10. Dom
I’m screwed, and there’s not a single thing I can do about it. I did this to myself, and now I have to suffer the consequences.
Linc hands me a cup of coffee when he opens my door without knocking at six in the morning.
“Do you want to tell me why I’m picking you up for work? Where’s your truck? You know… the department-issued truck that you can lose your job for if it’s missing.”
I take the coffee and glare him into silence. Unfortunately, it doesn’t do a single thing to erase the suspicious way he’s staring at me. There’s no escaping the truth, and the truth is that I’m screwed.
“It’s at the cemetery,” I tell him when we are finally on the road a few minutes later. I get lucky that he doesn’t give me shit about it, and all I can think is that it has to do with the lack of coffee so early in the morning. “Just drop me off and I’ll be fine.”
Instead of the curt nod I expect, Linc pulls over onto the side of the road, practically throwing the cruiser into Park before he turns and watches me with badly disguised anger.
“Please tell me that you didn’t hurt my little sister.”
“What?” I stare at him, dumbfounded. “Why would that even be possible at this point?” I lie through my fuckin’ teeth and hope that he doesn’t realize it.
The truth is enough that it’ll destroy our friendship, and I haven’t done anything but kiss her.
“Because I’m not an idiot, and you look like you’ve been beating yourself up all night. Emma’s obsessed with dead things and horror things and the cemetery is where she goes when she needs to think.” His nostrils flare, and then he turns back to the road and starts driving again like our friendship isn’t hanging by a tense thread. “I really don’t want to have to murder you and feed Emma your liver as an offering for. I gave you my permission to sweep her off her feet. That doesn’t mean you can hurt her.”
“I’m not going to sweep your sister off her feet,” I mutter. All I want to do is just that. But every single time I get around her, I screw it all up. Hell, last night I did sweep her off her feet. I threw her over my shoulder. I had her in my space, where she belongs, but I had to open my mouth and ruin it.
Where Emma’s concerned, I can’t seem to do anything right.
“Shit’s wonky,” Linc says abruptly. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but you need to be careful with her. Any idiot can see how you feel about her. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve placed my life in your hands enough times that I can read every single move or flicker of your stoic-ass eyes. I know you. I know you would kill for the people you love. That’s why I told you that you could sweep her off her feet. But if you hurt her… I will kill you.”
“You’d have to get in line.” Even though I say it under my breath, I know Linc hears me. “I’m pretty sure my mother and father are in love with her. And you know Kennedy would get to me before you could.”
Linc nods. “Yeah,” he says proudly. “She really would. I might have to buy her a new machete for the occasion, if it ever comes.”
“What is it with her and that machete?”
Linc doesn’t answer me, though, because we’re pulling into the parking lot of the cemetery where my truck is parked. Almost like last night stopped at the cemetery. Like I hadn’t fucked up.
“Why didn’t you use your personal truck?” He taps the steering wheel and then stares at me with narrowed eyes when I don’t answer him. “Oh shit, man. I know that look. Your house was spotless, shit packed in totes, and your truck isn’t there. Are you deploying again?”
I get out of the truck without another word and slam the door.
There are some things that I don’t even want to talk to my best friend about, and the fact that I’m deploying alone, without him to have my back, is one of them.
“Holy shit, you are,” Linc calls through the open window. “And you weren’t going to tell me?” He flips me off. “This isn’t over, Dom. I’m bringing the beer tonight, and probably all the guys, too. Be prepared. Rituals are rituals for a reason, jackass.” With that, he speeds off, and I’m left trying to figure out where Emma would have put my key. I know she wouldn’t just leave it out or the vehicle unlocked. Instead, I stand back and inspect the truck, trying to think about where she’d have put it. Idly, I remember something she did when she was sixteen, and I check the ground under the tire where I find the singular key wedged in the back.
“Knew it,” I mutter.
When we were in boot camp, Linc left his car for Emma to drive if she wanted to, and he’d hid the key. The rule was, if she could find it, she could drive it. Well, Emma went all out and found the damn thing within two hours of us being gone, and it was all Linc could talk about for a week, when he got the letter from his mom telling him that she did it.
Rituals are rituals for a reason.
Fuck.
