27. Mary
Mary
Back at Cam’s apartment, feeling unaccountably apprehensive, as if he might take one look at me and know what I’d been thinking, I lifted my hand to knock on the door just as it opened and the object of my thoughts filled the space. Still in those jeans and the shirt, bare feet.
My insides melted. It’s just lust, I reassured myself. But even as I thought that, I was searching his face to read his mood.
Impassive. Uh oh. Maybe he just really regretted saying he’d come to meet my family because he knew it’d be sending out an ambiguous message?
I stepped into the apartment. ‘Hi.’
He closed the door. ‘Hi.’
For the first time since we’d met, things felt off. Awkward. It only made me realise just how amazing our connection had been. Had been.
‘Look, I’m sorry I ran out, I?—’
I put up a hand. ‘You don’t have to explain. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to come. I realise it must have been ...’ I trailed off, not knowing how to articulate this and feeling like maybe I’d got this very wrong, and he hadn’t been bothered by it at all.
But his arms were folded. ‘Been ... what?’
I shrugged. ‘Maybe a bit ... triggering?’ I winced inwardly. I was so off base here.
Cam unfolded his arms and ran a hand through his hair. ‘You didn’t need me hanging around.’
I wasn’t totally off base. I had needed him, but I knew he didn’t want to hear that. ‘I’m glad you came, though, and you met them.’
‘They’re a tight bunch.’
I nodded and thought of Johnny wanting me to stay, to live here. ‘Yes, I’m lucky to have them and that everything with Johnny is ... OK.’
‘He loves you.’
‘He’s having a baby.’ I blurted it out, still not quite believing it.
Cam’s eyes opened wide. ‘That’s ... great.’
‘Look,’ I said. ‘In case you’re worried that I’ve forgotten what this is about ... I haven’t.’ Liar. I went on. ‘No strings, right?’
I held my breath, but when I saw a visible look of relief cross Cam’s face, something inside me shrivelled up. Hope.
He smiled. ‘No strings, absolutely.’ He took my hand. ‘I’m really glad it went OK with your family, Mary.’
See, when he said that in a husky tone it sent my insides somersaulting again, damn him. But then he said, ‘Come on. I’ve something for you.’
I dropped my bag and let him lead me through the apartment up to the bedroom. Suddenly the thought of sex to eclipse all the emotions I was feeling and to remind me what this relationship was about seemed very appealing, but Cam wasn’t throwing me onto the bed.
There was a long, slim box on the bed with the name of an iconic designer on the top. I looked from it to Cam. ‘What’s this?’
‘I told you I’d take care of something for you to wear. To the event.’
I kicked off my shoes and went over to the box, and lifted off the lid.
Under layers of tissue paper I saw black net that seemed to be shimmering with thousands of tiny crystals.
I pulled out a dress that made me gasp. I’d never seen anything so ethereal and beautiful.
It had a ruched bodice with a draped shoulder strap on one side, then fell in swathes of silk, covered with a layer of tulle, to the floor.
It was simple as only the most expensive designer items could be.
I’d never had my school graduation prom party and after all of the emotion of the day, this pierced particularly hard. I looked at him. ‘It’s too much, Cam – it must have cost a fortune.’ I looked back at the dress. ‘It won’t fit, it can’t possibly. My breasts?—’
‘Are beautiful and it’ll fit, I’m sure of it.’
I looked at him again. ‘But my hair ... nails … I’ll never look polished enough to fit in with that kind of crowd.
’ I really hadn’t thought this through. He’d caught me at a vulnerable moment last night while my functioning brain cells were still in a sex-pleasure coma.
And after spilling your guts to him about your family so that he’d felt obliged to come with you today. I shut out the voice.
‘I’ve also arranged for a glam team to come.’
‘A glam team?’
‘A hair stylist and make-up artist.’
‘Oh.’ This really was another league.
‘You’re freaked out,’ Cam said.
I looked at him. ‘A little. But it all sounds amazing.’
‘Maybe don’t overthink it? You’re doing me a favour by coming.’
A favour. Not a date. I could hear Dee’s voice in my head. Jesus, Maro, this was just a hook-up – get over it and don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Get your glam on!
I was overthinking this. Cam was used to going out with a certain kind of woman who would undoubtedly rock up to a black-tie event without needing any help. He had a standard to maintain. The least I could do was try to blend in and not embarrass him.
‘OK, cool ... thank you for organising all of this.’
‘You still look tense.’
I looked at him helplessly. ‘It’s been a bit of a day.’
He came towards me and took the dress, putting it down on the bed. He took my hands. ‘Why don’t we take a shower, hmm? I think I know a way to relax a little.’
I didn’t protest as Cam started to take off my clothes and his. I needed this. But I forced myself to ask, ‘Do we have time?’
‘We have time, trust me.’
He led me, naked, and him, also naked, into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Steam filled the space. He brought me under the spray and proceeded to soap me all over so thoroughly that I soon forgot everything, including my name.
My back was against the wall and from somewhere he grabbed protection and put it on, before lifting one of my legs and hooking it around his hip. He angled himself and then he was filling me, making me suck in a breath.
I kept my eyes on him as he wound us both tighter and higher. He palmed my breast and then lowered his head, taking that hard peak into his mouth. My leg tightened around his hip and then he straightened up. ‘Bring your other leg up.’
He supported me, thrusting deeper inside me as I wrapped both legs around him.
And then he kissed me, deep and explicit, and that’s when I came in a rush of pleasure so intense I couldn’t do anything but squeeze tight and hold on.
Waves buffeted me and Cam shouted as he fell behind me, his body jerking and pumping into mine, in the throes of his own climax.
I felt boneless. Weightless. Cam let me down and somehow miraculously my legs didn’t crumple to the ground.
He soaped my hair and my body again, gently on sensitised areas, and I realised with a pooling of dread that not even the amazing sex could drown out my conscience.
My conscience that told me I was in love and Cam was just in a sexuationship.
Not even the shiny, exciting prospect of starting a new life here in New York with my family could shrink the boulder growing in my chest.
I would have to come clean, but, weakly, as Cam led me back into the bedroom, I thought maybe not right at this moment. Like a miser I wanted to cling on a little longer to the fantasy. Was that so bad? I didn’t answer myself.