Chapter 63 Poppy
O h. My. God.
Looking at the pile of grading in front of me brings a few tears to my eyes. I know it isn’t hard, but there’s just so much of it. How did I get so behind?
Between everything with this potential job, Owen’s contract for next year, and school, my brain has just not had the space or time to focus on any one thing enough these past few weeks. Every night I come home and collapse into bed. A heap of stress and indecision.
Owen and I attempted to talk about things the other day, but were promptly interrupted by his neighbor who needed help moving her new couch. Afterwards, I think we were both too tired to even attempt to discuss the situation.
Running my hands through my hair, I look at the test in front of me that I’ve been staring at for the past five minutes, but not actually grading. Why don’t you know what you want? It should be Owen and Honey Cove, right? But after my last relationship, I told myself I wouldn’t let a guy be the center of my universe anymore. I need to be a whole, happier person on my own, regardless of who I’m with.
Would I be happy with a life here in Honey Cove without Owen? I’d have my family. My friends. Most of my friends are getting married, settling down. What if I became the odd one out, the person without their person? Would that be okay? An image of “Auntie Poppy” comes to mind. Sitting at a party while my friends’ children run around me and they chase after them.
But, is that even likely? Owen is amazing and wonderful and everything I’ve dreamed of in a guy, even after my breakup. He’s been so understanding of everything and thoughtful on how we handled our relationship. I could see us being together long term. A new image flashes in my mind of us, together, older, living in a small home near my family. Owen roasting his own coffee beans in the barn. Me, painting and reading the newest autobiography Owen brought me on our front porch.
Both images don’t feel quite right, and I can’t shake this fear that I’m at some sort of crossroads in my life. I don’t want to lose him. But I also want to be true to who I am.
Back at square one, I guess. Turning my attention back to my student’s test on composition, I try once again to focus, only to be startled by my phone ringing.
“Hi, Mom,” I say, a little breathless as I answer her video call, quickly smoothing down my hair and making sure I don’t have any outward signs of my inward mental anguish. Composing myself, I set the phone up against a vase of flowers Owen had brought me the other day.
“Hi, sweetie. Your father’s here too.” She moves the phone so I can wave at both of them. I personally love that they act like it’s been a month since they’ve seen me, every time they see me. Reality is, I saw them just a couple days ago for dinner with Owen.
“Hi, Dad. What are you two up to?”
“Oh, just watching that new Gordon Ramsey show. It got your mom thinking that she should whip up a roast this weekend though. Would you be able to come by?”
“I’m not sure. I need to check with Owen.”
“Is everything okay there? You two seemed a little, not tense, but maybe not at ease at dinner the other night,” my mom chimes in. She’s always so perceptive.
“What do you know?” She looks from my dad and back to me a little too frantically.
“I heard from Andi’s mom about a job offer. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I’m so sorry.” Dragging my hands down my face, I temporarily hide behind them. That is not how I wanted them to find out, but I totally forgot to ask Andi to keep it quiet. “I haven’t made any decisions, but I have a job offer I’m considering.”
“In Toronto?” My dad’s voice sounds quiet and sad, verging on heartbroken.
“Yes, it would be in Toronto. But it would be using my photography for marketing a large inn. The same one I stayed at when I was traveling. They have weddings there, too, that I could be available to photograph, parties, that sort of thing. And it’s beautiful there—” I am rambling in hopes of making the situation better, but it isn’t helping.
“We were just surprised and wanted to talk to you about it. But you haven’t decided? What does Owen think?”
“We haven’t discussed it fully. I’m not sure what I want. I love Owen, and I love being near you two of course, but I also love photography and the chance to expand that would be amazing.”
“It is a tough decision.” My mom is holding it together so well. I can see even through the small screen, the tiniest of tears tugging at the corner of her eye. I love that they’re doing their best to be supportive of me even if it might be something they wouldn’t like.
“I will let you two know as soon as I decide. I promise. You won’t hear about it from Andi’s mom.”