Chapter 21
The yellow haze of Los Angeles hung on the horizon like a suspended blanket.
Jordan wondered if the city would see more of those awful bushfires that had decimated entire neighbourhoods in recent years.
LA was like Sydney in that regard, Pacific Ocean on one side yet rimmed with state forest that in the height of summer acted like a tinderbox.
As the conversation around the conference table continued, his thoughts continued to stray.
His head might be supposed to be focused on Donwell, but his heart felt like it was still in Australia.
He hadn’t been able to forget that awful incident from two nights ago, nor the look EJ had sent him, nor the way she had collapsed in his arms.
Thank God that Elinor had felt that God-prompting to go to Sydney. That she’d known their location and texted him and been there to help. He’d had a train to catch back to the airport, and he was grateful he could leave a sobbing EJ in Elinor’s capable hands.
“I have an early flight tomorrow; otherwise, I’d stay,” he’d tried to explain.
“Go. We’ll be fine,” Elinor had said. “We’ll get an Uber back to her place, and I’ll stay with her tonight then take her back tomorrow morning.”
“You’re a good sister.”
“You’re a good friend.”
His lips had tweaked. He hadn’t felt like a good friend.
He’d felt like he’d failed. Ever since that night he’d been second-guessing how he could’ve handled that better.
He probably should’ve said something sooner or warned her in some way.
Instead, he’d been determined to scrounge out every last cent from a man who wouldn’t miss it and finish the expensive steak he’d ordered.
He snickered at that; then his smile crept a little higher as he relived EJ’s boss move as she’d exited, head held high just as she’d needed to.
She wouldn’t want to look back on that and feel embarrassed any more than she probably already did.
Showing her class, letting Eric be the one who was doing the begging for once, was extremely satisfying.
As was that moment when a seagull let Eric have it.
He’d wished he could’ve remained there, blown off the trip, and really had the chance to talk with EJ, but there’d been so little time and he wasn’t exactly in the position to knock back work with Donwell.
And even now the time zones had made connecting tricky.
Besides, there was nobody better for her to be with than her family.
And Elinor was keeping him updated as best she could.
It didn’t stop him praying for her, praying that EJ would know peace, that she’d find a way to move forward, even though she was sure to feel humiliated. And what would all of this mean for Dream Match? He prayed she hadn’t signed anything to make things legally binding.
“Jordan? Do you have any thoughts on that?” one of the Americans asked.
Shoot. “I’m afraid you’ll need to repeat the last part again.”
“Jet lag still affecting you, huh?”
He smiled but didn’t answer. Jet lag wasn’t at fault for his distraction.
Instead, thoughts of home and what he’d do when he returned continued to compete for attention.
EJ needed to know that he was there for her.
There for Dream Match. To know that her future did not depend on the likes of Eric or Gwen.
That instead, her future could be with him.
He shivered, the air-conditioning suddenly making the place far too cool.
But the realisation seemed to have sunk into his very bones.
He loved EJ. He always had. And all the moments they had shared in the past seemed to have combined for this very moment for him, to realise that she was meant not just to be part of his past but part of his future as well.
The kilometres between them suddenly seemed way too vast. He wished he didn’t have meetings for the next week and he could jump on a plane and get back to her and tell her what he really thought.
But even that would likely need more time before she was ready to hear. She was probably too upset still about Eric to want to consider a different man. But oh, he’d be ready when she did.
“Jordan?”
Man. Missed it again. He shook his head. “I’m really sorry. I need to take a break for a few minutes. I have an urgent message to deal with.”
“Oh! Uh, sure. Make your call. We’ll return in ten, okay?”
“Thanks.”
He grabbed his phone and headed outside to a small balcony that showcased glimpses of the Pacific. Checked his messages—nothing new.
But he knew in this moment that he had to contact her, to let her know she was in his thoughts and in his heart. So he messaged her a praying emoji and a heart.
Then prayed for her. Lord, wherever she is right now, please touch her in Jesus’ name.
And help her know she is loved by You. He swallowed. And by me.