I’m not gonna be able to escape him, and in about an hour, every single person in my life is going to know that I’m deploying.
Maybe even Emma.
And any chance I’d have will be gone.
I screwed up, and I know it.
I followed her to tell her how I feel. To kiss her. To claim her because she’s mine.
I did nothing but open my mouth and stick my foot in it like an idiot.
By the time I step into the station and change into my uniform in the locker room, I’m ready to resign on the spot. I have to sit with her all over again and deal with the fallout from embarrassing myself. Again. I can get a new job. Maybe with the county.
I can work my way up over there.
Away from her.
Running is pretty much the only option at this point.
“Hey, Dom,” Linc says, sounding way too innocent and happy after our conversation, which only makes me even more suspicious than I already am.
I cautiously walk into the bullpen and cross to my office, checking the area around my desk for something that looks out of place. He doesn’t have a squirt gun or any other bullshit in his hands, and none of the others are anywhere to be seen. Even Daisy is gone.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” He tents his fingers. “Nothing at all. At least, nothing that you need to know about.”
“You better not have done something stupid.” I sit in my chair, expecting it to fall apart. “Or I’m gonna get the video Parker took of your balls hanging out and put it on YouTube.”
That shuts him up, at least for a second.
“There’s no video.” His quick recovery seems more of a bluff than actual knowledge. “Besides, I’m your best friend. You wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I’ll have Remy do it.” I check behind my computer, expecting to get a glitter bomb to the face. “Come on, Linc. What did you do? I can’t work all day expecting to be peppered by glitter dicks or water balloons or some shit like that.”
He stands at the doorway, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I told you. I didn’t do anything. It’s a lot more fun to make you think I did something when I didn’t than it is to actually do something. That’s a lot more work than mental torture.” The smile fades until there’s nothing left but a grimace. “Are you going to be okay?” He lowers his voice. “You haven’t gone back over since we all came home. Being in the Reserves and staying home is one thing, but the sandbox is an entirely different story.”
I shrug, trying not to look him in the eyes. Ours is a brotherhood born of blood and bullets. Forged in the sand that we’ll never be able to get out of our skin and the invisible scars we can’t even tell our families about.
“I don’t have a choice,” I admit. “I’m trying to get my head on right.”
The implication is clear, and he knows it. To hold that rifle in my hand and do what I do, I can’t let my mind wander. I can’t be thinking of Emma and the life we could have if I were here. I have to focus on the task at hand. He’ll know. Even without me saying a word. The same reason I can’t take a step in her direction is the reason we watched Remy push Parker away almost a decade before. It’s the same reason Linc never came home to claim Kennedy. Hell, it’s the same reason we have another detective transferring from the sheriff’s office, and just in time for me to leave.
We are all just a mess of damaged men who don’t want to break the women we love.
Speaking of which, right on cue Emma walks through the door and into the bullpen with a bright greeting to whoever’s around. Her voice makes me flinch, a move that Linc watches with an eagle eye.
“Say the word, and I’ll fake a heart attack,” he says conspiratorially. “That’ll send her into a panic and she’ll go with me to get checked out. Buy you some time so that you can get away.” He checks over his shoulder to make sure no one’s around, spying on our conversation. “When are you going?”
I tap my pen on the table, studiously ignoring my cell phone or the pile of papers that desperately need to be attended to before I leave. “A little over a week. I’ll be there for three months, at least.” I don’t need to go into details, and I can’t even if I wanted to.
“Tonight. Beer. It has to be your place. You’re going to have to start the bonfire, though. ’Cause I promised Kennedy I wouldn’t destroy her flower garden and we haven’t put in a fire pit yet.”
I nod.
“Ritual’s a ritual for a reason.”
He nods sharply and knocks on my doorframe twice before walking away.
“Tonight.”
Emma passes her brother and blows a raspberry at him before stepping into my office like she belongs there. “Do we need to talk about last night?”
