6. Josh
6
JOSH
Like Cinderella, she vanished into thin air, leaving me in a daze after a night of the most incredible, mind-blowing sex I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. But unlike the fairy tale, she didn’t leave behind a glass slipper or any other token that might help me find her again.
No phone number, no last name, not even a hint of where she might be going.
It’s like she stepped out of my life just as quickly as she entered it, leaving me with nothing but memories and an aching sense of loss. I’ve never felt so hollow after a one-night stand… if you could even call it that. This was something different, something that left an imprint on my soul, and yet she walked away like it was nothing, like I was nothing.
All I have is the haunting image of her icy-blond hair wrapped around my hand and the shock of her gray eyes widening and staring up at me while she took me in her mouth when I go to sleep at night. Every night, for the six months since I’ve had her, without fail. It doesn’t matter what I do to get rid of the image of her in my arms, there she is.
Smiling and laughing, reminding me that I had one taste of perfection before she walked out, leaving me with a note.
Thanks for the night, Josh. To answer your question, no. Sorry, I don’t date cops.
-N.
I must have read that note a hundred times, trying to decipher the tone behind the words. Was she apologetic? Cold? Regretful? The more I think about it, the more confused I get. There’s nothing in those few sentences to suggest she wanted anything more from me, but there’s also nothing to suggest she didn’t. She doesn’t even know that was my last night as a cop. And that one little initial as her signature is like a brand on my memory. A constant reminder that I had something real, even if just for a moment, and let it slip through my fingers.
How hard is it to find a woman named Nia? Her name isn’t common, and even without a last name, I should be able to find her on social media. Except it’s like she never existed in the first place.
Either that or she gave me a fake name, which is something else that has popped into my head when I think of her.
I wish I could find her.
Admittedly, I haven’t searched that hard for her. I’m not a stalker after all.
“Hurry up, man. I don’t wanna eat cold food again.” Gino’s voice jolts me out of my reverie, and I realize I’ve been standing there, stirring the same pot of chili for who knows how long, lost in my thoughts. I glance up to find him standing there with a grin on his face, holding an empty bowl like he’s been waiting for hours. “Seriously,” he adds, his tone half-joking, half-desperate. “I’m starving.”
“Alright, alright,” I grumble, trying to shake off the lingering thoughts of Nia. I glare at Gino, but there’s no heat behind it. The guy’s always got a smile on his face, always cracking jokes, and it’s hard to stay annoyed at him for long. Still, I take my time just to mess with him, slowly turning off the stove and grabbing my own bowl from the counter. Then, making sure that he can’t get to it before me, I make sure to top off my chili with cheese, staring at him the entire time I do it.
“You’re a dick. I hope you know that.” When I’m finally done, he steps in, followed by the rest of our crew.
“Shouldn’t piss off the cook, Gino.” Ryder Cook shoves him out of the way. “Or maybe, you could have made dinner for once.”
“I do make dinner,” Gino counters once he sits at the dining table with his bowl and a spoon already headed for his mouth. “It’s called asking my mama to make us some pasta and drop it off at the station. I don’t wanna take the chance of burning something while we’re out on a call. And hers is perfect every single time.”
I don’t say a single word while I shovel the only thing I’ve had to eat all day into my mouth, savoring every single bite.
It’s been nonstop since we took over for the B shift at seven this morning. One call after another. With the weather starting to turn for the fall, a lot of the community were turning on their furnaces for the first time in half a year.
Smoke, minor fires, and leaking oil took up our entire day. By the time we rolled out for our seventh call of the day, I had to bribe my youngest brother, Drew, to stop by on his way to work to start our food so that it would be almost ready to eat by the time we got back to the shop for dinner.
“Damn, man,” Sean Proctor calls out from the kitchen counter, where he is leaning over with his own bowl close to his face. “I don’t know how you do it, but this is delicious.”
I shrug, taking the last bite of chili, and then push my bowl away. “It helps that my mom made sure all my brothers and I could survive without a woman in our lives.”
Hell, she made sure that we could cook, clean, and take care of ourselves from the day we each turned ten. Like a general, she started with the chores and responsibilities, making us into the men that our father never was.
