16. Linc
Getting Kennedy’s machete back is a hell of a lot harder than driving to Taco Bell. In fact, a week after her accident, I still can’t locate the damn thing.
I also haven’t gotten to spend more than a few hours with the stubborn woman, either. Between her work schedule, mine, and the way our families keep interrupting, it is almost as bad as when I was avoiding her.
There are four minutes left of my shift, and I’m almost done with the paperwork from my calls for the day when the phone starts ringing in the front office. Immediately, I stop throwing snacks to Daisy, Remy’s patrol dog, who huffs and puts her head on her paws, ignoring my existence.
I hear Teri answer the dispatch phone and make a beeline for the bathroom before she can see that I’m still on duty. Remy watches me go with a suspicious look on his face. But he can’t really follow me, especially when I can see Teri’s head pop into the hallway as I vanish through the bathroom door. Daisy follows and whimpers when I shut the door before she can follow me in.
“I’m gonna get you back for that,” Remy calls out loudly. “Come on, Daisy.” I hear him stomp away.
A laugh is the only thing I leave him with, and I quickly change out of my uniform and back into regular clothes. Just to make sure I stay away long enough, I grab my phone to make sure that Kennedy is still planning on meeting me at my house for dinner.
L: If you want to grab Lotus Hill and head over to my place, that will keep either of us from having to cook.
K: Why don’t you just tell me you want takeout?
L: I want takeout. It means more time with you and less time cooking or cleaning.
K: And a movie, maybe?
L: Anything for you.
K: Kay. Xoxo
The bathroom door swings open and Remy props himself against the frame, barely catching the door with his foot before it slams back in his face.
“Close call,” I tell him while grabbing my duffel from the bench. “What was it?”
“9-1-1 hang-up. The phone has a history of accidental dials, and the owner has no idea why it does it. She’s not having an emergency.” He crosses his arms and glares at me. “You owe me for that.”
“Nope.” I point at the clock. “I’m off a half hour earlier than you this week, remember?”
He still glares. “Will you do your uncle duties with Nox tomorrow for me and Parker? We have a date.”
“Nope.” I shake my head and walk by him with a smile on my face. “Kennedy isn’t doing it, either. Tonight’s the first night that neither of us is working in a week, and I’d like to spend time with her.”
Daisy plops herself on the ground in front of me, refusing to move. No doubt she wants the snacks I still have in my locker for her.
He opens his mouth to say something else, probably to complain about my unwillingness to take my brother’s crotch goblin, but a scream echoes from the other side of the bullpen.
“Hide,” Remy hisses while rolling his eyes. “If we didn’t see it, we don’t have to help.” Contradicting his words, he unhooks the holster of the gun at his side but leaves it there in favor of his taser. I drop my bag and grab the taser from the side pocket, and with a nod to Remy, we move into the room cautiously.
Dom is standing in the hall next to the detectives’ offices, looking around the corner for whatever is making the noise. Daisy, however, hasn’t moved from her position on the hall floor, with her head lying on her paws, ignoring all of us.
“Are we detectives now?” I’m talking more to myself than anything else, but Remy snorts.
“Holy shit,” Dom holsters his taser and starts laughing, walking into the bullpen and out of our line of sight. “What the hell happened, Ames?”
“Guess it’s safe,” Remy says while rebuttoning his gun and putting away his taser. I follow suit and drop mine back into my duffel.
“Fuck!” Dom shouts at the top of his lungs, followed by grunting and another person yelling obscenities too.
In the middle of the room is Dom, clutching his balls and lying on the ground, wheezing.
“My balls,” he gasps. “Holy shit.” He wheezes some more, followed by deep gasping breaths as he tries to fill his lungs. “How’d he kick me that hard?”
Amie Lee, probably the scariest police officer in our department, is holding her taser in her hand, pointing it at a naked man who stands over Dom. Dom, who won’t look up because if he does, he’ll get a face full of old man balls.
“Why is he naked?” I ask the important question while Amie stands there, silently daring the man to move.
“No clue,” Remy says loudly. “But the man looks good for his age.”
I have to agree. Balding, with a small amount of gray hair, the old man looks like he used to be a boxer or something. His hands are probably the same size mine are, and he still has enough muscle on his body that no one will be putting him in a nursing home anytime soon.
“I really don’t want to hurt you,” she says with a sigh. “But I swear, if you don’t put the robe I gave you back on, you’re going to have issues, Lou. The worst of which is that I will actually have to arrest you instead of just giving you a ride after you and your girl broke up.” Lou, a man who had to be in his eighties, moves his foot like he is about to kick Dom, but Amie shakes her head and her taser at him. “Nope. I really will use it, and then I’ll be really mad because you’re old. So you’ll probably piss yourself, and nobody wants to see that.”