“No.” I watch for any sign that I’ve said the wrong thing, but she’s mastered the emotionless mask that most cops have after a decade on the job. The one I use whenever she’s around, because letting her see the truth would destroy us both. When she doesn’t answer me, I nod toward the chair across from me, the same one she has sat in when I’ve talked about my cases, about what it means to be an officer, for the last five days. “Today’s all about paperwork.” The pile of folders on my desk doesn’t need to be explained. “No offense, but it’s going to go quicker if I can wrap it up on my own. The new detective starts today, too, so if you can work in dispatch with Poppy, that would be great.”
Am I running away from her? Yes, I am.
But do I have a damn good excuse? Yes, I definitely do.
And technically, she’s the one leaving. I’m staying in my office.
Emma stares at me for a second, her expression never wavering. Then, without a word or argument, she gets up and walks out.
Where I should have been able to breathe just a little bit easier, I can’t. And that revelation only makes it harder to focus on the job at hand.
Less than five minutes later, there’s a sharp knock on the wall next to my door and I look up to see Logan Pierce standing there with a grin on his face.
“Hey, man.” I get up and shake his hand. “Thanks for starting earlier than you wanted to.”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “I’ve been trying to convince Alex to bring me on for a year, Dom. Trust me, you’re making my life easier.”
When he smiles, I get the distinct impression that he’s a maniac, but I know for a fact that he’s also a great cop.
“You’re still following Poppy around like a puppy dog?” Everyone, and I mean everyone, who knows Poppy and Logan knows about their history.
“More like a rabid wolf,” Logan admits. “Can’t win with her, and I also can’t walk away… But I think you know what I mean.”
He takes a seat, and we get to work running through my active cases. By the time we’re done at lunchtime, my eyes are starting to cross from the tiny print on white paper.
“I hate paperwork.” Logan falls into step beside me as we walk out of the building. “It’s the only reason I don’t want to be the boss. Too much paperwork.”
I snort and then stop in my tracks.
Emma stands there, out of uniform, with a bottle of water in her hand and Stryker’s arm around her waist.
“Don’t do it.” Logan grabs me by the arm, but I shake him off.
Yeah, I’m a big guy, and seeing him touching her makes me see red. I want to kill him by ripping his arm off and beating him over the head with it, but I’m not about to start a brawl in the middle of the parking lot. Besides that, I can see the look on Emma’s face. The same pained look she had on her face the night Bee’s parents died.
“Emma.” I bark her name in time to see her look up with tears in her eyes, and she steps away from Stryker, only to collapse onto the parking lot pavement.
In my entire life, I’ve never moved as fast as I do to get to her side. My heart is racing, and I know I’m holding my breath because my lungs start to burn after a long second.
Forcing myself to take a breath, I check her for obvious injury.
Stryker is kneeling down at her side at the same time, checking her pulse. It takes everything in my body, every ounce of strength I possess, to keep from hitting him.
“She went on a run at lunch,” he says briefly and breathes a sigh of relief when he gets her pulse, nodding at me. “But she said she twisted her ankle, so I was helping her back to the shop.”
Why he’s telling me, defending the way he was touching her, is beyond me. I’m not an idiot. I know that Linc can see how I feel about her, but he wouldn’t go and share that with the rest of the world. Especially not Stryker.
“What the fuck happened?” Linc shoves both of us aside to get to his little sister. “Back the fuck up, assholes, you’re too big.”
“Shit.” Emma gasps. “My head.” She opens her eyes and punches her brother in the face. “What the fuck, Linc!”
Linc, whose head snaps to the side with her hit, falls back on his ass.
“Me?” He roars back. “You’re the one who hit me. What the hell’s wrong with you?”
“Just like when we were kids, you just had to be creepy.” She winces but keeps going. “You want to know why you got hit? Remember the time you put a frog in my hair when I was in middle school? You surprise me, you get hit.” She sniffs, and I watch as Linc rubs his face.
He offers his sister a hand getting up. “You hit like a girl.”
“I got dizzy and passed out, asshole.” Emma sits up with a groan. “That doesn’t mean I’m dying. You’re all fuckin’ weirdos.”
Emma, dead, staring up at me with blank eyes. That’s the image that’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.
I thought it was bad thinking of her waiting for me to come home and then having to hear that I died. But a world where she doesn’t exist?
That’s a whole new version of hell that I hadn’t even contemplated before this very moment.
But I know it’s going to be my nightmare for the rest of my life.