“Who’s cleaning the kitchen tonight?” I put my bowl in the sink, rinsing it out while I wait for any of the men still in the kitchen to answer my question.
When no one does, I walk over to the calendar that the captain put out once a month with the house chores on it.
“ Gino ,” I call his name loudly. “Better get a start on it. Otherwise, you’re gonna get stuck staying after. And you said you’d help me with Alex’s porch.”
Gino glares at me from the couch before he shoves himself up and gets to work cleaning. At least I cleaned as I went, so it’s not like the kitchen is left trashed. Some of the guys take it like a challenge, to make as much of a mess as they can.
With nothing better to do, and zero interest in watching whatever Ryder put on the TV in the lounge, I walk outside to have a few minutes alone.
Except, no one at Birch Fire Department knows when to leave anyone else alone, so I can’t even pretend to be surprised when Ryder follows me out, along with one of the EMTs.
“I’m so glad to be done with you assholes.” Laura, the paramedic who is set to move at the end of the week, announces to no one in particular.
“Yeah,” Ryder snorts in response. “Trust me, we’re not sorry to see you go. But at least we’re getting a new paramedic instead of another know-it-all.”
She’s worked for the department for at least a decade, and she put in her notice almost as soon as I started with BFD. Honestly, she isn’t that bad, so I can’t figure out why none of the guys on shift like her at all. But none of them are talking about it, at least not to me. So I don’t push it. It’s none of my business, and I’m not looking to get into the middle of it.
Laura throws him a ridiculing glance before turning her attention my way, and all the ice in her eyes vanishes. “How’s Drew doing with this semester? He seemed a little stressed when he came by earlier.”
I smile at the mention of my younger brother and lean against the wall with one foot kicked back, resting against the brick. “He’s good. Cursing about the fact that he chose coding or some shit like that last time I talked to him. But he’s loving the fact that he’s still there on a football scholarship.”
Laura may not get along with anyone in the department, but I know for a fact that she has a soft spot for student athletes. She’s been volunteering at the school’s sporting events since I was a teenager.
“That’s really good.” She sighs deeply, intentionally ignoring Ryder standing right next to her. “I’ll miss volunteering as the medic when I’m gone, but I think a change is gonna feel good.”
After a few seconds of silence, she walks back toward the building. “I’m gonna go check my med bag before the night rush. Have a good one, Josh. If I don’t see you again before the end of my shift, it was nice working with you.”
While she walks away, Ryder shakes his head. “I can’t fuckin’ stand her.”
“I can tell.” I close my eyes, resting my head against the brick behind me.
“Good riddance,” Ryder snorts. “I’m glad we’re getting someone new. Maybe this one won’t try to take command of every single med scene we arrive at. To the point that she reports the entire department to the state.”
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I have to ask, “Laura did that?”
Ryder nods. “Yeah, right before you left the troopers at Maine State Police and switched to the winning side. There was a fire scene, but at first it appeared medical only. She tried to take command of the scene, which would have been fine if there wasn’t a fire in the walls. Laura put our lives in jeopardy, but worst of all, she put the people still in the house in danger, because she tried to stop us from getting to them once we made it into the house.” He shoots a glance at the open bay doors like he expects someone to come running out at any second. “But when the captain put her in her place, she filed a complaint with the state. As soon as the verdict came down that she was in the wrong, she put in her notice.” He laughs bitterly. “At least she gave BFD enough time to find a replacement paramedic, though, which was good of her.”
No wonder no one in the department likes her. To be honest, if I’d been there for it, I would have had a problem with her too. There are things you don’t do, and a power trip in front of the public is one of them. Especially when lives are at stake.
The sudden blaring of the fire alarm coming through the speakers has both Ryder and me running through the still-open bay doors toward our gear.
“Attention Birch Fire Department. Attention Birch Fire Department.” The radio crackles loudly. “Please respond to 113 Court Avenue for multiple reports of a fully engulfed structure fire.”
Stepping into my boots and sliding my bunker gear up and my suspenders over my arms, I grab my jacket and helmet, jumping in the truck less than thirty seconds later.
With adrenaline rushing through my veins, I queue up the mic.
“At least I finished the dishes,” Gino says with a grimace. “Sounds like we’re gonna be out for hours.”
