Chapter 21 #2
And she’d prayed and recommitted her life to God, but since then she had veered off track. Why? She recognised it now.
Pride. She’d been full of pride. Pride in looking a part, playing a part, performing a part, always wanting to be seen as the best. Always wanting to do things her way.
Even demanding that people call her EJ, not Emma-Jane as she’d been christened, was a symptom of her pride.
“It’s got to be EJ or the highway,” she’d insisted.
And her stubbornness about her name had infected other areas too, until pride and independence was all she seemed to be and do.
Which was exactly the opposite of what Jesus told His followers to be.
As a Christian, her life was supposed to be Jesus’ way. Not hers.
“Lord, I’m so sorry.”
The room was still. Then, she felt a subtle, inaudible voice. “Emma-Jane, you are My child.”
Emma-Jane.
The name felt like a holy benediction. The reminder that she was God’s child was an even greater one.
God’s child. Not because of how good or smart or successful she was.
Simply because she was created and she’d chosen to follow Jesus.
Jesus, who had done all the heavy lifting for her so she would always know it wasn’t her efforts but His that made all the difference.
And yet there she’d been, trying to prove to the world just how great she was.
A sob ripped from her chest. “I’m so sorry, Lord.” She could see how she’d allowed herself to be bedazzled by the lights and perks of fame and success. She knew now just how hollow those things actually were.
Tears dripped onto the pillow as she muffled her weeping. “Lord, forgive me. Set me free from this need to prove myself. I want to follow You again.”
Her eyelids felt sticky, her pillowcase would need a wash, but inside she felt clean, like God Himself had said she was forgiven.
A tap came at the door, soon followed by Elinor’s voice. “EJ? Are you okay in there?”
After contemplating pretending to be asleep, she finally croaked out, “Yes.”
“Did you want anything from down the street?”
“No. Thanks,” she added.
Oh, why hadn’t she bothered to be kind? How often had EJ taken her family for granted?
So many times, for so many years. And not just her family, but people like Jordan and his parents too.
How could she ever have been so full of herself that she had forgotten their great generosity and kindness over the years?
She was a bad friend. Didn’t deserve Jordan.
He’d be much better off with someone else.
She tugged the blanket closer, the faux-mink feel adding a weight and a warmth that had long felt luxurious, even if it was fake.
But then, that had proved pretty true of her life lately, hadn’t it?
Her, thinking she knew best, chasing the allure of gold only to find out it was brass.
Jordan had been right—she’d been blinded by the big-city lights and unable to recognise what was real.
She’d tried to do things in her own strength and only now realised just how far short she had fallen.
She couldn’t do things on her own. She had always known that she needed others, but the kinds of people she’d thought she needed had proved false.
Instead, the ones she truly did need had been here all this time.
God. Her family. Harriet. Jordan.
Her heart ached, and she closed her eyes, snuggling the blanket up to her lips. Elinor had said Jordan was in California, doing something amazing for Donwell there, no doubt.
She wished he was here. Wished she could say all those things she should’ve said in person when she’d last seen him.
Instead, she’d cried all over him, before Elinor had told her to calm down and get a grip and whisked her off in an Uber before they’d gone back to Aunty Marion’s place, where she’d cried herself to sleep with Charlie standing on guard.
She was grateful for Elinor’s company, but what she would’ve given to have had one chance to talk to Jordan privately.
To let him know that she was so sorry for how she’d taken him for granted all this time.
He’d been right, and she’d been wrong, and as humbling as it was to admit, she knew she could not have done any of Dream Match without him.
Oh, she missed him.
A tear slipped down her cheek, dribbling into her nose. She sucked it up as her emotions swelled and swayed.
Jordan. He was always so good to her. She didn’t deserve him. He definitely could do better than her, but oh …
How could she let any other woman have the man who was her dream match?
Was he her dream match?
Her heart tipped, and she grasped her phone. Face ID apparently didn’t recognise her blotchy skin or swollen eyes, so she punched in the passcode.
She tapped on the app and opened it to the secret match she’d never admitted to or shown anyone. The match she’d done during the development stage, where she’d pretended to be Jordan and added in his details, all of which she knew. Then added in her own.
