Chapter 31
Thirty-One
Jade
I resented the cheerful morning sun that spilled through my bedroom window.
It made the world seem somewhat happy when I was anything but because not only had I lost Wolf for a second time, but I had a horrible hangover, compliments of the bottle of Rumple Minze I’d downed yesterday—on a Sunday night, no less.
I shifted on my bed and tugged the gap in the curtain closed before glancing at Mav and Goose in their cage.
The cage Wolf had dropped off with Monroe yesterday, along with a note that read: I’m not your rat sitter , a nearly empty can of deodorant, and my toothpaste.
I guessed that was his petty response to my drunken Lonely Fans message—the one where I’d taken a racy picture of myself and sent it to him, along with a message that read: I’m not your charity case, so here’s something for your money.
Then I’d deleted my account. Which may have been stupid since I needed every penny I could get.
Sighing, I collapsed back onto my bed. In my room. In my apartment. The place I had been desperate to be only a few weeks ago now felt hollow. An empty space to go with the empty void in my chest.
I kept staring at Mav and Goose running around in their cage, trying to think of some upbeat affirmation. I had nothing. All I could do was wallow in my misery.
The last time Wolf and I had broken up, the descent had been a slow, bitter glide over weeks and months—we’d barely seen each other. There had been distance and doubts.
This time, it was a free fall, while the ground beneath my feet crumbled.
There was no distance. For the last few weeks, we’d been with each other every spare second, like we had back in high school.
Even a short taste of his love had felt like the most perfect lifetime.
The only thing left in its absence was the crippling knowledge that no one else could ever match up.
Sure, I’d survive, but I was intimately acquainted with every sharp, stabbing step of the climb out of this pit of despair.
For now. Though, I wanted to lie there, on the cold, dark floor of my fuck up.
Would it have been such a fuck up if he really cared about me, though?
He didn’t even let me explain. After all those words about needing me and loving me, he had tossed me out like unwanted trash.
But, if he didn’t care, then why had he helped me get money, sent me money on Lonely Fans…
Maybe he just wanted a reason to be the one to break up with me, give himself some kind of closure.
There was a knock on my bedroom door before it opened. Monroe stood in my doorway, fully dressed and radiant, as though she wanted to mock the mess I knew I was.
“Okay. Up. Shower. You’re going to class today.”
“I’m not.” I had called in sick for my shift last night. “I’m sick.” Hungover, same thing.
Monroe eyed the culprit empty bottle with judgment. “Look, Jade. You and Wolf?—”
“Don’t say his name!” I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, as though it would make her, my heartache, and the light stabbing in my eyeballs disappear. “We had a brief intermission in our year and a half of not speaking to or acknowledging each other, and now it can resume.”
“Is that what you want?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter what I want. It’s done.” Get out of my house. Out of my life… Pain lanced through my chest at the memory of his words.
“You and Wolf—” she paused briefly when I glared at her— “are never done. He’s just butthurt you might have done the same thing to him as he was doing to you.”
I’d assumed Monroe would be on Wolf’s side, seeing as she had been all about me giving him another chance because I’d “made a mistake.”
“I wouldn’t have done it.”
“I know. Same way he wouldn’t have done it.” Wouldn’t he, though? “Have you tried to talk to him?”
“No. He made it pretty clear that he’s done. And so am I.”
“Did the last time not teach either of you anything? God, you’re both so stubborn.” She glanced at the rat cage and shook her head. “And petty. Now get in the shower. You aren’t failing out, too.” Then she walked away, leaving my door ajar.
She was right. I needed to get up, go to class, and carry on with my life. Because, despite how I felt, it would continue without Wolf.
When I stepped into the living area, showered and dressed and almost human, Cassie was waiting.
“Monroe left for work. Come on.” She nodded toward the door. “I’ll give you a ride.”
I was pretty sure I was still over the limit to drive, so I followed her outside, dread settling in my stomach at the thought of possibly seeing Wolf on campus.
Cassie glanced back at me as we rounded the smelly bottom landing where all the hobos pissed. “Do you actually want to go to class?”
“God, no.”
“Me neither. Fancy a road trip instead?”
“Where?”
“Columbus. To get those scratch-off tickets.” Gravel crunched beneath our shoes when we hit the parking lot. “Remember, I told you about my aunt…”
I couldn’t deny that a distraction would be nice. Not to mention, another day of dodging Wolf on campus.
“I’m assuming you still need money,” she said, heading toward her car.
“Yeah.”
Wolf had helped me almost clear the debt to the bank. He’d done in a week what I couldn’t do in six months, but it would soon build up again if I dropped the ball on the mortgage. The responsibility was all on me again, and the weight felt twice as heavy.
“Get in then.”
Thirty minutes later, the neon light from the Columbus Jet Pep danced over the fifty scratch-off tickets scattered across the dashboard. Cassie tossed a used ticket onto the dash with a huff. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I stopped scratching my ticket, impressed that she’d managed to bite her tongue this long.
Cassie hadn’t mentioned anything about me having that penguin, but I’d heard her ranting when she’d gotten home yesterday morning.
About the video and me leaving her there.
I’d also heard Monroe try to defend me, while letting the whole thing slip.
“Because you’d have used it.”
“You know, what was the point in even telling me about the whole ‘get something to blackmail them back’ plan, if you didn’t want me involved anyway?” The hurt in her voice was obvious.
