20. Mary
Mary
Iwas still feeling a bit raw and exposed as we drove into Manhattan a few hours later, the tall buildings soaring up into the sky around us.
But part of what was making the rawness linger had been Cam’s response to my mortifying little meltdown in reaction to his magical cock.
He’d been so ... kind. Sweetheart. When he’d called me that, something had melted all the way down deep inside me.
It had been a long time since anyone had made me feel cared for and the fact that it was coming from a veritable stranger, a hook-up, only showed me how needy and vulnerable I was.
It was as if since Caitlin had left, the enormity of taking my own life in my hands again was really hitting home, undoing years of holding it together.
Years when I hadn’t even really allowed my own grief to surface.
I couldn’t deny I was glad of the chance to take a breath. This connection between us was so strong and powerful that, frankly, it scared me a little.
‘OK?’
I turned my head from looking at the packed streets of the city to look at Cam on the other other side of the chauffeur-driven car. He’d changed into dark slacks and a dark long-sleeved top, and a battered, worn leather jacket. He looked edible. I nodded quickly. ‘Look, I’m sorry about?—’
He’d reached out and put a finger to my mouth before I could finish. He moved closer and shook his head. ‘No, you don’t apologise for anything.’
I really wanted to flick out my tongue and taste his skin, but he’d taken his finger away and I shut my mouth. We were taking a breath. Not jumping straight into making out in the back of a car.
He took my hand and interlaced his fingers between mine.
He did that so easily. A pulse throbbed between my legs.
I was wearing the same clothes I’d changed into at my house when he’d taken me there to pick up my stuff.
Jeans and a long-sleeved cashmere top, and a light jacket, albeit with fresh underwear.
Fresh for him to ruin just by making me so horny that I was constantly wet for him.
He’d waited in the car while I’d gone into our very humdrum suburban house, and I’d been glad.
It had felt like a far too intimate space for him to see, undecorated since our parents’ time because we just hadn’t had the money.
Family photos everywhere, documenting the way our lives had fractured into before and after.
But I didn’t need to think about that now. Or how I’d felt a significant shift when locking up, as if something was really changing … for good.
‘We’re nearly here, at my apartment.’
‘OK.’ My mind went to my brother and sister. I hadn’t had time to tell them I was even coming here. My heart thumped to think of seeing them. Seeing Johnny.
The car pulled up outside a futuristic structure, stretching like a helix into the dusky evening sky. Hudson Yards. One of Manhattan’s newest and most exclusive addresses.
When we got out of the SUV, Cam only let me go momentarily before meeting me at my door and lacing his fingers between mine again.
I cursed him silently. For someone who’d said he didn’t do PDA, it seemed to come awfully easy to him.
I could get used to this. It was so seductive, this illusion of being with him.
And it was an illusion. This wasn’t really real.
It was just a sex-dream and wouldn’t last. When I felt a pang at that, I crushed it.
I didn’t want this to last. I had a life to get on with. Freedom, fun, adventure.
But maybe I could just have this delicious little hiatus en route to all that freedom, fun and adventure?
A concierge met us at the door of one of the tallest buildings and someone else scurried in with our luggage. I winced. My very battered, budget wheelie case. I still hadn’t got my head fully around the fact of just how wealthy Cam was. It was easier not to.
The lobby was sleek and modern, all marble floors and silver finishings. After exchanging a few words with the concierge who was looking at Cam as if he was some kind of deity – fair enough – we were in an elevator and my ears popped as it sped upwards.
We stepped into another sleek corridor with doors leading off into what I presumed were apartments. Cam led me to a door at the end and he opened it with a key card.
We stepped inside and he let me go. I couldn’t contain my gasp. The place was huge, cavernous. Windows on all sides looking out over Manhattan with an almost 360-degree view. This was the penthouse.
The furnishings were as sleek and modern as the surroundings. Steel and silver, and white and cream. Long, low couches that looked so pristine I knew I’d be afraid to go near them.
Coffee tables groaned under glossy hardback books of photography and architecture.
There was a terrace outside. I went over to a window. I had no idea where the door would be.
‘Want to go out?’
Cam touched a panel by one of the windows. I nodded. He pressed something and I stepped back as one of the windows slid open in front of me. Nothing as banal as an actual door here.
I stepped out onto the terrace that had a reinforced glass wall that came up to chest height. The Hudson River sparkled under the setting sun. The buildings glowed. I could make out the One World Trade Center way to the south of Manhattan.
‘Come on, around the other side.’ Cam reached for my hand again and I let him lead me around, and there the view was of the other end of Manhattan, with the green smudge of Central Park.
‘Wow ... this is truly impressive.’
‘I know. It’s pretty cool. Believe me, it’s not a view I take for granted for a second.’
I looked up at him. His profile seemed very proud.
And, a little remote. I wondered about what it had taken for him to go from growing up in the system to becoming a billionaire entrepreneur.
I squeezed his hand and he looked down at me.
‘I’m sorry you don’t have your folks to share in your success. ’
He looked at me for a moment, a stark expression on his face. As if he was going to tell me something. His cell phone rang, startling me. He murmured an apology and let my hand go to take the phone out of his pocket.