Lou looks around at the escalating situation and then back at Dom, who has managed to scoot away. “He shouldn’t touch a man when his back is turned.” Lou smacks his lips together and walks toward Amie in a nonthreatening way. “I’m cold, dear. Could you hand me my robe?”
Amie rolls her eyes, puts away her taser, and laughs. “Come on, Lou. Let’s call your granddaughter and get her over here to pick you up.”
“Did you see the size of his?—”
I shove Remy in the chest before he can finish his sentence.
“Seriously,” he goes on like I didn’t just interrupt. “The man could have been a porn star or something.”
“You know who that is, right?” I move into the bullpen to help Dom to his feet and he waits for me to answer him.
When I don’t say anything, Remy keeps mumbling to himself about the size of the old man’s dick and balls.
“That’s Lou Barro.” If Dom wasn’t still clutching his balls, I’d think that he is in awe of the old man.
“I don’t know who that is,” I admit with a shrug. But the fact that he just did whatever Amie told him was hilarious. “How does she always end up with the crazy people?”
“That guy’s not crazy.” Dom finally catches himself and shakes his head at me. “That man was a complete and utter badass back in the day. He’s a legend in the boxing ring.”
“Well, he’s still a badass apparently. Brought you to the ground with one kick.”
Dom shakes his head, clearly dismissing what I said to him in favor of replaying some piece of history that is important to him.
“Oh shit.” I clap my hand against my thigh. “I gotta go.”
“What? Hot date?” Dom bounces between me and Remy a few times. “Did you finally grow a set and ask Kennedy for a chance?”
“You know exactly how big his balls are, if I remember correctly.” Remy surprisingly comes to my defense. “I’d hate for that video Parker shot to be shared with anyone.”
“Parker didn’t take a video,” Dom practically shouts before looking around to make sure no one is eavesdropping. “She didn’t, did she?”
Remy crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs, looking about as innocent as he can manage. But I see the glimmer in his eye. Plus, I seem to remember her being too busy getting engaged to do anything else. Still, I’m not about to throw Remy to the wolves.
“I know she was taking videos that day,” I offer as a way to hedge the truth. “She told me she sent a video of us to Kennedy. Maybe it was that video.” I know for a fact it wasn’t, because I offered to babysit Nox as a way to get the truth out of her about the situation, so that I don’t have to worry about some random video of my balls floating around the internet with the chance of becoming viral. A cop on roller skates with his balls hanging out? Yeah. That would definitely be fodder for the masses. Not only that, but I know what I look like. Years of working out gave me the body I need to do my job.
“I’m going to go now,” I announce to the room as a whole before I start thinking more about shit that isn’t Kennedy and get distracted even further.
I pull my phone from my pocket again to make sure she knows not to leave the house, surprised to see that there is a message from Kennedy.
K: You’re gonna be late, I know. Heard Amie got a naked old man. Is his dick really that big?
L: My dick better be the only thing on your mind.
K: Maybe. But not if you don’t use it.
With that,I walk out of the office without looking back. There is a woman waiting for me at home who means the world to me, and I have plans. I almost make it to my car, too, before I remember what Chief Townsend said that night.
“Damn it,” I mutter and turn around to walk back into the building. Right past Teri, who is staring at me curiously without saying a word. Through the bullpen, where Amie and the guys are shooting nerf guns at each other. I walk into the chief’s office without knocking.
Chief Townsend, because there isn’t any possibility of me referring to him as Alex while we are at work, even in my head, stares at me like I’m nothing more than a nuisance. He hangs up the phone he’d been speaking into when I walked in and waits.
I glance behind me, to see that Remy and Amie are both watching like kids spying on Santa Claus. Without sparing them a thought, I turn back to the chief and blow a raspberry accidentally.
“Where’s Kennedy’s machete?” I finally force the question out, and then it is my turn to wait. Most likely for a reprimand, but I’m not standing there as one of his officers, so I don’t really give a shit if he writes me up.
“Are you here as a cop or as my daughter’s boyfriend?” The question catches me off guard, since it is exactly what I was just thinking about. “Because if you’re here as a cop, I’m gonna write your ass up and kick you out.”
“I’m here as her boyfriend,” I rush out. “But don’t tell her that, because if she finds out that we were talking about her like she was something to be had and not a person of her own, I’m pretty sure she’d find a way to kill us both and make it look like an accident.” I clasp my hands behind my back and rock back on my feet while he contemplates my words.
“Good point.” He runs a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair, sticking his tongue under his lip so that he can watch me intently. “Are they still watching and waiting for me to yell?”
I glance over my shoulder before turning back. “Yep.”
“Her machete is behind my garage. Don’t let her do anything stupid with it.”
Before I can stop myself, I’m walking out the door and digging myself a hole I won’t ever be able to get out of. After all, I owe it to the interlopers to give them something for the chief to yell about.
“Don’t worry. I’m the only stupid thing your daughter’s gonna be doing.”