It was funny how long a person who was suffering from exhaustion could sleep.
EJ hadn’t realised just how tired she was until she was back in her family’s home and in her old bed.
When she was here, surrounded by the memories and stuffed toys and trophies of her girlhood and youth, she could finally remember what she was about.
Sydney, Dream Match, Eric and Gwen—all of that seemed far away, like something that had happened to a different girl. Here, she felt grounded, close to her roots, reminded of those things that had made her who she was today.
Since arriving back on Sunday, she’d mostly kept to her room, with occasional forays to the kitchen, bathroom, or lounge room.
She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She especially didn’t want to talk to her mother, whose blend of tearful regrets and “I knew he wasn’t the right man for you” comments only made her headache worse.
She didn’t need hysteria. She needed calmness. Quiet. Good sense. Which was why she was glad for Elinor’s company. And why she was missing Jordan with a fierceness she’d never felt before. And why she was counting down the days until Liv and Liam arrived.
At least her humiliation was good for something, she supposed.
Liv had gotten on the video call and more or less informed them all that she was coming home immediately.
That of course this was what she would do because it was what any loving sister would.
“Oh, and I thought Liam could come too. That way we can have an engagement party.”
“He proposed?” Mum had screeched.
“Yes!” Liv had waggled her ring-clad finger. “So we can’t wait to discuss wedding plans with you all.”
In some ways, EJ was extremely grateful that the good sister had stolen the limelight again. Focus on Liv and Liam meant fewer eyes on her, and after the last few months, she’d be glad not to have anyone’s attention ever again.
Eric and Gwen had both been blocked and deleted as contacts on her phone. She didn’t want to give either of them the time of day, refused to take emails or calls or have any way of messaging them on social media. Harriet was kept busy screening calls, but EJ had said to refuse to listen to them.
And while part of EJ was concerned that perhaps they would get offended and take it out on Dream Match, another part of her just didn’t care.
So what if the world had one less dating app?
Maybe people would just have to meet others the old-fashioned way, like in church or school or university or at events.
She didn’t care anymore, which made such a contrast to six months ago when she lived and breathed Dream Match, and she almost didn’t recognise herself.
But then, she’d changed a lot this year. And not in good ways.
She lay on her bed, her gaze fixed on the eucalyptus tree outside, whose white trunk stretched to the heavens.
It had grown so much in the twenty years or so that they’d lived here.
She still remembered Dad measuring her against the tree, saying they were the exact same height.
There was a photograph of that somewhere. Mum never tossed anything out.
But while the tree had grown up tall and sturdy, it felt like EJ had grown a little twisted.
No white trunk for her. Instead, hers felt scarred and bent and misshapen.
Stained and scratched with the decisions that had warped her.
The chase for money. To be successful. To be approved.
It seemed her best would never be enough.
She would never be enough. Never part of the in crowd. Let alone the golden child.
Memories flickered of simpler times. Easier times.
Times when she’d known her position in the world and felt like she was the apple of her parents’ eyes.
Granted, her parents had four apples, but it remained the same.
She’d felt loved and special. So when had she started feeling like she wasn’t enough?
There was the party where she’d been mocked for her clothes.
The formal when a boy had tried to kiss her, then spat some nasty names because she wasn’t like other girls.
There was the time when she hadn’t scored as well as Liv on a math exam.
She’d been sure she would, had prided herself in being the smartest Bennett sibling, in having something uniquely hers.
Liv was the good child, EJ was the smart one, Elinor was creative, and Katie was, well, the youngest. To suddenly not feel like the smartest had rocked her and only fed greater determination to prove herself.
To feel seen. Chosen. To be enough. Which had probably fed some of her great ambition to make Dream Match even more successful.
Her heart panged. So she would feel good enough.
“Lord,” she whispered, “I don’t feel like I’m enough.”
The room was quiet with morning stillness. Then memories flickered of long-ago verses and sermons, reminding her that she was chosen to follow Jesus, to do things His way. She remembered the time at a youth camp when she’d thought she’d heard the audible voice of God saying, “Emma-Jane, follow Me.”