked delighted. “Oh yes. This is going to be fun.”
Ivan straightened fully, chest rising with a heavy inhale.
His icy blue eyes dropped for only a fraction of a second—to the ring on my finger, and pain flashed across his face.
I’d wanted to leave it back at the house.
I’d wanted to ditch it so badly, but I knew the moment I did that, someone would notice, and Donovan would punish me.
I had to be good, even if it was the last thing I wanted to be.
“Poppy,” Ivan breathed as he took a step toward us but instead of continuing with what he was going to say, he pivoted to Jane and beamed. “You look magnificent. You look like a young woman! What happened?”
Jane’s cheeks turned pink under his compliments, and that gaping hole in my chest threatened to swallow me whole.
How dare he be so charming? How dare he be so good at this?
I was drowning. “Your mom helped me with my makeup,” she said shyly as she wrapped a finger around one of her loose curls.
She wore a champagne colored slip dress that hugged her body in an age-appropriate manner.
Her lipstick was a little darker than I was used to, but she loved it, and that was all that mattered.
“Are we done taking pictures?” Alexei scowled. “I would really like to make Audrey my wife and…” His dark eyes fell on Jane, and he pinched his lips together. “Get on with the husband and wife duties.”
Jane’s cheeks flamed even hotter as she realized what he was insinuating. The photographer looked down at the back of her camera and then up at us. “We don’t have any pictures with your mother!”
With the wedding and the few interactions I’d had with the Cristofs, I was beginning to see that they always got what they wanted. They were old money, after all. Plus, there were whispers about them being dangerous. But it was more than that.
There was something dangerous humming beneath their polished exteriors—something sharp and quiet and lethal that wrapped around every movement, glance, and word spoken.
But even with all of that, they adored their mother and their women.
They softened around their women like butter.
They bickered and jabbed at each other, but under their mother’s watchful gaze, they were big cinnamon rolls.
The longer I watched them, the more evident it became—I didn’t belong here.
I wanted to, more than anything else, and that was a terrifying realization because it could never be reality.
Once I was married to Donovan Madden, I was sure these people would become my enemies.
Donovan had made that clear when I’d asked him to come with me to the wedding as my date.
He didn’t want to be seen with the Cristofs.
Ivan stood on the dais with the rest of his brothers, surrounded by waterfalls of flowers and greenery.
The ceremony space looked like a fairytale garden carved out of the real world.
A serene pond glittered behind him, swans gliding gracefully over the surface while geese paddled lazily at the edges.
It should’ve all looked romantic and peaceful.
Instead, my pulse skittered like something trapped.
Because Ivan—massive in his tux, jaw sharp as a blade, eyes colder than the water behind him—kept finding me in the crowd.
Every time he looked my way, something in my chest clenched.
I swallowed hard and curled my fingers against my clutch.
Thank goodness it was only their family here, or it would have been the talk of all of the elites in attendance about how one of the Cristof brothers couldn’t keep his eyes off of the one woman that couldn’t be his.
Across the dais stood Audrey’s bridesmaids.
Her sister-in-law—very pregnant and glowing—stood first in line, cradling her belly with both hands.
Then came a stunning redhead I recognized vaguely from news articles and society features.
I was almost certain she was Dimitri’s fiancée.
The rest of the women, I didn’t know at all but they were clearly all familiar with each other.
And there it was again—that bruising clench in my chest.
I wanted to know them.
I wanted to stand among them.
I wanted to belong.
I wanted for it to not be taboo for Ivan to search me out in a crowd. I wanted for it to be normal for us to be seen together. But all I was doing was tormenting myself.
My thoughts skittered to a stop as the music changed, and out walked Audrey in the most beautiful dress.
It had a deep plunging sweetheart neckline with the rest of the dress hugging her curves in all the right places.
She was breathtaking. One of the most beautiful brides I’d ever laid eyes on.
She practically glided straight to Alexei, who was a crying mess.
Even as Audrey practically floated down the aisle with her father, I could feel Ivan’s eyes on me.
He didn’t seem to care about anything else.
But I kept my eyes on the couple about to get married.
I’d never seen so much love and devotion before.
Tears pricked at my eyes before I could stop them.
I blinked hard. This wasn’t my life. It could never be my life.
And as Audrey reached the steps of the dais, Alexei’s entire face split into a smile so pure and ferocious it almost hurt to witness.
I felt that same ache—the bruising want—tighten under my sternum.
But still, I kept a smile on my face. Jane was sitting next to me, and I couldn’t let her see me falter.
I needed to be strong for her, and she deserved to see true love like this in the open, even if it was only this time. She needed that example.
***
“My mother is playing dangerous games,” Ivan’s voice ghosted over the back of my neck, and I resisted the urge to lean into him.
I’d already had a few glasses of champagne and was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol dulling down my inhibitions.
“You look like a goddess. An untouchable, forbidden goddess. I want nothing more than to peel this dress off of your body and worship you.”
I swallowed hard as every single one of his words warmed my insides like nothing before.
Jane occupied the dance floor while I stuck close to the shadows.
And I’d never been so thankful I had, with him pressed up behind me.
The warmth of him speared straight through my dress, and it was enough to illicit very dirty thoughts in the back of my mind.
The Cristof family was much bigger than I’d ever imagined, but it was nice to get lost in the crowd of them.
“You don’t know what it’s doing to me,” he rasped. “This dress. Your perfume. The way you keep looking at me like you want me to drag you into a dark corner and ruin you.”
My breath punched out of my lungs. “I wasn’t—”
“You were,” he said, voice dipping into a low, sinful certainty. “You are.”
A tremble raced down my spine. From the dance floor, Dimitri shouted something obscene about married life, the guests roared with laughter, and the photographer snapped shots of Audrey and Alexei kissing under strings of fairy lights.
It was all so perfect, and yet, here I was, hiding in the shadows waiting for something I should have never wanted.
The music slowed down, and I watched as Jane made her way to the bar and got a bottle of water.
Her cheeks were pink, and the baby hairs around her face were beginning to stick to her skin.
She looked like she was having a blast, and it did something to the gaping hole in my chest. Somehow, it helped heal it, but not enough for it to make a difference.
“Dance with me,” Ivan murmured.
“I’m going to be a married woman soon, Ivan.” As if he needed the reminder.
“You’re not married yet,” he said, voice low and lethal. “And I’m asking you for one dance. One.” His fingers brushed mine—barely, like he was testing the air between us, seeing if I’d pull away. I didn’t.
God help me, I didn’t move at all.
“I shouldn’t,” I whispered.
“No,” he agreed. “You shouldn’t.”
Then, quieter—dangerously honest: “But I want to hold you once before he steals every chance I’ll ever get.”
The tightening ache inside my chest only intensified.
“It’s wrong,” I breathed.
He stepped in closer—just enough that our bodies almost touched, not nearly enough to ease the ache curling low in my stomach.
“Everything about this is wrong,” he said. “But wanting you? That’s the only thing in my life that feels right.”
The music swelled. Couples drifted toward the center of the garden. Fairy lights shimmered off the pond. A breeze caught the hem of my dress.
“Say no,” he whispered, eyes blazing. “Tell me to walk away.”
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out because somewhere on the dance floor… Jane laughed, twirling, carefree, and happy. But most importantly… Safe. Safe because of him. My throat tightened.
“I shouldn’t,” I whispered again, weaker this time.
Ivan’s jaw flexed as if he was preparing himself for the rejection. I didn’t give it. Instead… I set my hand in his, and he yanked me right for the dance floor.