25. Rory
Rory
My heart flutters when the bedroom door opens.
Nate stands there, his body on full display. The sight of his chiseled muscles and the V of his abs disappearing into his boxers makes my core tingle all over again.
But that’s not the only thing that makes my insides quiver with joy. He’s not alone.
He’s looking down at something beside his feet, and his next words are ones I never thought I’d hear from his mouth.
“Go ahead, Spam.”
My tiny shrimp of a dog makes a beeline for the bed and jumps onto the mattress, and Nate doesn’t say anything. Nothing about dogs on the bed or dirty paws or anything.
He just smiles as Spam curls up next to me, his little body snuggling beneath the comforter.
I stare at Nate, who just stands there, not commenting on Spam’s behavior at all. But then he did tell him to go ahead.
“Do you want me to tell him to get off the bed?” I ask.
This seems wildly out of character. Nate’s the king of not letting dogs on the couch or in bedrooms. He was so strict about it, in fact, that it colored my decision to move out.
Has he given up on Spam? Or is he just that lost in a sex haze?
Actually, the idea that I could have done that to him is heady. A smug sense of pride swells in my chest. I’m a sex goddess.
I bask in the glow of my newfound confidence as Nate saunters into the room, smiling.
He shakes his head in answer to my question and sets a plate of Ritz crackers, yellow cheese cubes, and green grapes on the bedside table. He pulls two bottles of water out from where they’re tucked under his arm and opens one, handing it to me.
He unscrews the top of the other and takes a long sip before answering my question. “Nah. It’s already been a failed day of training. And I want to keep you in my bed as long as possible, so if Spam hanging out with us makes that happen, I’ll take it.”
I laugh as Spam yips as if to punctuate Nate’s words. “Okay, then. Are those snacks to share?”
I didn’t think I was hungry, but the sight of the salty crackers and sweet grapes makes my mouth water.
“Of course.” Nate settles under the covers, Spam tucked between us, and holds the plate out.
Spam looks at the cheese with hope in his eyes.
“Nope, you already got some,” Nate says, but he’s smiling.
I study the two of them as I layer a slice of cheese onto a cracker and take a handful of grapes.
I bite into my snack and moan as the flavors fill my mouth. “Oh my God. This is so good.”
It’s not cheddar, like I assumed at first. It’s Colby cheese, my absolute favorite. The flavor isn’t as overwhelming as cheddar, so the buttery flavor of the cracker comes through, too. It’s a perfect combination.
I chase my bite with a grape, and holy hell.
Nate may not consider himself a chef, but he’s managed to pair these flavors perfectly. I could eat this combination all day.
“Glad you like it,” Nate says.
I reach over for another helping.
This means something, doesn’t it? Nate always buys cheddar. It’s one of his favorite foods. But the fact that he has Colby cheese in his fridge means that sometime in the past few weeks, while we’ve been apart, he chose to buy my favorite, too.
There’s no way he gave up his preferred cheese altogether, and I wouldn’t want him to. I’d bet my life that if I opened the fridge, there’d be a block or two of extra sharp cheddar cheese in the drawer.
But clearly he looked at the options at Hanna’s Market and bought something I like, too.
Maybe he just got used to buying it while I lived here, and old habits die hard, or whatever. But despite my usual cynicism, I’m choosing to believe that this means something more. That it’s a sign. That he bought this particular cheese just for me, just for this moment.
I pick Spam up from his spot and move him to my other side so I can snuggle into Nate’s side. I love having Spam in bed. He’s cuddly as heck, and it’s a rare treat, because I don’t even let him sleep with me at my parents’ house.
Even so, I don’t want anything between me and Nate.
“Thank you for telling me. It makes sense now, more than it did. And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you earlier or give you a chance to explain.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder. “You’re welcome. And I understand. I should have told you from the minute you were back in town. I was just scared.”
He doesn’t say anything else. Doesn’t assume, or push, but that makes my decision easier, the one I’ve been wrestling with for weeks.
I’m not sure if it was his patience with Spam today, or his opening up about the part of his life he hadn’t told me about. But something that’s been growing inside me finally broke through today, and I’m seeing things clearly for the first time in a while.
“Nate,” I whisper.
His body stiffens beside me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why he’s nervous, either, given the bomb he just dropped on me, and the way people have tried to take advantage of him in the past.
I hate Melissa for putting him on the defensive about something that should be such a positive.
And for the record, I don’t care that he owns stuff in Vail. He could own the Empire State Building or an island or an entire country, and it wouldn’t change anything.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper, knowing exactly where his mind went.
Nate doesn’t say anything, but he relaxes his body ever so slightly.
“I’m sorry for doubting you. For pulling away.” I pause, the weight of the next words holding them back for just a second. “I want to try again. I want to try us again.”
He relaxes as he pulls me even closer.
“I love you, Rory,” he says, murmuring the words with his lips pressed against my hair. “I always have.”
“I love you, too.”
I never stopped loving him. Even when we were apart these last few weeks, my heart was ripped in two, part of it still here with Nate, even though I wouldn’t let myself see it.
This is what it could be like. A lightness rises in me, hope finally daring to rush through my body, all the way to my toes.