Only to see the algorithms show they truly were a dream match. Compatible in every way. But then, she didn’t need a dating app to show her that. She’d always known it.
And perhaps she might’ve let the stars in her eyes blind her to the truth, but she saw things clearly now. Jordan Knight was her perfect match. Which was just as well, as she was pretty sure she loved him.
Who else could be so patient? Who else could speak so truthfully?
Oh, imagine if he had been another one of these men who disguised their real meaning by beating around the bush or tried to stop her from having hurt feelings?
She’d be in a lot worse situation now. Who knows what Eric might’ve tried to do?
And she’d been the silly goose who’d blindly let him.
Thank goodness that was done now. Thanks to Jordan.
Jordan might be in LA, but she needed to send him a message. Needed to let him know—
Her phone slipped from her hands and tumbled to the floor. She reached down to grasp it, straining her back. Ow. More awesomeness to add to the fun that was her life.
She flicked it open. Saw that a message was there that hadn’t been there a few seconds before.
Two emojis. Praying hands and a heart.
Her own heart tumbled over this. The praying hands was easy, but did a heart mean he loved her or only cared about her?
Oh, she hoped he meant the former. It’d be awesome to know he felt the same and hadn’t just done what he had out of some sense of brotherly concern or at the request of her parents.
She wanted to know if he cared for her the way she now realised she did for him.
And if so, then how on earth could they make this dream match a reality?
“You’re here!”
It had been half a year since she’d felt a proper Liv hug. Her sister squeezed, not letting go, and she soaked her in.
“My turn!” Katie called, but EJ refused to release her. Liv was another person, like Jordan, whose solid, down-to-earth good values were bone deep. Liv wasn’t one to be blown about by fickle winds.
She eventually let go, smiled a half smile at her sister, then turned to Liam. “Hey, you.”
“Emma-Jane,” he said in his deep voice.
“You know you can call me EJ, right?”
“I know. I just rather like the combination of Emma and Jane. It sounds a lot softer than EJ does.”
She nodded, his words seeding truth as she realised exactly why she had rejected the name Mum had insisted upon twenty-eight years ago.
She didn’t want to be soft. Didn’t want to be old-fashioned.
But now, there was something rather sweet in the way Liam had said that, like it wasn’t a curse but something to revere.
After all, it did honour two of her mother’s literary heroines, Emma Woodhouse and Jane Austen herself.
But now, with Liam’s words so closely following the voice of heaven she’d heard recently, maybe there was something to consider in being Emma-Jane again.
Especially as she wasn’t trying so hard to prove herself these days.
She watched the others hug their welcomes, as Mum declared they’d close the shop early today so they could have a proper celebration. The Silver Teapot Café was usually open until four in the afternoon, to help cater to the after-school crowd, but today was special.
A short time later, the front door was locked, and she helped her mum and sister bring out the sweets and savoury pastries that Dad had been working on all day from the kitchen.
“A proper custard tart!” Liv sighed. “Oh, I’ve missed these.”
“And cupcakes for our girl who has finally finished her uni degree.” Mum patted Katie’s shoulder as everybody cheered.
Here, EJ felt a sense of comfort, and not just from the comfort food.
It was the noise and laughter, the questions toppling over each other, the sense of family and chaos and fun.
Here, where she was loved not because of what she had or did but simply because she was.
She was part of this family. Part of God’s family. And that was enough.
“Are you doing okay?” Elinor murmured.
“It’s good to have people focused on Liv and not on me.”
Elinor nodded. “Nothing like an occasion like this to make you realise you’re not the centre of the universe.”
“Ouch.”
Elinor rolled her eyes. “I don’t mean you. I mean all of us.” She slathered lavender-flecked cream on her scone. “It’s easy for all of us to do. We get caught up in our own importance and forget the rest of the world is still spinning on by, not needing us.”
“You sound like Jordan,” she muttered.
“Well, he’s a sensible man.”
EJ—no, the more she thought about it, she was really coming around to this Emma-Jane business—sipped her Australian Afternoon tea blend. “You and he would probably make a good match, seeing as the pair of you are both so sensible.”
Elinor rolled her eyes. “Please. That’d be like dating my brother.”
A memory flashed from the wedding. “I wonder if Harriet and he—”
“Are you serious? Harriet’s got a guy friend, Marty someone.”