I felt bad, but I wasn’t sorry for protecting Wolf. He’d done the same for me enough times. I knew Cassie wouldn’t understand it. She was all fire and retribution.
“Have you ever been in love, Cassie? Love so all-encompassing you feel like you can’t breathe without them?”
A frown blanketed her face. “No.”
I scratched the last of the gold foil off my ticket, revealing a grand prize of ten bucks, then put it on the win pile. “I couldn’t screw over Wolf.”
“He blackmailed you! And let’s not forget, dated that cheerleader bitch right after you broke up last time.
” She’d paid witness to my whole break-up mess.
Had seen how fractured I was when he started dating Nora.
In her mind, I was a heartbroken victim, while he was an asshole who’d moved on within a couple of months.
I should have told her what Brent had done with Wolf’s number, that Wolf wasn’t a bad guy, but right then, I thought maybe I needed her to remind me of all the ways Wolf had hurt me.
Of the possibility that he might move on even faster this time.
After all, it had only been a couple of weeks of us actually dating, so if we were going off last time, he could be shacked up with Megan by tomorrow.
A lump formed in my throat at the thought.
“The man doesn’t deserve your love.”
“He deleted the video,” I offered weakly, as if that equated to him loving me the same way I loved him. But if that were the case, he wouldn’t have kicked me out. He wouldn’t have brought the rats over last night like some final fuck you. Through tear-blurred vision, I scratched off another ticket.
“Yeah, and then they let us keep washing their dishes and cleaning their clothes for another whole week!” Judging by how furiously she scratched over her next ticket, she was mad about that. “Hell yes!” She held up the piece of paper with three matching cherries. “That’s fifty more bucks!”
I jumped on the subject change, eager not to talk about Wolf anymore. “How much is that?”
She went through the winning tickets, one by one, grinning as she added them up. “Two hundred bucks.” She grinned. “And you said we wouldn’t win anything.”
“Minus the fifty you spent to buy them. And gas money.”
She lowered the tickets to her lap on a glare. “Will you stop?”
“Sorry.” I held up my hands. “Congratulations on your one hundred and thirty dollars, Cass.”
“ Your one hundred and thirty dollars.”
“You need to take a cut?—”
“Nah. The buzz is all the payment I need.”
In Dayton, and even Pikestown, no one did anything “just for the buzz,” unless it was cheap alcohol or drugs. But that was Cassie. “You could keep the money, or…” A devious grin lit up her face. “We could cash these in and buy more?”
“No.”
She folded her arms over her chest. “You’re no fun. Where’s your sense of adventure or risk?”
“Risks are for people without a negative in front of their bank balance. Or with nothing to lose…”
I always thought that was a weird concept because there was always more to lose. A level below nothing. Which was exactly where I felt at that moment. I’d lost the only thing that mattered.
The next morning, I stared into my coffee cup, stirring the black liquid for what must have been the hundredth time.
A small splash landed on my sundress—the dress I had worn in an attempt to feel put together.
That was a lie. It was in case I bumped into Wolf today.
Because he was all I could think about. When he’d made it pretty clear he didn’t want to spare me another thought.
He’d said he loved me one minute, that he couldn’t live without me, and would rather put a bullet in his head than lose me, only to tell me to get out of his life in the next. I hated that what once came so freely between us was now tainted and scarred, full of doubts, and tinged by old hurt.
My phone buzzed on the counter, pulling me from my thoughts. It was my mom. She never called this early, and the reason why she might be had my heart rate anxiously climbing.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as I picked up.
“Oh, nothing, sweetie.” There were tears in her voice, though. “I called to tell you about a miracle. A charity sent us a check to get your dad’s tests done.”
I stood dumbfounded for a second. “What?”
“Isn’t it wonderful? There was a card saying the money was only to be spent on your dad’s tests and medical expenses. I can’t believe this. I knew if I just prayed enough?—”
“How much is it?”
“Six thousand dollars, honey!”
What the hell? That was…a lot. A ridiculous amount.
“Isn’t that amazing?”
Amazing was one word for it. Suspicious was another. No one just gave away six grand. Especially when I knew Dad would never apply for any grants or funding.
“Which charity was it?”
“Oh, hold on…” Papers rustled in the background. “The check is from… Save the Spheniscus demersus.” She struggled to pronounce it, then paused. “Is that a disease?”
“No. It’s a penguin.” Why would Wolf do this? Maybe he’d sent it before he kicked me out. But why hadn’t he said anything? I was shocked and confused, as well as grateful and relieved that my dad could finally get answers.
“A penguin? What?—”
“What’s the date on the check?”
“The eighteenth.” Three days ago, the day after he’d kicked me out.
Why? It didn’t make any sense. Even if he’d sent it while we were together—and he’d obviously been doing something to get the money right under my nose—it would have been obscene, but after…
The check was only for tests and medical expenses.
Which meant there was only one explanation I could come up with: Wolf did it because he cared. About my dad. About me…
“Mum, I have to go.”
“Okay, honey?—”
I hung up before grabbing my keys. As hurt as I was, as rejected as I felt, Wolf still cared.
I couldn’t just sit back and watch this play out again.
See him move on with someone else, when he was always supposed to be mine.
I wasn’t going to lose him, not without a fight this time.
If he truly wanted me out of his life, then he should have been more of an asshole.