Chapter 62 Owen
M y head is all over the place tonight and I need to get my shit together.
“It looks amazing,” I tell Poppy’s parents as I take in the homemade pizzas with olives, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, and pepperoncini.
Poppy comes in after me, subdued because I know I’m being a jerk. Any ounce of frustration that I’ve been able to let go of the past two weeks has come out with a vengeance today and I feel like I can’t just enjoy this evening.
Instead, I’m pouting and being cranky. It’s like I can see it happening and can’t stop it.
Maybe I should leave so they can have a nice family dinner without me ruining it .
It’s not fair for Poppy to make up an excuse for us both to duck out.
I look back at her and I feel like an ass for even thinking of excusing myself. I can have a shitty day at school without wearing my emotions on my sleeve, so I can absolutely get it together enough to be pleasant for dinner.
Instead of going to my usual place, I pull out Poppy’s chair and kiss her cheek before she sits down. Her hand slides into mine so easily and I give it a little squeeze, loving the way it feels.
“What news did you get?” she asks, tugging lightly on my hand so I stay put for a moment.
If only everything felt easy right now, especially answering that question.
“Oh, we’d love to hear,” her mom says.
God, I shouldn’t have let anything slip out because now I have to tell everyone while pretending it’s great news and I have no reason to be pessimistic about it.
Looking down at Poppy, I give her a sad smile before I walk around to my place across from her.
“Of course.” My voice is a little hoarse and I clear my throat as I take my seat. “It’s not final yet, the plan is to have the paperwork ready on Monday, but I was offered a position for next year at Honey Cove in the English department.”
“Owen, that’s so exciting,” Michelle exclaims while Walter congratulates me and raises his beer for a toast.
I say something thanking them, but I can’t look away from Poppy as emotions quickly flick across her face. She gives me a bright smile while sadness creeps into her eyes and she says, “That’s huge, congratulations.”
“To Owen and him staying in Honey Cove,” her dad says and we all clink our glasses and take a drink.
“Thank you.” My voice is thicker than I’d like so I take another sip.
“Here, please start the pizza,” Michelle says, handing me a serving plate with slices from different pizzas. “Will you be teaching the same courses?”
I accept the plate and grab a few pieces. “I’ll find out later what the needs are, but it sounds like I might have the option to keep these same classes.”
That wasn’t a lie, at least.
A little guilt stirs in my gut because I know I’m choosing my words carefully so I don’t force Poppy to tell her parents about the offer before she’s ready. It doesn’t matter what I think, she needs to be able to decide when and how they have that discussion.
“What did your parents say?” her dad asks.
“Ah, they don’t know yet,” I say. “I just found out and will call them tonight or tomorrow.”
“I’m sure they’ll be so proud of you,” Michelle says, putting her hand on my arm in a motherly gesture that makes my guilt swirl even more. But I manage a genuine smile because she’s right.
Not only am I pretending to know that I’m staying here in Honey Cove versus possibly going out of the country with their daughter, but I’m telling the Edwards family before my own parents.
For the next few minutes, I ask about everyone’s plans for the next few weeks to keep the topics neutral and I avoid looking directly across the table as much as I can. It’s childish because she had no idea what my news was about. It was my own damn fault for saying something about it earlier and I don’t want her to feel like she made me share before I wanted to. I only brought it up to help her understand that I was in a messed up headspace having just heard my dream of living in Honey Cove just got one step closer to being real.
Now, who knows what’s going to happen?
I know this is a huge offer that she really does need to take her time considering. When I privately vented to Brandon the other day, he mentioned that her ex pretty much made decisions for the two of them in ways that made her think she had a say, but she basically didn’t.
Hearing that broke my heart and I’ve been even more determined to be patient for her because this is the first big decision we’re facing as a couple and it sounds like she was pretty much bull-dozed over and was told whatever he wanted was what was best for her and that was it.
I know I’m not that guy. She knows I’m not that guy. But she does deserve to weigh something as life-changing as this properly so she’s confident she understands what she truly wants.
This is just so much harder now that I got my offer. It has me questioning whether or not I should sign the damn contract.
Thankfully, it’s not due until everyone’s contracts are renewed, so I have more than a month to finalize everything on my end if I indicate I’m planning to officially accept.
As we finish off the final slices, I mention how great dinner was and soon enough, Poppy and I are bringing our dessert dishes to the kitchen.
“You two don’t have to do any of these, we have it covered,” her mom says, shooing us away.
“Mom, we should actually get going. Both of us gave tests today and have a mountain of work to get through this weekend.”
“Of course, we knew tonight wouldn’t be too late but are happy you two made it,” Walter says, already elbow-deep in dishwater and scrubbing pans from tonight.
“Thanks so much for having us, it was a great evening. We’ll have to do it again soon,” I say, being especially mindful to keep a warm smile on my face while I give her mom a hug and her dad a soapy handshake.
Once we’re bundled up and outside, I pull her to a stop on the sidewalk so we’re facing each other.
“I’m sorry.” There aren’t other words to say. She doesn’t need me to list each instance of my being an ass.
“I’m sorry, too. I know this is hard on you and with your news–”
“It’s nothing to worry about right now.” I lean forward to kiss her forehead. “Do what you need to do.”
“I love you,” she says, her voice tinged with sadness.
“I know, and I love you.”
We stand there, small snowflakes falling all around, and kiss. Her lips feel like home against mine and the way we fit perfectly together gives me hope. Even if things seem a bit desperate right now.