Me and Nate, snuggling in bed with Spam or, maybe, something else. Someone else.
It’s the first time I’ve really thought about kids, and I know I’m not ready. Not yet. It’ll take some time. But with Nate, I can picture a whole life ahead of us.
He was so patient with Spam today, even when everything went to hell, and took it all in stride.
I can picture him being the same with a toddler who isn’t listening, or a teenager who gets into trouble.
I mean, in a long time from now. I have no business having a teenager in my life. I’m practically still a teenager myself, in all the ways that matter.
But raising kids in High Lonesome? Being with Nate, working at the barn? It’s the life I pictured while I was growing up.
And for the first time in years, I see a glimpse of it coming true.
“What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Nate says, the smile evident in his voice. “How far down the rabbit hole did you go this time?”
I snort with laughter. He knows me too well.
“Just a little,” I admit.
Unlike some of the guys I dated in the past, who got visibly frustrated when I would overthink things, Nate doesn’t get mad. He pulls me back from whatever ledge I’ve gotten myself to and gives me something solid to hold on to.
How did I not see it before?
“Well, before you spiral too far, just know that if we’re starting over, that doesn’t mean we have to think years down the road. Okay? You don’t even have to move back in if you’re not ready.”
I am ready, though. And the fact that he knows exactly where my mind went makes me even more certain.
But at the same time, it’s not like I can drop everything and move back in.
There’s my mom to consider. I need to spend every possible moment I can with her, because at some point, there won’t be any more moments.
“I need to be there for my mom right now. But maybe when—“ I break off, tears filling my eyes.
I know what’s coming. The doctors made it clear, weeks ago, and when Mom declined to try chemo or radiation, she made that decision, too.
I can already see it happening right in front of my eyes. Mom is fading away, little by little.
But making plans for after she’s gone means admitting that it’s going to happen.
And I’m not ready to acknowledge that. Not out loud, at least.
Nate squeezes my shoulder in a gesture of support. “You stay with your parents as long as your mom needs you, babe. I’ll be there to help out, too. Financially, too, if you need it.”
I nod, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. How do I even respond to the overwhelming relief, gratitude, everything?
My phone vibrates again from the floor, where it’s in my pants pocket. It’s been buzzing with texts while we’ve been talking, and I’ve been ignoring them.
I’m sure it’s just Allie or Stacey or both wanting to know how the date went, but I’ll call them later to give them the rundown and all the details.
Well. Most of the details. There are some things I want to keep just to myself.
Plus, I don’t want to burst this bubble that I’m in with Nate. This perfect moment that’s just for us, hidden away from the rest of the world.
“Do you need to get that?” he asks, looking over to the side of the bed.
I shake my head. “I’ll talk to them later. I want a few more minutes of just us.”
Spam yips.
“And you,” I add, laughing.
The buzzing sound comes again, this time from the nightstand, where Nate set his phone when he came back from the kitchen.
He reaches over to pick it up.
From my angle, I can only see part of his face, but he doesn’t hide the frown that appears as he reads the messsage.
“What’s wrong?”
Please don’t let him be on call.
I’ve gotten used to him being called in every now and then, but this is our moment. I don’t want anything to ruin it.
But even as I ask, I know it’s something else. If that were it, he wouldn’t look so…serious. Concerned.
He types out a text and hits Send. “Your dad. He was asking if you were with me.”
My stomach drops. Why would my dad be texting Nate?
Maybe he was trying to reach me while I was busy ignoring my texts, and he just wants to tell me to pick up orange juice or something on the way home.
But there’s a feeling in my gut that tells me it’s not that.
I sigh as I toss the covers off and retrieve my phone from my jeans.
Text messages fill the screen. I swipe through the notifications one by one, leaving most of them for later.
Allie
Hope your date goes well! Give me all the details!
No answer means it’s going good, right? Did you kiss him?
Ooh, did you sleep with him? Please tell me you slept with him.
I’m stuck at work. I need all the graphic details to get through my day.
Stacey
Have fun on your date! Do you know what you’re doing?
Can’t wait to hear all about it! Coffee tomorrow? Or tea after school? I can bring it over to your house if you want.
Dylan
Sorry to bother you while you’re out with Nate. Call me when you have a chance.
Dad
Call me please
Call me
Where are you?
Need you to call me. Soon.
Nausea rises in my throat, guilt causing my chest to tighten as I read the messages from Dad and Dylan.
Did something happen?
As I stare at the phone, trying to process, an incoming call flashes across the screen.
Dad.
I swipe to answer and lift the phone to my ear. “Dad? What’s going on?”
“Rory.” His voice is shaky, and immediately I know he’s not just calling to make sure our date is going well.
My heart pounds in my chest, adrenaline beating through my veins. Something is wrong.
“What’s going on?” I look at Nate, who’s watching me closely.
I’m familiar with his expression. It’s the one that comes over his face when he gets a call from the station.
He’s ready to jump into action. But this time, it’s not because he has to leave to help some stranger.
He’s ready to help me.
“Dad?” I ask, then hold my breath as I wait for an answer.
“I need you to come home.”