nineteen A Series of Unfortunate Events #2
That pulled a reluctant laugh out of me. ‘You’re never living that down, by the way.’
‘I figured.’ I could see his smile out of the corner of my eye.
For a moment, neither of us said anything. The breeze moved gently through the garden, brushing past the flowers, stirring the leaves on the ground and filling the silence with something that almost felt comfortable. Which was probably why he chose that exact moment to ruin it.
‘So … you and Arjun, huh?’ His tone was casual. Too casual.
‘Arjun and I … what?’
He shrugged, as if he couldn’t find the right words. ‘You’re not thinking of getting back with him, are you?’
My eyes snapped to his and I was shocked to find a hint of jealousy buried under his impossibly long eyelashes. Great. Just great. This is exactly what my life had been missing—Neil Desai acting possessive like he had any claim left to me whatsoever.
‘No, you don’t get to ask me that.’ I shook my head at him.
‘Why not? It’s only fair that I know … as someone who will be affected by your decision.’
I snorted. ‘Right.’
When he just continued looking at me in confusion, I threw my hands up. ‘Why do you care anyway? You were literally on a date with your ex last week.’
‘What? I didn’t go on a date with my ex.’ When I refused to look in his direction, he added, ‘I just met her, Kavya. She … she wanted to talk.’ He looked genuinely taken aback. ‘Wait, is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately?’
‘I’ve been acting weird?’ All the hurt I hadn’t let myself feel all week finally bled into my voice. ‘You gave me the most beautiful night of my life, kissed me like I might actually mean something to you and then pretended like nothing happened … and I’m the one acting weird?’
‘Kavya.’ He started to reach out for my hand and stopped short when I recoiled. ‘Hey, you do mean something to me. A lot, in fact.’
He ignored my bitter, disbelieving laugh and continued talking. ‘You’re right. I did pull back after that night.’ He leaned forward in an effort to meet my eye. ‘But I swear I wasn’t trying to run. I just needed a second to clean up my mess with Aarushi so I wouldn’t drag you into it.’
‘And instead of telling me that, you thought shutting me out was a good idea?’ I snapped. ‘Really, Neil?’
‘Clearly not,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I fucked up. I should’ve just been straight with you.’
‘Do you know how stupid I felt?’ I asked, staring stubbornly ahead to keep my eyes from welling up.
‘I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Like, at all.’
I’d wanted nothing more than to hear those words. So then why did my chest still feel so heavy? I sighed, tightening the blanket around my shoulders. ‘Maybe you were right. I don’t want to get sucked into something that’s not fully over.’
‘It is over. It has been for a while … to be honest, it really threw me when she texted me saying she’d made a mistake.’ He cleared his throat. ‘But she really wanted to talk, and I … thought I should at least hear her out.’
I blinked at him. ‘And how did that go?’
He ran a hand through his wavy hair, his jaw twitching ever so slightly. ‘I told her I didn’t want to get back together.’
An unwelcome flutter of hope went through me. I adjusted my position, leaning back against the porch pillar to face him. ‘You’re telling me that was it?’ I lifted my chin up, challenging him. ‘That you’ve cut off all ties now?’
He let out a long, worn-out breath, his shoulders sagging from the weight of it. ‘It’s not that simple. It’s—’
‘—complicated?’ I cut in. I knew it. ‘The magic word people use when they want to keep their options open.’
I wasn’t naive enough to believe that Neil was going to permanently walk away from his childhood sweetheart because of someone he’d known all of five seconds. Sooner or later, this bubble would pop and he’d go right back to her.
Neil sighed and rested his elbows on his knees.
‘I know what you see when you look at me. A spoiled guy with a ton of privilege.’ He massaged his temples with one hand.
‘And I really do get it. I come from money. I’ve always had endless opportunities.
But you …’ His voice trailed off as he looked away.
‘You’ve got something I’ve envied my entire life, Kavya.
You have a sweet, overprotective brother.
Your parents, who think the world of you.
Your gorgeous family. I’ve never had that. Not really.’
There was something raw in his voice. ‘My dad only noticed me when I was the perfect kid. When I came back home with a trophy or an A+ in my report card. Every other day, I might as well have been invisible. And my mom … let’s just say she checked out a long time ago.
Growing up, Aarushi was the closest thing I had as support.
She got me through some really shitty years. ’
He lifted his dark eyes to mine. ‘So yes, it’s complicated. Not because I want to get back with her, but because drawing that line—cutting her off from my life—isn’t as easy as you might imagine.’