I let him walk off to answer and turned away to face the view again. It was a timely reminder to not let myself get too involved. When he’d offered to come into my family home earlier to help me, I hadn’t missed the almost relieved expression when I’d said I didn’t need help.
This was about sex. Not excavating each other’s sob stories. But I couldn’t deny that I felt for him. At least I’d had my parents for eighteen years and they’d been good, loving parents.
His voice came from behind me. ‘That was my office; I need to go in for a few hours.’
I turned around and pasted a smile on my face. ‘Don’t worry about me, and, look, if you suddenly realise that you’re too busy to hang out or whatever, I can get in touch with my brother and sister, and stay with one of them. I really don’t want you to feel obliged to?—’
He moved fast for a big man and his mouth was on mine, stopping my babbling and engaging my tongue in a far more satisfying exercise within seconds.
When he pulled back, it took a second to crack my eyes open.
My insides were liquefying and I was welded to him from thigh to chest, my hands on his waist
He had a hand on my lower back and his other hand in my hair, fingers splayed across my skull, holding me against him.
‘You were saying?’ he asked with that smirk that sent my blood racing even harder.
I forced my tongue around some sounds that I hoped were coherent. ‘I was just saying that I don’t want you to feel like you have to entertain me.’
‘Oh, believe me,’ he said as he subtly moved against me, leaving me in no doubt that he wasn’t regretting his decision to ask me to come here. ‘I am looking forward to entertaining you, but it’ll have to be later.’
I was breathless. ‘Later is fine.’
He kissed me again, swift but no less thorough. Then he put me away from him and I swear I had to find something to hold on to because my legs were like jelly.
He’d successfully reinforced what was happening here. Sex. Not bonding.
‘Feel free to look around; make yourself at home,’ he said. ‘The pantry and fridge should be stocked. There’s a spa and gym in the basement, free to use.’ He pulled out his phone again. ‘What’s your number?’
We didn’t even have each other’s numbers yet – if that didn’t sum up this whirlwind, I didn’t know what would. I somehow managed to remember my digits and said them out loud. A ping came from my bag that I’d dropped onto one of the pristine surfaces somewhere.
‘Now you have my number, I’ll text you, OK?’
I nodded and just watched as he walked out of the vast apartment. When he’d gone, I breathed out, long and a little shaky. I slipped my jacket off and draped it over the back of a chair, mentally apologising for ruining the sleek aesthetics.
I wandered through the huge space and found a gleaming kitchen with a white speckled marble island. The fridge was indeed bursting with food – and fresh vegetables and fruit. I picked out an apple and crunched into it. Flavour exploded in my mouth. I couldn’t deny that everything felt heightened.
There was a wide spiral staircase at one end and I went up, following it around and around until it led me to an upper level where there were more rooms. Bedrooms. I found Cam’s with its massive bed, dressed in dark grey linen.
He had an en suite that could house a family of nine.
And there was another smaller terrace outside his room.
I found the panel and the window slid open, revealing another view of the iconic city.
My brother and sister were out there somewhere.
I had to let them know I was here. I felt a sliver of apprehension, which was ridiculous.
I knew they loved me, even Johnny, in spite of all our turmoil.
They would want me to be moving on like them, but it was such a change in our dynamic, my dynamic, that it was going to take getting used to.
I went back down and retrieved my phone, and found Caitie in favourites. I took a breath and made the call. She answered with an excited ‘Hi!’, and after a couple of initial exchanges I said, ‘Actually, Kitty Cat, you won’t believe where I am.’
I told her and I had to hold the phone away from my ear because she squealed so loudly. Her reaction soothed my apprehension. When she was finished, I put the phone back to my ear to hear her say, ‘You came to surprise us?’
I imagined seeing Johnny and my insides knotted again. Carefully I said, ‘Well, yes, I was always intending on coming, but something happened and so I’m here a bit sooner than I thought ...’
There was silence and then a sly sounding, ‘Something? Or someone, Maro?’
My cheeks got hot and I was glad she couldn’t see them. ‘I’ll explain when I see you ...’
There were sounds of smashing in the background and then Caitie said distractedly, ‘I’m helping out at the bar and the new guy has just dropped a tray. I better go before Candy gets to him – call me later and we’ll arrange to meet, OK? Johnny is going to be so happy you’re here, Maro.’
Then she was saying to someone else, ‘Shite, Candy, it was an accident, OK? He tripped over a bag?—’
The phone connection went dead. I felt a little irrationally hurt for a second and then copped myself on.
This was where Caitlin lived and worked now.
I hadn’t told her I was coming. And she’d been ecstatic to hear from me.
But it only drove home the way her life had moved on and how I didn’t want to be left behind, stuck in a place of grief and limbo.
My phone vibrated again and my heart skipped a beat when I saw a text that had to be from Cam.
Hi, I’m really sorry but I’ll have to work late. Make it up to you later? X Cam
I looked at the X for an inordinately long time and then threw the phone down before picking it up again to reply breezily.
Cool, no problem. There’s enough food here to survive the first month of an apocalypse. I’ll be fine.
My finger hovered over the X key for an ice-age and then, before I lost my nerve, I pressed it and pressed send, and threw the phone down again with a groan.
I was like a teenager with an X-rated crush. Man, I was so screwed. Literally and metaphorically. But I was no longer in limbo and that was the main thing.