18. Josh
18
JOSH
You know those horror movies where everything seems to be going perfectly, the sun is shining, and everyone’s smiling, but there’s this undercurrent of tension that you can’t quite shake?
That eerie feeling that something terrible is lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce when you least expect it?
Yeah, that’s what I keep expecting my life to turn into at any moment.
It’s like I’m living in the calm before the tsunami collides with land, right when the water rushes out to sea before crashing back and destroying everything in its wake. And no matter how much I try to convince myself that things are finally falling into place, there’s this persistent knot of anxiety in my gut that won’t go away. Every good moment, every laugh, every kiss with Nia—it’s like I’m holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
After Nia went to the prison with Eddie for the parole hearing of the man who shot him, she seems happier. Less reserved than she’s been with me before. And it scared the shit out of me, if I’m being honest.
Which is how I end up at my mother’s house, watching Nia and my entire family acting as though she’s always been there.
“I like her,” Mom says from behind me while I watch my brother Kyle and Nia battle it out over a game of Operation, which Nia is winning. “She’s full of spunk.”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “But she scares me. Terrifies me with her existence, and there’s nothing I can or want to do about it.”
“The good ones do.” Mom laughs. “Your father used to say the same thing about me, once upon a time.”
I laugh, unable to help it. “I think he still says that when you get mad at him or you take his credit card to go Christmas shopping with.”
She just scoffs. “That’s what he tells you, at least. Let me tell you, there hasn’t been once in the entire time we’ve been together that he’s ever complained to me. Really complained.”
My little sister Alex and my brother Drew are both watching Nia kick Kyle’s ass, and they are laughing and betting.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who gets along with our entire family.” Mom smiles as she stands next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Definitely not Kyle’s ex-wife, that’s for sure.”
“We don’t talk about the crazy lady,” I whisper. “Kyle gets upset.”
“Why did you bring her over tonight?” Mom cuts right to the chase. “You swore you weren’t ever going to introduce us to one of your girlfriends. At least not until you decided she was the one.”
“She is,” I tell her simply, giving her the truth.
That has my mom stepping away, looking at me with wide eyes. “You just met her, though, from what Kyle tells me. Are you sure about her after such a short amount of time?”
With a sigh, I pull her by the arm out of the living room and into the kitchen, where we can have a conversation that no one will overhear.
“Is this going to be a problem?”
My mother looks at me like I’m crazy before pushing around me and marching back out of the kitchen.
“Nia.”
Nia, as well as my brothers, sister, and dad, all turn around and stare at us with expectant looks on their faces. My mother rarely raises her voice, and she never snaps someone’s name to demand their attention.
“Because my loving son here thinks that I am judging your relationship because of how long you’ve been together, I thought I’d address it clearly and without any hidden or secret conversation.” Her words hang in the air, and I feel a surge of panic. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I wince, instinctively wanting to scoop Nia up into my arms and make a run for it before things get any more awkward. But I know there’s no escaping this now.
Mom’s got that determined look in her eye, the one that means she’s going to say her piece no matter what. And all I can do is stand here and hope that whatever she’s about to say won’t send Nia running for the hills.
My mother has never been one to mince words, and I’m genuinely worried that she is about to tell me I’m rushing into something before I’ve even told Nia how I feel.
“I have absolutely no problem with the fact that you two are together,” Mom says, her voice firm and decisive, cutting through the tension like a knife. She looks directly at Nia, her gaze unwavering, before turning her eyes on me with a pointed stare that makes it clear this isn’t just about Nia. It’s about reassuring me, too. “Josh is worried about it, so I thought I’d tell you in front of him. That way, there’s no misunderstanding, no second-guessing. You two are good together, and I’m happy for you. And that’s the truth.” Her words hang in the air, and I can feel a weight lifting off my shoulders, the anxiety that’s been gnawing at me slowly dissipating.
Nia laughs. "You know, for a big burly firefighter, he's pretty insecure about making sure that you like me." She glances over at me, a playful glint in her eyes that makes my heart skip a beat. There’s something in the way she’s handling this, the way she’s taking my mom’s straightforward approach in stride, that makes me fall for her even more. She’s not just enduring my family, she’s embracing them with their quirks and all, and somehow making it all look effortless.