He isn’t wrong.
With a call in downtown Birch Harbor, we’ll be concerned not only with the fire in the building itself, but in the neighboring ones as well. Mind racing as the engine navigates the streets between the fire department and the fire, I prepare for the chaos we are about to step into.
“Ryder,” Captain Hutchins orders through his mic. “You get the hose hooked up to the hydrant. Harmon, you get the other end and the two of you lay the first line for the engine.”
Ignoring the rest of what he orders, I watch Ryder bail out of the truck on his side as Gino slows to a stop at the closest hydrant to the scene. Once Ryder is out, with the door still open, Gino pulls away again, and I get ready for my part.
The fire lights up the night sky as we fully stop and everyone gets out.
“Time to get to work,” Cap shouts.
We work, alright. For hours, we fight the blaze destroying the historical building. Three stories, a full basement, and an attic, all engulfed by the time we arrive. When the fire starts to spread to the other building, we push harder.
Soot, dirt, and sweat all mix together, sliding down my neck and into my uniform before we are done.
And when the sun finally rises behind the buildings, we’ve managed to save everything but the building we got the call on.
“Come on, men,” Cap orders once we wrap up the gear and put it back in the truck. “Let’s go. Lieutenants, make sure the paperwork is done before the end of next shift.”
“I need a shower. And maybe a drink.” Ryder climbs in next to me in the back seat of the engine. “But at least we’re finally at the end of shift.”
“No way.” I shake my head and pull my phone out from under the bench seat. “We’ve still got an hour and change.”
“Just enough time to clean and get everything set for B shift to come back.” Gino agrees with Ryder. “My kind of call. Even if I didn’t get to sleep. Did you see the reporters there last night? I bet my mom has the article printed out, demanding I get your signatures again.”
All four of us are laughing as we cruise back into the bay after refilling the gas tank on the engine and getting the water tanks filled with water.
“I don’t know why she always does that.” I wait until we are out of the truck with our gear back in position before saying anything. “I mean, it’s not like we’re famous or anything.”
“We’re famous to her.” Gino shrugs nonchalantly. “She thinks we’re heroes, and there’s no changing her mind once she makes it up. So I stopped trying, and since she feeds us, I give her what she wants.”
While the lieutenants and the captain go into the house to do the mountain of paperwork that will be needed after the fire, I get to work cleaning the rig with the rest of the crew.
One thing we have to do at the end of every shift is make sure that it is ready and waiting for the next crew, so that if the alarm goes off the minute changeover happens, they’ll be ready to go.
“Aren’t you glad you’re not a cop anymore?” Ryder slaps me on the shoulder as we walk out after our relief shows up.
I pause for a second and really think about his question. “Yeah,” I tell him. “Actually, I am.”
And I go home, only thinking about the vanishing blond Cinderella once as I realize I need to forget about her and move on.
“Yo,” I call out when I open the front door to my apartment. “You home?”
Kevin Young, my roommate and friend, sticks his head out of the kitchen with an irritated look on his face. “Where do I ever go? I’ve got a crippling case of anxiety and depression, topped off with a raging outcry of PTSD. No one wants this around.”
“Shut up.” Rolling my eyes, I drop my duffel and walk through the apartment until I get to my room. “You wanna go to Lucy’s with me tonight? I think I need a change.”
“No,” Kevin shouts from the kitchen. “I do not.”
“Good. Be ready to go for dinner,” I tell him, ignoring his refusal. “I’ll see who else we can round up.”
Kevin hates going out. But someone has to make him step out of his comfort zone, and it won’t be his family. Kevin’s parents are both dead. And his sister, Chloe? She loves her brother more than anything and won’t push him to do a single thing he tells her he doesn’t want to do. Not only that, but all of the men that he served with overseas are now married.
And since I happened to be in the right place at the right time to stop my crazy ex-sister-in-law from killing Chloe, Kevin decided that I am good people.
He stands in the hall when I grab my towel and walk to the bathroom. “I need to get you laid, so you’ll stop trying to socialize me.”
“Trust me, my friend.” I step into the bathroom and shut the door. “That’s not gonna help with you needing to socialize.”