26. Mary
Mary
Johnny had gone to talk to Ashling, while Caitie was behind the bar with Liam. She still worked here a couple of evenings or to help out, but she was also busy working for a marketing firm and loving her job.
Johnny’s bespoke carpentry business was also doing well. Very well. He had employees now.
I sat in a little bubble of an overload of emotion and relief, and looked around for Cam but couldn’t see him.
I frowned. Maybe he was in the bathroom.
Then my phone pinged with a text. I pulled it out of my bag.
A text from Cam, who I’d added to my phone as No-Strings Hottie.
But my instant smile changed to a frown as I read:
Hi, sorry, I had to go. You should hang out with your family this evening, no need to come to the event. You don’t owe me anything. Cam.
There was no X. I felt a stone drop into my gut, growing bigger. Something was wrong.
I texted back quickly. It’s no problem. I said I’d be there.
Two seconds later, he replied. You really don’t have to, it’s fine.
The stone in my gut turned into a boulder.
I said I’d come with you, I’m coming.
There was a delay and then eventually, Fine. We’ll leave at six.
That had been two fines. I texted back, feeling confused. OK, see you soon.
‘All OK?’
I looked up and saw Johnny standing there.
My emotions were too close to the surface; I was realising that Cam had become as important to me as my own family.
Possibly even more, in a way. I was falling for him.
My brain rushed to negate the assertion.
How could I be falling for someone I’d just met when I didn’t know what I even wanted to do with my life that I’d just got back?
You want to do him, pointed out a voice. Not helpful. For ever. Really not helpful. But it stuck in my throat and chest. A very uncomfortable truth.
Johnny slid into the booth. ‘What’s up, Maro? Is it that guy? Where’s he gone, anyway? He hasn’t just left you here, has he?’
I suddenly realised what it must have been like for Cam to witness our family reunion. God, I was so dense. I said out loud, ‘Shite.’
Johnny looked worried. ‘What is it? Tell me and I’ll fecking kill him.’
I shook my head, ‘No ... it’s fine, I just have to go now. I have to talk to him.’
Johnny looked stern. ‘Call me or text me if you need me, OK?’
I leant forward and kissed him on the cheek. ‘I will. I’m so glad to see you guys. I’ll see you again before I go home, OK?’
Johnny caught my hand. ‘You know you don’t have to leave New York, sis? I mean, you could take that redundancy and come back, and be with us. Go to college here – you never got to do your course.’
I went very still. What Johnny was saying was so ... huge and monumental that I knew I’d have to process it later. But yes, after being here, seeing them again, I knew that a part of me was already loathe to walk away. From them, or Cam? asked that very annoying voice.
Then Johnny looked nervous. ‘Actually there’s something I want to tell you. Maybe it’ll help you decide what to do.’
He pulled something out of his back pocket and held it out to me. A small piece of paper? A printout. Black and white. It took me a few seconds to realise what it was and when I did, my jaw dropped and I looked at him. ‘A baby?’
He shushed me and looked towards the bar, then back, smiling. ‘We haven’t told the others yet, we’re only ten weeks, but I thought you should know.’
The tears were back. ‘Oh, Johnny, that’s ...’
‘Ironic, huh? I’m going to get pay-back for giving you such a rough time.’
I smiled at him. ‘You’ll be an amazing dad. You’ve really made a home here. And now, a family.’
He shook his head. ‘I still can’t believe it.’
‘You deserve it. We lost a lot.’
He took my hand again. ‘We almost lost each other because of me.’
‘I would have come eventually. Or you would have. Anyway, we’re here now – that’s all that matters.’
‘Go to your guy, Maro, but just know that this could be your home too.’
I left the bar and walked around the streets for a bit, absorbing everything that had happened. The happiness and relief I felt to know everything was OK with Johnny. To see Caitlin again.
For the first time in years, I felt a sense of peace.
As if some kind of healing had taken place.
The sloughing off of grief and pain. And I didn’t have to think much about Johnny’s suggestion that I move here to be with them.
Maybe it had always been in the back of my mind, but I hadn’t known if I’d be welcome.
But now I did and a whole new exciting future was opening up in front of me.
A future in the same city as the man who I’d also just realised I cared deeply about and who had been repelled by my family reunion. Not a great sign that he felt the same way.
Of course he doesn’t feel the same way. He never promised you anything.
But I couldn’t ignore the humiliating suspicion that I’d gone and fallen for the first man I’d been intimate with in years.
No. It couldn’t be. It was lust. Very strong and powerful, mind-bending lust. That was all. I spotted a taxi coming and put out my hand, telling myself I was being ridiculous. I just had to remember: No Strings Attached.