Everyone else joins in on the ribbing too, but I can't do anything but stare at the woman who's captivated me from the beginning.
“You’re absolutely crazy, you know that, right?” Nia says softly as the night winds down, and we find ourselves sitting together on my parents’ back porch. The cool evening air wraps its arms around us, and I pull her closer, savoring the feeling of her body pressed against mine with no space between us. Drew and Alex are busy starting a fire for s’mores, their laughter drifting over to us from where they’re huddled around the flames, arguing about the best way to roast a marshmallow. It’s one of those rare perfect moments, the kind that makes you wish time would slow down so you could savor every second of it. “I don’t think I’d know what to do if your mom didn’t like me, though,” Nia continues, her voice laced with both relief and amusement.
“Until I thought she was about to tell me that she didn’t like you, I thought the same thing,” I whisper against the side of her head, my lips brushing her hair as I speak. There’s something so intimate, so grounding, about this moment, with the stars twinkling above us and the soft crackle of the fire in the background. “But there was this second,” I continue, my voice low and steady, “while I was watching her say your name, and the panic that I felt… it wasn’t about what I’d do if she didn’t like you. It was about the fact that I’d have to cut ties with my family, because if they didn’t accept you, it would be their problem, not ours. Because you’re not going anywhere, Nia. I need you more than I need anything else in my life. I like having you in bed with me every night, waking up next to you and seeing your smile first thing in the morning. The thought of losing you, of not having you in my life… it’s worse and more heartbreaking than anything else I can imagine.”
"Samesies." Nia smiles up at me. "And thank you for not freaking out or losing your shit about me helping Eddie. He needed it."
"One day, you're going to have to tell me what happened there." I keep my voice down and as neutral as possible. "Not because I'm jealous. I'm not. But because I want to understand you and what makes you tick. Obviously, there was something there because you were together, and it ended. But that was P.J.”
“P.J.?” she echoes, her brow furrowing in confusion as she pulls out of my arms slightly. She looks up at me, trying to figure out what I mean, but before she can ask, Drew appears out of nowhere, holding out a perfectly toasted s’more with a triumphant grin on his face. Nia’s eyes light up, and she reaches for the treat, laughing as she does. “P.J.,” she repeats, glancing back at me as she takes a bite of the s’more, her expression a mix of curiosity and amusement. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
"Yeah." I laugh. "Pre-Josh."
Nia snorts around the chocolate and graham cracker that are sticking half in and half out of her mouth. The melted marshmallow coats her lips, and it is right about then that I decide we have to leave so that I can get her naked and paint her lips with my dick.
Except my phone starts to ring.
"Oh no," Nia groans. "Freaking work."
That is the pitfall of not working shift anymore with her or the rest of the firehouse. I am on call for any and everything that they deem suspicious. It sucks, but I am nowhere near figuring out what is going on with the arsons that have seemed to plague our county in the last six months.
"You gotta go?" She finishes her dessert and waits for me to listen to the voicemail since I don't answer in time.
"Yeah," I tell her. "You want me to drop you at home on my way?"
Nia nods, and I stand there watching her as she says goodbye to my family, marveling at how perfectly she fits.
"You're gonna need Grandma's ring, when you're ready." Kyle stands next to me while we watch Mom load Nia down with leftovers.
"Nope." I shake my head. "I'm not gonna give her the same ring you gave your ex."
"Ha." Kyle laughs bitterly. "I never actually gave it to her. Mom gave it to me and told me to only give it to her if she really was the one. I guess that should have been my first red flag, right? The fact that I couldn't bring myself to give her Mom's most precious heirloom."
With a cringe, I look at my brother. Really look at him, for the first time since his divorce. "Are you okay, Kyle?"
He shrugs. "Not really. But I'm getting better every day. Working in labor and delivery at the hospital is helping, if I'm honest. Seeing new life and mourning those that are lost with new parents. There's nothing that I'd rather be doing, at least for now."
"Plus, you get to see all the vaginas in the world." Nia pops up under Kyle's arm, elbowing him. "Don't lie, you know you like it."
Kyle shoves her away like she is his little sister and not just my girlfriend. "That's disgusting. No one wants to see a vagina that's ten centimeters dilated, Nia. Don't even make me think about it. I'm not working."