“Marty Roberts.” She remembered now.
“Besides, we all know Jordan has eyes only for one woman.”
Her heart jumped. Is that what the heart emoji meant? Oh, she hoped so. She hoped she hadn’t spoiled things.
She helped Katie clear plates, thanked her dad for his hard work, and gave him a long hug. “I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. I’ll take you out for a nice dinner once things quiet down.”
“Enough of that. I know life has been a little hectic lately.”
“Still, we’ll do something soon.”
He patted her cheek. “Well, that’ll be nice. I’m always happy to make time for my girls.”
After cleaning up, she took her own time to sip tea and watch her family. Mum and Dad were a perfect match, just like Liv and Liam. They balanced each other out with their dynamism and calm. Peace and excitement. Vision and patience. Just like she and Jordan did.
Why had she taken so long to realise this?
“How long until Jordan returns from the US?” Liv asked.
She blinked. Why didn’t she know?
“I think it’s this weekend,” Elinor said.
Liv smiled. “Good. I can’t wait to see him.”
Neither could she. In fact, maybe she could find out what time his plane arrived and meet him at the airport.
Mum turned to Liv. “You know, Meg has said a few times that if you wanted to have your engagement party out at the farm, you’d be very welcome. We had a bonfire at Highbury recently, and that was a lot of fun. Or would you rather have something here? Or perhaps at a pub somewhere?”
Liam and Liv glanced at each other. “I hadn’t really thought of anywhere in particular. But it would be fun to keep things relaxed,” Liv said. “I get the feeling that someone here is going to expect things are done a little more formally at the wedding.”
“She’s teasing,” Liam said, smiling. “I expect no such thing.”
“Ooh, wedding plans! Oh, tell me what you’re thinking. Will you have it in England? If so, then we’ll all have to come over, obviously, and—”
“Oh, Mum, we wouldn’t expect people to travel all that way.”
“We’d be very happy to travel here, if that makes things easier,” Liam said. “After all, you have far more family than I do.”
“Do you think your sister will come?”
“Georgia and Gran were both sad about not coming on this trip, but Georgia’s in the middle of her exams, and Gran thought her trip last Christmas was quite enough for one year, or so she told me.”
The conversation swirled around her, and she wondered about her family, her sisters, and who Elinor and Katie would end up with.
Elinor, for all her talk about wanting a sensible man, did not seem the type to want boring.
That streak of blue in her hair that Gran had taken exception to last year proclaimed her creative side.
So the man would need to be creative in some way.
But was a sensible creative a contradiction in terms?
Katie, on the other hand … She eyed her youngest sister.
Now she definitely needed a man of sense.
Someone levelheaded, wise, probably a little older than her.
Katie might’ve finished her degree, but she needed a job, an avenue to her future.
And with her propensity for procrastination, it seemed that future might take a very long time to arrive.
“What are you thinking about so seriously over there, EJ?” Liv asked.
She shrugged. “Just about the future. What we’ll all be doing.” She pointed to Elinor. “Whether I should see if I can find someone for Ellie and Katie in the Dream Match pool of candidates.”
Her sisters scoffed, and EJ was reminded again that sometimes the old ways were the best ways. People didn’t need Dream Match, although she needed it, for the money at least.
But even that wasn’t really true. She had enough.
Eric and his crowd had shown her the more money somebody had didn’t make them any happier.
She needed to trust God, her provider, and as she did that, she’d have less stress.
So maybe Dream Match could simply be as it was.
All this huffing and puffing working around the clock to get investors to add details to an app that already was pretty good and didn’t need it was maybe just a waste of time.
She didn’t like that girl much anymore, anyway. It was time for a change.
“EJ?” Katie asked her.
“You know, I’m actually thinking I’d rather go by Emma-Jane now.”
Mum blinked. “You would? But you’ve been EJ since third class.”
When she’d wanted to prove herself just as strong as any boy.
“Then it’s high time to go back to what you christened me as, isn’t it?”
Liv smiled, Liam nodded, and Elinor studied her with a half smile.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“I’m just wondering what Jordan is going to say when he returns to find Emma-Jane.”
She swallowed. And he’d be back on Friday.
She couldn’t wait to see him.