Nia snickers. "Just make sure if I ever have kids, you're not the one delivering them."
I don't yell and shout and demand that my brother walk away from her. And I don't snarl at the fact that Nia and Kyle are joking about him seeing her give birth one day. See? I’m making progress.
"Come on, Nia." I pull her away from Kyle. "Let's get you home, so I can go to the scene."
She blows Kyle a kiss over her shoulder and links her arm in mine. "Take me home, lover." She rests her head against me. "I'm actually pretty tired. Your family is amazing, Josh."
"I'm glad you think so." I kiss her forehead before opening her door for her. "They really like you, too."
"I know." Nia winks as I shut her door and then waits for me to get in. "Your dad made sure to tell me that repeatedly. Kyle and Drew, on the other hand, kept trying to get me to run for the hills before you do something to screw it up." She laughs. "Didn't you tell them that I'm the one who's more likely to bomb it? That I’ll throw a fit and kick you out because I don’t know how to handle my own emotions?”
"Never," I tell her seriously. "You couldn't do anything that would scare me away, Nia."
The gravity in my words, the emotion that I can't hide even if I want to, leaves a void in the cab between us.
When I pull into Nia’s driveway, she turns to me with a bright smile. “You gonna come over after you finish with whatever’s going on?”
“Of course.” I spend more time at her house than I do my apartment, and I’ve honestly thought about asking her if she wants to move in together, but I feel like it is too soon.
It isn’t really that, but the thought that I’ll scare her away that keeps me from asking her to find a new place with me.
After leaning over the center console and meeting her more than halfway, Nia kisses me like it is the last time we’ll see each other. “Stay safe, Josh.”
Then she’s gone, and I’m watching her ass until she is safely in the house.
Only then do I take my phone out of my pocket and call into dispatch.
“Birch County Sheriff’s Department,” the dispatcher says.
“Hey, Kennedy,” I greet the woman I’ve gotten to know since starting to work as a cop years ago. “Can you tell me what’s up?”
“Yeah.” Kennedy sighs, and I can practically see the smile leaving her face. “The little girl involved in your arson was involved in another fire. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.”
Fuck.
“Where is she?”
“They took her via Life Flight to Children’s in Boston.”
If they took her there, they really don’t think she’ll make it.
“Where was the fire?” Normally I’d have my radio on me, but since we were spending the evening with my family, I hadn’t thought of it.
“Piper Lachlan. The foster home she’d been sent to. The family is still on scene, if you want to go and get their statements now.” Kennedy pauses. “I’m sorry, Josh.”
I don’t tell her that it will be okay, because it won’t be. And I’m not going to tell Nia about it. Not until I know for sure if that little girl will make it or not. Instead, I hang up the phone and pull out of the driveway.
The acrid smell of smoke fills the air, and the sky is still gray from the fire when I pull up to the house five minutes later.
“Harmon,” Captain Harvey says grimly. “Family’s over there.”
An older woman with black streaks on her face and tears falling down her cheeks stands off to the side, held in the arms of a man who has to be her husband.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats over and over. “I have no idea how it happened.”
“Ma’am. Sir. I’m Firefighter Harmon, and I’m the investigator assigned to the fire. Can you give me any and all information you have?”
“Bill and Trish Sage,” the man introduces himself and his wife gruffly. “I was in the garage working on the bed I’m building for Piper, our foster daughter, so she feels like she has something that’s only ever been hers. Trish and Piper were in the house, and the next thing I know the living room is on fire.”
“We weren’t even in the living room.” Trish starts to cry. “I don’t know what happened. We were upstairs, putting away the clothes we got for the summer trip we were planning.” She sniffs and rubs her face, spreading the soot around. “I don’t know what happened. Piper was right with me, and I didn’t let her out of my sight. She was so afraid, Bill. So afraid.”
“Did you see anyone around your house in the past few days?” I scratch the tip of my nose with my thumb. “Anyone you didn’t recognize or who didn’t fit in?”
“No,” they both answer.
When they finish answering the rest of my questions, I am beyond exhausted. I don’t even make it back to my car before the phone starts ringing in my pocket.
“Harmon,” I answer blindly, rubbing a hand down my face while I take in the total loss of the house in front of me.
“Josh.” Kennedy’s voice fills the line. “The little girl didn’t make it.”